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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 1, 2004)
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Reach for “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College.” It’ll tell you how to fashion pants out of a shirt and some well-placed staples, if you’ve mis placed yours. And, more importantly, how to survive the walk of shame you’re about to endure. The walk of shame, for all you li’l firsties, er, freshmen, is the trek home from wherever you’ve woken up, sour-breathed, wearing last night’s hairdo, and possibly some fresh new hickeys. It’s also the walk when — and studies have shown this — you are statis tically 800 times more likely to run into a tour group, your ex or, if she’s local, your mother. So, yeah, you need all the help you can get. This is a book by former college students, for current ones. It’s not deep; it’s not philo sophical — it’s not even that funny. It’s just good, plain sense taken to the extreme so students can cope with the awkward, illegal or embarrassing aspects of college life not covered by Arrival Survival. A continuation of the series that includes survival books to life, travel, golf and dating and sex, “Worst-Case” is also useful if you want to sound intelligent; there’s a whole in dex on hard-to-pronounce names. It tells you that “Klee” is pronounced “clay,” and guides you through the tongue-twisting Solzhenit syn. (It’s “Soul-jen-EAT-zen,” apparently.) It tells you how to adopt a new identity, how to sleep in class and how to tell a party school from a non-party one. One of the best parts is a list of compari sons for prospective students when gauging the school they want to attend. Comparing the number of nearby art galleries to the number of nearby hair salons, or the number of ads offering “students to tutor” with those offering “papers written, any subject” are excellent measures of how partying a school is. (Pitt breaks about even in the art galleries to hair salons, and, as far as the ad-counting AGGIELIFE THE BATTALION The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College by Joshua Riven, et a I THE B |a> t0{ << goes, y’all can do that yourself.) The only problem with this book — a mi nor fault, really — is that it’s the wrong bal ance of light, fluffy advice, of actual helpful advice. For instance, the “How to Takeona New Identity” section successfully lampoons student stereotypes, but could detract from the credibility of when exactly you should call the fire department. Beyond that, the book presents everything you wanted to know about college, but didn'i know you should ask. and does so conciselv cleverly and effectively. (The chart that shows a food’s caloric worth by its equivalent number of beers is genius and should be mandatory in high school health classes.) And for those of you stranded early Sun day morning, the key tricks to the walk of shame, brought to you by are to dumb down your e avoid crowds, walk briskly prearranged signal with your roommate —a whistle or birdcall to let them know to lei “Worst-Case." cning clothes, and to have a you in. And to avoid, at all its, running moi your mom. MIAN Sunday's yet tame. There like last; preened i his chisel Even as she d( the some clean, de “It’s t Bowl,” 1 flesh sho There hand, evi the first t hip-hop i Still, 1 Sundayi first time The c Protesters rally during RNC |f I The griti Thousands of New Yorkers take to streets, telling 13 Republicans they're not welcome, 200 arrested 3 11 his rival By Randy Hagan and Bradley Hope WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS (U-WIRE) NEW YORK - Cit ing issues ranging from gay rights to the war in Iraq, from outsourced labor to curtailed liberties, hun dreds of thousands of protesters marched Sunday in the stifling heat to protest the arrival of the Republican National Convention in New York City. The march, organized by Unit ed for Peace and Justice, wound its way up through Chelsea beginning at noon, lingering as it passed the convention site at Madison Square Garden on West 34th Street. The final contingent of the march arrived six hours later at Union Square Park, and tens of thousands of protesters marched farther still to Central Park’s Great Lawn for an unofficial but largely expected rally. On Seventh Avenue, protesters filled the air with drums, whistles and horns, and chanted anti-Bush slogans. People danced in the street and waved placards with slo gans like “There’s dirt under every bush” and “George Bush is not my Friendster,” while a flock of helicopters monitored the march from above. “I’ve never seen a protest in New York quite like this,” Gallatin senior Arielle Bier said. “It was so well organized, and people were working together. It was more col orful than any protest I’ve seen in the U.S. - it was more like the pro tests I’ve seen in Europe.” The war in Iraq proved the dominant issue among protesters yesterday. Hundreds of cardboard coffins draped with U.S. flags and black cloth were carried through the streets in re membrance of the nearly 1,000 soldiers and ci vilians who have lost their lives in Iraq so far. “I just hope that it’s a dose of reality,” said one pallbearer, an architect from the Upper West Side who identi fied himself as William. “I think people will feel the loss of life personally (when they see the coffins).” Taking a more light-hearted approach, one group of marchers. Elephants Against Republicans, donned elephant noses and card board ears. “Once upon a time, grandfather elephants supported Abraham Lin coln,” group member Brian Pick ett, 26, said. Pickett said the group had plans to stage a resignation as mascots of the Republican Party this morning at a breakfast with Republican delegates, because the values of today’s Republican Party have become too radical for the pachyderms. “We have big feet, but we don’t step on people,” Pickett said. The anti- Bush contingent didn’t have a monopoly on sa tirical protest. One group of pro- B ush counter protestors held sa tirical signs, such as one depicting a machine gun- wielding likeness of Che Guevara. The sign read: “War is not the answer... unless you’re a socialist guerilla.” Boulder, Colo., resident Robert Martindale, who supported anti war presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich, said he wasn’t march ing “necessarily to change the Republican delegates’ minds, just to show them that there’s another way.” He said he planned to invite delegates to coffee to discuss the course the country is taking and break down the two-dimensional IVe never seen a protest in New York quite like this...lt was so well organized, and people were working together. — Arielle Bier, NYU Gallatin School senior stereotypes perpetuated bj each side. “I don’t want Ann Coulter ic define me, and I’m sure they doni want Michael Moore defining them,” Martindale said. A large portion of the more than 10,000 New York City po lice officers assigned to secure the 1 convention lined the streets a Ion; the march route yestcniay.Ji total, more than 200 protesters were ar rested, mostly for disorderiy con-| duct, police said. Early in the afternoon, 5j| protesting cyclists were detainoi; on W'est 37th Street and Seventh Avenue. They were splayed on! hands culled behind their backs,iif a street littered with bicycles andj thick with police. One cyclist said the group, which had left from Union Square| in support of the march, swarmed and bumped by plainl clothes police on scooters, herdcc onto 37th Street, pushed off the::, bikes and arrested. “They think that if they doal good job this weekend, they’ll ge: a raise,” said Chris Habib, 29. re ferring to ongoing contract negoti ations between the city and polio: and firefighters unions. Republicans, for the most pan were unfazed by the protests. CAS junior Joe Metzger, presi dent of the NYU College Republi cans, shrugged off the march. “It’s pretty much what I'm used to at NYU, but on a grander scale,’ he said. I gu more, ri best dan As u< and suq Alici; Got Yo later, sh hit. "Hi if A&M gifts for tHe whole family! September 9th - Thursday y September 9th * Saturday, September iith loam Sunday, September I2th toam - 6pm Corner of Southwest Pkwy. and Texas On the Lach% 4*0 & GO and Bourbon Street Bar & G parking tot) For more details call 074-680-8780 *Sa **N $25' ©2'