tiesday • April 14, 1998
AMPUS CONNECTION
This rate appliesot,;
onal 5 daysatnotfai
e 5 additional inse*:-
lead of the class
PERSONAL
jng-Distance Relate
PETS
as. Kittens, Cats. 0$
Animal Shelter-775-SIS
usky puppies, Chain*- •
autitul batman masns *
white angels. J195 1
ers with cage and atais:-
in Gelding. 8 yra old.
atmg! Must Sell by Ifo
>1-4776. anh@mynac'e
LEAL ESTATE
Iternative class offerings present students with new opportunities for gathering knowledge
ed homes Irani penne<?:J
o's REO's. Your Kn
i Ext H-1652IW
' nbeknownst
to most of
the student
■ation, there
tafew courses
tffliled to make
in|o the brand
in’ new sum-
ami fall class
lules.
Never, various
mous sources
Access to this
fed informa-
Michelle
Voss
columnist
pparently taped by Linda Tripp.
So, without further fuss and excite-
OOMMATES nt. here are the classes we could be
h.mi :r _.A ■ y if it weren’t for stuffy bureaucrats
275 mo ♦uuti tes i. cheap suits who are out to squelch
s a.p. Summer iFtl I Id reams.
anish 105
e secret to muy beuno guacamole;
[rtof tequila drinking; The Mexican
n of the Alamo; Rrroling rrs for rrro-
:e; Sombreros and Salsa Dancing,
rs only,
ciology 303
iy the societal norms of some cul-
permit the wearing of leaderhausen
■ other cultures just think they’re
B. Folkways, mores, Subway’s new
Bhicken sub — grandiose! — and the
B in Eastern Liechtenstein.
Bussian Ballet, Kinesiology 199
Communist-style instruction, every-
mist wait in line for four hours be-
very three-minute class; Mandato-
avy Vodka drinking may ruin figure,
jves a delicate, rosy glow; Trot-
ok. no deposit 693-SE
leded M/F, Sunwsul
se W/0. Martha. 655-i
ME Summer tor
Justin. 691-2131.
>ath duplex, on sin®
ok. non-smoker pufent
e Mechanic 693-0726, $i
ided (or fall. Notvsm
'60-4915.
xled tor summer.
1416.
ded tor summer, axlir's
$280/mo. +1/2uMm, Jn
ded. 1st summer sessr
e $200/mo. 7768415
ded. 3bdrm'2bath has
; to campus. 693-087C
?bdrm/2bath aparlmfr:
No deposit. Call 68J K
skyites not welcome.
•Poultry Science 481
After laughing at ourselves for a few
days, we’ll learn the art and science of
nurturing poultry — music, mood light
ing and colors of paint that encourage
egg-laying.
•Biology 106
Little things like cells and chromo
somes and plant poo-poo — do they re
ally exist or are we just pretending like
they do so we scientists can act like we
know everything.
•Economics 208
Etiquette for using your friendly ATM
machines; Find out why silly wildlife such
as bulls, bears and other members of the
animal kingdom are terms used to de
scribe economic markets; Lots ‘o supply
and demand theories about toothpaste.
•Geography 202
Why Greenland is ice and Iceland is
green and other practical jokes on the
world; Migration patterns of burnt-out
’80s pop sensations Madonna, Metallica
and Aerosmith; Also, the curious disap
pearance of Alanis Morrisette into Canada
for a couple of years, ay!
•History 103
The story of how America was really
discovered by drunken Mardi Gras
partiers who passed out, woke up here
and didn’t have 34 cents to call home, so
they wrote a constitution on hemp paper
and built a really large bong which the
Washington Monument is patterned after.
•Psychology 345
A study of ice cream and clouds in
Freudian dream analysis: the sexual innu
endo of fluffy clouds and ice cream cones .
.. hmmmm.
•Philosophy 332
Topics in Ethics and Epistemology; For
Ethics - Kant’s Categorical Imperative -
Handing over toilet tissue to the person in
the neighboring stall - a universal moral
necessity, or just plain icky; For Episte
mology, a feminist approach - how do
women know bananas, can women know
bananas and is this just oppressive patri
archy at work.
•Horticulture 104
Why plants smell nice and look pret
ty; How to kill chiggers; Playing in your
Zen garden.
•BANA [we’re not sure what this stands
for] 203
Finding the on-off switch on your com
puter; Things to do while wainting for
PINE; How to insult your computer; De
signing web pages for the corporate spon
sors of our football team so they don’t
have to pay anyone to do it.
•Human Anatomy 355
What’s up with the human armpit? — a
study.
Most likely, everyone harbors feelings
of anger, oppression and hatred towrads
our aloof administrators for withholding
these courses from the class schedules.
Our only hope for recourse is a mas
sive student uprising, preferably on Pres
ident’s Bowen’s front lawn. There, we can
build a miniature bonfire of class sched
ules and have a University-wide-beer-
bonging-contest.
