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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (March 1, 1985)
Page 2/The Battalion/Friday, March 1, 1985 OPINION Space burial, when done properly, can be expensive By ART BUCHWALD Columnist for The Los Angeles Times Syndicate Attention, earthlings. It won’t be long before yon can “bury” your loved ones in outer space. Deke Slayton, a former astroiy t, b working in tandem with a consoVuiim of companies that will orbit the ashes of a deceased person 1,900 miles above the earth. Funeral services should begin in late 1986. The Department of Transportation has enthusiastically approved the plan and said “it represents a creative re sponse to the president’s initiative to en courage the commercial use of space.” As I understand it, the remains of your Uncle Sidney will be compressed by a secret process in a special two-inch tall, lipstick-shaped titanium capsule, which will then be placed into a 300- pound shiny sphexe, along with the ashes of 10,330 of the recently de parted. The sphere will be launched into the heavens where it’s guaranteed to remain in orbit for at least 63 million year s, or you get your money back. While Mr. Slayton’s consortium will provide the rocket and,the capsule, they prefer to leave actual sales and arrange ments to funeral directors and under takers around the country. This might lead to some problems. “Please have a chair.” “Thank you. I would like to cremate my Uncle Sidney and put him in celes tial orbit.” “You’re in luck. We have a launch in one month, and we can reserve a place for him.” “Wonderful. I noticed in your adver- tisment that the price for the service was $3,900.” “That’s the base cost just to get him up there. Did you love your Uncle Sid ney?” “Very much.” “Then I wouldn’t advise you to put his ashes in the standard titanium cap sule.” “Why not?” “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but although the containers are advertised to last for 65 million years, some of them fall apart after 30 million. You wouldn’t want your uncle’s ashes all over the sky, would you?” “I guess not.” “Then I’d recommend this upgraded ‘From Here to Eternity’ model. Notice the outside is twice as strong as titanium, and the inside is lined with French sa tin.” “How much is it?” “It’s only $900 more, but if you insist on the cheap, tacky one, I’m suxe your uncle would understand.” “No no. I’ll take the ‘From Here to Eternity’ capsule. Will that do it?” “There is the placement of the ash container in the sphere. I assume you would want your Uncle Sidney as close to the skin as possible, facing toward the earth.” “Certainly.” “Then there is a premium charge of $600, to guarantee his ashes won’t be thrown in the middle with all the econ omy class passengexs. Will you want to bid a fond adieu to your loved one as he is launched into space?” “Of course.” “We can give you a package tour to Cape Canaveral with complimentary breakfast before liftoff, at a group rate of $ 1,500 per person.” “Sending Uncle Sidney up into orbit is costing me more than I planned on.” “But it’s worth it. Every time you look up to the heavens, you will see your Un cle Sidney and know he is smiling down on you because you booked him First class.” LETTERS: University wrong in Zentgraf case EDITOR: To Aggies everywhere: Isn’t it about time to acknowledge that the University is wrong in the Zent graf case? Even if, through some quirk of fate or law, the University can successfully ap peal the decision, ZentgraFs position is basically correct: It’s illegal for a state in stitution, funded by state money, to keep people from participating in its or ganizations because they’re female. And the sooner we all wake up and realize that, the better off we’ll be. We’ll be better off because we’ll be de ciding who gets into the Ross Volun teers, the Aggie Band, the color guards, not some federal judge’s quotas. If the Ross Volunteers were smart, they’d in duct a woman as soon as possible. If they don’t, they might have to later, and the resistance to that involuntary change will be far worse. We’ll be better off because recruiters visiting our campus will quit concerning themselves with questions about women in the band. Instead, they’ll have time to concentrate on job candidates and their qualiFxcations. We’ll be better off because we’ll pre sent a far more tolerant, enlightened, educated image to the rest of the world. We’ll be better off because Firms con sidering gifts to the University can ask questions about the A&M’s merits, not its embarrassments. And we’ll be better off because we’ll stop spending valuable time, energy and money on the frivolous defense of a principle that is inconsistent