Page 2/Hrhe BattalionA'uesday, September 20, 1988
III lllllllllllllllllllli III—11 Il^lll^l^l^l■ III i IIIIWI ii« IFIIHIBI llllllll Illi I ■IIKHIBIII—IIIIWIflWWMIHIil if r liWH
Opinion
Go ahead and pick a number, any
Ya’ know, being
a student at here
at Texas A&M is a
lot like being in
Las Vegas. Now
wait a minute! Be
fore you go rant
ing, raving and
wondering what
I’ve been smoking
that would make
me say such an ab
surd thing, let me
present my argument.
Both students and gamblers — which
I hope to prove are one and the same —
take calculated risks in determining
probabilities and beating the odds so
they can win the game, i.e. a diploma or
big bucks. Don’t you see? It’s all a NUM
BERS racket.
Now you may ask, “What is that
dweeb talkin’ about. . .numbers rackets
and games, diplomas and big bucks?”
Well, consider this: the gambler bets
money to play a game, hoping to win big
bucks just as the student pays big bucks,
hoping to win a piece of paper called a
diploma. Nothing says the gambler’s bet
will pay off. Likewise, nothing guar
antees the student will win a diploma.
Unless, of course, the student has stud
ied the odds and calculated the proba
bility of graduating, and thus success
fully played the numbers.
“Ridiculous!” you say. “What is all this
wild stuff about playing the numbers?
What does that have to do with me here
at A&M?”
Consider this: you pay a certain num
ber of dollars to take a certain Scholastic
Aptitude Test, the objective of which is
to win big and score the highest possible
number of points. If you beat the odds
and win this numbers game, you submit
your winnings to University X, in the
form of SAT scores and an application.
Depending on University X’s mini
mum wager (lowest possible SAT scores
required for admission) you are either
allowed to raise the bet (enter University
X) or fold and go home.
Let’s say you get lucky: you decide to
raise the bet. Suppose you decide to go
to Texas A&M, which has a student
population of say, some 38,000 — give
or take a few hundred. This is a LARGE
number indeed. You must then play an
intricate numbers game called phone
registration.
On any given registration day, several
thousand students may be trying to ac
cess a total number of (?) phone lines,
which yields of poor probability of win
ning on the first hand. Should you de
cide to stay in the game and eventually
DO win a hand, you must proceed v-e-r-
y carefully in order to keep your win
nings or you’ll be “cut off’ so to speak.
First you must enter your social secu
rity number, followed by your personal
identification number. Then you must
enter the correct code numbers for sub
ject, course, section, and any additional
fees such as parking or meal plans. Sup
pose you win this hand.
Feeling cocky, you move to the next
higher level of risk called paying tuition
and registration fees. At this point, you
must wager a V-E-R-Y large number of
dollars or else you’re out of the game: a
grim prospect after having done so well
thus far. But suppose you go ahead and
place your bet. This keeps you in and
the pressure to win — called taking
classes — intensifies.
When you show up for class, you find
that there is INDEED a very large num
ber of students taking the same class —
say 200. Clearly, you are not only play
ing a numbers game, you ARE a num
ber. Obviously, the object of this game
is, again, to win big by scoring the larg
est possible number of points on a speci
fied number of exams. This is where
homework comes in: figuring the prob
abilities and the odds — for or against
— of beating the house.
Suppose you decide to go for broke
and give it all you have. You do well that
semester and win a 2.95746802 GLR.
But it isn’t over yet. You must continue
playing the numbers, figuring the odds
and calculating the probabilities for a
minimum number of semesters: a total
of eight if you’re on the four-year plan.
Suna
Purser
numb
B
Of course, if you’re on thek
year plan (which many of usJ
level of risk increases. The level
then, is a function of time. Ji
passes, the number of dollarsr^», ()i |
to stay in the game increases as
total number of gamblers, vvhkl!j arne <i t
tely increases the pressure to w e gents
at the same time lowers the tfiration
doing so.
time ___
ion, bu
iave to
BUT, if you do well, thisalkifeched.
go to the floor show, conimonl\i^B’ ie *
as commencement. This is wherej* tu< '
winners converge to collect
nings and to go crazy. Hexis
I lere, you are definitely a blaclBl^; (
her on the roulette wheel o[(| at the
Numbers, numbers, numhers.Ijear is t<
gamble, trying to win, bettinu
money. 1 guess what it all boilsd
can be summed up by Pink Flok
all “just anothei brick in theKall'l
numbers game called higheredn
Suna Purser is a journalisr^
uate, a graduate student in Eni
columnist /or The Battalion
Mail Call
WAS!
teau Be
Joy< l Bi
Helen
Another amendment to Aggie Code
EDITOR:
Indeed, the Aggie Code of Ilonor has been modified in recent vears.lt
response to recent allegations by our athletic department, W. Marc Connol
suggested that the Aggie Code should simply state: “Aggies don’t steal."
1 would like to remind everyone of the blatant theft in front of a natiom
television audience — by the 12th Man Kickoff Team no less — ofTimBro
towel during the 1988 Cotton Bowl.
So it would be more appropriate to amend the Code to say: “Aggiesdoc
cheat, or steal except when it pertains to Cotton Bowls."
1 have to wonder where the logic is in sacrificing our honor for world4
tus.
Jenr >cn
nice in il
A s !>'
leming,
Bcxp
lisei wit
ativ< Ce
The M
|n plain
ndapp<
radjuate
Robert J. Livingston ’85
Graduate student
I’m a stand by my coach man
EDITOR.
