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Page 11
THE BATTALION
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the matter,
le it is the policy of thisi
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the policy or practiceofi
"atholic Church tocoi
>r promote violence in
achieve a desired end,'
it said.
apolla, a parishioner,
letimes spoke about al*hanica] College ot
he would not have coiJr exas< hear my words
From Solly’s view
2 Jniversity landmark expresses concerns with students and administrators
a radical,
don’t look for prieststei
of thing." he said,
ion providers usually
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indents of the
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tural and Me
ed evcuts in the news,si ull j throws its rays upon our cami'uis to
eek s appi o\ al ot Rl- va y. e us {• rom s | um her.
S. 1 -ood and Drag Adf Bu , cach day seems he worse uan the
>ne before. By noon on most days, I have
ieen such sad circumstances that my
jronze heart grows colder.
Today's AMC is a bewilderment of
trangeness and offense!
1 do declare 1 have never seen such pre-
yosterous goings-on, and 1 will be much
•elieved when a number of these activities
are banished from our great campus.
Today, my courtyard is clear. But. lo,
mv view been besmirched
said Vicki Saporta. eitet
:tor of the National Alt
ration
aven ’ t received any spec
but anytime abortion;
ties we issue an alert tot
take precautions becai
le potential for increas
’ she said,
rckford clinic is not oik;
s 360 member
ist kind of common sea ^ ow °^ en
s w ould be on alert,’’
eers’
vsuit
t popular TV series e\'(
'ybody knew your m
ys like Norm theaco
em? Did George Wen
itified with their fictioi
I any commercial use(
our dear school is
n peril.
Peril. I say! Each
lay. the sun lumbers
iut of its celestial bed
has
by the rantings and ravings of wild-haired
preacher-men.
With words of fire and brimstone, they
cheapen my noble courtyard as a crass pulpit.
They speak of damnation and salvation with
such fiery and direct words that one would
relieve them to be the Messiah himself!
They seem fit to boil over with fury and
religiosity, but their condemnation of the
students at AMC will not be tolerated so
long as 1 stand here.
The preacher-men, with their anger-
tilled words and finger-pointing tenden-
:ies, should rededicate themselves to pro-
-vkling for their own salvation before they
seek to condemn the souls of ray beloved
Aggies.
My superiors at the college's scheduling
lepartment tell me my courtyard is to be a
‘Free Speech Area." but I say this: 1 did not
suffer through Reconstruction to have my
mday whether it will be;
cs that question. If
g on copyright law.
tures’ decision to UctL_
place at this fune agricultural college be
usurped by Bible-beating heathens.
There is another woe that wrestles
me, one that is worsened by the fact that
my own students carry it out. Gentle
men of AMC. 1 must be brief and direct
end the foolish act of polishing my
visage.
When first designed by the estimable
Monsieur Pompec, my bronze finish was
intended to age gracefully into a beautiful
brownish huie.
But alas —- years of applying Brass-0
polish has made my coat grow dull and my
hairline recede.
What horror! 1 will not let my forehead
be extended by anyone less than the
Almighty himself.
After al ! i, I am supposed to resemble the
other noble gentlemen whose personages
grace the majestic campus of AMC.
Each day. General James Earl Rudder
teases me about my overwhelming glare,
and every night brags about his fine patina
finish.
So gentlemen of Aggieland. put down
your polish for Lawrence Sullivan Ross!
And whilst 1 speak of other statues, 1
would be remiss in my commentary if 1 did
not pass on a certain complaint from one of
my peers.
E. King Gill, your 12th Man, says
he is plumb tired of being moved
about. Mr. Gill is a proud man, and he
will no't much longer stand for having
his personage transplanted all about
this campus.
Over the past few years alone, Mr. Gill
was moved from behind what 1 hear called
the "Horseshoe." to a small park across the
thoroughfare, and now he resides once
again behind a much enlarged version of
the saiid "Horseshoe.”
Please, gentlemen of AMC, decide on
an appropriate place for the distinguished
Mr. Gill, and leave him there in peace.
Finally, I must relay to you another mal
ady that has been cast upon me in my days i
in front of the reconstructed Old Main.
