tiesday • April 14, 1998 AMPUS CONNECTION This rate appliesot,; onal 5 daysatnotfai e 5 additional inse*:- lead of the class PERSONAL jng-Distance Relate PETS as. Kittens, Cats. 0$ Animal Shelter-775-SIS usky puppies, Chain*- • autitul batman masns * white angels. J195 1 ers with cage and atais:- in Gelding. 8 yra old. atmg! Must Sell by Ifo >1-4776. anh@mynac'e LEAL ESTATE Iternative class offerings present students with new opportunities for gathering knowledge ed homes Irani penneath duplex, on sin® ok. non-smoker pufent e Mechanic 693-0726, $i ided (or fall. Notvsm '60-4915. xled tor summer. 1416. ded tor summer, axlir's $280/mo. +1/2uMm, Jn ded. 1st summer sessr e $200/mo. 7768415 ded. 3bdrm'2bath has ; to campus. 693-087C ?bdrm/2bath aparlmfr: No deposit. Call 68J K skyites not welcome. •Poultry Science 481 After laughing at ourselves for a few days, we’ll learn the art and science of nurturing poultry — music, mood light ing and colors of paint that encourage egg-laying. •Biology 106 Little things like cells and chromo somes and plant poo-poo — do they re ally exist or are we just pretending like they do so we scientists can act like we know everything. •Economics 208 Etiquette for using your friendly ATM machines; Find out why silly wildlife such as bulls, bears and other members of the animal kingdom are terms used to de scribe economic markets; Lots ‘o supply and demand theories about toothpaste. •Geography 202 Why Greenland is ice and Iceland is green and other practical jokes on the world; Migration patterns of burnt-out ’80s pop sensations Madonna, Metallica and Aerosmith; Also, the curious disap pearance of Alanis Morrisette into Canada for a couple of years, ay! •History 103 The story of how America was really discovered by drunken Mardi Gras partiers who passed out, woke up here and didn’t have 34 cents to call home, so they wrote a constitution on hemp paper and built a really large bong which the Washington Monument is patterned after. •Psychology 345 A study of ice cream and clouds in Freudian dream analysis: the sexual innu endo of fluffy clouds and ice cream cones . .. hmmmm. •Philosophy 332 Topics in Ethics and Epistemology; For Ethics - Kant’s Categorical Imperative - Handing over toilet tissue to the person in the neighboring stall - a universal moral necessity, or just plain icky; For Episte mology, a feminist approach - how do women know bananas, can women know bananas and is this just oppressive patri archy at work. •Horticulture 104 Why plants smell nice and look pret ty; How to kill chiggers; Playing in your Zen garden. •BANA [we’re not sure what this stands for] 203 Finding the on-off switch on your com puter; Things to do while wainting for PINE; How to insult your computer; De signing web pages for the corporate spon sors of our football team so they don’t have to pay anyone to do it. •Human Anatomy 355 What’s up with the human armpit? — a study. Most likely, everyone harbors feelings of anger, oppression and hatred towrads our aloof administrators for withholding these courses from the class schedules. Our only hope for recourse is a mas sive student uprising, preferably on Pres ident’s Bowen’s front lawn. There, we can build a miniature bonfire of class sched ules and have a University-wide-beer- bonging-contest. Michelle Voss is a junior English major. needed a s a p 1 unutes trom campus. fc">( le needed. Sunni*I ). walking distance totsul d lor May. 2bdriiv11&'| -mo. 693-9134. d to share lurmsM2 er. $357/mo.+1/2u4Ws J 2bdrm'2bath ape"?' ’• i $300+/mo). Call 695® I. M/F. Summer. 21171' 12.50/mo. +1/2deposii ONE STAR LOWDOWN I. Share furnished 21*!' $280/mo. +1/2bills. Ktr* 1 lidn’t want to do it, but lere it is, the death I. 3-bedroom house. Oos 1 Tom-693-4381. irm/lbath. $212/mo. W 1 nas, 846-2433. ERVICES :ians with EPA certifies'" rk. Will work with schodi-' movative Services/SI® 1 hildren should not be subject death-penalty punishments tor Fall. Please call 69;-- Penalty et me get this part out tie way. Yes, I am a De- |crat with views that, for most part, are liberal. I r e actually hugged a tree, my of you that might slightly challenged by re contrary to your own, ise stop reading. I don’t at to be the one respon- e for shattering your sy moral code. Beverly Mireles columnist ve Driving. Lots-ol-l» lal/lnsurance discount, pm), Fri(6pm-8pm) 8$‘ 2:30pm). Inside NaM' ? 