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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1957)
The Battalion College Station (Brazos County), Texas PAGE 2 Monday, April 1, 1957 An Explanation Don’t be too shocked by The Battalion today. For in memory of this traditional day for fools, the attempt has been made to make this issue as foolish as pos sible. The entire issue (excepting the advertising and it’s for real) is meant in good fun and thought was given to touching as many areas as possible so that no favorites would be played by escaping today’s news columns. And since no malicious intent is meant, so goes the hope that none is taken. All of the stories, "pictures, captions, etc. are strictly in the meaning of the slang expression “just poking fun.” However, if the poke causes pain, it might be in order to look and see what caused that soreness in the first place. The chance for escaping the dull routine of Spring at college is much needed and was eagerly taken. Everyone needs to laugh occasionally. We had our laughs preparing this thing and hope you have yours reading it. Anyway, all complaints will be cheerfully ignored. THIS SPACE CENSORED ARMY FLIERS (Continued from Page 1) forts. Two of the Army officers most disheartened were Lt. Col. H. V. Ellis and Major Kenny Edwards who had to turn in their M1921A- 12 stagger sticks for failure to uphold the fighting spirit of the army cadets. And then after the uproar had somewhat subsided, a familiar voice rang from the depths of the Tiger section of the Trigon. “Let the Army boys join the ranks of the other second class Aggies.” The swarm of civilians and for mer Marines were stalled while the Tiger officers began a false search for the voice that had spoken of second class Aggies. “We must find that man,” said Col. Sitman. “I know a lot of the boys think that I said it but this time they are wrong. I must prove my innocence.” As he spoke, the muffled roar of a convertible, one of the less popular models, rattled out of the Trigon parking lot to home and the faster Coup de Ville that rested in the garage. Mimeo Machine Blast Kills Jay Dept. Wheel Fat Wes Camera, member of the Jay Department at A&M was killed by an unknown assailant late last night who apparently placed a time bomb in his mimeograph mechine. Camera, busy at making out mid-term examinations for his stu dents had been working since 8 yesterday morning preparing the questions. “It was such a wonderful mimo machine,” cried D. D. Bootyard, a close associate, “With luck he could have become the most hated pro fessor on the campus.” Camera, who had the reputation of giving “snap” quizzes was a popular man with the students and could always be found trying to congratulate them on some of their projects. Miss Annie McDirty, secretary, was outside the office when the mimo exploded and said Camera’s last words were “Very truth fully ” Crying in her beer she could not recall any more details at the time. “A fiendish attack,” smirked Benchwarmer Oderly Inchly, an other member of the department, “but I still think Yarbrough was the best man.’ Members of the Kampus Kops Korps were mystified as to motives in the spinechilling crime and were still thrashing about in reams of blue parking tickets this morning. At press time a detail of KK’s, under the able command of Dud Benton left the campus to enter the wilds of the Brazos Bottom to brainwash majors in journalism who were rumored to be having a beer bust there after hearing of Camera’s death. “We’ll return with all their grade points,” vowed Benton. The Battalion The Editorial Policy of The Battalion Represents the Views of the Publications Board The Battalion, daily newspaper of the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas and the City of College Station, is published by students in the Office of Student Publications as a non-profit educational service. The Director of Student Publications la Ross Strader. The governing body of all student publications of the A.&M. College of Texas is the Student Publications Board. Faculty members are Dr. Carroll D. Caverty, Chairman; Prof. Donald D. Burchard, Prof. Tom Leland and Mr. Bennie Zinn. Student members are W. T. Williams, Murray Milner, Jr., and Leighlus E. Sheppard, Jr., Ex-officio members are Mr. Charles Roeber, and Ross Strader, Sec retary. The Battalion is published four times a week during the regular school year and once a week during the summer and vacation and examination periods. Days of publication are Tuesday throug/a Friday for the regular school year and on Thursday during the summer terms and during examination and vacation periods. Subscription rates are $3.50 per semester, $6.00 per school year, $6.50 per full year or $1.00 per month. Advertising rates furnished on request. Entered as second-class matter at Post Office at College Station, Texas, under the Act of Con gress of March 3, 1870, but didn’t win. Member of: Core Press Wire Service