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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 11, 1988)
Opinion The Battalion Friday, Nov. 11, 1988 Page Si It’s the all-new Dating Game with Duke and TjBc 1 Sure he’s rich. Sure he’s intelligent. Sure he’s a Democrat. Sure he almost was elected President. Sure Mike Duka kis is a reasonably attractive guy, but would you really want to go out with him? Now on the other hand, take me. I’m Rich — after all that is my name. I’m in telligent. I’m a Democrat. And I was al most elected president of the Stamp Club my senior year in high school, but would you really want to go out with me? According to Dr. Mark Alexander, a doctor and psychiatrist from Dallas, women are more sexually attracted to men who have large feet and large ad- am’s apples. “I have found that women are more attracted to the man who is tall and has an unusually large adam’s apple, large hands and large feet,” he said. “They take these large features as a sign of sexual superiority.” According to Dr. Joyce Brothers in an article in the November 1982 issue of “Reader’s Digest,” dating is defined as the primal need to bond with the mem ber of the opposite sex in a social arena. What does this mean in English? Every one needs somebody to go out with on dates once in a awhile. I have no prob lems with this. Actually, I think women out there in Aggieland would rather go out with me than the governor of Massachussetts. Why, do you ask? Simple. When you stand the two of us next to each other and compare us, you’ll soon see that, while neither of us are truly magnificent specimens of the human species, I am a much more attractive and loveable guy. All you need to do is take a look at the physical, financial and moral sides of my arguments, and you’ll hopefully soon start to see my side of things. First of all, it is a proven fact that women find men that are taller more at tractive. Dukakis is 5-foot-5. I’m 6’4”. If you can’t take my word for it, studies have been made which determine that women are more attracted to taller men. Aside from Dukakis being short and dumpy, he also has a large nose. Al though the ancient Greeks and Romans considered a large nose as a sign of roy alty, the harsh reality is that times have changed. Large noses in today’s society are strictly taboo. Any woman out there can sympathize with the fact that it is simply uncomfort able to kiss someone for an extended period of time who has, as Bloom Coun ty’s Opus aptly puts it, a sizeable schnoz. Richard I ijenna Guest columnist Also, Dukakis seems to only own a few ties, and all the ones he does have are all red. I personally have several ties in many different colors. There is also evidence that he may buy his ties sec ond-hand, since he also buys his suits that way. But I am not alone in my beliefs that you’d rather go out with me than the Duke. Other extremely knowledgeable and totally unbiased sources have even described me as more attractive than Michael Dukakis. e/j ves cle ti, Ricardo. Tu estes muy gua- Po" For you non-Spanish speaking people out there, this means “My God, I can’t imagine any woman wanting to go out with him more than you, Richard. You are very handsome.” Besides, Mike Dukakis’ eyebrows are too bushy. No pun intended. Now don’t misinterpret what I am trying to say. I realize I am not Mr. Uni verse, or even Mr. Solar System, or even Mr. Earth, or even Mr. College Main. Instead, I present myself to you merely as only the lesser of two evils, much like the presidential election Nov. 8. In addition to all the physical reasons I have presented, there also other finan cial reasons why I’d be a better date than Dukakis. To put it simply, his reputa tion is that he is cheap and tight with his money. For example, Estrella Tijerina, my mother that I love so much, was heard to have said while eating dinner with me last weekend, “Dios mio, no me puedo imaginar ninguna mujer que vaya con el Imagine the situation: “Uh, hello is Mary-Lou there? Hi, Mary-Lou, this is Mike. Dukakis. Yeah, yeah, how ya doin’? Great. Well, uh, anyway, Kitty’s gone out for the night to some kind of bingo function and I was wondering if you could fly up and maybe go out to dinner and see a movie. You would? Great! Where do you wanna eat? You say you want to eat at Luciano’s? Gee, that’s kind of expensive, Mary-Lou, even on a Wednesday night. I was think ing of something more along the line of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yeah, that’s right: KFC. You see, I have discount coupons. You know, a good meal at a good price? What’s that? Chicken makes you break out? I see. Well, I’ll tell you what, I’ll fly down there and we can just go out at A&M. Uh, (clears throat) do you still have that point plan account? Great. So, after dinner, what movie do you wanna catch? You say “Rattle and Hum’’ is showing at the Plaza 3? How much do tickets cost down there? Five dollars? Oooh. Ouch. Well, 1 actually had my heart set on seeing Young Guns. It is still at Dollar Days down there, isn t it? Great. Okay, baby, the discount flight I want to catch leaves in ten minutes, so I’ll see you in a little while. Okay, gotta go, I’m paying for this call, you know. ” Besides, let’s face facts. It is just too expensive to fly back and forth from Easterwood Airport to Boston Interna tional on a regular basis. We’re talking a lot of money here, and that hurts even if you do have a good job at a good wage in this now