utonn^
MON
Oct 30
TUBS
Oct 31
WED
Nov 1
THUR
Nov 2
4-6
PM
Chem 228
Ch. 20
Chem 102
Ch. 19
Chem 102
Ch. 20
Chem 102
Prac test Murillo
6-8
PM
Chem 227
Ch. 7
Chem 227
Ch. 8
Chem 101
Ch. 10
Chem 101
Ch. 11A
8-10
PM
Rhys 201
Katt, Watt
Prac test
Rhys 201
Ford Prac
test
Rhys 218
Ch. 8
Rhys 218
Ch. 9
10-
MID
Chem 107
Ch. 9
Chem 107
Ch. 9,12
Chem 228
Prac test
Belle
4
Bird-watching
lice si
Careful timing is everything when giving thefm\
guest
I gun hi
Hi les Po
1 unwar
Li
IMB
I Want To Come Out of the Closet..
And INTO Your Life!!!
ast week, drivers on a
major Fort Worth thor
oughfare were treated
] j-|-to a sight that has become in-
Hcreasingly common on Ameri
ca’s roads — a driver, who
can only be described as being
in a fit of road rage, extended
H i a single finger in greeting to
another motorist.
-Jesus
It’s not about rules or habit.
It’s love and grace that God has
already given to us freely through
His Son Jesus Christ.
Only God can fill those empty
gaps in life, because we can’t.
If you’re looking for happiness,
HE is the Answer.
Any Questions?
Call 847-2465 and ask for J.D
Advertisement paid for by Judson Davis
Mark
Passwaters
The genial driver, who was trying to figure
out the weather, was driving a Texas A&M uni
versity vehicle.
The employee “was remonstrated by his su
pervisor for bringing disrepute to Texas A&M”
according to the Bryan-College Station Eagle —
as he well should be. This “gentleman” has con
vinced North Texans that people involved with
this University are unfamiliar with the right time
and place to fire "the finger.” Improper use of a
middle finger should be avoided at all costs, lest
one wants to look like Keyshawn Johnson.
It is high time the rules for bird-flipping are
established. Let’s face it: Ameri
cans will give up using the finger
as soon as Bill Clinton gives up
women. The bird will remain ex
tended longer than reruns of
“When Animals Attack part 16”
will run on Fox, let us make sure
that digit is done right.
1. Choose timing wisely. Telling
people they are No. 1 in all the
polls while your mother is present is
not a good idea. Unless, of course,
she has already done so or you are
directing the bird at her. If the latter is
the case, you have bigger problems than improp
er Hipping of the bird. Use of the middle finger is
probably not advisable in front of one’s signifi
cant other, either. Extending the single digit
greeting can show Honey in a hurry that the air
of polite sophistication you have spent weeks ly
ing about — err, establishing — is as fake as
Tori Spelling’s breasts.
2. Do not fire the finger at bosses or profes
sors. This may sound like common sense, but
there are idiots everywhere — remember, Jesse
Ventura was elected governor. Even if they are
not looking, someone else will be and will be
happy to turn you in for brownie points. It is
amaying.Jxow quickly,a.personcain gofromrf‘that>o
kid u/ho flipped me the bird" to ha\ ing a name
— and an F or a pink slip.
3. Do not Hip off cameras. No matter how
reasonable it may seem, that picture is guaran
teed to grace the front page of a newspaper or be
on television later that night. America loves bird
watching, and it does not matter who gets called
for illegal use of the finger. So if you are going to
have a case of the stupids and Hip off a camera,
smile when you do. At least folks will think
you are a friendly SOB instead of a garden-va
riety SOB.
4. Referees are fair game. People who offici
ate sporting events are masochists by nature.
Ironically, they also are almost always wrong —
note the moronic pass interference call on Sam
my Davis on Saturday. So go ahead, show them
the digit. You will feel better, and they will too.
And if they do not, who cares?
5. Never flip off anyone who is bigger than
you. This once again seems like common sense,
but some people have a nasty habit of losing
common sense at inconvenient times. Keep this
in mind should you ever feel that urge to down a
few alcoholic beverages. No, that person did not
get smaller, and no, you did not get bigger or
tougher. The end result will remain the same:
Flip him off, go home in a box.
6. Flipping the bird while you are alone is
acceptable, but only under certain circum
stances. If
8. If you are going to fire the fmgera
strangers, make certain they will never
to figure out who you are. Wear generic,
ing and no visible identification during)]
tack. “Visible indentification,” includes
with a large A&M logo on the side.
9. Do not use the finger on anyoneu:f
car has a bumper sticker that says Tmtl
NRA.”
Now that the correct ways to use one-
die finger have been set in stone, makecej
you adhere to all rules and regulations.!
wise, your gesture of friendship may gel i
into some serious trouble. Go in peace a:.!,
happy flipping.
Mark Passwaters is a senioreki
emiineerinH
isyouaiPe watching televi-'vtr
•- siom.for .exampie, and »1,
Ricky Martin appears on
the screen, feel free to fire
at will.
7. Use it on your friends for practice.
Friends, by definition, are gluttons for pun
ishment. Make sure they know you appreciate
their role in your life and be sure they know
you are kidding, however. Otherwise, see No. 5.
Chat & Chew
$5,000 TO A
STUDENT LIKE YOU
EVERY WEEK
with Dr. Southerland ‘65
Vice President for Student Affairs
Mm
October 31, 2000
11:00 am-1:00 pm
Wehner, Room 159
• Voice Concerns
• Ask Questions
• Light Refreshments
THE WAY IT PLAYS Oil
ill.
VISIT WWW.C0LLEGEXIT.COM FOR ELIGIBILITY RULES,
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