Image provided by: Texas A&M University
About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1989)
The Battalion he Battalion Opinion !STA Iriday, April 7, Friday, April 7,1989 Shhh! Don’t say anything to Toto Corps revise By Stephen Mas SENIOR STAFF W Reveille IV would be proud. Her funeral is getting more attention than Jessica McClure got when she fell into the well. It takes practice to develop proper leering techniques Reveille, Lassie and Rin Tin Tin rate better funerals than most members of royalty in small, underdeveloped coun tries. Those kings of the dog world are probably in doggy heaven right now, chewing on dog biscuits and reclining on their velvet La-Z Boys — touched that we should honor them in this way. I really hope my dog doesn’t find out what is going on here because he could really get jealous. When Toto (that’s my dog — my mom named him) first found out about Reveille, he went wild. A black and white photo of Reveille was hung by his doggy bed, and every night Toto would lean over and lick it before he went to sleep. When the Aggies played on TV, there was Toto, front and center, wait ing for the camera to allow him a single glimpse of his hero, Reveille. Then one day Toto overheard my family discussing Reveille — how Rev could get on furniture and go into class rooms. Toto felt his civil rights were be ing violated since he could not climb on furniture. jfrf j|| +M& ML ^ flrrP Becky Weisenfels Editor Richard Hummel will get no sympa thy from me. He has only himself to blame for his troubles. Hummel, as you may have read or heard, is a 60-year-old engineering pro fessor at the University of Toronto who has been barred from the campus swim ming pool because he leers at female swimmers. rection, so you never got a look at his face. have learned to do it subtly enough not to get caught. If you are going to hang around a The females who complained to the university’s sexual harassment board said Hummel’s leering has been going on for years. They say he even took to wearing a snorkel mask so that his leer ing would not be noticeable. The board agreed that Hummel’s leering was a clear case of sexual ha rassment and barred the professor from the pool for five years. The ruling has upset some men, who consider this is a clear case of female chauvinism. swimming pool to do your leering, there are a number of effective maneuvers. They point out that many women at swimming pools make a practice of leer ing, staring or gawking at muscular young men. Or hunks, as modern fe males call them. One of’ them is the old crick in the neck trick. It consists of turning your head to the side, permitting you to peek, while rubbing your neck as if in pain. If the object of your leer makes eye con tact, you simply grimace, turn your head the other way, say ouch, and con tinue rubbing. Or there is the old drying off the face trick, which is hard to detect. You sim ply go through the motions of drying your face and scalp, while peering or leering over the top or around the edge of the towel. He could do this because while work ing he wore glasses that had a tiny rear view mirror attached to the side of the frame. I don’t know if anyone sells these frames, but as an engineer, Hummel should have the skills to make a pair for himself. Hummel did not want to discuss pool- banning or anything else, so I don’t know if he is married. My guess is that he isn’t. Any married man would have at least learned the old wearily rubbing your forehead and eyes with your fingers spread trick. And this guy is a professor? What a sad state education has come to. Copyright 1989, Tribune Media Services, Inc. Toto picketed our house for three days with a pack of mutts who were passing through town. They were hip pie dogs, with long hair, and they smelled like they hadn’t taken a bath in a week. We were afraid Toto would pick up some of their bad habits, like chew ing grass, so we reminded Toto how Re veille was such a good role model. We told Toto that Reveille would not ap prove of such behavior, and Toto packed it in with shame in his eyes. But now Reveille IV is getting the fu neral of the decade, nothing like the ceremony we gave my other dog, who died when I was younger. I was about five years old when Spot died. Spot was a little white mutt with a big black spot on his back — now you know where I got his name from. Yes, I named Spot and we were good buddies. One summer, we took Spot to my grandparents’ house to leave him for a while. My grandparents lived next to a highway, and Spot soon really became! spot — on the highway. Spot was put to rest underatreen our back yard. We