The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current, March 30, 1990, Image 14

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    Page 8 Thumbs Mp
Thursday, March 29, 1990
Talk about safer sex, monogamy
more than trying to scare people
Selection by the Guitar Shop ...
Head and Shoulders above the Crowd
All at Unbeatable Prices
Q. Admit it — your talk about
safer sex and monogamy is meant
to scare people out of adventur
ous sex lives.
A. No. When I say that sex with
one trustworthy partner is safer
than going around sharing sex
with many partners, that is only
factual information. I hope some
body considers that this column
is trustworthy information. That
Dr. Ruth gives trustworthy infor
mation. That accredited sex edu
cators and sex therapists can be
relied on for sound information.
We don’t try to scare, because
to prevent sexually transmissible
diseases or unwanted pregnan
cies, scare tactics don’t work. But
information does. When I read In
The New York Times that unwan
ted teen-age pregnancies are
down, and that new cases of AIDS
among gay males are down, then I
feel that my colleagues and I are
justified and that we should be
proud of our efforts.
If you try to scare young people
out of doing dangerous things,
the ones most likely to take risks
will only say, “Hah! They’re just
trying to scare us because they
don’t want us to drink, to do
drugs, to have fun in cars or to
have sex. They want to save all
that for themselves.” But if you
give youngsters reasonable in
formation about behaving sensi
bly and responsibly, a lot of them
will listen and then act on what
they have heard or read.
Ruth
Westheimer
man. Oral sex and other kinds of
fooling around are good for only so
long. Maybe the man will be satis
fied forever that way, the woman
not for so long.
I know whereof I speak. My
husband is a totally impotent
diabetic senior citizen and I am a
somewhat younger nurse. After a
while I asked him to get an im
plant and he refused. I think a lot
of people find this procedure too
expensive, then they phone their
travel agent and spend the same
amount on a vacation. My hus
band refused the implant and I
found a boyfriend.
tery into your mind. You say that
men are satisfied with oral sex
and other diversions but no wo
man ever will be. However, I get
letters from men who want inter
course but their wives will agree
only to the other forms of shared
sex. So when you say women like
this or that, you mean yourself.
You don’t speak for all women.
It is true that people will avoid
costly procedures that might very
well improve their year-round
lives and spend the same money
on other things. But if a man does
not want an implant, it should not
be forced on him. Many women
with husbands in the same condi
tion as yours have found ways to
find sexual satisfaction within the
bounds of marriage. Naturally, I
know of the cases where the cou
ple have sought help from sex
therapists.
Q. Say what you like, nothing
replaces real sex — meaning in
tercourse between man and wo-
A. Now I could be wrong just
about you, but when someone
asks me, “Should I look for sexual
satisfaction outside?" I do think
that this questioner, male or fe
male, has going outside very
much in mind. And when you say
you found a boyfriend, was that
what you wanted, and you found
an excuse? The person who finds
excuses for adultery is like the
one who says, “I’ll drink to that!”
no matter what it is. Or the one
who says his girlfriend reminds
him of a martini — because what
doesn’t?
My guess is that a lot of other
things besides your husband's
sex problems put the idea of adul-
Q. You have said that when one
partner’s sexual appetite is lower
than the other’s, the less in
terested partner should accom
modate the other without taking
full part in the encounter — that
is, should pleasure the other
without trying for orgasm herself
or himself, probably by means
other than intercourse. But in
this man's experience, women are
usually unwilling to be helpful in
this way.
Of course many women are will
ing to cooperate in this matter,
and many who Eire not willing to
day will be willing in the near fu
ture, especially with more under
standing of human sexuality
gained by reading, consulting a
sex therapist or, not unlikely, by
seeing some sexy and romantic
movie.
Q. You have at different times
advised women to do nothing
sexually that repels them but to
consider that their attitude may
change at some time. Then they
will feel all different about grant
ing some sexual favor that has
always made them want to barf
and want a divorce and that they
are sure is wrong in the sight of all
that is holy.
Does this variability apply to
things like theft and murder? I
mean, have we no rules we must
stick by, or are we just quivering
jellies with nerves and feelings?
1990 merchandise: has
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A. Whether you are one or the
other I leave to you. At no time
have I, in my recollection, told
anyone that obeying the Ten
Commandments is just a passing
thing, to be dumped when feelings
change. And I have asserted as
well an Eleventh, “Don’t do any
thing sexually that you really
don’t like."
A. This is your experience, not
the universal experience of men
with women. By the way, I never
said the less libidinous partner
should pleasure the more libidin
ous. I probably said that he or she
could do so. If willing, of course.
Carney’s Pub: Fun people, great music
Carney’s Pub
3410 South College
823-1294
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la.m.
Owner:Joe Carney
Manager: Greg Letsos
CovenNone
Specials: 115 different draft beers and imported beer from all
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Activities:Shuffleboard - Tournaments Tuesday, nights at
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Owner Joe Carney said, “Carney’s is a great beer drinking
atmosphere with fun people and great music.”
Some actions in life are establi
shed for us as really harmful and
wrong and others are matters of
mood. You have to know for your
self that such a distinction exists,
and to know which things you
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