625/cash. Lowest price )W , Ste.217. 846-6117 017) d Opening Specials. Preparation. $5 0(1#'* 19. landgun course $75. loy ;ses available. JohnOd* Range 589-1093. RAVEL iccredited programs w# 1 ® ges & humanities in C dor, France, and GemrJ new sessions begin t 440 for literature. GHT LOSS ght. Wanted: 42-peof Or. recommended and I' f ] st 165-lbs. and over# has already lost lO?# [ 13. 3 openings for: fow that it’s all settled, let’s move on. it this very moment, Texas law concurs that chil- [n at the age of 14 can be tried as an adult, and judicial system can legally allow them to be exe- ted at the age of seventeen. certain state representative, Mr. Pitt, I believe, mid like to amend this law, and allow eleven ir-olds to be not only tried as an adult, but exe- ted as well. [This bears repeating — 11 years old. I’d hate to be id in this guy’s house. “You didn’t wipe off the sink :ryou used it; it’s off to the medieval rack for All joking aside, 11 years old is simply too young How the death penalty to be implemented. The motivation behind the legislature is clear, e murders in Jonesboro have left every school cher, every parent and every lawmaker some- at shaken. But saying that judicial systems Sould be allowed to execute 11 year-old children imply a sign of fear, not any type of legal resolu- n to the crime problem. The death penalty, in its purest form, was sup- sed to be a means of restraint. Think of it as a all scale equivalent of a nuclear weapon. My in terpretation of the principle is this: You do some thing really terrible, and you will be punished in the most severe way known to man, the loss of life. In theory, it would seem to work. Who would want to die? But just as nuclear weapons have caused more harm than good, so goes the death penalty. Initially, it’s ineffectual. It’s the beginning of a vi cious cycle. The death penalty hasn’t solved any type of crime yet, and it never will. It’s only the revengeful response of a society that can’t deal with its own depravity. Violence can’t be solved through violence. The need for revenge is legitimate. If my parents were murdered, it’s probable that I would want to hurt the perpetrator in a very direct and permanent way. Like with life in prison. Not with continuing the cycle of murder. The death penalty isn’t a solution and shouldn’t be argued as such. Even if you agree that the death penalty is a valid form of punishment, and there are a lot of you, es pecially on this campus, the age of eleven has to be considered unjust and brutal. Thankfully, Governor Bush finds that lowering the age to eleven is unacceptable. Finally, a Republi can politician without the urge for senseless blood lust. Hopefully, this legislation will die quickly, once the shock of the Jonesboro murders has been some what diminished and lawmakers have regained their senses. The brutal acts of any person, below or long past the age of eleven, should be dealt with in a manner that justly punishes the crime. However, this punishment should not be one so terrible in its own right that it weakens the moral fabric of society itself. Beverly Mireles is a jreshman microbiology major. CAMPUS CONNECTION Deciding upon one mascot will aid A&M on world-class quest Chris Martin columnist COLLEGE STA TION (AP) - In a surprising move sure to baffle and confuse mil lions of current, former and “not yet but if you don’t go there then I’m not paying for it” students, Texas A&M University announced plans Monday to replace the Aggie, the school’s beloved current mascot. Heinrich Himmler, university ex ecutive vice-president, provost and deputy magistrate, said a new mas cot is crucial to A&M’s plans to as similate all the world’s educational institutions into the Texas A&M University System by year 2020. “Resistance,” Himmler added, “is futile.” Himmler pointed out that ac claimed schools such as Harvard, Yale and Brown have such respect ed and classy mascots that no one even knows what they are. “I firmly believe A&M can never be taken seriously as a world-class university until it drops the Aggie moniker and all the horrible, un world-class university baggage it carries,” Himmler said. Himmler said he has laughed at the occasional Aggie joke tossed