Where have your whining accusations been for the last four years?Jacl
Sherrill has taken a team from the doldrums of complacency to a pinnadei
performance. We hope that you have been off in a library cubicle while the
Fightin’ Texas Aggies have been winning games on the field. We would not
you to have rooted for a team with a
head.
We are proud of our Aggies and
tradition back to College Station.
Greg Fisher ’89
PivskI
Center a
fhuuda
jresjden
louse s]
“II "
{an < <>m
fk
“It S a
|resi ( An
iaign on
|ucal u
Bui A
ailed “cloud of shamelhangingou
1 the coach who brought the winning
Attention, computer thieves
M
It
EDITOR:
Good ole Lew for Vice President
Vice president
George Bush, the
Republican nomi
nee for president,
has announced he
has chosen as his
running mate
newspaper colum
nist Lewis Griz-
zard.
Shortly after
Bush’s surprise
announcement,
however, media attention turned to
Grizzard’s past, and political experts be
gan to indicate if Bush sticks with his
choice he could be in big trouble in the
November election.
At Grizzard’s first news conference,
reporters came down hard on the fact
the 41-year-old Atlantan has been mar
ried and divorced three times.
“How can a man with your kind of
marital record appeal to female voters? 14
asked a female reporter.
“Why don’t you go home and shave
and then come back and we’ll discuss it,”
Grizzard said, bringing notice to the un
sightly facial hair near the woman’s up
per lip.
“Did you serve in Vietnam?” was also
asked of the candidate.
“No,” he replied. “I flunked the phys
ical.”
It was learned that doctors diagnosed
Grizzard as having a leaking heart valve
in 1968. The columnist subsequently has
had two heart surgeries to repair the
valve.
Grizzard’s cardiologist, when asked
about the operations, indicated Griz
zard used heavy doses of morphine in
both instances and often walked the
halls of the hospital during his convales
cence without snapping all the buttons
on his hospital gown.
It was also noted Grizzard currently
has a porcine (pig) valve and is known to
wallow in mud puddles and make dis
tinct oinking sounds while having his
back scratched.
The Eastern liberal press, meanwhile,
has been having a field day with Griz
zard’s image as a good of boy redneck.
“The man is simply devoid of cultu
re,” wrote the Washington Post Style
section.
“He eats fried chicken with his Fin
gers, drinks beer out of a can and is con
sumed with the success of the University
of Georgia’s football team, the ‘Dawgs’
— ugh!”
It was reported in Newsweek, mean
while, that Grizzard is a known gambler
who often wages as much as five dollars
on a golf match and has been known to
double on the back nine.
Said one of Grizzard’s golfing
friends, “He’ll also move his ball in the
rough, if you don’t keep an eye on the
son-of-a- . . .”
* One of Grizzard’s ex-wives, mean
while, appeared on “Good Morning
America” and described life with the
vice presidential hopeful.
Said the former Mrs. Grizzard, “He
snores, belches, doesn’t cut his toenails,
leaves his dirty underwear on the floor,
won’t eat leafy green vegetables, thinks
anybody who doesn’t like Conway
Twitty is a Communist and Spam is his
favorite food.”
“The only thing Grizzard should be
running for,” said commentator George
Will, also appearing on GMA, “is the
city limits.”
And this just in: The Bush campaign
has scheduled a major news conference
for tomorrow morning. Speculation is
Grizzard will be dumped from the ticket
and will be replaced by, in the words of
a high-level Bush aide, an exciting,
young family man, patriot and senator
from the Midwest.
Copyright 1988, Cowles Syndicate
A rotten thing happened to friend of mine Saturday, Sept. 10th. Someonl
stole his Macintosh SE from Rm. 505 Soil Crops Sciences & Entomology
You may think, “These things happen — even in Aggieland.” Butthistkl
different. The thief not only took his computer, but his dissertation for his Pi I
well. Without a dissertation, he doesn’t graduate.
I’d like to make a suggestion to the thief. You’ve already got hiscompuieiI
about returning his dissertation and software? It’s all on the hard disk,asyoiil
already be aware. Please make a copy of the material and slip it under theth |
SCSE Rm. 505. No questions asked; no accusations made.
Julie Scott
Graduate student
12.:
2.0.
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Peace be with you
EDITOR:
While I was on vacation, a fatherly type, conservative man saluted me
fingers. Although I narrowly missed being included as a baby-boomer,my
generation knows what a peace-sign looks like. But l didn’t/think he did,sol
innocently asked, “Two what?”
“No. Peace,” he explained, looking somewhat puzzled that I hadn’tgotttt
I passed it off as an older man trying to recapture his youth. Thenafted
returned to College Station, I saw a clunker with faded blue paint and ano®
peace-sign. It stared at me like a relic out of my past. I smilingly pointed itoii
my baby-boomer husband. He smiled, as he too remembered those days.
Then today, on campus, I saw a huge black peace sign on a new, looks-lilf
never-been-washed white T-shirt. The eight-inch symbol with inch-wide lint*
couldn’t be missed.
Is there something going on that I’ve missed? Could it be that peace has
become an important enough issue that people are dusting off the rebellious
symbol of the ’60s and ’70s here at Texas A&M?
Nah. It must be merely coincidence. But just in case, I know I can stills^
others with a peace-sign. I taught my daughter to show people she was two.
Loree Lewis Eubank
Office of Public Information
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit 10
and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must be signed and ml-'
classification, address and teleplume number of the writer.
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The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
D A Jensen,
Denise Thompson, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor
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BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breatl