Page 2/The Battalion/Thursday, September 15, 1988
Opinion
Havejnercy A&M! No more fees, please.
Earlier this
week, just out of
curiosity, I was
looking at my fee
slip. According to
that slip, it is cost
ing me (my par
ents, actually)
about $1,000 to at
tend Texas A&M
this semester.
That figure even
includes a semes-
Dean
Sueltenfuss
ter-long stay in the luxurious Hart Hall,
one of the most prestigious and sought-
after residence halls on campus.
About a third of the $1,000 went for
my room in Hart Hall, while another
third of it was for tuition. The final
third was for various fees. While I havp
no abhorrence of fees in general, I do
occasionally like to know what they are
for and why I am paying them.
One fee that I found particularly baf
fling was the general use fee of $96.
self.
‘General use of what?” I asked my-
Whatever it is, I’d like to quit using it
so I can get my $96 back.
I would assume that the general use
fee has something to do with the use of
classrooms, but $96 seems a little steep
to me — I mean, have you been in tbe
Academic Building lately? The rooms
smell like stale beer and they look as if
they’ve been inhabited by psychotic tree
sloths for at least a year. Is this the deco
rum that is costing me $96 per semes
ter? If it is, I have some friends who
04006101 could render all the class
rooms on campus to a similar state for a
fraction of the cost — and they could
have a pretty good time in the process.
The health center fee of $15 is an
other fee that I disagree with. Not only
is it unfair, it’s down right discrimina
tory against healthy people. I don’t want
to make myself out as a braggart, but I
have never — not once — had to set foot
in the health center. Furthermore, if
I’m in need of medical attention I don’t
mind paying for it. But I DO mind pay
ing for the medical attention rendered
to the idiot who drank too much beer,
got sick, and spent three days in the
health center attempting to recover
from his stupidity.
One of the less illegitimate fees is the
student center complex fee of $20. I
must admit that I do spend quite a bit of
time in the MSC. I get my mail there. I
occasionally buy books there. I play vi
deo games there. Every once in a while I
even eat there. I pay for all of these
things individually, though, so I’m
reallv not sure what the additional $20
per semester is all about.
The only other thing that I do at the
MSC is ocassionally sit down and read a
newspaper. Having determined that be
ing able to sit down and read a paper in
the MSC is not worth $20 to me, I would
like to submit a formal request to the ad
ministrators of A&M to give me my
money back. I’ll read my newspapers
outside from now on. Really — I don’t
mind.
I have to admit that the student cen
ter complex fee appears rather tame
when contrasted against the student
services fee of $67. I just can’t seem to
figure out what services I’m receiving
from Texas A&M that I haven’t already
paid for. Obviously, it wouldn’t be any
thing having to do with academics — all
of that stuff would have been covered
by the tuition that I (my parents) paid.
In fact, the only services I can think of
that wouldn’t have been covered by at
least one of the other fees are things
such as keeping the hedges trimmed,
_ imMes
AACCP>U^r-
.../‘MP’ I LEfrRNEP AU- AKCUT GEOGRAPHY WrWT HERE THE USA-.
Jessica’s back & bigger than ever
I don’t know
why anyone was
concerned about
the TV writers
strike. Even with
out their creative
efforts, there is so
much that is
worthwhile on
television.
For example,
last night I was
flipping through
Mike
Royko
my cable channels, looking for a wres
tling match, when suddenly I was face to
face with Jessica Hahn.
I was surprised to see her because I
thought she had used up her fame allot
ment and had passed on to wherever
transient celebrities go —the People
magazine graveyard.
But there she was, being interviewed
by Larry King, so I decided to stick
around and see what she’s been up to.
Because I tuned in late, and missed
the introduction, I didn’t know why she
was being interviewed.
And at that moment, she was dis
cussing her breasts. She said that as a
teen, she had been plump. So she dieted
and lost 40 pounds. But this left her
with unusual proportions. She said her
breasts drooped almost to her knees.
I thought that King would surely ask
her about the difficulty of buying suita
ble undergarments.
But they went on to discuss her body.
She had gone to a California body shop
— the kind for people, not cars — and
had her body rebuilt. New nose, teeth
and anything that was hanging low.
