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Tenuta: ‘Wear your bondage panties!
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Self-proclaimedpetite goddess
of comedy visits A&M Friday
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Looking to change your religion?
You’ll have a chance Friday night
when Judy Tenuta, the self-pro-
claimed Petite Flower and love god
dess of the ’80s comedy scene, brings
her trademark accordion and ob
noxiously fun brand of humor to
Rudder Auditorium.
The show, brought to A&M by
MSC Town Hall, will begin at 8 p.m.,
but anyone interested in converting
to “Judy-ism” may begin preparing
for the transformation as soon as
possible.
“They should repeat all of my
catch phrases, such as ‘It could hap
pen’ and T am a pig in bondage for
I am the one true
religious leader because I
have no scandals — just
sandals.”
Judy Tenuta,
Comedienne
Judy,” Tenuta said in a telephone in
terview. “And they should chant my
name until they become a human
speed bump, or they lose their job as
sperm bank president.”
Tenuta is the religious leader of
her cult-like following, which began
when she burst onto the Chicago
comedy scene at the beginning of
the decade.
“I am the founder of ‘Judy-ism,’
the one true religion, the only reli
gion of the ’90s,” she said.
“And I am the one true religious
leader because I have no scandals —
just sandals.”
Nowadays, the gold lam£ toga-
and sandal-clad Tenuta is better
known for her appearances in com
mercials for Diet Dr. Pepper and her
own HBO comedy special.
But she says she loves being on the
road and is looking forward to her
visit to A&M.
"Oh yes — the School of Androids
and Mutants. My visit should be
really nice.”
And despite the fact that a recent
concert in Houston was open only to
fans 21 and older, Tenuta said her
show won’t be toned down any for
the “babes” at A&M.
“What do you mean tone it down?
There’s nothing to be toned down!”
she said. “You pigs need the truth.
You get lied to all the time.”
And the truth is what we shall re
ceive.
“Basically, what we will be having
is some small farm animals. We are
going to dress them up in K-mart
clothes. I know that’s very cruel, but
they need to be taught discipline
early.
“I’m going to take a sheep and
make it wear a wool kilt — to see how
they like it. I’m going to take a horse
and make it wear some glue. And
I’m going to take a cow and make it
wear Roseanne — how’s that?
“And I will be walking all over
Princess Di and Charles, and it will
be lots of fun. And then I will bap
tize some lovepig from yuppiedom
into goddessdom.”
But before the goddess comes to
A&M, she wanted to pass on some
fashion tips to the “petite pseudo
virgins” of A&M.
“For petite pseudo-virgins — you
should act like a virginette at all
times, but at the same time let every
one know that you will mate with the
first Shriner in a Saab.
“And of course, you should always
wear tasteful makeup, just like Bette
Davis in ‘Whatever Happened to
Baby Jane.’
“And also, you should be absoltely
nude whenever possible, except
strap an accordion on and when
your lovepig comes in, you should
speak in a very soft voice and say,
‘Hey, Hog! Where’s my sex?!’ ”
In the interview, Tenuta ex
pounded on topics such as these,
)andei
Comedienne Judy Tenuta
only she tried not to be. You know
that she was ready to release her
eggs!”
Favorite comics:
Tmelda Marcos, Desmond It
Jesse Jackson.”
Roseanne:
“Oh yeah right, I think it’s won
derful that now they’re giving
prime-time shows to manatees. It’s
really nice. I think if you want to see
a cow, go out to a farm. You don’t
have to turn on a TV.”
The President:
“Oh yeah, like that toad almost
has a mind. Excuse me, but he’s too
busy eating pork rinds and fishing
for trout.”
The Vice-President:
and even expanded on others:
“Oh yeah, like that guy almost ex
ists. He is a hopeless piece of plank
ton — he’s like vegetable matter try
ing to imitate human life.”
Favorite food:
“Sexist pigs in a blanket.”
Midnight snacks:
“I just hope that when I’m
1 exas I don’t have any morenigt
mares where I dream that I Havel
talk to the refrigerator because
think its God. You know — you;
to sleep at night and leave the refr:;
erator door open, then youwalq
in the middle of the night and so.
see a light. You walk toward
because you think it’s the A 0
And of course, you go toopentk
freezer box because you’re kindd
hungry, so you go to get a
And, instead, it’s a severed htai
Who needs that?”
Zsa Zsa Gabor:
“You know, if that policeman had
come up to me using force and pro
fanity, I would have mounted him
and reproduced. Of course I would
be turned on — just like she was.
Skiing:
“I hate skiing — I think it’s just a
dangerous sport. It’s too many
clothes to put on just to get your legs
broken, when my cousin Vito can do
that for you without getting out of
bed.”
But despite this fear, Tenuta
she is counting the minutes until 1»
visit to Aggieland.
And one last tip she gave forthos
going to see her concert:
“Wear your bondage panties!’
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G. Rollie White Coliseum
Sunday , October 29th at 8 p.m
Plenty Of Seats Still Available for $15
, • at the MSC Box Office , .
for more information call the MSC Box Office (409)845-1234 or for phone orders call 1-800-284-57SO