Represented nationally by large monstrous ogre who sends much, pays little. The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to the use for republi cation of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in the paper and local news of spontaneous origin published herein. Rights of republication of all other matter herein are also reserved. News contributions may be made by telephone (VI 6-6618 or VI- 6-4910) or at the editorial office room, on the ground floor of the YMCA. Classified ads may be placed by telephone (VI 6-6415) or at the Student Publications Office, ground floor of the YMCA. JIM BOWER r Former Student Dave McReynolds Pinky’s Successor Barry Hart Athletic Mouthpiece Welton Jones Core Editor Joy Roper Girl Editor Leland Boyd, Jim Neighbors, Joe Tindel - Spirit Editors Jim Carrell Assistant Athletic Mouthpiece D. G. McNutt, Val Polk, Fred Meurer, Joe Buser Jerr Haynes Brownies John West, C. R. McCain Artists Don Collins Has Been Ross Strader Interior Decorator The Egghead chooses the Batt editorial policy again. Run and Play, Their Motto BA Dept. Takes Over MSC Business Administration head quarters will have a new location on the second and third floor of the Memorial Student Center af ter the Easter Holidays, according to Dr. Twerp W. Lilliand, head of the B.A. Department. Movement of the department is to help the students of the busi ness world better adjust them selves to the life expected of up and coming young businessmen, said Lilliand. One of the chief reasons for the move is the better gambling equipment and card ta bles in the MSC, he said. The old well-worn “bicycles” will be replaced with 200 decks of the finest plastic coated figure studies series. The roulette wheels and slot machines are being put in top condition for the grand op ening of the new classrooms. Bar facilities are also planned for the new quarters. Students have been complaining of wear and tear on their cars because of the frequent field trips to the Tri angle. Lilliand reported that, although alcoholic beverages are prohibited on campus, President David H. Williams is now in Aus tin petitioning the governor to make a special allowance for the B.A. Department. “Dave” plans to become a B.A. prof next semester if the petition is accepted. The bar will be located in the Serpent’s Lounge on the second floor of the MSC. Judge “Barfly— Law West of the the Navasot River” Steward will serve as bar- 12 Drumstick Chicken Shown Poultry Frat Val X. Pox, associate res ident extension agriculture expert on poultry attached to the A&M System, told mem bers of the Poultry Science Fraternity last night that his life long dream of producing a chicken with 12 drumsticks had been real ized. Catching the earth-shaking im portance of this announcement Dr. Sal Monella Pullorum, head of the PS Dept, ran to a phone to tell the entire world of Pox’s discovery. Pox had an example of his beast with him at the meeting and at the insistance of all present pro duced the animal. It was about 2 feet tall, 3 feet long and had 12 legs jutting from the long tubular body. When questioned by Yal O. Jaundice, president of the student organization, Pox told members the cross was made by breeding a cent ipede to an white leghorn and backcrossing with a salamander. Dr. Pox, who has been carrying on experiments of this type for 125 years is known the world over for his all breast, all white meat and all dark meat chickens. Jay Elected Prexy Of Free Lovers J. Jordan Jay, sexetary of the YWCA, was elected head of the Free Love and Nickle Beer Society last night in Steam Tunnel No. 2 at the regular meeting. Jay, long time advocate of the principles of the Society finally reached his goal in life when he was named unanimously by his cohorts. tender. In case the bar plans fall through, the college will run special busses to the Triangle. Another change in the B.A. De partment which will take effect next fall is the combination of the freshmen schools in engineering and business. Freshmen in Sep tember enrolling in the school of engineering will be required to take six hours of the basic B.A. courses to make adjustment easier for them when they change their major to business at the end of their freshman year. A new course will also be added in September. “How to Handle Secretaries” will be the title of B.A 389. The course will be taught by Herb (Hotlips) Tomp son. Classes will feature a three hour lab each Saturday night with real live secretaries to add reality to the course. Meanwhile, the B.A. boys are running and playing as usual. Epitome of Short Course Held Here CATERING for SPECIAL OCCASIONS Leave the Details to me. LUNCHEONS BANQUETS WEDDING PARTIES Let Us Do the Work — You Be A Guest At Your Own Party Maggie Parker Dining Hall 26th & Bryan TA 2-5069 Today marks a millstone in the history of the Memorial Student Center, sighed Fort Wayne Sark, director of the Sinner. This morning at 8 we threw open the barn doors and