Image provided by: Texas A&M University
About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 15, 1982)
ir| t ! Cannibalism and high-tech industry by Art Buchwald Hi-tech industry, particularly compu ters, is recommended for people who are looking for a profession. For the moment the computer industry is supposed to be recession-proof. Well, up to a point. I heard this story about one of the largest computer companies in America. “Dr. Frankenstein, I want to congratu late you on your new software program which makes it possible for a robot to do the work of 100 human beings in one half the time.” “It was nothing. The key was to get a computer to interface with the robot so they talk the same language. Once the robot was programmed to only respond to SAMPSON it learned to discriminate not only colors, but sizes, shapes and ver bal orders. One executive sitting in his home in Greenwich, Connecticut, with our ‘Artichoke 536,’ can now give orders to every SAMPSON-programmed robot in the Western world.” “We’re aware of that and we’re very proud of your work. It has turned out to be better than anything we dreamed of.” “Have you sold the system already?” “No, we’ve been using it in our own company first, to make sure there aren’t any bugs in it.” “And?” “You’re fired, Frankenstein.” “Yes, the system you perfected made it possible for us to lay off 3,000 employees and still increase productivity by 40 per cent.” “But it was my idea. How can you fire the person who thought up the idea?” “The SAMPSON Robot has made it possible to eliminate your entire research and development department, which was a big financial drain on the company. We can now instruct the Robot to do the same work you were doing at a hundredth of the cost. “It has perfected a new merchandising program, which will eliminate 90 percent of our sales force, and it’s already figured out how to cut our taxes and phone bills “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. According to SAMPSON, which is now doing our law work, if you go to another firm and work on the same research you will be guilty of giving away trade secrets and our robot advises us to sue you.” “But you’re taking my livelihood away from me.” “We’re not taking it away from you. The robot you invented is. If you were as smart as you think you are you wouldn’t have programmed it to do research and development. Once you scientists take on a problem, you never think of the con sequences of your successes.” “Well, if I can’t work in R&D give me a job doing something else. I have only two more years before I get my pension. I’ll work in the mailroom.” “All right. I’ll ask SAMPSON, on my computer.” “What did it respond?” “He said he doesn’t need some dopey person to get in the way. He can sort the mail alone.” The Battalion USPS 045 360 Member ol Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference Texas A&M University administrators or faculty mem bers, or of the Board of Regents. The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography clas ses within the Department of Communications. Questions or comments concerning any editorial matter should be directed to the editor. Editor Diana Sultenfuss Managing Editor Gary Barker Associate Editor Denise Richter City Editor Hope E. Paasch Sports Editor John Wagner Entertainment Editor Colette Hutchings Assistant Entertainment Editor. . . . Diane Yount News Editors. . .Jennifer Carr, Elaine Engstrom, Beverly Hamilton, Jan Werner, Rebeca Zimmermann Staff Writers Maureen Carmody, Frank Christlieb, Patrice Koranek, John Lopez, Robert McClohon, Ann Ramsbottom, Kim Schmidt, Patti Schwierzke, Angel Stokes, Tracey Taylor, Joe Tindel Copyeditors Jan Swaner, Chris Thayer Cartoonist Scott McCullar Graphic Artist Pam Starasinic Photographers ..... David Fisher, Jorge Casari, Ronald W. Emerson, Octavio Garcia, Rob Johnston, Irene Mees Letters Policy Letters to the Editor should not exceed 300 words in length, and are subject to being cut if they are longer. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must also be signed and show the address and phone number of the writer. Columns and guest editorials are also welcome, and are not subject to the same length constraints as letters. Address all inquiries and correspondence to: Editor, The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M Uni versity, College Station, TX 77843, or phone (713) 845- 2611. Editorial Policy The Battalion is published daily during Texas A&M’s fall and spring semesters, except for holiday and exami nation periods. Mail subscriptions are $16.75 per semes ter, $33.25 per school year and $35 per full year. Adver tising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald Building, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843. The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting news paper operated as a community service to Texas A&M University and Bryan-College Station. Opinions ex pressed in The Battalion are those of the editor or the author, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of United Press International is entitled exclusively to the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein reserved. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX 77843. by 70 percent. Dr. Frankenstein, you cre ated a work of art, and we plan to give you full credit in our next stockholders report.” “That’s great, but I still need a job.” “You should have thought of that when you started developing the SAMP SON Robot. Surely you knew that this labor-saving system would eliminate the need for people.” “I was thinking of other companies we could sell it to; not our own.” “We would be crazy not to use it ourselves. Our first responsibility is to cut labor costs as low as we can. When you put a human being on the payroll, you not only have to add in his salary but also his Social Security, medical benefits, pen sion, vacation and coffee breaks. A robot cna be depreciated over three years, and then it works for us for nothing.” “Well, if you feel that way about it, I’ll go to another company and make a better SAMPSON than you have.” Battalion/Pp December 15, College heartburn quotient A new sodium-free antacid tablet is being advertised. In the advertisements the company has included a chart listing the Heartburn Quotient for a variety of situations. Here are some of the circumstances listed: 500 points — “The police car you just hit has two nuns and a White House offi cial in the back seat.” 135 points — “Your accountant moves to Brazil.” In the first place, some people aren’t susceptible to those heartburn problems. They’re called “carriers.” Such chance encounters as minor disagreements or other problems with carriers can cause unbearable burning pains in the sto mach. This doesn’t include cases of continual contact with a carrier. Continual contact can cause worse problems, including shaking, dizziness and an urge to scream. Sure, some of the situations men tioned in the commercial would start the diana sultenfuss to the restroom, and there is mi replace her. And the folks opei gistration announce fromthet»l| line that they are splitting the two par ts — and you’reinthew.