Then it became clear why they were
talking about such highly personal mat
ters. I mean, if I had breasts or anything
else that hung down to my knees. I
would not go on the Larry King show
and talk about it.
But it turned out that Ms. Hahn is
displaying her rebuilt body in Playboy
magazine. As you may recall, last year
she displayed her unaltered body. So we
will have a chance to compare the old
and rebuilt bodies and marvel at the
wonders of modern science. ,
I was about to switch to the public
broadcasting channel, for their nightly
installment on the sex life of insects,
when King said he was going to take
calls from the live audience.
Sensing the potential for conflict, I
stayed tuned and was right. The first
caller was a Southern lady who didn’t
care for Hahn’s morals one bit.
She demanded to know how Ms.
Hahn could be a good Christian and
flaunt her body so shamelessly.
I didn’t take notes, but Ms. Hahn said
she thought the good Lord, in his infi
nite wisdom, had given her this oppor
tunity, so she took it, and still consid
ered herself a good girl.
The caller didn’t agree. She thought
the good Lord would disapprove of Ms.
Hahn’s conduct, and that she was a bad
girl.
Although I’m not a theologian, de
bates of this kind fascinate me. But it
seems to me that Ms. Hahn was proba
bly right. If the Lord didn’t want Ms.
Hahn posing for Playboy, He could
have prevented it. All He’d have to do is
make her body grow yak fur.
Then, to the amazement of King, Ms.
Hahn and me, a call came from Hugh
Hefner’s fiance, a young lady named
Kimberly Conrad. I don’t believe that’s
her real name. My guess is that she was
borr Thelma Fugelblatt, but Hef
doesn’t carry on with Thelmas.
Anyway, Kimberly and Jessica are
pals, since Jessica lives in the Hefner
playhouse, and they told each other
what beautiful people and wonderful
human beings they were. It brought a
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Lydia Berzsenyi, Editor
Becky Weisenfels, Managing Editor
Anthony Wilson, Opinion Page Editor
Richard Williams, City Editor
D AJensen.
Denise Thompson, News Editors
Hal Hammons, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
Leslie Guy, Entertainment Editor
Editorial Policy
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resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac-
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BLOOM COUNTY
keeping the grass cut, and keeping all
those dumb squirrels fed.
Another fee that I found particularh
intriguing was the computer access fee
of $48. Why should I pay almost $100
per year so that some engineering stu
dent can •spend all of his time writing
programs on a university-owned com
puter? It's bad enough that we all have
to pay for the small number of individu
als who choose to use these computers.
The worst part of this situation, how
ever, is that a lot of the students who use
the computers don’t even employ them
for legitimate purposes. Some students
use these computers to do such things as
to communicate with other students at
A&M or even to communicate with peo
ple in other cities or countries. And do
you know who picks up the tab for these
little improprieties? \Ve all do — at
about $50 apiece.
If these fees don’t strike you as being
very impressive sums of money, just
multiply them by the 40,000 students
who are attending Texas A&M. A fee of
just $10 per student generates $400,000
of revenue — an impressive sum in
deed.
all of these fees is that the baa
soiling behind them is flawed. 1:. 11
cases the student both in general:■
ing used to provide funding forserB
that benefit onl\ a select groupo:ML e vei
dents at A&M. In other cases,re Strauss-
that are obtained primalilv In their in
student both are being spent onv are- 4
< >i facilit irx 11 in i. w I nlc IHTH'liitiii. s
students at A&M,
the majority of students here.
What it boils down to is (his
, i i hB he (
maynotbede S i,« xas
dreams
news <)(
<MCer
dents of l exas \&.M should havtT eIlturt >
t>l a x.i\ leg.udmg vn li.it iheir nuii^Bsi.ibl
used for. We need to Ik* morei changi
letting the administration knovt entreprt
want, and the administration lit a £ ernenl
be more responsive to our demandi
are paving a lot of monev to attei
university and many of us don’ii
where all of that money is going.lt
it’s about time that we found out.