gentler, kinder nation. In addition to physical and financial reasons, it is morally questionable to go out with Michael Dukakis. He is 55 years old. My father is 54. And believe me, not any women out there would want to date my father. Also, Dukakis is, after all, happily married to a woman named after an animal. Not very many women out there would be able to compete against a name like “Kitty.” And for those of you who know he was married, the tat ism of the bag. Again, no pun intended. Finding the right person to with on a date is both an importani difficult process. It takes muchtii consideration to mull over all the bililies. I understand the Michael Dukakis and myse you out on the same night is,ath The board remote one. But if it were to hope you’d turn him down and con the alternative Me. I wqotdd have no hesitationsn ing your dinner and taking you “Rattle and Hum.” I knowwhatio yell practice. I’m more on you level. I live off campus. I’ninotmar And I make a mean breakfast. So if you want to go outandd the historical impact of universal,i care insurance for every man, m and child in the country, go Mike Dukakis. But if you want to go out, haveai time and have a laugh or two,p with me instead. I realize that those who would want to go neither of us. I am not saying lam: attractive than the governor, or tv better person. I am merely saying going out with me would bea: practical choice. AUSTIN ( ucation ter [ion in schoc pile criticis f‘trash” and rrors to fill a workshop se ahangcs and Agency staff tinned during reeled. In other a recommendei islation to al and employer Both actioi nal approval urday. Although s Su MAYPEA1 year-old Oliv edge of the b of becoming tear of jo; cheek and pic inusedress. The elderl; with her wai rounding wh I day before. r I worked from Was it a bachelor’s or M.R.S. degree that I was wanting? When I was younger, I used to have this funny notion that if I didn’t get married while I was still in college, or if I didn’t at least meet the person I was going to marry, then I would be single the rest of my days. I sure hope I thought wrong. I guess it had to do with the fact that my parents got married while they were in college, my friends’ parents got mar ried while they were in college, my tea chers got married while they were in college and most marriage announce ments featured college students. Lydm " ’^ir Berzsenyi '. - Editor If I were married, think of what I’d be in for. I’d probably have to share a checking account. True, it would contain twice as much money, but that would cause twice as many complications, too. nice it would be to see all my old friends, especially since I hadn’t seen some of them for several years. All those marriage/college connec tions had convinced me that I had to meet my mate for life while I was get ting my college degree. But I certainly wasn’t prepared what I found. for I’d actually have to plan my finances so that there would be money for two of us instead of just me. When you’re sin gle and you spend all your money, at least you’re not depriving anyone else of a meal or a new pair of shoes. But when you get married, you’ve got someone else to consider in your spending. When I got to Texas A&M, it didn’t get much better. In one class, the tea cher told us that of all the students at Texas A&M, probably 70 percent would meet the person they were going to marry before they graduated. My current roommate and I walked into the church and immediately no ticed that we were the only ones without dates. We found out later that all our friends’ dates were actually their spouses, fiances or significant others (ring-due-in-December type). But I figured they were kidding. When I was a freshman, most of my friends were single. But by the spring semester, I was already noticing a lot of people pairing off. That’s when we started to feel slightly uncomfortable. What happened to all the single friends we had? Had they all forsaken the single bars and gone for a life of broccoli for two? And what about food? I have a hard enough time remembering to feed my self most of the time. I’ll usually remem ber about eight in the evening that I hadn’t eaten dinner. If I were married, I’m sure I would be reminded that it was time for dinner, but what if they were just as forgetful or just as busy as me? We’d both be two starving people, that’s for sure. In January, I introduced the girl across the hall to a friend of a friend. They both needed dates to a certain party, and I didn’t think anything of set ting them up together. Little did I know that they would continue to see each other. Since my roommate and I were each others’ dates for the wedding and recep tion, we started taking a good, close look at our lives. Should we be getting wor ried because we weren’t married? Should we be looking for lifelong mates in the near future? Were we ready for all that married life would entail? I’m not saying that I never want to get married. That’s not it at all. I do look forward to having a husband one day (if anyone will have me). The thought of having someone to consult with and to share with does interest me. I’m just glad that I don’t have to worry about the list of wedding guests while I’m sending out my graduation announcements. When the girl and I roomed together the following year, she was still seeing the guy, and they were getting serious. Then the big bomb hit. I got a wed ding announcement from the two of them. They got married in October. I am