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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 25, 1998)
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Slocum earlier this week. Mack Brown explained that even though the two men work for schools on op posite sides of a century-old grudge match, they still consider themselves friends. So in the spirit of goodwill initiated by our esteemed football coaches, we here at The Texan have decided to commence a new era in the Longhorn-Aggie rivalry by encouraging a healthy exchange of ideas between the Lone Star State’s two pre mier institutions. To get the ball rolling, we’ve compiled a visitors’ guide to the city of Austin, com plete with helpful hints and suggestions on how to make your trip to Central Texas as enjoyable as possible. 1. Leave your Corps of Cadets at home. This advice may be hard to swallow, but it’s for your own good. When your bombas tic, overzealous cadets attacked a group of unarmed UT students at Kyle Field a couple of years ago, we chalked it up to either mere stupidity or the little George Patton wannabes’ misguided notion of authority. But you’ve got to admit, this sexual ha rassment thing takes the cake. We don’t like to joke about topics as serious as this, but when a member of the proud, disci plined, ultra-conservative Aggie Corps gets caught spit-polishing another cadet’s saber, that’s kind of comical. To top it all off, the guy who was doing the buffing was the guy who was doing the harassing! To put it in terms that you might understand, that’s like stealing another man’s sheep and let ting him have conjugal visits. Yep, you better not let them come along, or the 51-15 whuppin’ the Horns put on you the last time you came to Austin will pale in comparison to the embarrassment that your Keystone Cops might incur. 2. Please don’t burn down our Tower. We’ve been informed that a night of quality entertainment in College Station consists of gatherin’ around the tallest structure on campus and watchin’ the mother burn until she falls, dang it!!! Shooo-ey, that sure sounds like fun, but we’ve found that our evenin’s are a lot more productive, and less vulnerable to de structive flatulence, when we avoid ignit ing mammoth fires in the middle of the city. You wouldn’t believe the time you can save when you aren’t spending your entire year picking up sticks and stacking them up in a monument to your own ignorance. Editor’s Note: While we’re proud that our Tower is the biggest phallic symbol in the state of Texas, that doesn’t mean the Corps can go down on it. 3. Don’t get your hopes up. Apparently, you Aggies seem to think that a victory on Friday is all but sewn up because of a set of obvious “advantages,” but after careful study, we’ve found that your reasoning is a bit flawed. First, you brag about a huge win over Nebraska, who the Horns beat both be forehand (in the 1996 Big 12 title game) and afterwards (on Oct. 31). Neither of those triumphs were the result of a homj field advantage. You also talk highly of a “Wrecking Crew” defense (which Ricky Williams ha: steamrolled with a 163.7-yard average in his three prior matchups with A&M), a b, tie-tested coach (who couldn’t excite Car men Electra on Viagra) and a freshman