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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 16, 1989)
2 FREE RENTALS Page 8 The Battalion with a new membership OR RENT Any Game or Software Get Second One Vz OFF FLOPPY T O E ’ 5 $ » •£■*• tv* t Culpepper Plaza Monday, October 16 Tenuta: ‘Wear your bondage panties! Wg Rent & Sel 1 * IBM, APPLE, MAC, COMMODORE, AMIGA, SEGA & NINTENDO Software. WE SELL: Acct, Productivity, Utilities, Education and Entertainment Software....DISCOUNTED 25% Self-proclaimedpetite goddess of comedy visits A&M Friday Culpeppar Plaza • Collage Station a 693-1706 Not good with any other otter • VOID 10-22-69 Some reetrlotlone apply By Chuck Lovejoy Call Now For an Appointment! $0000 ROUTINE CLEANING, X-RAYS and EXAM (Reg. $59 less $30 pre $30 pretreatment cash discount) CarePlus^*** Dental Centers Bryan Jim Arents, DDS Karen Arents, DDS 1103 E. Villa Maria 268-1407 College Station Dan Lawson, DDS 1712 S.W Parkway 696-9578 Of The Battalion Staff LUNCH BUFFET ALL YOU CAN EAT Great Pizza, & Salad Bar $3 89 11AM - 2PM Daily 326 Jersey St.' 211 University Carter Creek 696-DAVE 268-DAVE 846-DAVE Looking to change your religion? You’ll have a chance Friday night when Judy Tenuta, the self-pro- claimed Petite Flower and love god dess of the ’80s comedy scene, brings her trademark accordion and ob noxiously fun brand of humor to Rudder Auditorium. The show, brought to A&M by MSC Town Hall, will begin at 8 p.m., but anyone interested in converting to “Judy-ism” may begin preparing for the transformation as soon as possible. “They should repeat all of my catch phrases, such as ‘It could hap pen’ and T am a pig in bondage for I am the one true religious leader because I have no scandals — just sandals.” Judy Tenuta, Comedienne Judy,” Tenuta said in a telephone in terview. “And they should chant my name until they become a human speed bump, or they lose their job as sperm bank president.” Tenuta is the religious leader of her cult-like following, which began when she burst onto the Chicago comedy scene at the beginning of the decade. “I am the founder of ‘Judy-ism,’ the one true religion, the only reli gion of the ’90s,” she said. “And I am the one true religious leader because I have no scandals — just sandals.” Nowadays, the gold lam£ toga- and sandal-clad Tenuta is better known for her appearances in com mercials for Diet Dr. Pepper and her own HBO comedy special. But she says she loves being on the road and is looking forward to her visit to A&M. "Oh yes — the School of Androids and Mutants. My visit should be really nice.” And despite the fact that a recent concert in Houston was open only to fans 21 and older, Tenuta said her show won’t be toned down any for the “babes” at A&M. “What do you mean tone it down? There’s nothing to be toned down!” she said. “You pigs need the truth. You get lied to all the time.” And the truth is what we shall re ceive. “Basically, what we will be having is some small farm animals. We are going to dress them up in K-mart clothes. I know that’s very cruel, but they need to be taught discipline early. “I’m going to take a sheep and make it wear a wool kilt — to see how they like it. I’m going to take a horse and make it wear some glue. And I’m going to take a cow and make it wear Roseanne — how’s that? “And I will be walking all over Princess Di and Charles, and it will be lots of fun. And then I will bap tize some lovepig from yuppiedom into goddessdom.” But before the goddess comes to A&M, she wanted to pass on some fashion tips to the “petite pseudo virgins” of A&M. “For petite pseudo-virgins — you should act like a virginette at all times, but at the same time let every one know that you will mate with the first Shriner in a Saab. “And of course, you should always wear tasteful makeup, just like Bette Davis in ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.’ “And also, you should be absoltely nude whenever possible, except strap an accordion on and when your lovepig comes in, you should speak in a very soft voice and say, ‘Hey, Hog! Where’s my sex?!’ ” In the interview, Tenuta ex pounded on topics such as these, )andei Comedienne Judy Tenuta only she tried not to be. You know that she was ready to release her eggs!” Favorite comics: Tmelda Marcos, Desmond It Jesse Jackson.” Roseanne: “Oh yeah right, I think it’s won derful that now they’re giving prime-time shows to manatees. It’s really nice. I think if you want to see a cow, go out to a farm. You don’t have to turn on a TV.” The President: “Oh yeah, like that toad almost has a mind. Excuse me, but he’s too busy eating pork rinds and fishing for trout.” The Vice-President: and even expanded on others: “Oh yeah, like that guy almost ex ists. He is a hopeless piece of plank ton — he’s like vegetable matter try ing to imitate human life.” Favorite food: “Sexist pigs in a blanket.” Midnight snacks: “I just hope that when I’m 1 exas I don’t have any morenigt mares where I dream that I Havel talk to the refrigerator because think its God. You know — you; to sleep at night and leave the refr:; erator door open, then youwalq in the middle of the night and so. see a light. You walk toward because you think it’s the A 0 And of course, you go toopentk freezer box because you’re kindd hungry, so you go to get a And, instead, it’s a severed htai Who needs that?” Zsa Zsa Gabor: “You know, if that policeman had come up to me using force and pro fanity, I would have mounted him and reproduced. Of course I would be turned on — just like she was. Skiing: “I hate skiing — I think it’s just a dangerous sport. It’s too many clothes to put on just to get your legs broken, when my cousin Vito can do that for you without getting out of bed.” But despite this fear, Tenuta she is counting the minutes until 1» visit to Aggieland. And one last tip she gave forthos going to see her concert: “Wear your bondage panties!’ J A4 l C3WN Two Bits, Four Bits, Ten Thousand Dollars. The cost of college is nothing to cheer about. ONLY DATE IN TEXAS Fact is. if you figure tuition and living expenses, a Bachelor's Degree c an easily set you back more than SI0.000. That’s the bad news. The good news is that BANK ONE can help with three popular types of student loans: the Stafford Stu dent Ixvan. the Supplemental Loan Cor Students and the Parent Loan for Undergraduate Students. It’s easy to qualify, approval is fast, and these loans arc available at simple interest. Your repayment schedule can even he geared to your particular financial situation. Give us a yell. For details, call our toll trcv Student lx>an I lotline at 1-800-777-2001 nationwide^ FALL .Open floor lit-iider Member FOIC BANK=ONE YES, I could use some help financing college. Please send me more information on your loan program. NAME ADDRESS CITY STATE ZIP PHONE AND AREA CODE Send to: BANK ONE Student Loans. P.O. Box 910. Fort Worth. Texas 76101 G. Rollie White Coliseum Sunday , October 29th at 8 p.m Plenty Of Seats Still Available for $15 , • at the MSC Box Office , . for more information call the MSC Box Office (409)845-1234 or for phone orders call 1-800-284-57SO