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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (July 14, 1989)
The Battalion OPINION ’he Friday, July 14, 1989 Fridi Free advice unsafe to drivers OK, for all you really unsafe drivers out there who actually can read, this col umn is for you. Yes, after nearly getting killed today for the 57th time this month by some one whose vehicle, if he has to have one, should have an advanced homing device or at least a self-destruct mechanism that activates once he gets out of heavy traffic, I have decided to offer you more than just various digital contortions that always seem to be the thing to do at this time. Carol Rust The Beaumont Enterpv ANSWER:The correct answerkj (a.) Go when the traffic light green. One easy way to remembet HM rule, if you are familiar with theEnJ| Boarc language, is to remember that “| and “go” start w'ith the same letter That’s the letter. its list jects, * for te. Cheesy lawsuit milks Kraft company dry It doesn’t look like Kraft is going to be able to squirm its way out from under the “Ready to Roll” contest snafu. For those of you who haven’t heard, the company could owe more than 10,000 people Dodge custom vans va lued at $ 17,000 each. Now, why in the world would a com pany as big and successful as Kraft USA get themselves into such a big mess? The answer is simple — to sell proc essed cheese slices. You see, Kraft thought that they could make people purchase more proc essed cheese slices with the incentive that they might be able to drive around in a new Dodge van for free. Kraft thought that the average consumer, af ter eating all those processed cheese slices purchased in hopes of winning a new van, would really begin to like proc essed cheese slices, thus sales would re main high after the opportunity to win a new van had passed. Does Kraft really think the American people are that gullible? Yes. But that’s not the point. The point is that ihstead of printing up 8,600 winning tickets for the the prizes — 8,000 packages of cheese, 500 skateboards, 100 bicycles and one 1990 Dodge Caravan LE van — as they had planned, about 21,000 winning tickets were printed and distributed in the Chi cago and Houston metropolitan areas. Kraft noticed there was a problem when a number of people began turn ing in tickets for what was supposed to have been a single prize — the van. Of course, Kraft discontinued the contest and pulled all the cheese off the Ellen Hobbs Editor But a few sore losers still want vans, by God, and they’re no longer “Ready to Roll,” they’re Ready to Sue. A judge told them Tuesday that they had a right to file a class action suit against Kraft to get those vans, whether or not Kraft had made an innocent mis take. And it’s FREE! Welcome to Carol’s School of Driv ing. Yes, at Carol’s School of Driving, we will review various fundamental rules of the highway (in the continental United States, at least) so that you can brush up on them to improve your driving record — and your chances of having another birthday. This is free of charge unless, of course, you want to send in a donation for that last blast of adrenalin you caused me today when I was just about to turn left, which shrewd drivers can deduce by a left turn signal (red light on rear left side of car going blinky-blinky- blinky) and you decided to pass ON THE LEFT SIDE right before I turned. But let’s forget that for the moment and start with the very poignant topic of blinkers, and the very poignant direc tion of left: 3. You are driving up a hilli cannot see past this incredibly sbj tion wagon going 60 mph withfivta in the back. You need to get some™ (like your home 1.2 miles away)F,« and this cretin is just crawling alonj there was a speed limit or someth What do you do? (a.) Pass the mother, and theresi the family, on the left side. (b.) Toodle total nerd. along behind himlij (c.) Pass the car on the right side s tending for a moment the roadl shoulder. (d.) Get another beer. The shelves. However, before all the cheese was pulled from the market, the media found out and publicized Kraft’s unfor tunate mistake. Many purchasers of the product were prompted to run to their local grocers to buy as many as they could of the remaining packages of processed cheese slices containing “Ready to Roll” contest tickets. Some of those people got tickets to win the van, too. Kraft made an attempt to make it up to all those people who got their hopes up. They quadrupled the original num ber of prizes for those who had winning tickets for the bikes, skateboards and cheese, and players who had matched tickets for the van and submitted them by June 16 received $250 and were en tered in a drawing for four Dodge Cara van LEs. That’s really a pretty good deal. Let’s face it: most of those people who bought the processed cheese slices bought them because they wanted processed cheese slices, not because they thought they were going to win a van. When you start with nothing and end up with $250, it is still pretty exciting, even if you thought you were going to get a van. It could have been worse. You could still have nothing except a package of Kraft Sin gles. hearing determined that the winners could be certified as a class, which allows all 20,000 winners, and anyone else who comes forth with a win ning gamepiece on before Oct. 31, to seek relief from Kraft USA. That means that Kraft could end up paying more than 1.7 billion dollars in damages to would-be winners, when all they really wanted to do was sell a few cheese slices. 1. You turn on your left blinker (red light on left rear side of car going blinky-blinky-blinky) when: (a.) You are turning right. (b.) You are turning left. (c.) Right after breakfast. (d.) That’s a BLINKER? Ha! And all this time I thought that was just a cute little ornamental knob! ANSWER: The correct ans is (b.) If you are driving around bet a slow station wagon, chances are your totally cool friends w'ill not see since they are going at totally speeds in an effort to break these barrier, and you can save not onlyjif reputation but the lives of the sir wagon inhabitants by inching along; totally uncool pace. Why are they being punished so se verely for this innocent mishap? Maybe, according to the plaintiffs’ attorney Burton Weinstein, it is because Kraft USA is “taking advantage of that great American obsession with gambling to sell cheese.” Of course they are. That’s what ad vertising is all about — taking advantage of the public’s obsessions to sell prod ucts. There was no real malice intended by Kraft USA. All they were doing was try ing to cash in on an idea that has been popular with advertisers for years — us ing a contest or give-a-wayto sell a prod uct — and it backfired. ANSWER: The correct answer here is (b.) You turn on your left blinker when you are turning left. One easy way to remember this, if you are married and are turning left, is to always turn the blinker in the direction of the hand on which you wear your wedding ring. Another clue might be to turn the blinker in the direction you are turning. 