Page 2/Hrhe BattalionA'uesday, September 20, 1988 III lllllllllllllllllllli III—11 Il^lll^l^l^l■ III i IIIIWI ii« IFIIHIBI llllllll Illi I ■IIKHIBIII—IIIIWIflWWMIHIil if r liWH Opinion Go ahead and pick a number, any Ya’ know, being a student at here at Texas A&M is a lot like being in Las Vegas. Now wait a minute! Be fore you go rant ing, raving and wondering what I’ve been smoking that would make me say such an ab surd thing, let me present my argument. Both students and gamblers — which I hope to prove are one and the same — take calculated risks in determining probabilities and beating the odds so they can win the game, i.e. a diploma or big bucks. Don’t you see? It’s all a NUM BERS racket. Now you may ask, “What is that dweeb talkin’ about. . .numbers rackets and games, diplomas and big bucks?” Well, consider this: the gambler bets money to play a game, hoping to win big bucks just as the student pays big bucks, hoping to win a piece of paper called a diploma. Nothing says the gambler’s bet will pay off. Likewise, nothing guar antees the student will win a diploma. Unless, of course, the student has stud ied the odds and calculated the proba bility of graduating, and thus success fully played the numbers. “Ridiculous!” you say. “What is all this wild stuff about playing the numbers? What does that have to do with me here at A&M?” Consider this: you pay a certain num ber of dollars to take a certain Scholastic Aptitude Test, the objective of which is to win big and score the highest possible number of points. If you beat the odds and win this numbers game, you submit your winnings to University X, in the form of SAT scores and an application. Depending on University X’s mini mum wager (lowest possible SAT scores required for admission) you are either allowed to raise the bet (enter University X) or fold and go home. Let’s say you get lucky: you decide to raise the bet. Suppose you decide to go to Texas A&M, which has a student population of say, some 38,000 — give or take a few hundred. This is a LARGE number indeed. You must then play an intricate numbers game called phone registration. On any given registration day, several thousand students may be trying to ac cess a total number of (?) phone lines, which yields of poor probability of win ning on the first hand. Should you de cide to stay in the game and eventually DO win a hand, you must proceed v-e-r- y carefully in order to keep your win nings or you’ll be “cut off’ so to speak. First you must enter your social secu rity number, followed by your personal identification number. Then you must enter the correct code numbers for sub ject, course, section, and any additional fees such as parking or meal plans. Sup pose you win this hand. Feeling cocky, you move to the next higher level of risk called paying tuition and registration fees. At this point, you must wager a V-E-R-Y large number of dollars or else you’re out of the game: a grim prospect after having done so well thus far. But suppose you go ahead and place your bet. This keeps you in and the pressure to win — called taking classes — intensifies. When you show up for class, you find that there is INDEED a very large num ber of students taking the same class — say 200. Clearly, you are not only play ing a numbers game, you ARE a num ber. Obviously, the object of this game is, again, to win big by scoring the larg est possible number of points on a speci fied number of exams. This is where homework comes in: figuring the prob abilities and the odds — for or against — of beating the house. Suppose you decide to go for broke and give it all you have. You do well that semester and win a 2.95746802 GLR. But it isn’t over yet. You must continue playing the numbers, figuring the odds and calculating the probabilities for a minimum number of semesters: a total of eight if you’re on the four-year plan. Suna Purser numb B Of course, if you’re on thek year plan (which many of usJ level of risk increases. The level then, is a function of time. Ji passes, the number of dollarsr^», ()i | to stay in the game increases as total number of gamblers, vvhkl!j arne cn nice in il A s !>' leming, Bcxp lisei wit ativ< Ce The M |n plain ndapp< radjuate Robert J. Livingston ’85 Graduate student I’m a stand by my coach man EDITOR. Where have your whining accusations been for the last four years?Jacl Sherrill has taken a team from the doldrums of complacency to a pinnadei performance. We hope that you have been off in a library cubicle while the Fightin’ Texas Aggies have been winning games on the field. We would not you to have rooted for a team with a head. We are proud of our Aggies and tradition back to College Station. Greg Fisher ’89 PivskI Center a fhuuda jresjden louse s] “II " {an < <>m fk “It S a |resi ( An iaign on |ucal u Bui A ailed “cloud of shamelhangingou 1 the coach who brought the winning Attention, computer thieves M It EDITOR: Good ole Lew for Vice President Vice president George Bush, the Republican nomi nee for president, has announced he has chosen as his running mate newspaper colum nist Lewis Griz- zard. Shortly after Bush’s surprise announcement, however, media attention turned to Grizzard’s past, and political experts be gan to indicate if Bush sticks with his choice he could be in big trouble in the November election. At Grizzard’s first news conference, reporters came down hard on the fact the 41-year-old Atlantan has been mar ried and divorced three times. “How can a man with your kind of marital record appeal to female voters? 