AGGIELIFE
pnday, February 14,2000
THE RATTAL1QN
Page 5
he Fantastic Few
aining super powers would ease lives of overwhelmed, overworked students
he hustle and
bustle of
day-in, day-
It responsibilities
d schedules
ows to be over
helming to many
idents. Duties
d assignments
iultiply like colie-
late rabbits, except no one enjoys it.
The days of old — of 30-minute
blocks of cartoons and action figures —
“'i*' bompiwge.coin Bcape us with even Xeroxed syllabus,
" call and seating assignment. By the
iird week of classes, many students feel
like Indiana Jones in a far Fast market-
pi c. Voices call out for undi\ ided at-
^■ntion, hands grope for our recognition
nd restitution.
It is in the midst of this mad cami-
11 .vi of reading assignments and librarx
A ipelunking expeditions that students
yearn to find some means, some man
ia to better handle the steaming load
f biodegradable “busyness” known
college.
The easiest solution to servitude? To
(tany the most ready solution is alcohol.
Yet even the inebriated know that the
;enie in the bottle can only do so much
dampen the day. Something more is
mled. something from those lost old
lays of youth.
It is understandable if by now' stu-
|ents are scratching their heads, wonder-
jig how r to find someone willing to com-
lete their biology exams for them,
pon further thought, one draws ever
icarerto that sought-after cure-all: Su-
rpowers.
While not a motion entertained by
nany students, superpowers would un-
> loubtedly solve any number of sched
uling problems and make life generally
acre bearable. Of course, some might
idd such ideas to be ridiculous fantasy
nd immature escapism lit only for
fathering, suckling children. Indu-
tably, the superpower sentiment has
ts critics, its doutons sceptique, unwill-
g or perhaps unable to accept such in-
lantile notions. But the idea itsel f is
ite mature and well-grounded in rea-
n, you bunch of doodie-heads, or tete
doux-doux. .
By using their superpowers, students
Mivould help society not only by prevent
ing and correcting horrible accidents,
put also by making their learning envi-
jonment more attuned to their individ-
personal needs. And if X-ray vision
i a coed dormitory does not help soci-
fy... well, it doesn’t exactly hurt soci-
ity, does it?!
The future job market will be honed
row, where's
esat
iss the country hailei
:eable artist whose
1 become infusedinA:
are.
Peanuts’ has been fa
the best comic strip j
ng’s ev er approached'
is, who draws the
each” strips, and kne"'
See Schulz on ft
maybe ...just maybe, there will finally be
enough parking for everyone on campus.
Students’ ventures into the competi
tive world of industry and business will
enjoy tremendous success. Job inter
views will proceed with unheard-of
smoothness.
Mike: Here’s my re
sume, sir.
Interviewer:
’m afraid we
only thing one would receive if bitten
by a radioactive spider would be a can-
taloupe-sized iridescent blue boil. But
even tfrat has its uses...
“And now I’ve got superpowers!”
“I dunno. It looks like a funky mel
on to me.”
“You’d be surprised at
what l can do with it! I
don’t even need a
can opener any
more!
to a seamless perfection through super-
luman feats of skill, global crises will be
lolved by unprecedented ingenuity, and
SCHULZ
Continued from Page 4
for 42 years. “He’s going to be missed and
vill clearly never be replaced.”
The famous strip — with its gentle
umor spiked with a child’s-eye view of
uman foibles — had one particularly en-
-Pearing trait: constancy.
Year after year, the long-suffering
harlie Brown faced misfortune with a
nild, “Good grief!” Tart-tongued Lucy
anded out advice at a nickel a pop. And
noopy, Charlie Brown’s wise-but-weird
'eagle, still took the occasional flight of
ancy back to the skies of World War I
nd his rivalry with the Red Baron.
• 11 The strip was an intensely personal ef-
ort for Schulz. He had had a clause in his
ontract dictating the strip had to end with
lis death — no one could imitate it.
While battling cancer, he opted to re
do not have any positions available
for you, young man.
Mike: (turns green and doubles in
size, flipping over die desk)
RAAARGHM!
Interviewer: Then again, l think there
may be a bright future for you in the Re-
form Party after all!
Students’ studies will also change
dramatically. Fields of study and concen
trations of practice will expand to in
clude newly available options. One
might be an electrical engineering major
with a shooting-ice-from-fists minor. An
other may prolong his schooling so that
he may attain a doctorate in “ bending
metal bars in half,” previously known as
“construction science.”
Most superheroes/heroines receive
their powers in some bizarre, accidental
way. Spiderman was bitten by a ra
dioactive spider, the Incredible l lulk
was zapped with a gamma ray, and Su
perman’s parents had a little too much
tequila at the company Christmas party.
While these origins of superpowers
work for the comic book world, they
cannot readily apply to real life. The
tire it, saying he wanted to focus on his
health and family without the worry of a
daily deadline.
His last daily comic ran in early Janu
ary, and the final farewell strip appeared in
newspapers on Sunday. Old versions of
the strip will continue to be published.
