The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current, November 07, 2002, Image 12

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CAL TOPS ’CANES IN LATEST POLL
1 CAL
2 MIAMI (FL)
3 OKLAHOMA
4 COLORADO
5 TENNESSEE
6 TEXAS
7 FLORIDA STATE
lust avenge the CU mauling^
be.u the OklahomaSoonersfc
all to he right inHuskerland.
18 use
Must turn off "Injuries” f
thin Trojans to succeed,
trolling the playbookiscmtial
with l ISC's quarterback.
19 BOISE STATE
8 FLORIDA
Can the 'Canes repeat? Can the Sooners make it two out of the last three? Who will win the Heisman?
How many polygons does a Butkus Award winner get? Where is Berkeley? The answers to these
(No. No. Look to Texas. Thousands. Take I-80 west and follow the signs.) and other pressing ques
tions can be found in this year's College Football Top 25 poll:
Say hello to the first
Bowl' winner. In creased fam
rates show that this yearthai
boys are on their way up.
20 AUBURN
The No. 3 Te
ce r team (15-3
defend its 2001
2002 regular se
week in San
Championship
time the Aggie
title was in 199
win their first-e
The 2002 se
and downs. Th<
unbeaten streal
for consecutivi
The streak star
matches in a
record for mos
With the Ag
5 Texas Friday
season title, tb
end of the Bq
ble-dip. Now
been met, the
the next step i
“We're re as
rest of the w;
Guerrieri. “W
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The Aggies
1 CAL
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Paid Advertisment
Judith Evans
tuyinc to Survive
My childhood was brutal. 1 was abandoned
by my father when I was two-and-a-half.
Then when he reappeared in my life again at
the age of eight, it became worse. I survived
incest, starvation, and beatings.
I clung to life. It was my two abortions
that nearly destroyed me.
When 1 became pregnant for the fifth
time in seven years, my doctor asked me if I
really thought I should "continue the preg
nancy." Abortion had never occurred to me
until he suggested it.
My husband said, "It's your decision. Do
what you want," and left for work. Naively, I
began looking for women who had had abor
tions. But 1 couldn't find anyone who would
admit to having had one. I asked my doctor
and he said, "It only takes a few minutes and
it’s over."
Having already had four babies, I am
now appalled at how ignorant 1 was about
fetal development. My doctor said the
baby—at six-and-a-half weeks—was "just a
blob," and I believed him. Afterwards, before
I even got home, I began to cry. It didn't
help.
When finally I stopped crying on the out
side, I kept crying on the inside. I felt so
dirty and alone. Something deep inside of
me froze, I think. I dreamed a lot about snow
and ice, as well as about babies. I felt cheat
ed, betrayed, and manipulated.
I went to counseling and the psychologist
said, "forgive yourself," and "let yourself go
on." She didn’t say how.
Two years later, I had another abortion as
an act of self-punishment. 1 wanted to die, or
at least go crazy so 1 could escape the tor
ment, the nightmares about babies, the self
disgust and the degradation I felt.
• • • • •
I wasn't told that there could be compli
cations which wouldn't be discovered for
years. I wasn't told that the strength of the
suction machine is such that it can turn a
uterus nearly completely inside out. I had to
have an early hysterectomy because of it.
I wasn't told that after having an abortion
an unbelievable self-hatred would consume
me and lead to distrust, suspicion, and the
utter inability to care about myself or oth
ers—including my four children. I wasn't
told that hearing babies cry would trigger
such anger that I wouldn't be able to be
around babies at all.
I wasn't told that it would become impos
sible to look at my own eyes in a mirror. Or
that my confidence would be so shaken that I
would become unable to make important life
decisions. My self-hatred kept me from pur
suing my goal of becoming a registered
nurse. I didn't think I deserved success.
I wasn't told that I would come to hate all
those who advised me to have my abortions.
because they were my accomplices in the
murders of my babies. I wasn't told that hav
ing an abortion with my husband’s consent
would end up causing me to /late the father
of my children, or that I would be unable to
sustain ANY satisfying, lasting, fulfilling
relationships.
