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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 5, 1996)
Page 4 • The Battalion Ax;c;i i ;i a ft; Monday • February 5,19% BOOKS FOR BUCKS How to turn your love for reading into a profitable business venture Mith Gary S»ear©>v ©f the Texas ASLH. G©©kst©re Per-ioitf a/rCh' clifalifc/tspttast oat/845-7515 to //(form as o/fyoar- special*ttds. b/e. r-eyacst soCijf/caC/os tksec (jJ mos-lisp days prior- to tie evert to eraile es to assistyou to tie test oft our aiilities. Wednesday, February 7, 1996 8:30 p.m. 110 Koldus Talent Needed!!! The MSC Variety Show committee is looking for diverse talents to perform in this year’s annual MSC Variety Show taking place on Parent’s Weekend. Applications are available in the MSC Variety Show cube in the Student Programs Office. They will be due on Thursday, Feb. 22 by 5:00 p.m., no later! We encourage everyone interested to attend our pre-audition meeting tonight, Feb. 5th, at 7:00 p.m. in 401 Rudder Audition dates are as follows: Tuesday, Feb. 27 6:30-10:30 p.m. 201 MSC Monday, March 4 6:30-10:30 p.m. 201 MSC Tuesday, March 5 6:30-10:30 p.m. 201 MSC Come join in on the tradition of Parent ’s Weekend!!! For more information, please call 845-1515. Preserve the BrainForest. There’s one forest that’s different from all others on Earth. It’s a beautiful place, delivering a staggering array of valuable products to the world. And it’s got a lot of people buzzing—econ omists, financial analysts, engineers and consumers alike. What’s so special about this forest near Houston? It’s home to Compacf. For us, home is where the success is. After all, industry experts have called us the best- positioned computer company in the world. With record-setting earnings and popular prod ucts coming out ol these woods one alter the other, we can’t argue with that assessment. It’s clear that we’ve chosen a model setting to carry out the model high tech success story. We will be on the Texas A&M campus on February 26-27. If you are majoring in CS/CE/EE, and would like immediate consideration, FAX your resume, indicating Dept. TAMU, today! (713)514-2009 You may also feel free to send your resume: Compaq Computer Corporation, University Relations Coordinator, Dept.TAMU, MC 0801 1 1, P.O. Box 692000, Houston,TX 77269- 2000 or email: careerpaq@compaq.com. An equal opportunity employer m/f/d/v. COMPA& Farley’s schtick hindered by plot londay • Movie Review Black Sheep Starring Chris Farley, David Spade ; and Tim Matheson ^ : Directed by Lome Michaels K Rated PG-13 Playing at Hollywood 16 ★ * (out of five) By Wes Swift The Battalion There’s an old acting proverb that says, “It’s all in the delivery.” Chris Farley is a prime example of this. The stumbling, rumbling ex-Saturday Night Live star can stay still about as much as a jumping bean. His schtick is physical humor, a la getting trapped in situations where he is dragged, stomped or squashed. Then he overreacts, causing much more pain, lead ing to more schtick. For the most part, Farley’s antics, paired with his lovable loser persona, do have their charm. They have certainly found a place on SNL, where F'arley carved a niche as one of the most ballyhooed actors on the series. It’s funny, then, that SNL producer Lome Michaels, who produced Farley’s new film Black Sheep, should deviate so far from what made Farley popular from the start. Farley stars as Mike Donnelly, the brother of a prominent gubernatorial candi date (Tim Matheson). Donnelly’s clumsiness has a way of blem ishing his brother’s campaign, so in turn, the campaign head hon chos assign Steven Dobbs (SNL veteran David Spade) to keep Donnelly out of trouble. At the same time, the in cumbent governor (Christine Ebersol) is scheming to make Donnelly lose the election for his brother. Here’s the catch with Black Sheep: there’s too much plot. Yep, mark it down as a first — a bad mark for having too much plot. The film would have been better, i.e. funnier, if the focus had been on Farley's physical bumbles, not on some skeleton story that took up the lion’s share of the film. When Farley is at his best, his manic craziness is hilarious. Those moments are few and far between, however, and what’s left is just blah. Chris Farley and David Spade star in lilack Sheep. Movies teach new kind of cool 'm not cool. I used to think I was cool, but I have been taught otherwise in the past couple of weeks by a couple of guys named Tarantino and Rodriguez. In a pair of hour-and-a-half long lessons, Quentin and Robert have shown me that I will con tinue on this trend of non-coolness until I acquire some, if not all, of the following: 1) A really icy way of staring people down 2) Many shades of black clothing 3) Enough firepower on my person to anni hilate every living thing in the Brazos Valley. My first lesson was given during the vampire shoot’em up flick From Dusk Till Dawn, which I saw a couple of FYidays ago. The following Friday, I partook in a showing of Desperado. Here’s what I learned from the two films: if someone talks bad about you, you shoot him. If someone looks at you funny, you shoot him. If someone sees