put him nearilii grave of a gopher that the next doo neighbors had buried earlier that yeat — for some reason tragedy ran ratnpam in our neighborhood that year. Spot was wrapped in an old pieceo! cloth. We tried to find a box, but hew too big for a shoe box, and Mom wouldn’t let us dig a hole bigenoughfoi the refrigerator box we had, so wetisal the piece of cloth. It was a shallow grave. “LostinSpacc' was coming on at 4 p.m. and wedidei have time to do the professionaljobtk Spot really deserved. We dumped the limp body into [lit grave and covered it with dirt. We pm some weeds on top of the grave. Wealso thi ew a few weeds on the gopher'sgrave for good measure. We stuck a makeshift cross at head of the grave. My brother was dressed in a black robe that we found it a closet. He was the priest, andhesaida short prayer. We had communion, which was really smushed Wonder bread and red Kool-Aid. A rousing chorus of “She’ll be Com ing ’Round the Mountain” ended lit service, and, as the last tear coursed down our dirty cheeks, we turned ai raced screaming into the house. Sp was a distant memory, another bump the ground to serve for third base whet we played kickball. Toto doesn’t know many of thede tails surrounding Spot’s funeral, but know one day we will have to tell him. am also afraid Toto will compare dm ceremony to the one Reveille is getting and we will have another strike on out hands. Becky Weisenfels is a senior joum I ism major and editor of The Battalion Sena By Stephen Master SENIOR STAFF WRIT A bill that recent itate Senate would nent entities to avoid jjj lidates’ names for sc :ices. If approved by tf lov. Bill Clements form, the bill, with a lySen. Bob McFarlan tould allow public of lold the names of can nanager, school supei iniversity chief execm ila list of finalists is ( )ill requires the relea: lalists at least seven d icdon is taken on the c But has anyone heard of a woman be ing barred from a pool for this practice? It’s even possible, these males con tend, that this could also be a case of age discrimination. They question whether young women would blow the whistle on a young male with attractive lats and pecs. Others wonder how women can really know they are being leered at by some one wearing a snorkel mask, and they have a point. Eyes play a major part of a genuine leer. And if you can’t see a per son’s eyes, it would be difficult to say with certainty that he is leering. He might merely be staring, rather than leering. Of course, females might respond that staring is as serious an offense as leering, although I don’t agree. A leer could indicate that the leerer was having lewd thoughts. But a stare might rep resent nothing more than admiration for a swimming suit or curiosity about the cause and effect of cellulite in the thighs. But we are splitting hairs. Or splitting stares. The fact is, whether he was leer ing or staring, peering or gawking, by the time a man reaches 60, he should There is nothing difficult about the old stretching and yawning trick. You just stretch your arms, yawn, and squint your eyes. That is the way almost every one stretches and yawns. The secret is the squinting. You just crinkle your eye muscles as if squinting, buy you don’t really squint because you want to be able to peer at the object of your lust. It’s dif ficult for someone to detect the differ ence between real squinting and fake squinting. You can master this trick af ter only a few minutes practice in front of a mirror. Those ugly rumors just aren’t true And how does a man get to be 60 without knowing the old big dark glasses trick? With a set of wraparound or aviator style shades, no one can see your eyes. This permits you to face north, while your eyes are facing northwest. Or, de pending on how good your peripheral vision is, even east by northeast. As a last resort, I would recommend a device used by an old-time private eye known as Smitty. Smitty specialized in divorce work, which meant he would stake out motels, bars and other places the unfaithful meet. He was very successful, and one of the keys to his success was that he could watch you while facing the opposite di- High on Texas A&M President Mob ley’s list of headaches, below only the George Smith story-of-the-week, is the school’s soaring enrollment. A&M can not seem to build enough buildings or hire enough faculty and staff to keep up with the increasing number of new Ag gies. To solve this problem, the school raised its admission standards this year and plans to continue doing so in the fu ture. I don’t like that idea. We don’t need to become a larger version of Rice: high on the academic