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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 7, 1999)
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L.ike a work environment in which decisions are shared, not handed down; where people enjoy real responsibility from the start and look forward to promotion based on performance, not seniority. In Enterprise Rent-A-Car’s Management Training Program, you’ll have every opportunity to he your best. And there are 35,000 people and one magazine who can attest to that. This growth opportunity offers a competitive salary and benefits package. A college degree is preferred. Use Your Head. Join Enterprise. NOW HIRING DECEMBER GRADS! For consideration, apply on-line at: www.erac.com Or forward resume to: Recruiting Department 701 E. Ben White Boulevard Austin, TX 78704 Fax: (512) 912-9381 Phone: (512) 912-0332 jshannon@erac.com Or call: 1-888-WWW-ERAC Wc arc an equal opportunity employer. r —3 Enterprise rent-a-car PROFITABLE NUMBER! 845-0569 THE BATTALION CLASSIFIEDS Page 6 • Tuesday, December 7, 1999 A GGIELIFE The Pinal Hurra As the semester comes to a close, professors write their treacherous a igjlC lormer President Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. ” Roo sevelt obviously never had a chemistry final immediately following an economics final. Finals, the swollen cold sore on the mouth of college education, are rapidly ap proaching. Normally brazen jf!| JACOB HUVAL and bold college students cower in fear of im pending finals, seek shelter from its onslaughts in coffee houses and study groups, bow their heads and bore into their books in frantic efforts to appease the academic beast. There is no shame in this. Everyone is afraid of something; students fear confounding finals, proctologists fear prunes, even Franklin Roo sevelt was afraid that his thoroughbred mare, Eleanor, would become amorous. Finals, although terrifying to participate in, are fascinating to watch. Finals signify a time in which even the least motivated student will make every effort to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible. A phenomenon known as “cramming” oc curs when a student tries to fit in as much infor mation as he can in a short amount of time, on his arm. This is why many students prefer finals in the cooler winter months than in the summer — longer sleeves mean better education. Of course, cramming is not the only way for stu dents to get the express lane version of a 12- item education. Everyone knows that educational films often convey information more efficiently than books do, especially when dealing with difficult sub jects. What many do not know, however, is that even commercial movies have a wealth of infor mation to share with viewers. Braveheart is a film concerned with the development and appli cation of public speaking. Forrest Gump is a movie valuable to agricultural communication. Even a rumpus adventure like Deliverance can teach audiences a thing or two about kayaking and spelunking. One must be cautious not to learn too much too quickly, however. Doing so often has adverse results; students get facts mixed up between subjects, misquote sources of in formation and generally make a mess of a simple subject. Other than qualifying one to write a humor column, there is no gain in such mishaps. There is no greater embarrassment than to write an essay about the Franco-Fusion War and citing the cause of the battle to be that John Wilkes’ booth was too dry to sustain farmers in Okla homa because X = 2 and Z = French for “the.” Serving only to add a pint of frustration to the already simmering pot of confusion stew are redefined days, the tools of the Devil. At last comfortable with their schedules, students are poorly prepared for such sweeping changes. Many are the poor souls who hurry their paper to class only to arrive in a lecture hall occupied by nothing more than a lumbering yet oddly articulate janitor and the dust on the chairs. (If in Blocker Building, substitute “dust” for “banana peels/shoe laces/dinner plates/empty bottles of tequila.”) The closer finals become, the worse confu sion is around college campuses. The second week of December is a yearly small-scale simu lation of the Y2K experience. Disorder and hav- DALLAS 0 [licy against Jed gay emp Ue the comp ■ The oil giai Xg-standing to couples in continue to eo bil employee: Berger, a spo ■ Human Rij ■the nation, lord from th |y employee try’s largest c I"Rollback: are very rare (Joing this,” |oup in Wa: Iss [to legall inied a ben le workplac ros< DALLAS deral pro brk next r [ties as par ce gun cr g tougher The attoi lely on gu al statute ne for crir ;ed or poss State At oc drive students to rely on the most basic of in stincts just to survive the initial shock; mean while, small, wandering tribes scour the wastes for Cliff’s Notes. But to outlive these times of chaos and utter despair, one