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Page 4 • Monday, April 12, 1999
► JACOB'S LADDER
off tlie lo
Finding perfect hairstyle can prove adventure forsti
A h, the haircut! A
mop chop, a brim
trim, an around the
ear shear. Many people
take the intricate proce
dure of a haircut for grant
ed. They do not realize
that a haircut is, in fact, a
complex science full of
pressing choices, ensuing
consequences and count-
JACOB
HUVAL
less sassy male hairdressers with names like
Tadd, Bruce and Chauncy.
An integral part of getting a good haircut is
making the right choices concerning exactly
where one will venture to get a chop job.
A hairstyling establishment’s name can pro
vide adequate information about their staff
and professionalism. For instance. The Bleed
ing Ear would not be a wise choice — unless
one is determined to look like Vincent van
Gough. Another choice is Con Cuts, which is
part of the new “Gelbirds, not Jailbirds” pro
gram for incarcerated criminals.
So the venue has been chosen. Great! Now
enjoy an individually wrapped slice of
processed cheese. Now comes the hard part:
the actual cut. Albeit, this choice is usually
more pressing for females than for males, but
it remains fundamental to a good haircut.
Why? Because it makes a good image,
which creates self confidence, which will as
sure a successful job interview, which will lead
to promotions and networking, which will in
crease power, which will ultimately lead to
WORLD DOMINATION!!! Do not get a chili
bowl cut.
Men and women regard hairstyles different
ly. Women have to make choices between a
crop, a tease, a layer, a perm, a highlight, a
frost, a curl, a tuck, a volumizer or any combi
nation of the aforementioned. Men simply get
“a little more off the sides.”
Styles are frequently named after popular
cultural icons. For example, one may witness a
large number of students on campus that ap
pear to have recently had head lice. This is an
incorrect assumption; they have simply joined
an organization which requires each member
to get the “Forrest Gump.”
If a more mature colleague is questioned
about the increasing grayness of his hair, he
would respond “I’m just trying out the ‘Sean
Connery.’” If that same colleague is then ques
tioned about the large, pale dome atop his
head, he would retort “Oh, I got a ‘Friar TUck’
the other day. ”
Interestingly, the names of similar styles
vary from establishment to establishment.
While Mike’s Barber Shop would refer to a
style as “the Ryan,” a different establishment
like The Bleeding Ear would call it “Oh, I’m
sorry! Let me get a towel. How about a dis
count?” And Con Cuts would refer to it as
“Shut your hole and sit down! Its just a curling
iron!”
A problem facing males and females alike,
however, is that the cost of haircuts is consis
tently on the rise.
The most recent increase has caused a re
newed interest among the thrifty in bypassing
the expensive middleman and resorting to giv
ing themselves a haircut. These brave individ
uals have transformed everyday household
utilities and wares into top-of-the-line styling
products.
The simple dinner fork and knife set make
excellent substitutes for combs and clippers;
mayonnaise does wonders as a hair gel;
and the next best thing to an electric razor
is the cunning precision and control of a
battery-operated vegetable peeler.
Unless the actual “thrifty cut” is per
formed outside near the garden hose, the
kitchen sink or trash compactor is ideal for
catching and disposing stray clippings, al
though it is recommended that those with
long hair refrain from using the compactor.
For those who still wish to pay high
prices, the quality of the final product
depends heavily upon the hair styl
ist. There are basically three
types of hair cutters; the
good, the bad and Korka,
the voodoo witch
ist, however, will simply cut at
as they see fit. They are usuallyi
with whether ot not hair is trimanill
very little time checking on theirwof
Korka, on the other hand, sprinl
blood around the chair and insist;
tomer give up their firstborn toftfe
god of sideburns.
So consider the choices that mu;
when venturing to get a haircut.No
one choose which estnblishmeffilol
which style to get, which
whether to simply stay homeandlf
do ail the work, one must also deoil
to hold reigning power over all thee
a chili bowl. . . .
iM junior K
Jacob Huval is ao-toVanl
doctor. A good styl
ist will at least at
tempt to get their
customer to indi
cate whether or not
he or she is satis
fied with the cut.
The good stylist
is attentive to how
level and trim the
hair is and is profi
cient with all their
tools. The bad styl-
BY SANTOS I
Th«
Most colie
:hedule non
3 late in the >
ining up for
aming con
nee matcl
n Satu r c
owever, the
■Texas A
/omen’s Ter
?am was tu
p by No.
anderbilt l
ersity, 1-8,
yjtA&M Vars
A&M, whi
■t, got on th
nderbilt’s b
risty Bluinbe
le. Aggie sop
vail, who tra
et, picked up
Humberg wat
“That’s an
mark ivicphersos p r them,” A
deinecke saic
Matrix keeps top seat y Never Been Kissed distantsea^
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The eye
popping science-fiction adventure
The Matrix remained No. 1 at the
box office with $22.2 million and
spring-break crowds gave Drew
Barrymore’s back-to-school film
Never Been Kissed a strong $11.7
million opening, estimates showed
Sunday.
The Matrix, starring Keanu
Reeves in the special effects-filled
story of a computer hacker who
finds out that reality is not what it
seems, has emerged as the year’s
second breakout hit — after Ana
lyze This — grossing $72.9 million
in just two weeks. It slipped only
20 percent last weekend.
But not even the wizardry of
The Matrix could pull the year out
of its post-Titanic syndrome. After
a momentary upturn when The
Matrix opened, the overall box of
fice was once again down last
weekend, this time 4.4 percent,
from last year’s weekend, when
City of Angels, Lost in Space and Ti
tanic were going strong.
With many of the nation’s
young people on vacation last
week, youth-oriented films pre
dictably dominated the top 10 —
with a mixed bag of results.
Never Been Kissed led the pack
with the best opening for a film
starring Barrymore since The Wed
ding Singer in early 1998. The hip-
hop comedy Foolish opened with
$2.26 million in ninth place for an
impressive per-screen average of
$7,410 — even though its studio,
fearing bad reviews, did not screen
the movie for critics.
Another new film, the Sun
dance Film Festival favorite Go
opened with a somewhat disap
pointing $4.7 million for sixth.
Sony is now counting on strong
word of mouth to keep the critical
ly praised rave-scene film from
plummeting into oblivion when
Vgg
ies 1
most kids go back lob
week.
Two big winners anl
my Awards continued fOm Kell
grosses. Best picturebi
in Love collected S22' h : The sixth-n
best foreign-language aseball Team
Beautiful grossalS:" tat( ' ! ;
Ron Howard’s cor sekend in B
however, has shaped ay-
year’s biggest disappoir The Aggies i
fering in part from too on the first gc
parisons to last year’; 1 if
The Truman Show. Sbp
51 percent to collect
with a paltry per-locatb
of$882.
;
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