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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 14, 2000)
AGGIELIFE pnday, February 14,2000 THE RATTAL1QN Page 5 he Fantastic Few aining super powers would ease lives of overwhelmed, overworked students he hustle and bustle of day-in, day- It responsibilities d schedules ows to be over helming to many idents. Duties d assignments iultiply like colie- late rabbits, except no one enjoys it. The days of old — of 30-minute blocks of cartoons and action figures — “'i*' bompiwge.coin Bcape us with even Xeroxed syllabus, " call and seating assignment. By the iird week of classes, many students feel like Indiana Jones in a far Fast market- pi c. Voices call out for undi\ ided at- ^■ntion, hands grope for our recognition nd restitution. It is in the midst of this mad cami- 11 .vi of reading assignments and librarx A ipelunking expeditions that students yearn to find some means, some man ia to better handle the steaming load f biodegradable “busyness” known college. The easiest solution to servitude? To (tany the most ready solution is alcohol. Yet even the inebriated know that the ;enie in the bottle can only do so much dampen the day. Something more is mled. something from those lost old lays of youth. It is understandable if by now' stu- |ents are scratching their heads, wonder- jig how r to find someone willing to com- lete their biology exams for them, pon further thought, one draws ever icarerto that sought-after cure-all: Su- rpowers. While not a motion entertained by nany students, superpowers would un- > loubtedly solve any number of sched uling problems and make life generally acre bearable. Of course, some might idd such ideas to be ridiculous fantasy nd immature escapism lit only for fathering, suckling children. Indu- tably, the superpower sentiment has ts critics, its doutons sceptique, unwill- g or perhaps unable to accept such in- lantile notions. But the idea itsel f is ite mature and well-grounded in rea- n, you bunch of doodie-heads, or tete doux-doux. . By using their superpowers, students Mivould help society not only by prevent ing and correcting horrible accidents, put also by making their learning envi- jonment more attuned to their individ- personal needs. And if X-ray vision i a coed dormitory does not help soci- fy... well, it doesn’t exactly hurt soci- ity, does it?! The future job market will be honed row, where's esat iss the country hailei :eable artist whose 1 become infusedinA: are. Peanuts’ has been fa the best comic strip j ng’s ev er approached' is, who draws the each” strips, and kne"' See Schulz on ft maybe ...just maybe, there will finally be enough parking for everyone on campus. Students’ ventures into the competi tive world of industry and business will enjoy tremendous success. Job inter views will proceed with unheard-of smoothness. Mike: Here’s my re sume, sir. Interviewer: ’m afraid we only thing one would receive if bitten by a radioactive spider would be a can- taloupe-sized iridescent blue boil. But even tfrat has its uses... “And now I’ve got superpowers!” “I dunno. It looks like a funky mel on to me.” “You’d be surprised at what l can do with it! I don’t even need a can opener any more! to a seamless perfection through super- luman feats of skill, global crises will be lolved by unprecedented ingenuity, and SCHULZ Continued from Page 4 for 42 years. “He’s going to be missed and vill clearly never be replaced.” The famous strip — with its gentle umor spiked with a child’s-eye view of uman foibles — had one particularly en- -Pearing trait: constancy. Year after year, the long-suffering harlie Brown faced misfortune with a nild, “Good grief!” Tart-tongued Lucy anded out advice at a nickel a pop. And noopy, Charlie Brown’s wise-but-weird 'eagle, still took the occasional flight of ancy back to the skies of World War I nd his rivalry with the Red Baron. • 11 The strip was an intensely personal ef- ort for Schulz. He had had a clause in his ontract dictating the strip had to end with lis death — no one could imitate it. While battling cancer, he opted to re do not have any positions available for you, young man. Mike: (turns green and doubles in size, flipping over die desk) RAAARGHM! Interviewer: Then again, l think there may be a bright future for you in the Re- form Party after all! Students’ studies will also change dramatically. Fields of study and concen trations of practice will expand to in clude newly available options. One might be an electrical engineering major with a shooting-ice-from-fists minor. An other may prolong his schooling so that he may attain a doctorate in “ bending metal bars in half,” previously known as “construction science.” Most superheroes/heroines receive their powers in some bizarre, accidental way. Spiderman was bitten by a ra dioactive spider, the Incredible l lulk was zapped with a gamma ray, and Su perman’s parents had a little too much tequila at the company Christmas party. While these origins of superpowers work for the comic book world, they cannot readily apply to real life. The tire it, saying he wanted to focus on his health and family without the worry of a daily deadline. His last daily comic ran in early Janu ary, and the final farewell strip appeared in newspapers on Sunday. Old versions of the strip will continue to be published. The last strip showed Snoopy at his typewriter and other Peanuts regulars along with a “Dear Friends” letter thank ing his readers for their support. “I have been grateful over the years for the loyalty of our editors and the wonder ful support and love expressed to me by fans of the comic strip,” Schulz wrote. “Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Lucy ... how can I ever forget them ...” It ended with his signature. Schulz was bom in St. Paul, Minn., on Nov. 26,1922, and studied art after he saw a “Do you like to draw?” ad. He was drafted into the Army in 1943 Now help me into these panLs, will ya? I hardly lit into anything since I sat on that spider.” The only feasible places that students could attain superpowers are from ex pired milk, acute radiation from a com puter monitor, or controlled substances (this serves to explain some individuals’ average yards per carry). I ley, kidslAVant to know how you can find out your very own superhero name? Too bad. I lere it is anyway. Get a pencil ready for: THE SUPERHERO \AMI til \i R VIOR 1. Write down your mother’s maiden name 2. Turn all “b”s into “d”s, or “e”s into “r”s, and erase the last two letters. 