fullback who is only playing because someone in your registrar’s office couldn't properly count D’Andre Hardeman’s clas: es. Gee, 1 guess all those semesters of “Goat-Wrastling 101” don’t comply with NCAA regulations after all. Well, it’s beginning to seem like your journey into civilization might not be ex actly what you were counting on. But if you manage to stick around until he stop; scoring touchdowns on you, Ricky just might sign an autograph for you. After all, we’re trying to be friendly, righti i*9So; -punoji sso Ug -MSK n'/Boioig ‘sous lira ■adi'UH maoM -iv< 13 Mike Finger is senior spoj writer at The Daily Texf L sioqjy am mm 1 '826 r flV jb9u ‘sndi ;ni;0S'Z92$ 'Ml' ■sjOAaiippjapun uJoqSuoq jpnspa Aqpjotu jo asuadxa aqj ip paaoans Apuajsisuoa oj juajuoa aq oj aApq oj SuioS ajp ajaqMAjaAa saiSBy ‘sn aqq aq oj ajisap jajaas pup sBuituoa -jjoqs jnoA jiuipp Apqqnd oj Ajijnjpm aqj utp§ Moqauios sdis, noA qjun og •aiBSy up atuooaq ppoM oqzw uosjad jo adAj aqi pup -nq puajjp pjnoM oqM uosjad jo adAj aqi uaaMjaq aauajajjip paqjptu p si ajaqx u°l A mpq snoixouqo uo paspq papq -pj ApAipajja aq 01 Suisspjjpqma ji qusj •Ajpjuaiuiuoa pMa{ ajoui uaAa pup aji aqj mo jqSnojq Suig joiuag aiBBy aqi jo qspq p qSnoua ains ‘sdis-j ajaM sn puiq -aq sqump snoixouqo aqi ajpp Am jaq 1 •sajpp jno pup puauj Am puiqaq Suiuis uamapuaS aqi uiojj Buiujod Ajiupj -ojd pajjnjs aqj jp paAouup spm j jpaA siqj atupB sojjsv uojsnoH c ie ‘juiod ui aspo uoiAPqaq ua -qunjp pup aaupBojjp jaaqs jnoA uo paspq Pmojo p jo jno sAnS noA >pid upa aidoag •Moam s.jpo aqj aj.noA ji sp aApqaq noA jaA ‘jouoq jo uoijippjj ou aApq nq^ •jupSojjp uuipp os sdis, noA ajp AqM ‘jo pnojd aq oj Bui -qjou aAPq noA jpqj UMoqs uaaq Buiaph •jsjij pqspjqaN IPaq aM ‘qacoa p jo qaq auo Aq pa] umaj qeqjooj p jo qaq auo •sjuapnjs Suipupjsdn Aqpjoui pup juaaap ‘pooS jo qnj si qaiqM Apoq juapnjs aiSSy spxaq, .uiiqSig aqx» •spjpjspq uajjoj noA joj uipp -sip amj p Suipnpui suoijippjj qnq pooS jo jsoq ajoqM p — puppiSSy jo juidg aqx« •pupg aiSSy sexap .uqqSig aqx» •sjapP3 jo sdio3 aiSSy sexaj, .uijqSig aqx» •uoijpu jno pup AjjPd siq SuiapjSsip papiOAP pue joqjuoa p uom Aqpnjop oqM AnS p joj pampu Ajpjqq jeijuapisajd y* :sjspoq puppiSSy •jinq aiSSy aAijaaqoa Jno aqq ‘sexax og -ASojoapi pup soijqod jnoA ajp os pue auiPi ajp saimapeap JnoA olim AnS aqi joi paiH , 1 X ■- WSW") ^lf n d Ajpjqq [pquapisajd vjwi/uupqz e« :juj| eSuos jpqj Apjd Aaqj uaqM jaAnau -pm AqsuiMaq aqi SupijDPJd uoipas ssejq jnoA sj ^Suiqqoq ppaq aqj qe qjiM s,jpqyv\ •sqans jeqj uaAa pue ‘ajig sexax tieqj jaqjo suoijipejj aqqMqjJOM ou seq [ooqas jeqx jjpqj qjiM dn amoa sasnmaS noA pip ajaqM ‘Apm aqj Aq ameu jpajS p s.jpqx 'oSp saBe sSy AjSunq joj sjaBjnq pue sqeajs ojui paujnj uaaq aApq pinoqs jpqi joasem y» eSuiqj paumep aqj jjo saAps -maqj MOjqj pue Aqdosoqqd jejaqq pue sSnjp qjiM dn paj jaS sjuapnjs jnoA uaqM sajnSq juamqojqa aaeid-puoaas jnoA uiej -uiem oj SuioS sAnS noA ajp moh '^°q ppq jpqi Sumadoaj qanoj aaiu — jaMoj y# ■SuiAp pue Bui -iqSij aq qqs jqSim aM — saiSSy jo diqs -jappai aqj joj uaaq jou ji ppq — ajaqM -luamp sji uo SuiMoqoj ,at :i ^oimoi sjseoq -n-j AjqSim ati.M^ ^ **0 ■juamqsqdmoaap jnoqp Suiqiej jjbjs s.jai inq ‘uijsny mo. 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