with the in tent of our laws. I’m a former cadet, as steeped in Ag gie tradition and lore as anyone else, and it pains me just as much to write this as it does many of you to read it-. I don’t like the idea of women in the band or the RVs. But when we allow our desires to take precedence over reason and law, we allow prejudice to rule our actions. I’m also a realist. I’m enough of a x ealist to know that sex-integrated units do work at the service academies and in the services. I’m enough of a realist to know that the real issue at A&M isn’t practicality, or even whether women would look right marching on Kyle Field; it’s tradition. We say women in the band won’t work because we don’t want it to work, not because there’s any inherent barrier that keeps it from working. And I’m enough of a realist to know that even if the University wins the battle, it will lose the war of image at a time when A&M is trying so hard to present itself as an enlightened, first- class institution. A&M didn’t go to hell when the Corps became voluntary. A&M didn’t go to hell when women entered the Corps. Nor did A&M go to hell when (gasp) women started wearing boots. It’s pretty safe to assume that A&M won’t go to hell when women march on Kyle Field with the Aggie Band. Inevi tably, they will. Dillard Stone, Jr. ’80 Pageant contestants didn’t fake results EDITOR: Dear Editor and Ms. Catherine Campbell: This letter is one in response to your article of February 25‘, 1985, “Delusions of Illusions.” At first when I noticed the pictures of pageant preparations in The Battalion, I was pleased that a produc tion that takes many hours of work would receive its much deserved public ity; however, after reading the article, I was somewhat surprised. According to the article, “with the ex ception of two women, eighteen contes tants padded the upper portion of their bathing suits for the swimsuit competi tion” not to mention the use of “tanning gels, tanning centers, falsies, body-bind ing tape and false fingernails.” While I will not claim that some of this does not go on, its use is not to produce a fake or “perfect” figure. Many of the girls, in order to prevent a washed-out look under the bright lights, did use tanning gels and some even attended tanning centers; yet are these twenty to be singled out? I am sure if you were to call most tanning centers in Bryan-College Station, you would find them booked until spring break. It is also suggested by pageant officials that pads be worn beneath the swimsuit bustline in order to conceal reactions Education secretary not getting degree Sound bites are more than adequati to present all the thoughts of somepeo pie. But Bennett is not one of them. Hi is the only member of the Presidenti Cabinet who has spent his life takingse rious ideas seriously. That is what make him dangerous to the academic divisioi of the indignation industry. Bennett says that there can be nt “right” for every student to attend thi university of his or her choice. Anyoni who disagrees with that has a peculiai understanding of the allocation of pul> lie goods, especially goods such as uni versity admissions that are valued in part because of the various forms ofsta tus they can confer. Bennett says (well, he said it once, lit probably will not say it again becausedt partures from blandness cause tot much turmoil) this: He can imagine not being dismayed! his son someday wants the mqney save! for university tuition to be used instea! to start a business. Bennett is not expx essing a philistint preference for money over mind, he is expressing dismay that so many univer sities serve the mind poorly. This point which he has been making forcefullyfoi three years as head of the National En dowment for the Humanities, has been missed by persons eager to strike a pose of indignation., Which brings us back! McCaffrey, who has disinvited Bennett, Why? “Because L find your views lobe directly contrary to those held by me and our Univeristy of the Pacific.” WASHING- TON — Stanley McCaffrey, a cop in the ranks of the tiSjagL thought police, PH saw his duty and did not flinch. Me- Caffrey, president of California’s University of the Pacific, saw what George Will William Bennett said and withdrew an invitation for Ben nett to receive an honorary degree. “We simply cannot honor a person holding these views.” I know little about the University of the Pacific, but I will wager that it re sembles most universities and therefox e is broad-minded about the expression, and even the teaching, of the view that America is racist, sexist, imperialist, mil itarist, etc. So what did Bennett, the new secretary of education, say that caused McCaffrey, he of tender sensibilities, to recoil