After all, would
money being used
demit situation at J
sports car for a pi
to improve it
\&M, or to bm
go
I guess what I’m trying to say about
■A st<
Be B.
hearing
Bis
Texas
din wa:
charges
tudt* at
forman
meeting
Doan Sueltenfuss is a junior] inltituti
lism mu jar unci columnist /orTy tulon
talion. ffl 1 >u
gent me
ospeettve
layer.-'
Mail Call
Laverne DeFazio for Miss America
EDITOR:
I read Becky Weisenfels’editorial on Monday. and 1
little. I’m used it) Miss America hashing around this time of v
think the managing editor has slighted the wrong pci son. Sh
Miss America as a bimbo?
If I remember correctly the Asstuiated Press wire stor\ c<
C at i Ison is an accomplished classical violinist who attends St at
about Gretchen’s future goals of attending Harvard l.aw St h
successful business executive? Yes. 1 see a detinue pattern of
developing.
I suggest while the editor was sitting on her couch, watchi
ild n’t help hut sit
\ ear, but this lira
rtravs theti
tl\. Grei
1. And w
the tube
I preparing for the Miss America pageant. Cretchen was
brushing up for her LSAT.
Perhaps Ms. Weisenfels doesn’t feel that Cretchen i
intellect, wit, and other qualities, including beauty — is
her goal of corporate executive? Or may lie our beloved
is just a tinge jealous of the newly crowned Miss Amet it
and brains?
While 1 neither support nor denounce the pageant,
reul bimbo here?
pr
ticim
?r vi
Ban
11 of her gifts
nencan wav to
'ion managing
nbination ot b
a phot<
fat ulty
copy Hs
fr< m
Kown
lain,
th< Un
told ll
marge-
fif 111 ^
crossed
Whe
Wedne
counse
quest io
tude” 1
of char
Bmci
Bve r
di et j
materi,
the pei
merlin
instiuu
tes."
;/ kit I)
wit h m
! The
Br.
A. "W
Stephen Pace ’91
Behind the times
EDITOR:
I have been a student at this fine university for four years and will gradu j
this fall, hit he course of time , 1 have fallen pre\ to illness like any other ptr f
colds and ihe flu. During this time of need. I have traveled to the A.P. Boult !
1 fealtli C'.enter only to f ind it lacking the prompt, ef f it lent health care 1 had :
expected.
I found my hopes for efficiency dashed while I wailed in the “cattlesickpd
they call y\ailing rooms to see a doctor. Admittedly, they have changed thesi/u
the yvaiting room near the doctor’s offices, but still the basic fact remains—ii
herd of ailing folks! Often, I have felt even worse leaving the Health C.enterq
before I left.
Before anyone suggests that I see a doctor in the Bitau-College Stationad
don’t own any means of transport to get there and with the parking situation !
yvho’d want to lend me their car?
In short, I find the excessive waits unacceptable and ask fora change:
1. Isolate those people who are contagious in isolation wait ing rooms.
2. Increase the medical staff and stagger the him Ii hour, i.e., not cveryod
f rom noon to 1 p.m. (This university is notorious for shun ing down for lunch
when students have important matters to attend.)
3. Use the $ 15 “health center fee" charged to everyone to oui advantage* ]
help us stay well so we can learn!
Brenna D. Burnham ’88
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff resrnrs the right to edit Iritn
and length, but will make even’ effort to maintain the author's intent. Each lettei must be sigiuilmidmuslis
classification, address and telephone number of the writer. 'TyW*
tear to my eye. Or maybe I’m devel
oping a sty.
Then Hefner himself came on the
phone. He giggled. I’ve known him, on
and off, mostly off, for about 25 years,
and every time I've heard him talk, he
giggles. I suppose that if I had led his
life, I'd giggle, too. If I had any strength
left.
He, too, said that Jessica was a won
derful human being. And she said he
was a beautiful person.
There was more, but I had to walk
out of the room and pull my eiil
together, I was so choked up.
As the program ended, Larry 1 !
asked Jessica what she was goingif
with the rest of her life. ShethoiM
a moment, then said that she wasci
to write a book.
At least I think that’s whatshe®|
plane went over just as she wasrespi
ing, so I didn't hear her tooclearh
So it’s possible that she said sM
going to read one.
Copyright 1988, Tribune Media Service.
by Berke Breatli
d/esvti
fd.