perfectly happy being single. No one but me has to answer for my ac tions, and I am not responsible for any one else’s personal life. I don’t have to start picking out kids’ names or start saving for my childrens’ college educa tion yet. I stopped believing the myth about the necesary college-marriage connec tion a long time ago. But as more and more of my friends enter the ranks of the married, I am reminded of that childhood belief. I sure hope it wasn’t true. I went to their wedding, thinking how I’m don’t want to start thinking about marriage at this point in my life. Lydia Berzsenyi is a senior math ma jor and editor of The Battalion. Mail Call Voter’s Guide wording loaded Richard Tijerina is a sopk journalism major, a staff write I |ago, the land guest columnist for The Battalion : granddaughte P lost to progref The Wilbui Ki to become th fit $4.4 billion s | : tween Waxah I The future || Olive May W ij sure what to d “I just ke| wouldn’t com ft?pen . . .” Wil But grandd livered the ne | the Wilburns i Wilburn an EDITOR: Looking through the Nov. 7 liatt, I ran across an insert — the Voter'sGuii seemed like an excellent idea until I opened it, looked inside and discoveredik was much too biased to be an effective “guide.” The pro-Bush rhetoric was so obvious that I started looking for the blurfi ; Tearing it on t the guide actually being a paid political announcement ho the B^sh campaigaB wc ^| ap^our could not find it anywhere. If this was supposed to be an unsl.init il |nm of journalism, I think the writer should be reprimanded for his nits use and abuse the language. If this was actually a paid political ad, then the liatt should’vem; sure that it was properly labeled as such. Either way, 'The Battalion hasseverelf compromised itself as a newspaper by allowing such abuses. On the inside of the insert, the author draws up a supposedly unbiased list positions for each of the candidates. The wording of the positions is blatantly biased for Bush. Bush “supported U.S. liberation of Grenada.” Dukakis "op] it. The slant in the word “liberation” is obvious. Bush “supports providing rail supplies to freedom fighters in Nicaragua and Angola.” Dukakis “opposed’ tk “freedom fighters. Anyone who “opposes” freedom must be crazy. Under the category of “Civil Rights,” George Bush “Supports the full enforcement of existing civil rights laws.” Dukakis “Supports affirmative actioitH legislation.” By absence, is the author implying Dukakis doesn’t support “theMi enforcement of existing civil rights laws”? The author calcuatingly works hisW'K through the positions and leaves a veneer of objectivity covering a body of bias |l On the back page are two supposed articles about the candidates’stanceoa l l education. The article on Dukakis does nothing but undercut him with half-1 and insinuations. Bush, of course, comes out exemplary. The only hint of a source is a small paragraph saying: “Information from § Voter’s Guide ’88 was prepared by the American Freedom Coalition.” This falls B far short of telling the reader that it is a political ad, if that is what it is. Checking on it, I found that the American Freedom Coalition is an ultra- 1 conservative group formed to aid the Contra rebels of Nicaragua. This would § indicate the the insert was a paid political ad. As such, it should have beenmuclB more clearly marked as an advertisement and not journalism. The Battalion, in the future, must be more careful. But, more importantly 1 :! as readers must be more caref ul. Every day, our rhetoric is colored with bias.li* built into our language. Only close attention to what we say and read can war I against the misuse and abuse of language. Be careful where you point thatworlB may be loaded. Andy Vann ’90 EDITOR’S NOTE: Aiding the cause of the Nicaraguan Contra rebels was [ first issue the American Freedom Coalition worked to support, but was noH reason for the forming of the group. Guide provided deja vu EDITOR: We don’t know what the American Freedom Coalition is but we resent theft that The Batt inserted a political supplement on Nov. 7 that was obviously writi® by the Republicans. The supplement should have been labeled as an advertisement. This reminds us of the pseudo-“Political Forum” held two years ago that turned out to bea I Republican pep rally. It is interesting that both of these events took place thedayB before the election. Chahriar Assad, Graduate student ames Smith, Grad student - The Battalion (USPS 045 360) Member of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference The Battalion Editorial Board Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor Richard Williams, City Editor DA Jensen, Denise Thompson, News Editors Hal Hammons, Sports Editor Jay Janner, Art Director Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor Editorial Policy The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and Bryan-College Station. Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac ulty or the Board of Regents. The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography classes within the Department of Journalism. The Battalion is published Monday through Friday during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday and examination periods. Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62 per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX 77843. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col lege Station TX 77843-4 111. BLOOM COUNTY by Berke Breathe