and become the toast of the fac ulty club? Among other things, Bennett said that for budgetary reasons subsidies to middle-class students should be cut. Specifically, families with incomes above $32,500 should not be eligible forfede- rally guaranteed loans (that would mean they would have to pay perhaps 12 rather than 8 percent interest). There are many Americans — includ ing, I suspect, McCaffrey — in whom the flame of thought flickers so weakly that they only feel vital and engaged with history when they are indignant. America’s indignation industry makes neither shoes nor butter nor poetry. Rather, it makes mandatory blandness by practicing moral intimidation. Its in timidation works on people who can be intimidated by the denial of the honor, such as it is, of a degree from the hands of the likes of McCaffrey. Blandness in public utterance is en couraged by television journalism which, because of the tyranny of the clock, specializes in what are known, in televisionspeak, as “sound bites.” It de fines, and distorts, individuals with brief, telegenic “bites.” A nation that knew nothing of Secretary Bennett got its first glimpse of him in a “sound bite.” He was saying that for some students the cut in subsidies might mean having to forgo a stereo or car or spring vaca tion at the beach. A typical viewer probably got this glimpse on television at dinner time. The baby was crying and so was the Cui- sinart, the phone was ringing and so was the viewer’s head because Billy, 14, had his cassette player blasting out Madon na’s “Like A Virgin.” It was all back ground music for the 15-second sound bite that introduced Bennett to the na tion. The aid plan Bennett defends wl preserve all aid for the least affluent slu dents who, without aid, could not goto any college. It would make less exper sive public institutions better able to compete with private institutions, such as the University of the Pacific, for mid dle-class students. The aid plan is debat able. But dishonorable.? The hysterical condemnation of Ben nett illustrates the moral exhibitionisu of people like McCaffrey. It also revels that the academic lobby — like, say, tht tobacco lobby, but with more moral pre tenses — has become an organized ap petite. Bennett has interrupted its con centration on the social pork barrel b) raising disturbing questions about aca demic purposes and competence. McCaffrey’s approach to controversy is not new. “Why should we bother to reply to Kautsky?” Lenin asked. “He would reply to us, and we would have to reply to his reply. There’s no end to that. It will be quite enough for us to an nounce that Kautsky is a traitor to the working class, and everyone will under stand everything.” McCaffrey should know that everyone understands him. George Will is a columnist for the Washington Post. caused by changes in temperature. Tap ing of the legs and waistline, which you pointed out, are rarely used (and in this pageant were not used at all). In rebut tal to the taping of the bustline, this gives the girls a support beneath swim suits and strapless gowns that many feminine undergarments give women each day. MSC Hospitality proudly sponsored this fantastic production with the help of a seventeen member pageant staff (all students) and the support of local busi nesses and organizations including the Singing Cadets and the Aggieland Or chestra, which made this year’s Miss Texas A&M Scholarship Pageant one to remember! Through this production, hundreds of individuals spent an entertaining eve- ning watching twenty-one talented women, who possess beauty in both physical appearance and personality, compete for more than two thousand dollars in scholarship awards and a chance to represent the university they each are proud to be a part of. Each one participating in and working on this production has grown in a personal ed ucation by gaining self-confidence through a job well done. Ms. Campbell, next time you are al lowed to be behind the scenes of an im portant event which entertains and edu cates, I hope you will think about its advantages not only to those involved but to those viewing before writing your many words of wisdom. Tammy Moss A proud contestant in both the 1984 and 1985 Miss TAMU Scholarship Pageants The Battalion USPS 045 360 Member of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference The Battalion Editorial Board Brigid Brockman, Editor Shelley Hoekstra, Managing Editor Ed Cassavoy, City Editor Kellie Dworaczyk, News Editor Michelle Powe, Enitorial Page Editor Travis Tingle, Sports Editor The Battalion Staff Assistant City Editors : Kari Fluegel, Rhonda Snider Assistant News Editors ;.... 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