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Page 18 • The Battalion
Sports
Bumper stickers need a '908 edge
Thursday • August 31,
David
Winder
Sportswriter
W hile I was waiting at
one of the infinite
number of traffic
lights on Texas Avenue, a sta
tion wagon in the lane next to
me caught my eye. The area
from the top of the back wind
shield to the bottom of the car
was covered in bumper stickers.
Some had been worn away, but
the ones with intact messages
were quite humorous.
Every type of sticker from the
dirty to the moronic to the weird
was represented. But one sticker
could fit only into the boring cat
egory. Right there between “My
kid can beat up your honor stu
dent” and “My gun has killed
one person less than Ted
Kennedy,” was a sticker that
simply said “Houston Astros.”
This made me realize that
most sports-related bumper
stickers are about as funny as a
Sylvester Stallone comedy. They
contain no creativity, no clever
puns and nonstop action (Wait,
that’s Stallone movies only).
Most sports stickers simply
state the team’s name and
maybe the year. If they are real
ly clever, they say things like
“Houston Rockets: Back-to-Back
World Champions.” They may
even use different colors if they
want to get really zany.
It is time for sports bumper
stickers to move into the 1990s.
Bumper stickers for Major
League Baseball fans
“Baseball: The game of unlim
ited drug suspensions.”
“Cal Ripken has now
scratched himself in 1,123
straight games.”
“Hey Bagwell, ever thought
about dodging a pitch?”
“Baseball: It might be boring,
but it’s a fun kind of boring.”
Bumper stickers for fans of
the Houston Oilers
“Who owns the worst rugs in
Houston? The Astrodome and
Bud Adams.”
“Never thought I would miss
Jerry Glanville.”
“Latest Nashville hit song:
My wife left me and the Oilers
are moving to town.”
Southwest Conference Football
FLASHBACK
1916
Conference Champion: Texas 5-1 SWC record, 7-2 overall
Texas A&M's finish: SWC: 2-1 (tied for third); 6-3 overall
Player of the Year: Maxey Hart, split end, Texas
Stat of the Year: In 10 games, Baylor allowed only 27 points.
Game of the Year: Rice 146, SMU 3
Bumper stickers for PeterMiJ
Neely fans
“I thought he was fighting Ci.
cely Tyson.”
“He might be stupid, but at
least he’s rich.”
“What in the hell was I thini
mg:
“He’s like an Irish Rocky wb
can’t box.”
Bumper stickers for fans of
the National Basketball Associa
tion
“Please don’t hit me, Mr.
Maxwell.”
“Remember kids, always weaj
your hard hats when the Magic
are shooting free throws."
“Wow, I’ve never seen one of
those pierced before, Mr. Rod-
Bumper stickers for fans of
the Dallas Cowboys.
“Pepsi. The choice of a
greedy owner.”
“My money and my child’s
college tuition both go toward
season tickets.”
“Hey Deion, you like movies!
Three words. Shaft the Re
venge.”
“Tom, Jimmy and Barry. The
stare, the hair and the prayer.'
,un
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Astros silence
Braves. 2-0
I-<
ATLANTA (AP) - Shane
Reynolds allowed six hits over
eight innings Wednesday night
and the Houston Astros won
their second straight game af
ter losing a team-record 11,
beating the Atlanta Braves 2-0,
Reynolds (9-9) snappeda
two-game losing streak, strik
ing out five and walking two,
Jeff Tabaka and Todd Jones
worked the ninth with Jones
getting the last out for his l3tli
save.
The Astros started the nigh:
one-half game behind the Co!
orado Rockies in the wild-can
Ai
(De Staged Up
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1404 Texas Avenue South • 764-2929
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