The last strip showed Snoopy at his
typewriter and other Peanuts regulars
along with a “Dear Friends” letter thank
ing his readers for their support.
“I have been grateful over the years for
the loyalty of our editors and the wonder
ful support and love expressed to me by
fans of the comic strip,” Schulz wrote.
“Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Lucy ...
how can I ever forget them ...”
It ended with his signature.
Schulz was bom in St. Paul, Minn., on
Nov. 26,1922, and studied art after he saw
a “Do you like to draw?” ad.
He was drafted into the Army in 1943
Now help me into
these panLs, will ya? I hardly
lit into anything since I sat on that spider.”
The only feasible places that students
could attain superpowers are from ex
pired milk, acute radiation from a com
puter monitor, or controlled substances
(this serves to explain some individuals’
average yards per carry).
I ley, kidslAVant to know how you
can find out your very own superhero
name? Too bad. I lere it is anyway. Get a
pencil ready for: THE SUPERHERO
\AMI til \i R VIOR
1. Write down your mother’s maiden
name
2. Turn all “b”s into “d”s, or “e”s
into “r”s, and erase the last two letters.
3. Spill chili onto paper (note: Make
! sure it is beanless. Otherwise repeat step
2, substitute “f’s for “d”s, and may God
have mercy on your soul)
4. Wipe chili off and read smeared
name in mirror
5. Write this new name down. Next
to it, write the name of your favorite of
But not so fast there, Very-Fast Man!
While superpowers have an immediate
appeal and advantage to individuals, they
can also bear a debilitating effect on the
dealings of the day. For example, standard
issue superhero clothing is a major draw
back to having superpowers. A precious
few individuals have the... endowments
necessary to make neon spandex an
agreeable choice of fashion; and the very
persons that are most unfit for skin-tight
regalia are the ones that are most likely to
bound through the room while one is try
ing to eat pasta - and the last tiling anyone
enjoying lasagna needs to see is the quiv
ering prowess of “Many-Chin Man.”
Aside from the obvious negatives
of superhero clothing is the incon
venience of superhero dialogue.
Superheroes, and fittingly,
many students, commonly
speak without thinking
and consequently
verbally relate
every observation
they make. This
can only lead to
awkward situa
tions in the pub
lic restroom.
“Phew! There is a foul
stench in the air. But upon
inspecting my patent
leather boots, I see that
the source of the smell
is definitely not me.
Aha! I see. There is
someone in the re
stroom stall with
their pants
down. And un
less my methane sensors
fail me, that is the source of the
bad smell. Fortunately I am in my super
hero disguise and will not have to explain
myself, especially since men do not talk
in the men’s room.”
Jacob Huval is a sophomore
English major.
the Seven Dwarfs and your least fa
vorite bodily function (note: They can
not be the same)
6. Poke a stranger in the stomach
7. Multiply the number of times you
are punched with the number of shades
of color Michael Jackson has been
(note: If one is merely maced, repeat
step 5 and perform step 6 to yourself
twice if on Monday, thrice if on Tues
day, frice if on Wednesday and so on;
unless it is Thursday, in which case you
must then consume l/3 of your weight
in cheddar)
8. Erase everything and just be “Mr.
Frustrated,” or, if step 7 was carried out,
“The Frommage Mirage”
and sent to the European theater, although
he saw little combat.
After the war, he did lettering for a
church comic book, taught art and sold
cartoons to the Saturday Evening Post.
His first feature, “Li’l Folks,” was de
veloped for the St. Paul Pioneer Press in
1947. In 1950, it was sold to a syndicate
and the named changed to Peanuts, even
though, he recalled later, he didn’t much
like the name.
“Peanuts” made its official debut on
Oct. 2, 1950. The travails of the “little
round-headed kid” and his pals eventually
ran in more than 2,600 newspapers, reach
ing millions of readers in 75 countries.
Although he remained largely a pri
vate person, the strip brought Schulz in
ternational fame. He won the Reuben
Award, comic art’s highest honor, in
1955 and 1964. In 1978, he was named
International Cartoonist of the Year, an
award voted by 700 comic artists
around the world.
Despite the success, Schulz struggled
with depression and anxiety, according to
his biographer, Rheta Grimsley Johnson.
But the struggle only improved his work,
she found, as he poured those feelings of
rejection and uncertainty into the strip and
turned Charlie Brown into Everyman.
“Rejection is his specialty, losing his
area of expertise. He has spent a lifetime
perfecting failure,” Johnson wrote in her
1989 book, “Good Grief: The Story of
Charles M. Schulz.”
Schulz himself left little doubt about
the strip’s role in his life.
“Why do musicians compose sym
phonies and poets write poems?” he
once said. “They do it because life
wouldn’t have any meaning for them if
they didn’t. That’s why I draw cartoons.
It’s my life.”
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INTRODUCING HIS FILM
EL MARIACHI
FEBRUARY 19
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