Image provided by: Texas A&M University
About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 30, 2000)
utonn^ MON Oct 30 TUBS Oct 31 WED Nov 1 THUR Nov 2 4-6 PM Chem 228 Ch. 20 Chem 102 Ch. 19 Chem 102 Ch. 20 Chem 102 Prac test Murillo 6-8 PM Chem 227 Ch. 7 Chem 227 Ch. 8 Chem 101 Ch. 10 Chem 101 Ch. 11A 8-10 PM Rhys 201 Katt, Watt Prac test Rhys 201 Ford Prac test Rhys 218 Ch. 8 Rhys 218 Ch. 9 10- MID Chem 107 Ch. 9 Chem 107 Ch. 9,12 Chem 228 Prac test Belle 4 Bird-watching lice si Careful timing is everything when giving thefm\ guest I gun hi Hi les Po 1 unwar Li IMB I Want To Come Out of the Closet.. And INTO Your Life!!! ast week, drivers on a major Fort Worth thor oughfare were treated ] j-|-to a sight that has become in- Hcreasingly common on Ameri ca’s roads — a driver, who can only be described as being in a fit of road rage, extended H i a single finger in greeting to another motorist. -Jesus It’s not about rules or habit. It’s love and grace that God has already given to us freely through His Son Jesus Christ. Only God can fill those empty gaps in life, because we can’t. If you’re looking for happiness, HE is the Answer. Any Questions? Call 847-2465 and ask for J.D Advertisement paid for by Judson Davis Mark Passwaters The genial driver, who was trying to figure out the weather, was driving a Texas A&M uni versity vehicle. The employee “was remonstrated by his su pervisor for bringing disrepute to Texas A&M” according to the Bryan-College Station Eagle — as he well should be. This “gentleman” has con vinced North Texans that people involved with this University are unfamiliar with the right time and place to fire "the finger.” Improper use of a middle finger should be avoided at all costs, lest one wants to look like Keyshawn Johnson. It is high time the rules for bird-flipping are established. Let’s face it: Ameri cans will give up using the finger as soon as Bill Clinton gives up women. The bird will remain ex tended longer than reruns of “When Animals Attack part 16” will run on Fox, let us make sure that digit is done right. 1. Choose timing wisely. Telling people they are No. 1 in all the polls while your mother is present is not a good idea. Unless, of course, she has already done so or you are directing the bird at her. If the latter is the case, you have bigger problems than improp er Hipping of the bird. Use of the middle finger is probably not advisable in front of one’s signifi cant other, either. Extending the single digit greeting can show Honey in a hurry that the air of polite sophistication you have spent weeks ly ing about — err, establishing — is as fake as Tori Spelling’s breasts. 2. Do not fire the finger at bosses or profes sors. This may sound like common sense, but there are idiots everywhere — remember, Jesse Ventura was elected governor. Even if they are not looking, someone else will be and will be happy to turn you in for brownie points. It is amaying.Jxow quickly,a.personcain gofromrf‘that>o kid u/ho flipped me the bird" to ha\ ing a name — and an F or a pink slip. 3. Do not Hip off cameras. No matter how reasonable it may seem, that picture is guaran teed to grace the front page of a newspaper or be on television later that night. America loves bird watching, and it does not matter who gets called for illegal use of the finger. So if you are going to have a case of the stupids and Hip off a camera, smile when you do. At least folks will think you are a friendly SOB instead of a garden-va riety SOB. 4. Referees are fair game. People who offici ate sporting events are masochists by nature. Ironically, they also are almost always wrong — note the moronic pass interference call on Sam my Davis on Saturday. So go ahead, show them the digit. You will feel better, and they will too. And if they do not, who cares? 5. Never flip off anyone who is bigger than you. This once again seems like common sense, but some people have a nasty habit of losing common sense at inconvenient times. Keep this in mind should you ever feel that urge to down a few alcoholic beverages. No, that person did not get smaller, and no, you did not get bigger or tougher. The end result will remain the same: Flip him off, go home in a box. 6. Flipping the bird while you are alone is acceptable, but only under certain circum stances. If 8. If you are going to fire the fmgera strangers, make certain they will never to figure out who you are. Wear generic, ing and no visible identification during)] tack. “Visible indentification,” includes with a large A&M logo on the side. 9. Do not use the finger on anyoneu:f car has a bumper sticker that says Tmtl NRA.” Now that the correct ways to use one- die finger have been set in stone, makecej you adhere to all rules and regulations.! wise, your gesture of friendship may gel i into some serious trouble. Go in peace a:.!, happy flipping. Mark Passwaters is a senioreki emiineerinH isyouaiPe watching televi-'vtr •- siom.for .exampie, and »1, Ricky Martin appears on the screen, feel free to fire at will. 7. Use it on your friends for practice. Friends, by definition, are gluttons for pun ishment. Make sure they know you appreciate their role in your life and be sure they know you are kidding, however. Otherwise, see No. 5. Chat & Chew $5,000 TO A STUDENT LIKE YOU EVERY WEEK with Dr. Southerland ‘65 Vice President for Student Affairs Mm October 31, 2000 11:00 am-1:00 pm Wehner, Room 159 • Voice Concerns • Ask Questions • Light Refreshments THE WAY IT PLAYS Oil ill. 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