needs more than instinct and ef fort. In order to assure success in finals, one must make their own effort another’s; specifi cally, the professor’s. If, while cramming with a bail-point pen, one finds that he or she cannot realistically pass the upcoming exam, simply pay the course’s instructor a cordial visit while on the way to the bank to deposit a briefcase full of 50 dollar bills. If that does not work, maybe its time the teach got to know Vinnie and Knuckles Muldoon. And yet sometimes even these unconven tional means of influence are insufficient for a satisfactory grade. When all else fails, stu dents usually revert to the same force that got them into the University in the first place — pure chance. Certainly the common good-luck charms such as a rabbit’s foot or a four-leaf clover are well-known devices for inconsequential con cerns like gambling, three-point shots, and paying the electric bill. But for matters as im portant as finals, they are useless; the genuine article is needed. Why settle for only one rabbit foot or four- leaf clover when one can have the whole thing? To increase one’s chances for a success- JEFF SMITHflin ful and painless exam, one shouldbrinj whole rabbit and a wheelbarrel of grass class. And if the instructor protests too one can either file a complaint that the la ing environment is being discouragedoi: ply allow the instructor to get "reacquaic with Knuckles and Vinnie. If one is not comfortable with utiliziifl mob for good results on finals, or if the«i ter weather turns sour and one simplys rely on frosted lucky charms, there is®, avenue from despair: the statue of Sul's Copper Popper” Ross. Lawrence Sullfe. Ross, rugged frontiersman and propontu American land expansion in the late-Ftl century, is the local version of a mythical 1 magical pseudo-Santa. At the end of every semester, students to the image of Sul Ross to canyon Calf” tradition by making money offerings Ross’s patent pigeon-poo boots. And like if students have been good all semester (i ing happy hour), Sul Ross will fly his wag campus from his workshop in Memphis to 1 stow good grades upon all the boysandgi On Blackfoot! On Iroquois! On Aztecandl On Seminole! On Tomahawk! OnPocahont and Mohicans! myn saic sterday th exas Exile cus and el “Gun crir with a sc npreceden TWo spec igned to ea jey’s distric The Hoi [nd one ea lallas, Fort an Anton i< A publh Iso will ta ith Corpus The nev ired unde Ive introd dmyn am Jacob Huval is at English^ Jacob Huval’s Test-Taking Strategies If you do not know the an- while drunk: the middle one is • Really, what are the odds Borrow an idea from DisI swer to a question, jog your memory by writing a dirty word on the answer sheet. • Make all scantron marks like silicon implants: firmly and roundly. • Answering multiple choice questions is like fighting always right. • Remember, successful test taking is a matter of having the right perspective. So sit next to a smart kid who does not cover his paper. • Learning the answers during the test is like studying. that a history professor cares about the contributions of lemmings to preindustrial society? • The middle of an essay ques tion is actually the professor asking you to tell him how you really feel about his class. ney and hide a dirty pictorl in any question askingyoi| “diagram.” • When taking an oral exai remember that Touretfsi severe clinical disorder,a happens to be very difficulj to diagnose and disprove. e a r k e f o ADM ^ 0 CONGRATULATIONS Gabriel Gonzalez o A Gabriel Gonzalez is a graduating student in Agricultural Business. Gabriel has chosen a career at Archer Daniels Midland Company in commodity trading. ADM is one of the largest grain and food processing companies in the world. It is based in Decatur, Illinois and is continually expanding throughout the United States as well as China, Mexico, Europe and South America. Gabriel found out about ADM’s career opportunities from career services and scheduled a priority interview with ADM. Gabriel completed a two- stage interview process and was offered an internship in Kansas City, Missouri as a commodities trader. Upon completion of his summer intern ship, Gabriel was offered a full-time position as a commodities trader. In January, he will begin a 4-6 month hands-on training program that will expose him to all aspects jof ADM and commodities trading. ADM is looking forward to having Gabriel join our team. future Teachers ^ Abroad in Students will receive 6 hours of TAMU credits TEFB 410 Social Studies & Humanities in the Elementary School INST 322: Foundation of Education in a Multicultural Society TEFB 404: Social Studies in the Middle A Senior High School Possible Option EHRD 489: Future Studies in Education For more information, call Prof. John Hoyle 845-2748 email: jhoyle@tamu.edu OR The Study Abroad Program Offid 845-0544 161 Bizzell Hall West Spots are limited. Contact us today!!! \