welcomed the first of 928,423 % people ex pected to gather on a Short Course on How to Run a Short Course. Drawing such internationally known speakers as Phil I. Buster, You Rattle Tomuch and O. Loos- jaw the delegates jammed the chairs in the Fountain Room and Dining Rooms to overflowing. Cashiers’ eyes gleamed brightly as they said, “Hah—students can’t get within a block of the Center today.” Sark sat back on well-filled wallet and told repo'rters he had contacted every group in the United States that he knew that had ever attended a Short Course and one contingent in Red China and asked them to be on hand for the gala event. The president of the Mud Pud dle Builders Society was the first to register this morning. He was followed by a group from the Pre- servance of Motherhood and Be lievers in Free Love. Free coffee tickets are issued with each registration card. It ffas been reported to this office delegates are bootlegging these tickets in the steam tunnel under G. Rolled Black Coliseum. More Engineering Fish Must Flunk Dr. Jack C. Cowhound, big dog in the School of Horizontal Engin eering, barked out at engineering professors Friday for not flunking enough students on quizzes this semester. Cowhound, speaking before a gathering of hen house profs at the Chicken Farm told them that there is no such thing as an in telligent student. “We must make students learn that they have to boot lick to get a degree in engineering,” he said smiling. The atmosphere of the meeting got worse as some chickens flew from their coops and landed among the profs. Slapping an old hen from his head and wiping his face off, Dr. R. A. Birdseye, head of the indus trious engineering department flatly defied Cowhound. “Today is Friday,” he said with rage. Members of the press quickly jotted down his stirring word. R. C. Crank, head of airplane engines, quickly agreed: “You’re right, Birdseye,” he said picking up an egg just laid by a nearby hen. Cowhound wouldn’t let these insulting remarks go by. He threatened to send both men to Cancelor T. T. Herringbone. Both men looked at each other with fear in their eyes. One reached down and scratched the feathers on his leg. They knew that this meant only one thing. Herringbone would turn his little dog, Fritz, on them. “What a way to go, they said in an almost inaudible tone. With these two traitors out of the way, Cowhound continued his reprimand. “I want at least 75 per cent of the students to flunk at the end of this year,” he said. “Flunk all the athletes first. We’ve got to follow the lead of the School of Tarts and Seances.” — MONDAY — “Back from Eternity” with ROBERT RYAN —Plus— “Screaming 1 Eagles” with TOM TRYON Cowhound said that the dean of that school, Dr. Aeroplane, thought it was a good time of the year to flunk athletes. He emphasized that he was not an athletic supporter. I n conclusion Cowhound stressed the professors’ duties to their profession. “It’s an honor to be an A&M professor. Let’s live up to the honor and flunk as many students as possible. We want quantity not quality.” EE Professor Gets Shock of His Life Dr. Volt A. Ohms, head of the A&N electrical engineering de-; partment, recently released to the press news of his shocking dis covery. He has worked with wiring for years seeking a way to be famous. Explaining that he was working with his fabulous ohmmeter when he discovered the operation of the apparatus. “It is very simple if you know how to do it,” he said, while turn ing on the current. “After about 200 amps and volts are flowing, you simply connect your hand to the point of lowest resistance,” he said lighting up. Funeral services are to be held tomorrow for Ohms, well known inventor of the electric chair. Father Confessor Ala Carte will be in charge of unrequirem mass. I MONDAY ALA EVERYTHING YOU VE HEA.ni x/ieET 'Me ; ; LASVEGAg ISlPn STA R R I N<5~ ' : ^" l *Mli 1^1 —_ DAN DAILEY CYD CHARISSE FROM M-G-NI IN COLOR AND G IN e«VMASS€SOP > l Guion TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY "©@ TO SEE 'RlFBTi'"... Crowther, N. Y Times RIF ... means Trouble! “This French melodrama of a daring Paris jewel rob bery contains a 30-minute sequence of wordless movie-mak ing that is the most suspenseful ever filmed” — New York Critics Review LI’L ABNER By A1 Capp (-POOP FOSP/CK" HE /S NOW A STARV/N't TICK V, (-BECAUSE THE K'O/LD REGARDS H/Af ASA AJ/JF Bor / KA/OVZ HE 1 . Reg. U. S. Pet Off.— or 19S7 by United Feat J (-"HEREAC/.YDOES HEAR THAT HATCH T/CH/H- IT'S /RS/CE H/S HEAD, HR ERE / TOSSED /T—J (-'IVH/LEHE WASUA/DER^ ETHER DUR/H' BRA/H SO/GERY-) FEARLESS .V' SO. AT LAST You HAVE COME TO TAKE ME TO DINNER//'— 4-I PEANUTS lafflS^/APRL FOOLS DAY ISN'T WHAT IF YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO SAY TO SOMEONE'THERE'S a SPIDER ON YOUR BACX!'AND THEN THEY'D JUMP AND SAY,' AAU6H'' AND THEN YOU'D SAY APRIL FOOL 1 V~ THERE'S A SRDER ON v Y0UR BACK! MM By cartoonist-of-the-year Charles M. Schulz APRIL FOOL^ v-/ 7