Michelle Voss is a junior English major.
needed a s a p 1
unutes trom campus. fc">(
le needed. Sunni*I
). walking distance totsul
d lor May. 2bdriiv11&'|
-mo. 693-9134.
d to share lurmsM2
er. $357/mo.+1/2u4Ws J
2bdrm'2bath ape"?' ’•
i $300+/mo). Call 695®
I. M/F. Summer. 21171'
12.50/mo. +1/2deposii
ONE STAR LOWDOWN
I. Share furnished 21*!'
$280/mo. +1/2bills. Ktr* 1
lidn’t want to do it, but
lere it is, the death
I. 3-bedroom house. Oos 1
Tom-693-4381.
irm/lbath. $212/mo. W 1
nas, 846-2433.
ERVICES
:ians with EPA certifies'"
rk. Will work with schodi-'
movative Services/SI® 1
hildren should not be subject
death-penalty punishments
tor Fall. Please call 69;-- Penalty
et me get this part out
tie way. Yes, I am a De-
|crat with views that, for
most part, are liberal. I
r e actually hugged a tree,
my of you that might
slightly challenged by
re contrary to your own,
ise stop reading. I don’t
at to be the one respon-
e for shattering your
sy moral code.
Beverly
Mireles
columnist
ve Driving. Lots-ol-l»
lal/lnsurance discount,
pm), Fri(6pm-8pm) 8$‘
2:30pm). Inside NaM' ?
625/cash. Lowest price )W
, Ste.217. 846-6117
017)
d Opening Specials.
Preparation. $5 0(1#'*
19.
landgun course $75. loy
;ses available. JohnOd*
Range 589-1093.
RAVEL
iccredited programs w# 1 ®
ges & humanities in C
dor, France, and GemrJ
new sessions begin t
440 for literature.
GHT LOSS
ght. Wanted: 42-peof
Or. recommended and I' f ]
st 165-lbs. and over#
has already lost lO?# [
13.
3 openings for:
fow that it’s all settled, let’s move on.
it this very moment, Texas law concurs that chil-
[n at the age of 14 can be tried as an adult, and
judicial system can legally allow them to be exe-
ted at the age of seventeen.
certain state representative, Mr. Pitt, I believe,
mid like to amend this law, and allow eleven
ir-olds to be not only tried as an adult, but exe-
ted as well.
[This bears repeating — 11 years old. I’d hate to be
id in this guy’s house. “You didn’t wipe off the sink
:ryou used it; it’s off to the medieval rack for
All joking aside, 11 years old is simply too young
How the death penalty to be implemented.
The motivation behind the legislature is clear,
e murders in Jonesboro have left every school
cher, every parent and every lawmaker some-
at shaken. But saying that judicial systems
Sould be allowed to execute 11 year-old children
imply a sign of fear, not any type of legal resolu-
n to the crime problem.
The death penalty, in its purest form, was sup-
sed to be a means of restraint. Think of it as a
all scale equivalent of a nuclear weapon. My in
terpretation of the principle is this: You do some
thing really terrible, and you will be punished in the
most severe way known to man, the loss of life.
In theory, it would seem to work. Who would
want to die? But just as nuclear weapons have
caused more harm than good, so goes the death
penalty.
Initially, it’s ineffectual. It’s the beginning of a vi
cious cycle. The death penalty hasn’t solved any type
of crime yet, and it never will.
It’s only the revengeful response of a society that
can’t deal with its own depravity. Violence can’t be
solved through violence.
The need for revenge is legitimate. If my parents
were murdered, it’s probable that I would want to
hurt the perpetrator in a very direct and permanent
way. Like with life in prison. Not with continuing the
cycle of murder. The death penalty isn’t a solution
and shouldn’t be argued as such.
Even if you agree that the death penalty is a valid
form of punishment, and there are a lot of you, es
pecially on this campus, the age of eleven has to be
considered unjust and brutal.
Thankfully, Governor Bush finds that lowering
the age to eleven is unacceptable. Finally, a Republi
can politician without the urge for senseless blood
lust.
Hopefully, this legislation will die quickly, once
the shock of the Jonesboro murders has been some
what diminished and lawmakers have regained
their senses.
The brutal acts of any person, below or long
past the age of eleven, should be dealt with in a
manner that justly punishes the crime. However,
this punishment should not be one so terrible in
its own right that it weakens the moral fabric of
society itself.
Beverly Mireles is a jreshman
microbiology major.
CAMPUS CONNECTION
Deciding upon one mascot will
aid A&M on world-class quest
Chris
Martin
columnist
COLLEGE STA
TION (AP) - In a
surprising move
sure to baffle
and confuse mil
lions of current,
former and “not
yet but if you
don’t go there
then I’m not
paying for it”
students, Texas
A&M University
announced
plans Monday to
replace the Aggie, the school’s
beloved current mascot.