scale, low on the football and partying scale. We must keep our priorities straight. I have a better idea. We should change the letters of acceptance sent to prospective students. Here is how such a letter should be written: Dear Mr. Jones: We are pleased to grant you admis sion to Texas A&M for the Fall 1990 se mester. One of the first things you will notice upon arriving here is that parking is not the problem you may have heard it is. The Wal-Mart in Navasota has ample parking space, and you will find the walk great exercise every time you want your car. Of course, you can park closer if you desire to meet our friendly Uni versity police. Scot Kibbe Guest Columnist On-campus housing is no problem ei 1 - ther. We will find room for you whether it be in a broom closet, a shower stall or whatever is available. And we will not at tempt to match you with a roommate who shares common interests with you. The possibilites for roommates boggle the mind. Are you afraid of missing your moth er’s cooking? It’s all right. You will love our campus dining halls. Everyone agrees they serve the best imitation of food anywhere. The workers are hospi table and harmless so long as you do not complain while they have sharp knives in their hands. You may choose to join our world-fa mous Corps of Cadets. This would be a wise choice. They will teach you new ways to talk, dress and even eat. You will have fun-runs at 6 a.m. every day re gardless of the weather. You will be part of war games, mind games and, with some luck, you will perfect your push ups. And don’t worry about grades. You can study over Thanksgiving. Your pro fessors will understand. Like the Corps, Aggie Bonfire is a great Aggie tradition. Every Saturda) and Sunday for two months youcango out and chop wood all day long. ] live in the dorms, enthusiastic person! will come by at 5 a.m. to make sure fire has not slipped your mind. Someday, if you work hard, you become a bonfire leader or “red which will allow you to stand beyondtt gurgitating distance of the happy Ag gies. And while you work on bonfire don’t worry about grades. You study over Thanksgiving. Your profes sors will understand. If you choose to study before ikt break, there is no better place to do» than Sterling C. Evans Library. Thisii the coziest major university library where. It is also a great place to I about Greek life at A&M. Youwiilheai from them anywhere you go in theli brary. You can also study in the don* between the hours of 5 and 6 a.m. when noise is controlled. We hope you will choose Texas A&'l as your new home, like almost ever) other graduate in the state of Texasrf this year. This will be evident when you stand in line to register. See you in fall. Gig ’em Aggies. Scot Kibbe is a junior Journalist major and guest columnist for The Bai talion. The Battalion (USPS 045 360) Member of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference The Battalion Editorial Board Becky Weisenfels, Editor Leslie Guy, Managing Editor Dean Sueltenfuss, Opinion Page Editor Anthony Wilson, City Editor Scot Walker, Wire Editor Drew Leder, News Editor Doug Walker, Sports Editor Jay Janner, Art Director Mary-Lynne Rice, Entertainment Edi tor Editorial Policy The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and Bryan-College Station. Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac ulty or the Board of Regents. The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography classes within the Department of Journalism. The Battalion is published Monday through Friday during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday and examination periods. Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62 per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX BLOOM COUNTY by Berke Breathed POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col lege Station TX 77843-4 111. mp YOU'LL om "50RRY, FORT... IV FF7HBF smYtme m viveorme MYKtP'9 FIR57 VOMITING. " Corps of Cadet cials said security increased in and ai dence halls less tha ter an attack on t dels. Keys were issuec Dorm 5 for outer c able doors were ac of the stairwells < March 28, six days entered the fourth two female cadets i Lane, assistant dir Housing, said. The assailant, identified as Harn entered the room friend with two rif ing knife. Horak i: Brazos County Jai counts. Bail has $100,000. George Thoma Corps housing, sai< curity measures in female members Band to lock their < a day. Cadets normall) to have their door locked during pr formation in the during call to quar tory study time fo 7:30-10:30 p.m. Si Thursday. Is IS 2 2 2 5 don let you busin< bom call 845 to Qdve fr \