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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (March 10, 1988)
Thursday, March 10, 1988/The Battalion/Page 3 State and Local s Author helps A&M understand why men are the way they are’ medit 1 By Mercedes Salinas Reporter Men tend to linger emotionally af- er a relationship ends even though not l hey don’t want to make a commit- r eC [ i nent, author Warren Farrell said at r( Texas A&M Wednesday. urnali “ . . Yet only in the past 20 years have we realized that men too, are living in a sexist society. Women are tell ing men ‘no love unless you raise money. ’ ” — Author Warren Farrell Farrell, who wrote “Why Men Are he Way They Are,” spoke to a small youp of students Wednesday as a Suptt bllow-up to his MSC Great Issues ust p:. ecture in Rudder Tower Tuesday. The lecture had to be moved to e Memorial Student Center after hree hours because it was late and jeople wanted to continue the dis- :ussions. The lecture ended up last- ng from 7:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m., ith about 150 staying until the end. the largu ed t(fi| nd lustlc ntha: Because of the good response rom the audience Tuesday night, ^Barrell wa available in Rudder gain for discussions on Wednesday. Tuesday evening, Farrell spoke to n audience of about 675 people. He (^IBegan by having the male audience llBtand in their chairs so that the 11 women could look at them. The i were then suppose to ap proach the male of their choice. The audience was hesitant at first, ut eventually got on with the swing of things. In everyday situations, the ale is usually the pursuer and the Jemale sits back and waits for things to happen, Farrell said. I “The man who does not take the 'sbwisk quickly (of approaching a fe- Iropo ifnale) is the loser,” Farrell said. “He . Mias to go back to the boys and not er | e have gotten anywhere. The luxury * of sitting out is the luxury of being avenffemale. It is also the price of being or p^||emale. 1 “Many times a male will settle for , Mis third or fourth choice, even his 11th choice, because he is threat ened by rejection. This is a very com- inon occurance. Men feel powerless cause they are losing identity.” In a role reversal exercise, the ling women took the men’s position on the dance floor and were able to ex perience the power a man feels looking down at the shorter female and directing her moves. The male felt the powerlessness that a girl experiences in this simple setting. Sometimes a woman wonders if a man wants to go out with her just be cause he wants to go out, or because he really likes her, Farrell said. The answer is both, he said. “In the past thousands of years women and men have both lived in a sexist society,” he said. “Women have been limited to a role of raising children and maintaining the house hold. Yet only in the past 20 years have we realized that men too, are living in a sexist society. Women are telling men ‘no love unless you raise money.’ ” In conducting research for his book, Farrell encountered thousand of women who were asking, “Why are men afraid of commitment?” and “Why are they afraid of intima cy?” Men are not afraid of intimacy; they’re afraid of economics, he said. A man rarely rejects a woman for her income, Farrell said; he’ll com mit to her whether she’s a medical doctor or a secretary. “They won’t reject her for her po sition, but most will reject her if she’s not attractive, no matter what she does,” Farrell said. Men learn to pay for women on a date not because they want control, but for equality, he said; they feel that they have to pay for her time and attention. “The male must learn which ‘no’s’ mean ‘no,’ which ‘no’s’ mean ‘maybe’ and which ‘no’s’ mean ‘yes,’ ” Farrell said. “And because of this, many times men build a defense mech anism that turn women into sex ob jects and call sex a game. It hurts less to be rejected by an object than by a human being they could possibly really care about.” When a man and a woman marry, Farrell said, the woman many times expects to have the choice of whether she will work full time, work pat't time or not work at all. But this situation is not quite the same for men, Farrell said. “The male too, has three choices,” he said. “He can work full time, work full time or work full time. He is not only working to support him self but to support his wife and fami ly.” The average man is working hard to offer his spouse the opportunity of these three choices, Farrell said. If a woman is not offered these three choices at some point in her life, she’s likely to become angry and start to think, “This guy is a jerk,” he said. Farrell said the sales of Harlequin romances jumped dramatically be tween 1970 and 1980. He says more women began buying these books for “escape” in the 70s, when they began to have to work for economic reasons instead of having a choice. “These novels allow a woman to experience a fantasy of power, excit- ment, independence and security without having to work so hard for it,” Farrell said. “Less and less women are marrying for intimacy. Eighty-five percent of top female ex- cecutives marry up in society or don’t marry at all. They always talk about marrying for intimacy yet are not often willing to marry down in society.” In concluding his program, Far rell had all the males stand in front of the stage so that once again the women could look them over through a male’s eye. They walked across the floor, rotated and sat down in manner that would be ac ceptable for a female. The purpose of this was to allow the male to experience how a woman competes in a beauty contest every day of her life. Reactions from the males after this experience ranged from being ‘embarrassed’ to ‘very uncomfort able.’ The women were then told to se lect the male they would like to date, based on looks alone, and approach him. She was instructed to make all the first moves, if she wasn’t rejected immediately. Even though there were more women at the lecture than men, some men were not approached at all, and many of the females left. “This is excactly what happens in the real world,” Farrell said. “Many men are too afraid to ask a woman out, and they leave the scene, while some girls are left sitting at home on Saturday night wishing they had some company.” Tammy Cotton, a senior bioche mistry major, said she learned quite a bit T uesday night. “This lecture gave a lot of insight of what a guy goes through to ask a girl out,” Cotton said. “I didn’t-think I could do the role reversability ex- cercises, but I did and I learned a lot.” Doug Uhlig, a senior ocean engi neering major, also said he learned a lot about himself at Farrell’s lecture. “I think everyone should go see Photo by Dean Saito Warren Farrell, author of ‘Why Men Are The Way They Are,” re verses roles with an audience member at his lecture, part of MSC Great Issues, Tuesday night. He was illustrating the man’s position of power while dancing by having the volunteer stand on a chair. Dr. Farrell speak if they get the chance,” Uhlig said. “I think it was well worth the three hours. More men need to listen to someone like this because they will learn a lot about themselves and why they act the way they do.” Farrell is now teaching in the Col lege of Medicine at the University of California at San Diego. ill If you feel the need for speed. $2199. The new CA 386 is 22 times faster than the IBM PC. And even though the CA 386 comes with more standard features than any 80386 based computer, it costs thousands less. The CA 386 system includes: 1024KB RAM on the motherboard (upgradeable to 4MB), true 32 bit memory address ing, 20 MHz, hi-resolution mono chrome monitor, graphics card (Hercules compatible), AT-style keyboard, parallel printer port, clock and calendar (with battery backup) and 220 watt power supply. 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