2. You are at a red traffic light in town, which most alert drivers can de duce by the color of red. Then, sud denly and unexpectedly, the light CHANGES TO GREEN! What do you do? 4. BONUS QUESTION (worthij points): There is a silly little yellowifi the highway department decided tol up some years ago in the shape ofan| verted (upside-down) triangle, if word on it is from a Baptist hymni| ! starts with a “Y.” (HINT: “Y—- No|' Temptation.” The mystery word) rhymes with “field.”) It, (the sign.i the hymn) often appears near feei road entrances to the interstate. Dof know what the word is, and whan should do when you see it? progr proxii Ref ville, ' ing tl trainii it. “W< dates pay fc cost oi feet ec Hill abuse jor pr today it.” On for fn 127-7. Senate In f to Goi would Health quarar to try dangei In ( gave t that w recom person to a mi The confer tiate w bill to sity in ] (a.) Don’t sin. (b.) Say, “Look at that dumb upsil down triangular shaped sign!” (c.) Remark how that dumb sign evolved into smaller but equally dm yellow diameynd-shaped signs that: reproducing like crazy on the windshields of cars. (a.) Go. (b.) Sit there and discuss the situation in China or the sale on at Weiner’s until the light turns yellow, then spurt through. I think we should give the poor Kraft company a break. They lost control. It was an accident. Accidents happen. Ellen Hobbs is a junior journalism major and editor of The Battalion. (c.) Pick your nose and turn up the ra dio. (d.) Start your car, since you turned it off at the red light, and get another beer. (d.) The word is “yield,” which mea; slow down and look for traffic ■ getting on entrance ramp. ANSWER: The correct answer bfi is (d.) Slow down and look for trafii thus ensuring you will live throughyoi next driving maneuver. As will the rest of us, too. Carol Rust writes for the Beaunu' Enterprise. Sibling rivalry applies to dogs, too A number of readers have inquired recently about my new dog, Cornbread. Cornbread is a 6-month-old male black Lab, and I have paired him with the grizzled veteran Catfish, also a male of the same breed. People want to know, “How does Catfish like having another dog another around the house?” I’m not certain since Catfish can’t Lewis Grizzard Columnist talk. But the look on his face when Cornbread bites him on the ear or out runs him to a tennis ball seems to be say ing, “How could you have done this to me?” Sibling rivalries. I’ve heard about that sort of thing before, and why shouldn’t it apply to dogs? Cornbread has turned out to be a toe- licker. I’ve heard about that before, too. Erotic novels are full of that sort of thing, and, again, why shouldn’t it also apply to dogs? A toe-licker isn’t the worst kind of dog you can get. The worst kind of dog is an egg-sucker. ping the dog never went near the chicken coop again. And whenever he smelled eggs cooking, he would run un der the bed and whimper. In an effort to find out if Cornbread was an egg-sucker, I opened the refrig erator door and pointed out the eggs to him to see what he would do. (They don’t allow chickens in my neighbor hood.) The Battalion (USPS 045 360) Member of Texas Press Association Southwest lournalisrn Conference The Battalion Editorial Board Ellen Hobbs, Editor Juliette Rizzo, Opinion Page Editor Fiona Soltes, City Editor Drew Leder, Chuck Squatriglia, News Editors Steven Merritt, Sports Editor Katny Haveman, Art Director Hal Hammons, Makeup Editor Editorial Policy The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and Bryan-College Station. Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac ulty or the Board of Regents. The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography classes within the Department of Journalism. The Battalion is published Monday through Friday during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday and examination periods. Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62 per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX 77843. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col lege Station TX 77843-4111. I had an egg-sucker once. His name was Leonard. He hung out around the chicken coop, and when the hens had finished their business, he would root his way under the fence and suck a few eggs- “You have to get rid of Leonard,” my grandfather said. “He’s an egg-sucker.” I might have had to give Leonard his walking papers had it not been for an incident that occurred soon after my grandfather’s ominous statement. Leonard was on his way to the hen area one moring and got into a rift with a rooster, Garland. Garland gave Leonard such a whip- Cornbread showed no interest in the eggs whatsoever. He grabbed a pound of ground chuck instead. What relief I felt. I first learned Cornbread was a toe- licker early one morning. I had thrown off my cover and my feet and toes were exposed. I was in the midst of a dream in which I was attempting to walk through a field covered with green jello. I awakened, however, to find Cornbread licking my toes. I asked the vet if the fact Cornbread licked toes meant the dog was suffering from any sort of physical or mental dis order. “Not that I know of,” said the« “but if he stops licking your toes 4 starts biting and chewing them, youT got a real problem.” Biting and chewing, indeed. Lit! Catfish before him, Cornbread tol done some serious damage. He ate my glasses recently. H ;: chewed up one of my golf shoes. Ev ,£ I the spikes had teeth marks. He has gnawed the legs on sever; chairs, he attacked a pillow and won,hi destroyed a wool blanket a frier. • brought me from New Zealand, and or morning 1 took him out and he start?; chewing on one of the tires on my car. )' Other than all that, he’s a wonderfi | dog. He’s happy. He’s friendly. Hr smart. And he’s mine. Catfish, I am certain, eventually v'l learn to accept him as a part of the fam ily, and sleeping in a pair of socks hast been nearly as bad an experience as thought it might be. Copyright 1989, Cowles Syndicate