14 asked a female reporter. “Why don’t you go home and shave and then come back and we’ll discuss it,” Grizzard said, bringing notice to the un sightly facial hair near the woman’s up per lip. “Did you serve in Vietnam?” was also asked of the candidate. “No,” he replied. “I flunked the phys ical.” It was learned that doctors diagnosed Grizzard as having a leaking heart valve in 1968. The columnist subsequently has had two heart surgeries to repair the valve. Grizzard’s cardiologist, when asked about the operations, indicated Griz zard used heavy doses of morphine in both instances and often walked the halls of the hospital during his convales cence without snapping all the buttons on his hospital gown. It was also noted Grizzard currently has a porcine (pig) valve and is known to wallow in mud puddles and make dis tinct oinking sounds while having his back scratched. The Eastern liberal press, meanwhile, has been having a field day with Griz zard’s image as a good of boy redneck. “The man is simply devoid of cultu re,” wrote the Washington Post Style section. “He eats fried chicken with his Fin gers, drinks beer out of a can and is con sumed with the success of the University of Georgia’s football team, the ‘Dawgs’ — ugh!” It was reported in Newsweek, mean while, that Grizzard is a known gambler who often wages as much as five dollars on a golf match and has been known to double on the back nine. Said one of Grizzard’s golfing friends, “He’ll also move his ball in the rough, if you don’t keep an eye on the son-of-a- . . .” * One of Grizzard’s ex-wives, mean while, appeared on “Good Morning America” and described life with the vice presidential hopeful. Said the former Mrs. Grizzard, “He snores, belches, doesn’t cut his toenails, leaves his dirty underwear on the floor, won’t eat leafy green vegetables, thinks anybody who doesn’t like Conway Twitty is a Communist and Spam is his favorite food.” “The only thing Grizzard should be running for,” said commentator George Will, also appearing on GMA, “is the city limits.” And this just in: The Bush campaign has scheduled a major news conference for tomorrow morning. Speculation is Grizzard will be dumped from the ticket and will be replaced by, in the words of a high-level Bush aide, an exciting, young family man, patriot and senator from the Midwest. Copyright 1988, Cowles Syndicate A rotten thing happened to friend of mine Saturday, Sept. 10th. Someonl stole his Macintosh SE from Rm. 505 Soil Crops Sciences & Entomology You may think, “These things happen — even in Aggieland.” Butthistkl different. The thief not only took his computer, but his dissertation for his Pi I well. Without a dissertation, he doesn’t graduate. I’d like to make a suggestion to the thief. You’ve already got hiscompuieiI about returning his dissertation and software? It’s all on the hard disk,asyoiil already be aware. Please make a copy of the material and slip it under theth | SCSE Rm. 505. No questions asked; no accusations made. Julie Scott Graduate student 12.: 2.0. 2.0 1.7: 1.6 1.5 1.4. 1.2 Peace be with you EDITOR: While I was on vacation, a fatherly type, conservative man saluted me fingers. Although I narrowly missed being included as a baby-boomer,my generation knows what a peace-sign looks like. But l didn’t/think he did,sol innocently asked, “Two what?” “No. Peace,” he explained, looking somewhat puzzled that I hadn’tgotttt I passed it off as an older man trying to recapture his youth. Thenafted returned to College Station, I saw a clunker with faded blue paint and ano® peace-sign. It stared at me like a relic out of my past. I smilingly pointed itoii my baby-boomer husband. He smiled, as he too remembered those days. Then today, on campus, I saw a huge black peace sign on a new, looks-lilf never-been-washed white T-shirt. The eight-inch symbol with inch-wide lint* couldn’t be missed. Is there something going on that I’ve missed? Could it be that peace has become an important enough issue that people are dusting off the rebellious symbol of the ’60s and ’70s here at Texas A&M? Nah. It must be merely coincidence. But just in case, I know I can stills^ others with a peace-sign. I taught my daughter to show people she was two. Loree Lewis Eubank Office of Public Information Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit 10 and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must be signed and ml-' classification, address and teleplume number of the writer. 1.1 1.1 1.1 1.1 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 .95 .93 .92 .92 .91 .90 .89 .89 .88 .85 .84 .83 .81 .80 .77 .77 .75 .75 .75 .74 The Battalion (USPS 045 360) Member of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference The Battalion Editorial Board Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor Richard Williams, City Editor D A Jensen, Denise Thompson, News Editors Hal Hammons, Sports Editor Jay Janner, Art Director Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor Editorial Policy The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and Bryan-Coliege Station. Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac ulty or the Board of Regents. The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography classes within the Department of Journalism. The Battalion is published Monday through Friday during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday and examination periods. Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62 per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-1 111. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX 77843. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col lege Station TX 77843-4111. BLOOM COUNTY by Berke Breatl