|j 492 points — One-tenthofonti after a traffic light changes green, the car behind you, rently is equipped with electn sot s, honks. |way depart 300 points — Atanyhourortbi.G. Bockmo night, you arrive at the busstopt*+ The Te five seconds after the vehiclei p*gf‘ wa y s a tended to board leaves. 1 B' on PJ'°P 98 points — Automatic clotte# 10 ^ Ho _ 1 by Batt he reco n Drive ffic flow lue and W old acid pump going. But college stu- m’t face The pro cause one or more socks tochatfi jj 0 |i env , n dents usually don’t face those types of emotional upsets. The types of situations we face are much worse. Here are a few examples: sjftreet betw and Well ange will 600 points — After at least a 15-minute wait, you finally are next in line to regis ter for classes. At that moment, the per son sitting at the table has to make a trip thereby guaranteeing at least matched pair will emerge fromli ly (or monthly) wgsh. Orsaiddi cide not to heat when you pcjbtasilv betw clothes in them. Bd Texas 3,000 points — you loseyouritH the week before finals. TheboolB 0 " 6111311 has been entireh highlighted,aB em , lc , 1 ,, , * 6 BTrc.i'h lus all of your class notes. B routes a sides. Jon betwee Wellborn R orr United USTIN uncil stu tdl30 perce tolTexas r< lly wind | system, Ites that imprecise, i TYC of! Ik in for mi tefviews w Texas Dej dins and tf to. ! records dons. I CANT STICK THE MXON A RAILROAD. I CANT® ITON A PLANE, I CANT STICK IT IN A SILO,,,SO YOU TELL ME, NANCY, WHERE CAN I STICK f J “This should be elution sini Hsed on t ports at the sion and ■ often ope spokesman During IDG’s ne mates betv and 21 \ [they had p cerated in Moore saic TYC lati of the inm: nile faciliti ’Moore s Sained co five years, te may b TYC als an exact < White House influence tested rate becau juvenile re is between That age g 15 percent by Donald A. Davis United Press International WASHINGTON — The MX missile furor is providing a glimpse into the tactics the White House will use to guide controversial issues during the coming session of the 98th Congress. It was only by chance that Dec. 1 was the date set for President Reagan to come up with a proposal on how the expensive and controv ersial nuclear missile should be based. His choice — “dense pack” clustering — was sub mitted to Congress rapidly and with mini mum fanfare. Although its membership was the same as before, the Congress that received the sugges tion was not the same one through which Reagan shoved measure after measure as he laid out his economic programs in the first two years of office. Because of the November elections, many congressmen lost their jobs, making them all but immune to any sort of presidential arm- twisting. Others who weathered the ballot battle were more reluctant to listen to the persuasive president’s calls for support. Democrats had no reason to toe the line for Reagan and Re publicans were wary. Reagan did some tele phoning to congressmen, but did not mount the kind of campaign which conjured up the unexpected victories earlier in his tenure. The result was an overwhelming 245-176 House of Representatives vote to deny funds for the missle Reagan calls the “Peacekeeper.” The outcome did not necessarily surprise the White House, although the margin of the vote did. “It was a difficult vote. We started from behind and that was how we ended up,” said deputy press secretary Larry Speakes. Speakes estimated a “core of 40 to 50” House members made the difference and that once the vote began to turn one way, other congressmen began jumping on the band wagon. added that the House loss “doesn’t indicate to us” a similar margin in a Senate vote. If the administration can squeeze the MX financing bill through the Senate, where Re publicans retained their edge in the elections, the differing outcomes then go into confer ence committee. That is where the missile might come back to life. “There’s got to be a meeting of the minds somewhere,” Speakes said. In addition, the president is expected to speak out “forcefully and often” in behalf of the MX, hoping to stir grassroots pressure on the congressmen. That signals a significant departure from past campaigns when Reagan formed his famed “Boll Weevil” coalition of conservative tion. Because Democrats and loyal Republicans. j not public Now with the House firmly into ( ^ Speaker T homas O’Neill’s Dcmocr-tyy(; rec{; ship, the administration can almost any hope of support on crucial issue Cal But with the president using Office as the “bully pulpit” describedon all odore Roosevelt, the aefrainistrationii® 6881011 ^ 3 1 to pound out its message to the pul congressmen thoroughly in the future critical votes come up. Then they will' chips on getting at least one acce| sion of their bills through the tame isolating O’Neill’s power and coming 1 a compromise when the two sidessit' reason out their differences. With the new House for the 98th Congress, which comes to office in January, containing more Democrats, the administration can ex pect more lopsided defeats there. However, the MX loss is providing a test for the White House theory of success through the Senate, where Republicans dominate, and then in the valuable conference committees, where deals are struck. “We’re hopeful for passage in the Senate,” Speakes said of the chances for the MX. He Berry s World © 1M2 by NEA. Inc. “Sometimes I wonder if there isn’t more to life than immediate gratification. ”