Heinrich Himmler, university ex
ecutive vice-president, provost and
deputy magistrate, said a new mas
cot is crucial to A&M’s plans to as
similate all the world’s educational
institutions into the Texas A&M
University System by year 2020.
“Resistance,” Himmler added,
“is futile.”
Himmler pointed out that ac
claimed schools such as Harvard,
Yale and Brown have such respect
ed and classy mascots that no one
even knows what they are.
“I firmly believe A&M can never
be taken seriously as a world-class
university until it drops the Aggie
moniker and all the horrible, un
world-class university baggage it
carries,” Himmler said.
Himmler said he has laughed at
the occasional Aggie joke tossed
around the office.
“But I soon realized that other
schools weren’t laughing with us,
but at us,” Himmler said. “The
thought makes me weep on the
inside, like a sad pathetic clown.”
But despite the jokes, the
leading cause for such a radical
change of guard is the outdated
role of the agrarian in today’s
modern society, Himmler said.
“The world is changing rapid
ly, and unfortunately the Aggie
has been left behind,” Himmler
said. “I mean, what’s a farmer
ever done for me? Mother gets all
my food from the supermarket.”
Joseph Goebbels, university
vice-president of public relations
and minister of propaganda, said
that the Aggie label came from
none other than former A&M Presi
dent Lawrence “sullen-faced” Sulli
van Ross, a noted soldier, states
man and hate monger.
“Ross needed a way to demoral
ize the cadets in order to mold them
into his personal evil undead army
of the night,” Goebbels said. “The
greatest form of social control is the
slur, and thus, the Aggie was bom.”
Board of Directors member
Hermann Goering has been
placed in charge of the new mas
cot search committee.
“I know the income-supplying
social security numbers, er, stu
dents, will be upset at abandoning
the Aggie, but it must be done to
protect the Vasserland, er, campus,”
Goering said.
The committee has been scour
ing dozens of volumes of analyti
cal data by top avatarologists,
pouring through recent team
names such as “Raptors,”
“Flames” and “Diamondbacks.”
“Lord and butter, even abstract
ideas like the ‘Heat’ and ‘Magic’ are
more respectable than our Aggies.
We’re considering getting on the
intangible boat with ‘The Texas
A&M Army of Smarmy’ right now.”
Goering also mentioned the
committee is considering the “Ele-
conda,” a giant elephant with a ge
netically-engineered anaconda for
a nose, for mascot.
Surprisingly, not all administra
tion members are for the change in
tradition. One of the most outspoken
opponents of the mascot switching
has been A&M President Ray Bowen.
When asked for his thoughts on
the matter, Bowen cryptically
replied, “Honk if I’m an Aggie.”
Bowen then continued his weekly
performance of “Ballerina Dancer”
on the MSC flag room piano for lo
cal underprivileged youth.
A&M has long come under fire
for having “no good mascot.”
Texas Tech graduate student Bea
©’Problem has been lobbying the
state legislature for years to force
A&M to pick one mascot and go
with it.
“You’ve got Reveille, you’ve got
Aggies, you’ve got fighting farmers,
you’ve got OF Roc — what’s that all
about,” O’Problem asked. “Do you
really need all those mascots, or is
it a sign of a bigger problem? Can
you say ‘identity crisis?”’
Chris Martin is a senior
journalism major.
tas 77840
AGENCY
TRICT
clan
/board proficient!
cceptable dr
ackground chec
1998. Send to:
Drug Test Req*' :
MAIL CALL
)ortion treats unborn
lildren to property
Certain writers in The Battalion
ze said they are Christians who
ieve women have the right to
abortion.
Are they aware the early church
posed abortion in all cases?
That stance has changed little for
most churches to this day.
The Christian teaching on abor
tion developed in a theological
context of love. The Old Testament
verses, “love God with all your
heart” {Deut. 6:5) and “love your
neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18)
were singled out as the two com
mandments on which depended
“the whole law and the prophets”
(Matt. 22:40).
The standard for fulfilling these
commandments is the sacrifice of
one individual’s life for another
(John 15:13) and embodied in the
self-sacrifice of Jesus.
Not sacrificing another for our
life.
It should also be noted that at
conception, and individual is a
single cell, the zygote. A zygote is
genetically unique (Sproul, R.C.,
Abortion).
In vitro fertilization allows
the zygote to live independently
of the mother. This makes the
pro-abortion advocates appear
to claim certain people are
property.
Some Christians believed
African-Americans were property.
Most Christians said that was
wrong. Since we no longer be
lieve people are property, can my
pro-abortionChristian brothers
and sisters explain to me what
the difference is between advo
cating slavery and abortion?
I don’t believe Christ asked us
to kill defenseless children for the
mistakes of their parents.
Harvey Hill
College Station resident
t-amcL i(Tjprnt/Tm r ^