Whoever is responsible, please stop
stealing the coins at my feet.
At first, I was offended by this ges
ture; I thought, "Do the gentlemen of
AMC think 1 am a beggar? That I am to
live off the charity of others?”
Then, aftei; some thought and time,
d realized that these donations were of
fered to me out of respect for my hard
work, and that with all these pennies, I
could buy any number of fine goods
and wares.
1 thought, "Perhaps 1 will purchase
some comfortable linens or maybe even a
new plow.”
But just as soon as I began dreaming of
what I could purchase with my accrued
coins, some gentleman in all tan attire took
my monies. Thief!
Know you not that I was elected Gov
ernor of our state of Texas on the presti
gious Compromise Party’s ticket? I was
fighting the Comanche when I was just a
boy — do you think 1 will not come after
you, thief?
Gentlemen of AMC, I am sorry to bend
your ear with such strifes and tribulations,
but they must be said. Our dear college
will show no progress if our issues are left
unaddressed.
So heed my words and for God’s and
Lawrence Sullivan Ross’ sakes, think of
them every time you pass my bold and no
ble visage. ,
Gig ‘em and farmers fight!
Lawrence Sullivan Ross is a former
President of Texas A&M University.
BRADLEY ATCHISON/The Battalion
” name at airports ac j
biance and even feati Students’ Opinions OppOSllUg
nesses being used on in off-campus bonfire debate
idea, changing thect| / n response to Brandyn Martin’s Sept. 26 Mail Call.
I Martin states that “if a majority of the student-led
\s right of publicity organizations do not support an off-campus bonfire,
dal exploitation. Tlieli'then neither does the majority of the student body,
y using another person most lively.”
The majority of Aggies are not in student-led or-
’, singer Tom Waits® ’anizations, so how can these students decide for
;es and preventedoseol ;he majority about views concerning an off-campus
wnfire?
It also seems The Battalion is running biased ar
ticles supporting Texas A&M President Dr. Ray M.
owen’s decision against Bonfire.
In the past three weeks, there were three arti-
^es expressing views against having on off-campus
Donfire.
propose that The Battalion — in order to repre
sent fair views that it claims to express — conduct a
1,000-person random survey of students.
This would bring out the truth about the student
Jody's position on an off-campus bonfire.
Mail Call
leeting
n
it!
Brandon McGhee
Class of‘00
In response to Tom Nowak’s Sept. 25 Mail Call
Relax, Tom. There is no conspiracy against you
jnd your “group.”
do not agree with most of The Battalion’s view
points, but this is one that I do agree with.
Nowhere in the article did it say that we were to
worship Bowen and his decision to take a break from
lonfire for a couple of years, just to respect it.
C It was not a decision he came to haphazardly,
ilust like any other militant group, the Keep The Fire
urning (KTFB) brigade has taken the issue way too
Personally.
As I recall, some of the parents of the stu
dents who perished in last year’s debacle have
denounced the existence of KTFB and have
pleaded with the student body not to have a bon
fire until the process can be re-evaluated by qual
ified individuals.
I do not see that as such a bad thing. I went to
first cut my freshman year and never returned — not
because I had no love for Bonfire, but because
there were a thousand nimrods out in the woods
with axes and chainsaws not paying any attention to
what they were doing.
If that is how it was handled when it was a Univer
sity-sanctioned event, I would hate to see how it
works when headed up by KTFB.
Now, the off-campus bonfire will be a group of a
thousand nimrods with axes and chainsaws.
Already, this sounds like it is fast becoming sim
ple revenge guised in the form'of a “memorial to the
fallen Aggies.”
Do you think the parents of those students know
better than you whether or not their children would
want to “keep the fire burning”?
Wait, I guess you would know better.
Steven Rasch
Class of‘97
i/u
e more me merrier
Satirical look at justification of polygamy
JlCl
SHANNON
GREENWOOD
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Columns and letters appearing in The Battalion express the opinion of
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talion staff members, the Texas A&M student body, regents, administra
tors, faculty or staff.
any
people
at
tribute the ills of
society to a decline
in family values.
