i
Page 2/The Battalion/Thursday, July 28,1988
Opinion
Once you’re married, beer for breakfast is a no-no
Married life has
a way of changing
a person. I mar
ried last year and
my lifestyle be
came very differ
ent from what I
was familiar with.
I’m not talking
about the small
changes that one
must make when
you begin living
potatos man must make at the grocery
store.
When I lived with a couple of guys,
shopping was no problem. We simply
bought from each of the four basic food
groups and everybody was happy. How
ever, my wife has informed me that al
cohol, steak, potato chips and pizza are
not the four basic food groups.
Richard
Williams
with another person. I’m talking about
the huge changes that must be made to
survive with a person of the opposite
sex.
Almost nothing is as bad as learning
to live with the pantyhose that hang in
the bathroom, or being told that football
is not a sport to be watched 24 hours ev
ery day.
My wife tells me it is hard to accept
dirty socks thrown about the room, but I
don’t believe that’s true.
Small changes, like learning to be
more responsible, are nothing com
pared to the changes that a meat-and-
My wife likes things like apricot nec
tar, whole wheat bread, diet drinks and
well-balanced meals. She thinks the four
basic food groups, as taught in school,
are to be followed. This is hard for a
man to accept.
When I lived with the guys I didn’t
have to worry about where the furniture
went. The furniture was placed in the
rooms when we moved in and it stayed
there until we moved out, or the roaches
got tired of the way it looked and de
cided to move it around. The only thing
that can make a guy move the furniture
is if he needs to cover a stain from a
party.
Women seem to be different. A mar
ried friend said he came home last week
after working late one night and en-
All show and no substance
makes conventions dull
The Democratic
National Conven
tion this week
completed its
transformation
from a political
event into a tele-
vision event;
more’s the pity.
What once was a
vibrant — if disor-
derly and ram
bling — ritual has
become a spiritless, vapid exercise in
party unity, drained of spontaneity,
Donald
Kaul
conflict and meaning.
Oh, a few speakers — notably Jesse
Jackson — 1 broke through the styrofoam
packaging to touch an emotion. But for
the most part the convention was dull,
not merely in the way of politics with its
long-winded speeches, but deeply, pro
foundly dull in the manner of television.
Framed by that hideous set — “the po
dium that ate the Omni” — it looked
like a TV game show.
Television has a way of doing that.
Did you see the All-Star baseball game a
couple of weeks ago? They had Mickey
Mouse and hundreds of dancers pranc
ing around, waving banners and singing
psuedo-patriotic songs before the game.
Mickey Mouse! At the sacred All-Star
game! It was enough to make you burn
your bubble gum card collection.
Turn down the sound of your tele
vision these days and it’s hard to tell
whether you’re watching the Super
Bowl, the Olympic Games, a beauty pa-
gent, a political convention or “Let’s
Make a Deal.” They are simply different
slices of the same piece of salami.
It’s done in the name of entertain
ment, oddly enough. Somewhere along
the line the people in television have got
the bizarre notion that everything
should be entertaining and, moreover,
entertaining in the same way. So every
one cuts his act to fit television’s require
ments. The brightest colors are muted,
the corners are knocked off controver
sies and the event loses its essence. If
you live long enough you’ll see a con
vention chaired by Vanna White, fea
turing the Radio City Rockettes, in
which the candidates appear exclusively
through commercials. It’s coming.
The paradoxical thing, of course, is
that the more they try to make the con
ventions entertaining, the less entertain
ing they become, even to game show
fans.
People tuned in to the major speeches
but outside of that what was there to
see? Television reporters relentlessly
pursuing the story that wasn’t there:
The damage done Michael Dukakis by
his “cave-in” to Jesse Jackson. Puzzled
delegates kept saying “What cave-in?”
but the TV types wouldn’t be taken in.
They kept worrying that story like a dog
a sock, asking the same dumb questions
again and again.
(Switching back and forth between
channels produced an astonishing reve
lation: ABC is the best news network.
It’s got the least hysterical reporters and
most thoughtful commentators.)
The real story of the convention was
that Dukakis took control of the party,
handling “the Jackson problem. If the
convention proved anything else, it was
that George Bush is in for some heavy
sailing this fall. Hardly a speaker passed
up an opportunity to hurl an insult at
the vice president.
Ann Richars hung the “born with a
silver foot in his mouth” label on him.