you eyeing his unbelievably beauti ful girlfriend, you shoot him and sleep with her later. Such were the morals preached by leading men George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino,and An tonio Banderas. I carefully took notes as Clooney spat out one- liners while drilling holes in Mexican bloodsuck ers. I ripped off Post-It notes and stuck them on my jacket as Banderas magically made two pistols appear from his sleeves before shooting up a po- dunk saloon. I dropped my pen and shouted at the screen, “Ay de mi!” when the gorgeous Salma Hayek danced for Tarantino. Upon returning home, I processed the informa tion and decided to copy the successful ways of these stars of the silver screen. Hell, I was prepared to pawn my senior ring and my Volkswagen in exchange for several black suits, a guitar case and a few serious hand cannons. I decided to make the debut into my new life the following Monday. I figured I’d wake up early, run out to the military depot store for some new toys and be on campus in time for my 9:10 class. That night, I slept fitfully and dreamed of my life to come. It went a little bit like this ... I awoke early, slipped on my off-black jacket, a white T-shirt and tossed back my long hair into a crude ponytail. The exotic dancer I brought home the night before was gone, but her lipstick message on the bath room mirror left nothing to the imagination. I loaded up my backpack with the fake bottom full of ammo and smaller weapons and stepped outside to hitch a ride to school. Halfway down the block, a Traditions bus stopped for me. The driver opened the door and called out to me, “Howdy! Need some help?” I stepped on the bus, slid the .44 Mag num out of my ear and shot the dri ver in the face. “Thanks,” 1 replied, “but I think I’ll just help myself.” I surveyed the rest of the passengers on the bus. Most were either puking their guts out, scrambling out the windows, or giving me a horse-laugh for murdering the driver. One lady caught my eye, and I stared her down. She looked right back into my eyes and sashayed her way to the front of the bus. “Need a driver?” she asked breathlessly. I nodded cool ly; things were looking up. As she drove us down Texas, I got a call that there was a bomb on the bus and if we went be low 50 miles per ... no wait, that’s another story, The woman dropped me off by the Bus Stop Snack Bar. It wasn’t open yet. I shot the nearest person out of frustration while my stomach growled. 1 went around the back of the Reed Mc Donald building. There, a PITS officer was giving a ticket to a woman who was having a baby in her car. I let him be. Anything that evil can’t be killed by conventional weapons. I walked into The Battalion newsroom to find an irate freshman looking for me, wanting to bitch about a sports column. The freshman was screaming at the clerk on duty for being slow and told her to “shake a leg”. I pulled the .357 I had stashed in my nose and shot him in the knee. I cracked his lower leg off and shook it front of his face as he collapsed. The clerk stared at me and began to say some thing. I silenced her with a piercing gaze from my smoldering baby blues and kissed her passionately' “You’re welcome,” I whispered and walked awfiy. I awoke in a cold sweat and realized the killing thing just wasn’t my cup of tea. Could I shoot a man in the head just for cutting me off in traffic? Wasn’t giving him “the other fa mous Aggie hand signal” just as satisfying for me? 1 struggled out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I re membered the scene in Dawn where Tarantino gets a bullet through his hand. I thought back to a football game three weeks before when I had sprained my foot. I still complained about the pain 21 days later; Tarantino had gone back to shooting his gun 15 seconds after his wound. Then I flashed to the scene in Despera do when Banderas shoots banditos be hind his head, behind his back and through his legs. I can’t make a free throw. If 1 try to shoot someone be hind my back, I’m go ing to shoot myself in the ass. It’s useless. I’d still like to date Salma Hayek though. Nick Georgandis is a senior journalism major. The Buck Starts Here! Financial Aid Awareness Week February 5-11 r Monday, February 5 thru Friday, February 9 -Resource Tables -10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. -MSC A Monday, February 6 -Teleconference on filling out Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) -6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. -MSC 292 * bring 1995 financial records Friday, February 9 V -Renewal Application Workshop -11:00 to 12:00 noon -Pavilion 229 * must have renewal app. and 1995 financial records y Department of Student Financial Aid Texas A&M University For more information call Student Financial Aid 845-3981 The ba W Conti 1 dange ;Cente I tance l gives s I on a d: Insl dents weath En Conti n lifestyle baiion i them tc Johi usual! loss, '2,300 Corps i Althi laces a i ment, £ creased rolling : not a pn The Educat: Tov Conti but qu quired hard w “1 ne trying i little pt don’t i hooks,’’ The opport from pr Mik Lucky duder only f 0 ] also foi in the ] “We