16
THE BATTALION
A CETiTAL GAZER* LETTER
TC TIIS SCN AT COLLEGE
Dear Son:
Received your weekly packet of lies which you
fondly suppose is the last word in letters home. Now
listen . . .
In the first place you carried it around with you
for a week just because that blonde had you on the
ropes. Stay away from her. Her old man doesn’t Hot
tight with the right people.
So you lost your bill-fold. Listen, you polecat, don’t
give me that stuff. You blew it on a week-end in In
dianapolis; nothin’ doin’.
I read with interest about your recent misfortune
and of your, needed dental services; also that the bill
will lx* ten dollars. Ciet -aiive, you dumb bunny. That
isn’t (’anadian Whiskey and you can get it at any speak
here at home for eight bucks a (juart. Am I ashamed?
You have no idea how pleased we were to read of
your rapid advancement in your scholastic enterprises.
Why, you third rate fib-factory, you know you’re
flunking in everything but German and you dropped
that last Wednesday.
You know that redhead who told you she had a
date Friday night.—Ha,—I’m laughing. The reason she
won’t go to the dance is that her 1k>v friend plays in
the band.
Incidentally, those shirt-studs you lost are in your
room-mate’s drawer . . . Don’t mention it. No, tly* cops
didn’t get your number, but lx* nice from now on.
Alxiut that l>ook you need a “fin” for;-:—try again,
you aren’t even taking that course.
YOUR FATHER.
I*. S.: What did you just call me? Just for that I
won’t send that dough you’ll need for the dance you’re
going to be invited to next month.
—Indiana Bored Walk
Teacher: Mary, why is your quiz paper covered
with quotation marks?
Mary: Isn’t there-,a rule against plagiarism?
\ ' —Longhorn
“Say. footlxdl season is over, isn’t it?”
“Sure, why?”
“Oh, nothing, only that varsity player, in n\y
class, is still passing Economics.**
Mother: Well, son. what have vou l>een doing all
• r *
. afternoon?
Son: Shooting craps, mother.
• Mother: That must stop. Those little things have
just as much right to live as you have.
—Red Cat
• • •
“C'ah you help me to select a gift for a wealthy
old aunt who is awfully weak and can hardly walk?”
Clerk: “How about some floor wax?” f
—Purple Cow
Sbme old-fashioned mothers who can remember
their husband’s first kisses now have daughters who
can’t even remem lx? r their first husbands.
.
m * m
Have you ever heard of the Snow Queen—the
! woman who drifted?
! . . . •
“Is there a factory on that road?”
“No—that’s lovers* lane.”
“Then why did that girl remark 'I’ve lx*en through
the mill’?”
—Temple Owl
Wifey: Frederick, can you tell me w here you were
in 1920?
Frederick: No. W hy ?
Wifey: Well, I’m worried. I just read that in 1920
one person out of every 750 was in prison.
A
1st. Frosh: “Ik» you know why the Wellesley crew
is so lousy ?”
2nd. Frosh: “Nah.”
1st. Frosh (blushing): “Aw, 1 forgot.”
—Yim> Doo
“I thought Wanda’s !>oy friend said he wanted
to travel.”
“No. he merely said that he was filled with Wan-
dalust.”
He—Will you marry me, honey bunch? i
She—Certainly; trial, companionate, or fight-to-
a-finish ?
i
“Here, take this rifle,” cried the excited showman.
“The leopard has escaped. Shoot him on the spot!”
“Which spot, sir, which spot?”
—Red Cat
greater
Be tv Coed: “The dimmer the porch light the
the scandal power.
Exchange