Ted Kennedy hit him with his “Where’s
George?” routine. Texas Agriculture
Commissioner Jim Hightower called the
vice president “a man who was born on
third base and thinks he hit a triple.”
Even former President Jimmy Carter
and Sen. Lloyd Bentsen got in their
licks.
Asked whether Bush’s constant
slighting references to the Carter presi
dency bothered, Carter said:
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Richard Williams, Editor
Sue Krenek, Managing Editor
Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
Curtis Culberson, City Editor
Becky Weisenfels,
Cindy Milton, News Editors
Anthony Wilson, Sports Editor
Jay Janner, Art Director
tered the house without a light. He
walked past where the television should
be and turned to go down the hall way
when something suddenly tackled him.
After removing the rug from his mouth
he found a light switch and saw that the
room was rearranged. He swears the
furniture was moved around again be
fore he got up the next morning.
Apartment decorating is another area
that males seem to care less about. My
wife refuses to allow me to hang beer
posters on the wall. To a man, a beer
poster on the wall is better than two of
Mona Lisa. A Coors Light poster is art
— a painting of three ducks swimming
in a stream by the windmill is not true
art.
for about four years. Guys don’t worry
about little things like toilet seats.
However, the lesson was finally
brought home in about one minute’s
time. My wife, groggy from just waking,
headed towards the bathroom. Soon af
ter she entered I heard what sounded
like a splash. The splash was followed by
words I had never heard in four years
of living with guys. The look she gave
me when she came out of the bathroom
convinced me it was time to start putting
the seat down.
e 1
My wife wants furniture that
matches. Before I was married I consid
ered milk crates from the same com
pany matching furniture. The closest I
came to having the chairs match the
couch was the time that we had the same
brand of beer spilled on them.
Another of the major changes in my
life was learning to put the toliet seat
down. This was very hard to learn for a
man that has lived with a group of guys
Women also seem to have this thing
about how the toliet paper is placed on
the spindle. My friend says his wife will
argue about whether the paper should
roll off from the top or the bottom. I
don’t care how it rolls off as long as it is
in the bathroom.
Being married has also forced me to
change my kitchen habits. I lived in a
fraternity house in which the guys did
all of the cooking. We had cast iron
stomachs. We could eat anything and
survive.
I was used to cooking today and
cleaning the dishes next week. My wife
objects to this and 1 can’t undclf
why. 1 can no longer fix suppe*
then wait until next week to wipB
green stuff from the plate.
My wife won’t let me havecold||
french fries, cheese cake and stmL]
Quik for breakfast. Once againllfexas
this hard to swallow (or not to), fgnp^
Being married has changed®*^
habits. My old roommates woultH^p
me to the Chicken the night lxgge se
test. My wife won’t do that. MywiiB-ts
this theory that an increasedamotfeftui
time spent studying will resultmP h<
creased grades. ^
My old roommates’ theorywasjBLp
talking about the test over a few On a
beers the grades wouldn’t matteiBhh<
theory is proving to be true, but : from
like to spend some more time vasl
on my old roommates’theory. P ri 1
7 iiF ec
I’m not trying to say that mar: | .))r.
is terrible. Far from it. I loveDtjreseat
death, but if 1 could just get he pi kx
me hang that poster of Heatheif 00 ' 18 *
lr.11 ii M 1 k 11\ 111'> rc m >m and ... an< 1
Richard Williams is a senioragr juiy.
ral journalism major and editorshi^^
Battalion. K
and tl
MUTTER MUMBLE ELVISTAWSTO
ME WtC mABLE BABBLE FENX/
THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND PRATTLE
JABBER UTTLE GREEN MAKIMNS \N
TUE LAUNDFOMW ABGLEEAFGLE
ratim
I A 1
1980
\ yucm YOU'VE JUST EtEKli*, us
FOR ME TO PEF1ME MYSBF-Wi!
TREBLE BURBLE SPARE CHANGES
BLATHER'WO,
GOLLY, VT'S TIME YOU V<NEW M 4„
MAKES KETtik! \ KNCtW VOaVtfd,
WOBRIO? SIQV' 'NONWWNG/WV
TWStWNG CAUEP EUSHr" V/El» ,
b/<^A<
“No, they don’t, but I don’t think
they do him any good, either, they sim
ply reinforce his image; he gives a gen
eral impression of silliness.” Carter went
on to say of Bush:
“He’s been a kind of indefinable per
son so far. Who is he? What does he
stand for? What role did he play in the
Reagan administration? What was his
participation in the Iran-contra scandal?
