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Sue’s Page
April Fool's Day, 1993
The Buttsling
Page 94
Quad queens tell their sordid tales: 'My life as a boot-chaser'
By MELISSA HOLUBEC
The Battalion
With all the different organizations stu
dents can join at A&M, few join the ranks
of "quad queens," those female students
who spena more time on the quad than
most other female students.
"Quad queens love men in uniform,"
said junior psychology major Alvin
Loftin. "They feel sorry for fish because
of their haircuts, and they like seniors for
their boots."
Quad queens spend more time on the
quad than most other female students be
cause they were assigned rooms in dorms
there or simply because they prefer the
view of the quad courtyard to other
places on campus.
"There are different degrees of quad
queen-ness," said sophomore history ma
jor Sean Muckleroy. "Quad queens range
from girls who live on the quad to girls
who spend the night with the Corps."
Freshmen girls who live in dorms on
the quad often earn the title of quad queen
without realizing it. Some, like freshman
modern language major Ginger Hightow
er, enjoy exchanging quad queen stories.
"You're know you're a quad queen
when your phone list is more up-to-date
than the one in the guard room," she said.
Quad queens do things like park on the
west side of campus just to be able to call
the guard room for escorts back to their
dorms, Hightower said.
One cadet, however, offered a word of
advice to girls who call the guard room
looking for a date.
"When you call the guard room looking
for a date, don't give specifics," said ju
nior political science major James Ander
son. "Once, a girl called the guard room
and asked for a tall, dark and handsome
escort. She got a short fat guy instead."
But there are the girls wno don't live
on the quad who visit it frequently.
Sometimes they are dubbed with an extra
nickname.
"There are quad queen wanna-be's
too," Hightower said. "Some girls visit
friends on the quad so much you'd think
they lived there."
The question of telling exactly who the
genuine quad queens and the impostors
are requires little more than knowledge
and careful observance.
"Quad queens know all the Corps
hump-its," Anderson said. "They also
know lots of people in first floor rooms.
We see lots of rear ends hanging out of
windows."
Hightower said there are numerous
ways to know when someone has earned
quad queen status.
"You know you're a quad queen when
you can name all 12 Corps dorms and
f pve a brief run down of which outfits
ive in each one," she said.
Other indicators Hightower cited in
clude calling cadences, eating more than
one meal a day in Duncan Dining Center,
unconsciously speaking in Corps lingo
and trying to enroll in military science
classes as an interior design major.
"The ultimate quad queen qualification
occurs when CT's and BQ's mistake you
for a woman in the Corps and start whip
ping out to you," she said.
Snails! Big Snails!
KEVIN "PHOTO BOY" IVY/Thc Battalion
Due to a low camera angle, this giant snail appears to be devouring the Blocker building.
Lint: The unrecognized threat, the limitless possibilities
All of us have experi
enced the personal trauma
and heartbreak that can re
sult from unsightly cloth
ing lint and its more pri
vate relative, belly button
lint. However, many are
unaware of the roles, both
positive and negative, that
lint plays on a grander scale
in our society.
LINT WILL SAVE THE
ENVIRONMENT
A product derived from
cotton seed lint and wood
fiber, called Oil Sorb, sus
pends oil spills on land or
sea. Bill Turney Jr. of NRG
Resources Inc., Oil Sorb's
developer, said, "We can't
stop the spills but we can protect the
environment."
Oil Sorb is hailed as greatly superi
or to its competitors. "We ve used
our product to clean up the spills the
others left behind," Turney said.
LINT CONTROL DEVICES
For that embarrassing chronic
lint-ball problem that haunts your
favorite old shirts. Remington offers
the Fuzz-Away shaver,
which retails for $19.99
at discount department
stores. Rich Henderson,
a satisfied Fuzz-Away
owner, said the device is
quite powerful.
"Once I put it on my
tongue by accident, and
that sucker can bite," he
said.
K-Tel manufactures an
article called the Miracle
Brush lint and hair re
mover.
LINT ABORTS SPACE
SHUTTLE MISSION
In December 1990, an
overheated computer
aboard the space shuttle
Columbia failed, aborting the aim
ing of three telescopes. The astro
nauts found the computer's air
vents were clogged withlint.
In June 1991, Columbia astronauts
were awakened four times during
the night to save specimens from
spoiling in freezers clocked by ice.
NASA speculated that lint" was
blocking the freezers' vents.
LINT SOLVES MURDER CASE
In 1986, a 24-year-old murder case
was reopened .in the Monterey
County, Ca., Superior Court. The
crucial piece of evidence was a ball
of lint, collected from the carpet of
the murdered girl's home, that con
tained paint chips which matched
the car roof of the accused killer.
Defense attorney Cliff Tedmon
said the lint evidence had suspi
ciously appeared since the original
trial in 19o2. Prosecuting assistant
Ronald Fahey said, "There is no rea
sonable evidence that the lint ball
could have been contaminated."
LINT THREATENS INDUSTRY
Two major areas of profit leakage
in knitting mills are the lubrication
rocess and the lint control process,
tudies show, however, that fabrics
containing crosslinked polyethylene
glycols produce substantially less lint.
"Delintering equipment" is used in
oil mills to reduce problems with
"fugitive dust emissions," as lint balls
are referred to in the industry. The
government has established federal
standards with which lint and dust
control engineers must comply.
SUSAN
OWEN
Man, am I in
trouble for this.
T-sip to perform on big organ
Frank Speller will strike
up his organ in t.u.'s Great
Organ Series this Sunday.
The UT Performing Arts
Center describes the event
as an "always amazing"
display that will put the
Bates Hall tracker pipe or
gan in its best light.
