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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1957)
to Thf> Battalion College Station (Brazo* County/, Texas PACE 3 Monday, April 1, 1957 GM; Harpooner Moved Up NCAA, III Health Brings Resignation Head Athletic Proselyter Paul (Cub) Bunyon has re signed to become public relations director for the Cadillac Division of General Motors, announced Athletes Congress Chairman Crisp (The Shadow) Groaningman today. Moving up into the Big Leader spot is Chuck Euripides (Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire) Harpooner, long-time associate of Bunyon and capable sidekick to Knife (Shake, Rattle and Roll) Giving. Harpooner will take command to morrow at 5:30 a.m. with a called inspection of facilities fol lowed by a three-hour coffee break while he and his staff view movies of John Kimbrough in action. Bunyon, the giant Arkansawian who moved from ‘Old Kaintuck to lead the Athletic and Military College of Tejas out of the football tundras, re signed on the recommendation of his entourage of physicians because of poor health and an ex cess of taxes. “Mr. Bunyon has been under severe mental strain since May, 1955,” said Dr. Neuro Sees, spokes man for the group of 11 doctors, “And lately he has been suffer ing with continued attacks of hang nail and whooping crane.” Bunyon’s continual decrease ii^ mental and physical condition came during May, 1955, when the Nomi nal Committee of Alcoholics Anonymous, headed by Jesty Kneeling, head coach of Houston’s South Main Academy of Nonsense, slashed the throat of Cub’s Tejas A-Ayes with a two-year probation prohibiting them from participat ing in pre, during or post-season contests in any sport with any school, institution or professional beam in the western hemisphere, to the unrestrained joy of the other seven Southern Westmost Conting ent participants. “It is to my utter sorrow that I have to leave such a fine in stitution as A&M,” murmured the outspoken procurer of fine athletic talent, But the growing desire among ex-A-Gyes to build the nation’s finest handball teams and lack of interest among the players to participate in football, not withstanding my huge tax obliga tions that are becoming ever more burdening, force me to resign and take a position elsewhere. “It will'be a blow to my family, too,” commented the amiable leader. “The fine cultural facilities of Bryan and College Station have been an asset to them, also the wide streets made turning my new Caddy much easier.” Bunyon, whose personal interest in every phase of athletics and the student body in general .was out standing, is considered one of the most tactful and understanding public relations men among the nation’s coaches and should make a really fine executive for GM. Football to be De-Empbasized “We’re going to de-emphasize this horrid football,” said new Athletic Proselyter Chuck Euripides (Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire) Harpooner, “And start emphasizing something worthwhile—like handball, polo, Jai Lai and bridge,” immediately after taking over the reins from Paul (Cub) Bunyon today. “My first move as Big Leader will be to put a roof over Kyle Field and turn it into 200 regula tion hand ball courts,” grinned the handsome new director. “We’ve go ing to give athletics back to the students.” Growing acclaim swept across the campus of the unprecedented move by the Athletes • Congress in their appointment with A-Gye grid- ders displaying a fine attitude, to ward the whole thing. “Personally, I think it’s a great idea,” said Johan Dandy (Killer) Blackbird, A&M’s great all-nation wide runner. “I’ve never really been interested in foottfell or any con tact sport. Jai Lai is my game and I’ll be glad to start working at it again.” Champion Klugler, all-everything tackle from Deepw’ell, was over joyed at the prospects of quitting football. “It’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened here,” beamed Klugler, “Now I can go out for track. I’ve always fancied my self as quite a pole vaulter, you know, and once did 7-10 in high school.” I 1 NEW HEAD ATHLETIC PROSELYTER—Chuck Euri pides (Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire) Harpooner takes charge tomorrow after being promoted upon the resignation of Paul (Cub) Bunyon. CRISP (THE SHADOW) GROANINGMAN —Chairman of A&M Athletes Congress at work tending his flock. VOTE TOMORROW! and when you do . . . BE SURE TO VOTE FOR SEARCY BRACEWELL 1938 A&M Graduate YOUR CANDIDATE FOR U. S. SENATOR (Paid Political Adv.) IVIOST VALUABLE PLAVER SOME VALUABLE AOVICE ABOUT SAV1MQS Mickey Mantle’s big bat won him the Americai* League’s Triple Batting Crown last year and unanimous choice by the nation’s sports writers as his league’s most valuable player. This young Oklahoman figures to have many more great years in the majors, but already he’s looking beyond his playing days, planning for his family’s future with regular savings. Mickey says, “From personal experience, I know that the guy who comes through regularly means the most to himself and his team. I’ve learned the same lesson about savings. Buying U. S. Bonds regularly helps win the game of security. “Millions of sports fans can be star players in the game of security by joining and staying on Payroll Savings where they work.” Good advice for the long haul from a long ball hitter. For most of us, Payroll Saving’s offer the easiest, surest way to save. And the time to start is now. All you do is sign the application form in the payroll office where you work. Select the amount to be set aside for your Bonds each payday. Then your saving is done for you. And each time you’ve accumulated enough, a Bond is purchased in your name. You keep adding to your Bonds through Payroll Savings and your Bonds keep earning interest for you. It’s a sure way to make a little deduction add up to a lot of security. So don’t put off saving another day. Sign up for Payroll Savings where you work—today. Or start buying Bonds regularly where you bank. Mickey Mantle’s 1956 Record Batting Average ,353 Runs Batted In il30 Home Runs 52 Part of every American’s Savings belongs in U. S. ^ortds The U. S. Government does not pay for this advertisement. The Treasury Department thanks, for their patriotic donation, the Advertising Council and The Battalion