I wasn't told that I could become suicidal
in the fall of every year, when both of my
babies should have been born.
I wasn't told that on the birthdays of my
living children, I would remember the two
for whom I would never make a birthday
cake, or that on Mother's Day I would
remember the two who would never send me
a card, or that every Christmas I would
remember the two for whom there would be
no presents.
My abortions were supposed to be a
"quick-fix" for my problems, but they didn't
tell me there is no "quick-fix" for regrets.
• • • • •
I went to a psychiatric hospital and they
gave me shock treatments. They didn't help.
The nightmares continued.
I became a workaholic. Work didn't help.
I became a compulsive eater. Food didn't
help.
I became an anorexic as another form of
self-punishment. That came close to killing
me; I had two strokes.
I tried alcohol. It only helped temporari
ly. The torment would still be there" '
woke up. That effort to escape the]
lasted two months.
Three things finally helped FirstT
ticipated in a ten-week post-abortion
program. It was incredible! It did so
for me. u]
Second, I took the training to help -
others through the post-abortion he '
gram. Every time I lead a group.
the miracle of God’s mercy restonn? ■ ■
to these women’s lives. Tliathas ef
Third, in September of 19971^'
phone call at two in the morning r
Texas had seen a brochure contaim , ^
testimony. She was scheduled to a
abortion at three o’clock theneX .
talked until five in the mormng '
called back and said she had deu ‘
having the abortion. ^
Finally. I knew with cermniy *'
had used my experience to save s ^
else from making my ternble mi
helped a lot. ■ \
Healing does not mean org^
always regret what I did. an
miss my babies until the day
in Heaven. But I know now ^
every part of our lives, even th
to allow us to help others
Praise the Lord. He is ktnd andn
He has done wondrous things
L
After an Abortion: Steps Toward Healing
Why do w
At lea
they belie
conscienc
circumsta
Most
being abli
they do n
their lives
cent say t
under bet
people th
It is p
acting ag
that the p
found.
Didn't foi
dude tha
abortion'
Actu;
What
all the st
flawed, j
determin
impact o
governrr
Unfortui
Som
Presiden
ing exist
l:Pid:WiDU
The "Officially License
exclusive property of t’
Club of New York City
developed by Red Zone
1. Recognize that you are not alone. Others have
been through the same experience and the same
trials. Their experiences and understanding can
help you. They want to help you, just as you may
want to help others after you have finished going
through the healing process. (See “Don’t Go It
Alone,” page 12)
2. Recognize that the road to full recovery will
take time and effort. God's forgiveness can be
had instantly. But sorting out your feelings and
overcoming the ever-present temptation to give in
to despair and doubt—these take time.
3. Recognize that it is normal and good to mourn
the loss of a loved one. Just as mourning the loss
of a parent or spouse takes time, so does mourn
ing the loss of an aborted child. In the case of
abortion, the mourning process is often cut short
and never completed because of denial or feel
ings of guilt.
Courageously allow the mourning process to
get back on track. Accept your grief as normal
rather than something which must be covered up
or pushed away. Recognize that the pain of your
loss will fade as your healing progresses.
4. Admit your personal responsibility but also
recognize that others, too, were involved. Pray
for the strength to forgive both yourself and
everyone else who either encouraged you to have
the abortion or failed to help you avoid it.
5. Give your child over to the care of God. Know
that he or she is loved, happy, and well cared for
in heaven. Do not try to hold onto your child by
prolonging your grief. Hold onto him or her by
remembering your child’s
happiness in heaven.
6. Forgive others. Recognl/ ^ ' huIT ian ^
out of ignorance, fear, or peJ forgiv #
If possible, let them know that y
7. Forgive yourself. Rcn ^'^y ofCod> .
child lives in the love and m
she is beyond earthly nu y 0U . Inst ea '
ter does not resent or condern ,^ nd
ter does noi re^.^ be 11 ^.
child, like God, wants yo ^ ^ppi^
restored to the fullness o J
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