One family-orient
ed solution to this
problem might be
polygamy, in
which one man has multiple wives.
Clearly, polygamy could be the solu
tion Americans are looking for.
Of course, there are those who
believe in romance, that each per
son has one soulmate. These people
will never be able to accept
polygamy, but a girl who believes
in Mr. Right might be able to
accept it. Just because one
guy is Mr. Right for one
woman does not mean he is
not Mr. Right for others.
Why should only one
woman get the best guy?
Polygamy is for the studs
— the best lovers with the
most money. If one guy
can satisfy five women,
what is wrong with that?
The women are happy and the guy
is probably ecstatic.
One might argue that polygamy
is morally wrong. However, it is not
considered wrong by Christian,
Jewish or Muslim standards.
The Bible does not condemn
polygamy. According to Eugene
Hillman’s Polygamy Reconsidered,
“Nowhere in the New Testament is
there any explicit commandment
that marriage should be monoga
mous or any explicit commandment
forbidding polygamy.”
In the Old Testament, King
Solomon is said to have 700 wives (1
Kings 11:3). Also, King David is said
to have many wives (2 Samuel 5:13).
The Quran, too, allows polygamy
— “If you fear that you shall not be
able to deal justly with the orphans,
marry women of your choice, two or
three or four; but if you fear that you
shall not be able to deal justly with
them, then marry only one” (4:3).
Why is polygamy taboo in West
ern culture? A major factor is the Ro
man influence on Western culture.
Romans were opposed to polygamy.
Hillman said the Roman Catholic
Church banned polygamy to conform
to the Greco-Roman culture.
One might argue that polygamy is
an anachronism and should not be
practiced in modern times. However,
many non-Western cultures cuirently
practice polygamy. The only reason it
is not prevalent is most men in those
cultures do not have enough money to
afford multiple wives. Raising a fami
ly requires resources. Families de
mand a lot of time, energy and money.
LION
Polygamy is for women who rank
family as a high priority for getting
married. A polygamist woman would
have to share her husband with other
women, but these women are friends
— friends who live in the same
home, whom she would bust to raise
her own children.
At a conference organized by the
Utah chapter of the National Orga
nization for Women, Elizabeth
Joseph said, “As a journalist, I work
many unpredictable hours in a fast-
paced environment. Because of my
plural marriage arrangement, I do
not have to worry. I know that when
I have to work late, my daughter
will be at home surrounded by lov
ing adults with whom she is com
fortable and who know her sched
ule without my telling them. My
8-year-old has never seen the inside
of a day-care center.”
A person might think that a polyg
amist family might be male-oriented,
but the above statement shows the
contrary — women who choose a po
lygamist lifestyle have a lot of free
dom. In a household with mostly fe
males, women are going to have a lot
of control over what is going on.
Why is it that women cannot
share? If a great guy has a lot of
money, only a selfish nymphomani
ac would refuse to share him with
several of her closest friends. Some
women might not even be satisfied
by one man.
A solution for women like that is
polyandry. Polyandry is the practice
of one woman having multiple hus
bands, which is not accepted by
any major religions. It is
only practiced in deso
late places — like Ti
bet — where the peo
ple are so destitute that
it would require several
men’s resources to af
ford a wife and family.
The only major ar
gument against
polygamy, other than
that it is different from current fa
milial practices in Western culture, is
jealousy. An ordinary guy would be
jealous if some rich stud got all of the
girls and got to keep them.
It is sickening that Bill Gates is
likely to have the most wives. Gates
probably could afford hundreds, if not
thousands, of wives. One can only
hope that, if polygamy becomes ac
ceptable, Gates will not be able to
handle them all.
Polygamy is a family-oriented
lifestyle that could solve many soci
etal problems attributed to a lack of
family values.
Polygamy is justified by reli
gions and by the many happy peo
ple who already enjoy a polyga
mous lifestyle.
This article is meant to be satirical,
but there may be some people who
agree with these arguments and de
cide to live a polygamous lifestyle.
They might be justified, but they
definitely would be considered
strange by their peers and neighbors.
Shannon Greenwood is a senior
computer engineering major.