Texas A&M students have
reacted with delight to the
news of this cultural event.
"Speller is an amazing
performer," said Rich Hen
derson, a sophomore politi
cal science major. "As he
pushes his organ to new
heights in rhythmic
melody, the crowd's oohs
and ans crescendo from
mild purrs of ecstasy to a climactic conclusion."
"And you know, it's hard to find a T-sip who
DENA
DIZDAR
Goddess of
Expression
has an organ," said senior psychology and man
agement major Chris Gordon.
Speller's organ, as luck would have it, is three
stories tall; the perfect height to execute such clas
sics as "Full Organ in Dialogue" and "Two Dances
to the Fire God. Speller said this arena has given
"And you know, it's hard to
find a T-sip who has an organ."
-Chris Gordon, senior psychology
and management major
organists an excellent chance to "strut their stuff."
Since this year's series highlights specific inter
national regions. Speller will get a cnance to ex
plore the many places organs have been.
The arts center hails Speller as a true organ
master; Bates Recital Hall will host the concert Be
ginning at 4 p.m.
JENNY
EBERT
Where No Bow
Has Gone Before
New Ninja Turtle flick skillfully
integrates its nonviolent message
in a setting of pain, desperation
Jenny: In director Stuart
Gillard's new karate clas
sic, "Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles III," the four
shelled mutants are back to
their leg-kicking, nun-
chaku-swinging, language-
abusing antics.
April, the turtles' pseu
do-guardian, brings "some
weird kind of Japanese
eggtimer," actually an an
cient magical scepter with time travelling abili
ties, down to the sewer/abode of Michelangelo,
Donatello, Raphael, and Leonardo, mutant turtles
extraordinaire. With blue sparks a-flying, the
scepter accidentally whisks April back to 1603
Japan, while the son of a Japanese ruler in 1603
takes her place in the present day New York sewer.
The four green heros use the magical scepter to
take the place of four ancient honor guards of a
Japanese feudal warlord in an attempt to rescue
their peril-stricken damsel.
Joe: This is Gillard's third cinematic feat which
displays his unique and intellectual philosophy.
His own derivative of the oriental yin and yang
philosophy is extremely evident in his creation of
the dual setting where the ancient Japanese em-
ire is juxtaposed with the modern sewer of New
brk City.
Jenny: I disagree completely. The only cine
matic feat of this film is the fact that it has at least
some form of a plot, contrary to the first two.
How can you find any cinematic worth in a
movie with Turtles Of Unusual Size and a com
plete knack for mutilating the English language?
Joe: Hold on, didn't you notice how the film
skillfully and almost paradoxically integrated the
JOE
SISKEL
Our Man In
Crocker
Y<
nonviolent message in a
setting of pain, destruc
tion, and heart-wrenching
sorrow. Raphael, a brutal
warrior himself, preaches
the message of passivity to
the impressionable youth
of the Japanese village.
Jenny: That's a bunch of
malarkey! Let's address
the completely corn-ball
jargon the turtles use. Par
don me, but do you realize that this movie will
spark a plethitude of tiny tots casting about such
pnrases as "He who dings the shell must pay" and
*'Help I'm a turtle and I can't get up."
Joe: You big dweeb, didn't you notice how
Gillard carefully crafted the contemporary envi
ronmental message with the comparison of an
ancient cascading Japanese river to the vile and
putrid New York sewer of the present day.
Jenny: You balding bag of bones, while you
have been preaching about the moral issues this
movie embraces, you fail to mention the corrup
tion that befalls the honor guard in New York.
For God's sakes, in a span of two and a half days
they fall into the evil pit of junk food, video
games, and hockey fights.
Joe: Only you would notice the junk food mo
tif, fatso! If you weren't so preoccupied with your
popcorn smackin', Ju-Ju-Be poppin , clear Crystal
Pepsi slurpin' habits, you might notice the sub
tleties of this art. And lose some weight buddy.
Jenny: Look here bucko. I'm surprised you can
even see the screen over that shnoz.
Joe: Kiss my derriere!
Jenny: Drop the drawers homey.
Joe: Pucker-up sweet lips.
FACEs 1993-94
Freshmen Adjusting to College Experiences
Mentor Applications Available
"You can make a difference"
Qualifications t
-must be a sophomore, junior, or senior by FALL '93
-must have a minimum GPR of 2.25
-must have a sincere interest in helping an ethnic
minority freshman
Available: /
Office of.Student Affairs
(RM 110 YMCA BLDG) .
" I::;:/ } A '2 Lounge
(comer of Moses and Hughes Halls)
South Area Office
For more information call:
The FACEs Office
845- 9804
Alisa Reyna, Mentor Sub-chair
846- 8812
APPLICATION DEADLINE
EXTENDED TO APRIL 2
DON’T CRACK
UNDER PRESSURE
TAG-Heuer
SWISS MADE SINCE 1860.
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Jeuueter/
3841 Bellaire Blvd. • Houston. Texas 77025 • 713/668-5000
New Orleans
All You Can Eat
Cajun Crawfish
6-8 pm
Stafford Opera House
Frfdloy
Aprol 2
Total Quality Management Committee &
The College of Business Administration
and Graduate School of Business
ATTENTION BUSINESS STUDENTS!!
Your Advisors Want You to Succeed...
In a continuing effort to improve the service of advising
in the Undergraduate Programs Office (Blocker 330), we
will be providing preregistration advice for fall 1993 on
the following schedule:
SENIORS
JUNIORS
SOPHOMORES
FRESHMEN
April 5-15
April 12-21
April 16-27
April 22 - May 3
Please assist us in our improvement efforts by observing this
new schedule.
Blocker Room 330
Undergraduate Programs Office