What is his relationship to Noriega in
Panama? People don’t even know where
he lives.”
And, of course, there’s Bruce Bab
bitt’s characterization of Bush as some
one who “reminds women of their First
husbands.”
It’s not that the jibes against Bush are
so cruel; they’re worse. They’re conde
scending.
Asked the difference between himself
and Mr. Bush, Sen. Bentsen, referring
to a certain vagueness concerning Mr.
Bush’s whereabouts at crucial times in
the Reagan administration, said:
“People would remember if I at
tended a meeting.”
When two stiffs like Jimmy Carter
and Lloyd Bentsen can get good hits on
you, you’re in trouble. A politician can
withstand brutal criticism, but ridicule is
lethal.
Things are looking up for Dukakis.
Copyright 1988, Tribune Media Services,Inc.
Mail Call
Come out of your cave, Joe Hyde
EDITOR:
those of us who believe that one can enjoy the circus
without jumping in the ring with the clowns.
I’m writing this letter in response to the letter by David
Van Dyke, and the column by Joe Hyde that appeared on
last Friday’s Opinion Page.
It seems that these two unfortunates were the only
citizens in the country who missed the Surgeon General’s
informative, albeit redundant, pamphlet concerning the
AIDS epidemic. Either that or their caves don’t have cable.
Just in case there are others still in the dark, AIDS is
spread by contact with the fluids of an infected person
either topically or internally. Don’t sweat it guys, that’s
“Aquired Immune Difficiency” not “Intelligence
Difficiency.”
No, Mr. Van Dyke, the epidemic has not been spreaf
merely “through homosexual activity and intravenous
drug use.” It doesn’t take mental giant to see thathadtli
been the case, the “Christians” of the world would be
sleeping a little easier, safe in the knowledge thatGodh
spared them this plague, as he spared the Jews intheda|
of Moses. There is no segment of the population that
could not conceivably contract the disease.
Ni
Mr. Hyde intimated that apathy has been the cause for
the recognition of GSSO. And now the AIDS threat is
poised to devastate this community through the strenuous
efforts of a few extremely overworked bisexuals who can’t
make up their minds which side of the fence they belong.
He went on to say that if “becoming a world class
university means cultivating amoral organizations with
institutional funds, you can kiss my a . . .” Call me crazy,
but didn’t you just say that’s what started the whole AIDS
thing? Maybe, had we not been laughing so hard at the
utter drivel being thrown by “Christian” and “Humanist”
alike, we might have spoken up at the time. But there are
Maybe, the Lord was wondering if the Milk of Hm
Kindness had gone sour, since He has consistently left
off the Sunday dinner list, I can’t say for certain what
point of the AIDS epidemic is, if indeed there ever wait
purpose. But if Mr. Van Dyke and Mr. Hyde are intlie
neighborhood they might ask Him about that. Perhaps
they might consider it a test of the common sense the
supposedly gave everyone. An exam to see who’s been
reading between the lines and who’s just been memori
them.
Mark Fortner ’87
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editomlwi
serves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make ever) t
maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and must includtn
sification, address and telephone number of the writer.
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspa
per operated as a community service to Texas A&M and
Bryan-College Station.
Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the
editorial board or the author, and do not necessarily rep
resent the opinions of Texas A&M administrators, fac
ulty or the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
for students, in reporting, editing and photography
classes within the Department of Journalism.
The Battalion is published Monday through Friday
during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday
and examination periods.
Mail subscriptions are $17.44 per semester, $34.62
per school year and $36.44 per full year. Advertising
rates furnisfied on request.
Our address: The Battalion, 230 Reed McDonald,
Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843-11 1 1.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battal
ion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University, Col
lege Station TX 77843-4 111.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breat
M/?. ep, BeNJI, M0RRI5,
CHEETAH THE! CHIME...
RIN TIN TIN, GENTLE: BEN,
FLIPPER... ME... HLL TABLE
ANIMAL STARE PLHYEP
Ptra/ /TV
BNP THERE'S ONE MOREY
fl VEERKRY FAMILIAR
FACE RIGHT HERE IN
BLOOM COUNTY/
KNOW WHO IT IS ?
WHO?
/
BOTH YOU BNP 1
KNOW THAT SHE5 A
GOING 10 WAKE OP
UNTIL THAT UtfT
STATEMENT HAS
WREAKEP TOTAL
PBNPEMONm
BROUNP HERO-