3. Spill chili onto paper (note: Make ! sure it is beanless. Otherwise repeat step 2, substitute “f’s for “d”s, and may God have mercy on your soul) 4. Wipe chili off and read smeared name in mirror 5. Write this new name down. Next to it, write the name of your favorite of But not so fast there, Very-Fast Man! While superpowers have an immediate appeal and advantage to individuals, they can also bear a debilitating effect on the dealings of the day. For example, standard issue superhero clothing is a major draw back to having superpowers. A precious few individuals have the... endowments necessary to make neon spandex an agreeable choice of fashion; and the very persons that are most unfit for skin-tight regalia are the ones that are most likely to bound through the room while one is try ing to eat pasta - and the last tiling anyone enjoying lasagna needs to see is the quiv ering prowess of “Many-Chin Man.” Aside from the obvious negatives of superhero clothing is the incon venience of superhero dialogue. Superheroes, and fittingly, many students, commonly speak without thinking and consequently verbally relate every observation they make. This can only lead to awkward situa tions in the pub lic restroom. “Phew! There is a foul stench in the air. But upon inspecting my patent leather boots, I see that the source of the smell is definitely not me. Aha! I see. There is someone in the re stroom stall with their pants down. And un less my methane sensors fail me, that is the source of the bad smell. Fortunately I am in my super hero disguise and will not have to explain myself, especially since men do not talk in the men’s room.” Jacob Huval is a sophomore English major. the Seven Dwarfs and your least fa vorite bodily function (note: They can not be the same) 6. Poke a stranger in the stomach 7. Multiply the number of times you are punched with the number of shades of color Michael Jackson has been (note: If one is merely maced, repeat step 5 and perform step 6 to yourself twice if on Monday, thrice if on Tues day, frice if on Wednesday and so on; unless it is Thursday, in which case you must then consume l/3 of your weight in cheddar) 8. Erase everything and just be “Mr. Frustrated,” or, if step 7 was carried out, “The Frommage Mirage” and sent to the European theater, although he saw little combat. After the war, he did lettering for a church comic book, taught art and sold cartoons to the Saturday Evening Post. His first feature, “Li’l Folks,” was de veloped for the St. Paul Pioneer Press in 1947. In 1950, it was sold to a syndicate and the named changed to Peanuts, even though, he recalled later, he didn’t much like the name. “Peanuts” made its official debut on Oct. 2, 1950. The travails of the “little round-headed kid” and his pals eventually ran in more than 2,600 newspapers, reach ing millions of readers in 75 countries. Although he remained largely a pri vate person, the strip brought Schulz in ternational fame. He won the Reuben Award, comic art’s highest honor, in 1955 and 1964. In 1978, he was named International Cartoonist of the Year, an award voted by 700 comic artists around the world. Despite the success, Schulz struggled with depression and anxiety, according to his biographer, Rheta Grimsley Johnson. But the struggle only improved his work, she found, as he poured those feelings of rejection and uncertainty into the strip and turned Charlie Brown into Everyman. “Rejection is his specialty, losing his area of expertise. He has spent a lifetime perfecting failure,” Johnson wrote in her 1989 book, “Good Grief: The Story of Charles M. Schulz.” Schulz himself left little doubt about the strip’s role in his life. “Why do musicians compose sym phonies and poets write poems?” he once said. “They do it because life wouldn’t have any meaning for them if they didn’t. That’s why I draw cartoons. It’s my life.” Medio Partners:. 'HUM i Be a TAMU Exchange Student Immerse Yourself in Another Culture in the World Informational Meetings 358 Bizzell Hall West, 4:00 p.m February 10, 11, 14, 15, 17, 18, 21, 22^23^24, 25, 28, 29 March 1 deadline Derma Pee!” 4 is u revolutionary new alternative that Is safe, predictable and offers great results. OCoev aoaifaSfe ai ^Den*K<z- (2<xfie Michael E. Jones, M.D., P.A. 2551 S. Texas Avenue, Suite E College Station Inside Laser Solutic 680-1533 Part-Time Opportunities $7.00 an hour!!!! We consider all types of majors and provide complete training, so don't miss this opportunity to visit UCS in Rudder Tower to see if you're the person we're looking for. Monday 507 Rudder Tuesday 507 Rudder This is a great opportunity to talk with some of our employ ees, fill out some paperwork, or just make an appointment to speak with us at a later date. We will have snacks, beverages and free koozies. The rooms in Rudder Tower can be reached by going to the elevators next to the MSC Box Office. We will be there between 9am and 4pm. We look forward to talking to you. I UCS | 409-595-2609 www.universalcomputersys.com UCS hires non-tobacco users only E.O.E. MSC ICONS and The Texas Film Festival Presents ROBERT RODRIGUEZ INTRODUCING HIS FILM EL MARIACHI FEBRUARY 19 8:00PM RUDDER AUDITORIUM TICKETS AVAILABLE @ MSC BOX OFFICE OR BUY A FILM FESTIVAL PASS FOR ACCESS TO ALL FOUR EVENTS FESTIVAL PASS s 30 or MSC ICONS. i*- Persons with disabilities please call 845-1515 to inform us of your special needs. We request notification three (3) working days prior to the event to enable us to assist you to the best of our abilities. Presented by ICM Artists LTD. Lecture Division An Aggie Tradition! live Music Every Mon. Bryan only ie Bucks* Accepted Full Service Menu from Sandwiches to Steaks! 2 LOCATIONS TO SERVE YOU 3610 S. COLLEGE BRYAN • 846-427S 2001 TEXAS AVENUE S. • 695-2076 OPEN SUN-THURS: 11AM-9PM FRI-SAT: 11AM-10PM *No alcohol can be purchased with Aggie Bucks *With Student ID