around the office. “But I soon realized that other schools weren’t laughing with us, but at us,” Himmler said. “The thought makes me weep on the inside, like a sad pathetic clown.” But despite the jokes, the leading cause for such a radical change of guard is the outdated role of the agrarian in today’s modern society, Himmler said. “The world is changing rapid ly, and unfortunately the Aggie has been left behind,” Himmler said. “I mean, what’s a farmer ever done for me? Mother gets all my food from the supermarket.” Joseph Goebbels, university vice-president of public relations and minister of propaganda, said that the Aggie label came from none other than former A&M Presi dent Lawrence “sullen-faced” Sulli van Ross, a noted soldier, states man and hate monger. “Ross needed a way to demoral ize the cadets in order to mold them into his personal evil undead army of the night,” Goebbels said. “The greatest form of social control is the slur, and thus, the Aggie was bom.” Board of Directors member Hermann Goering has been placed in charge of the new mas cot search committee. “I know the income-supplying social security numbers, er, stu dents, will be upset at abandoning the Aggie, but it must be done to protect the Vasserland, er, campus,” Goering said. The committee has been scour ing dozens of volumes of analyti cal data by top avatarologists, pouring through recent team names such as “Raptors,” “Flames” and “Diamondbacks.” “Lord and butter, even abstract ideas like the ‘Heat’ and ‘Magic’ are more respectable than our Aggies. We’re considering getting on the intangible boat with ‘The Texas A&M Army of Smarmy’ right now.” Goering also mentioned the committee is considering the “Ele- conda,” a giant elephant with a ge netically-engineered anaconda for a nose, for mascot. Surprisingly, not all administra tion members are for the change in tradition. One of the most outspoken opponents of the mascot switching has been A&M President Ray Bowen. When asked for his thoughts on the matter, Bowen cryptically replied, “Honk if I’m an Aggie.” Bowen then continued his weekly performance of “Ballerina Dancer” on the MSC flag room piano for lo cal underprivileged youth. A&M has long come under fire for having “no good mascot.” Texas Tech graduate student Bea ©’Problem has been lobbying the state legislature for years to force A&M to pick one mascot and go with it. “You’ve got Reveille, you’ve got Aggies, you’ve got fighting farmers, you’ve got OF Roc — what’s that all about,” O’Problem asked. “Do you really need all those mascots, or is it a sign of a bigger problem? Can you say ‘identity crisis?”’ Chris Martin is a senior journalism major. tas 77840 AGENCY TRICT clan /board proficient! cceptable dr ackground chec 1998. Send to: Drug Test Req*' : MAIL CALL )ortion treats unborn lildren to property Certain writers in The Battalion ze said they are Christians who ieve women have the right to abortion. Are they aware the early church posed abortion in all cases? That stance has changed little for most churches to this day. The Christian teaching on abor tion developed in a theological context of love. The Old Testament verses, “love God with all your heart” {Deut. 6:5) and “love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18) were singled out as the two com mandments on which depended “the whole law and the prophets” (Matt. 22:40). The standard for fulfilling these commandments is the sacrifice of one individual’s life for another (John 15:13) and embodied in the self-sacrifice of Jesus. Not sacrificing another for our life. It should also be noted that at conception, and individual is a single cell, the zygote. A zygote is genetically unique (Sproul, R.C., Abortion). In vitro fertilization allows the zygote to live independently of the mother. This makes the pro-abortion advocates appear to claim certain people are property. Some Christians believed African-Americans were property. Most Christians said that was wrong. Since we no longer be lieve people are property, can my pro-abortionChristian brothers and sisters explain to me what the difference is between advo cating slavery and abortion? I don’t believe Christ asked us to kill defenseless children for the mistakes of their parents. Harvey Hill College Station resident t-amcL i(Tjprnt/Tm r ^