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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (March 14, 1934)
16 THE BATTALION A CETiTAL GAZER* LETTER TC TIIS SCN AT COLLEGE Dear Son: Received your weekly packet of lies which you fondly suppose is the last word in letters home. Now listen . . . In the first place you carried it around with you for a week just because that blonde had you on the ropes. Stay away from her. Her old man doesn’t Hot tight with the right people. So you lost your bill-fold. Listen, you polecat, don’t give me that stuff. You blew it on a week-end in In dianapolis; nothin’ doin’. I read with interest about your recent misfortune and of your, needed dental services; also that the bill will lx* ten dollars. Ciet -aiive, you dumb bunny. That isn’t (’anadian Whiskey and you can get it at any speak here at home for eight bucks a (juart. Am I ashamed? You have no idea how pleased we were to read of your rapid advancement in your scholastic enterprises. Why, you third rate fib-factory, you know you’re flunking in everything but German and you dropped that last Wednesday. You know that redhead who told you she had a date Friday night.—Ha,—I’m laughing. The reason she won’t go to the dance is that her 1k>v friend plays in the band. Incidentally, those shirt-studs you lost are in your room-mate’s drawer . . . Don’t mention it. No, tly* cops didn’t get your number, but lx* nice from now on. Alxiut that l>ook you need a “fin” for;-:—try again, you aren’t even taking that course. YOUR FATHER. I*. S.: What did you just call me? Just for that I won’t send that dough you’ll need for the dance you’re going to be invited to next month. —Indiana Bored Walk Teacher: Mary, why is your quiz paper covered with quotation marks? Mary: Isn’t there-,a rule against plagiarism? \ ' —Longhorn “Say. footlxdl season is over, isn’t it?” “Sure, why?” “Oh, nothing, only that varsity player, in n\y class, is still passing Economics.** Mother: Well, son. what have vou l>een doing all • r * . afternoon? Son: Shooting craps, mother. • Mother: That must stop. Those little things have just as much right to live as you have. —Red Cat • • • “C'ah you help me to select a gift for a wealthy old aunt who is awfully weak and can hardly walk?” Clerk: “How about some floor wax?” f —Purple Cow Sbme old-fashioned mothers who can remember their husband’s first kisses now have daughters who can’t even remem lx? r their first husbands. . m * m Have you ever heard of the Snow Queen—the ! woman who drifted? ! . . . • “Is there a factory on that road?” “No—that’s lovers* lane.” “Then why did that girl remark 'I’ve lx*en through the mill’?” —Temple Owl Wifey: Frederick, can you tell me w here you were in 1920? Frederick: No. W hy ? Wifey: Well, I’m worried. I just read that in 1920 one person out of every 750 was in prison. A 1st. Frosh: “Ik» you know why the Wellesley crew is so lousy ?” 2nd. Frosh: “Nah.” 1st. Frosh (blushing): “Aw, 1 forgot.” —Yim> Doo “I thought Wanda’s !>oy friend said he wanted to travel.” “No. he merely said that he was filled with Wan- dalust.” He—Will you marry me, honey bunch? i She—Certainly; trial, companionate, or fight-to- a-finish ? i “Here, take this rifle,” cried the excited showman. “The leopard has escaped. Shoot him on the spot!” “Which spot, sir, which spot?” —Red Cat greater Be tv Coed: “The dimmer the porch light the the scandal power. Exchange