Page 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, March 2, 1988
Opinion
It’s time to kill The Beast and move up in the world 7
Robin Leach
shouldn’t have
opened his big
mouth. The color
ful, aristocratic
host of “Lifestyles
of the Rich and
Famous” told
America that auto
mobiles are reflec
tions of our per
sonalities. Now
that graduation
John
MacDougall
approaches and I’m looking for a
newer, used car, I find this tidbit a little
depressing.
ents while I was an undergraduate stu
dent. I remember that Christmas well . .
. sifting through my stocking by the fire
place, through the Bazooka bubble gum
and those god-awful cream-filled choco
late eggs. What’s this? Shiny car keys.
“You shouldn’t have. Dad.’’ He glances
at me with an “aw shucks —go getum ti
ger” look. “It’s parked down the street,
son. ” I bolt out the door, around the
corner. There’s nothing in sight, except
for the neighbor’s car. I run back inside,
exclaiming “someone stole my new car!”
Dad looks at me in bewilderment. My
brother escorts me outside.
the Beast isn’t a radical departure for
me. At the time the Nova was bestowed
upon me, I was earless. My former car, a
1977 baby blue Pinto, which I had
bought for $500 in Houston, had
thrown a rod in San Antonio. I had lent
the car to a friend with instructions to
use an oil to gas ration of about 1 to
three when he tanked it up. He ne
glected to feed it, and the engine blew.
For the last four years, I’ve been driv
ing The Beast — a four-door 1976
Chevy Nova, which, during its peak was
one of the work horses of the General
Motors line. However, time and the el
ements were cruel to the Nova, which is
strickened by a severe case of malignant
car cancer that threatens to eat up the
trunk.
“That’s it,” he says half sarcastically,
pointing in the direction of the neigh
bor’s driveway. “It’s really not so bad.
Even has a V-8 under the hood. ”
The Beast was a “gift” from my par
And so I was introduced to the Beast,
an oil guzzling, gas gurgling machine. A
Fine expression of my personality, that
vehicle is. Four doors, park bench seats,
two steel bumpers and more square
edges than a lifeguard’s jaw. Of course,
The Pinto was variously described by
my female friends as a “cute car” and by
my male buddies as a “tuna fish can with
wheels.” But I didn’t care. 1 had a car
when most of my friends were stuck rid
ing the bus. The baby blue Pinto was the
third one I had owned in as many years.
I inherited my first one when I was only
15 from my oldest brother, who had
nearly totalled in a collision with a police
car. After repairs the car had more
bondo on it than steel. In fact, the Beast
was so burdened by bondo, that an en
tire quarter panel cracked off after bak
ing in the sun for months. I got into the
habit of missing the school bus before I
got my driver’s license when I was a
sophomore in high school, so my
mother would let me drive it to school.
One day a giant grocery truck slammed
into me from behind on my way to
school. Luckily, there was no explosion,
but the car looked like an aluminum
accordion. The truck driver got out of
his vehicle and began apologizing, say
ing it was his fault. I was so paranoid
about getting a ticket for driving with
out a license that I told him to forget
about it. I drove the Pinto home for the
last time that day.
head-banging stereo and amplifier tlJ
fits neatly into a dash filled with spatt;
age lights, beepers and dials I don't ever!
need. And a moon roof that rollsba«|
electrically without dimming the I
lights. The car of my dreams hastobtj
fast and handle well. But I don’t wan
anything obnoxious that might cause
my new boss to white knuckle thefron
seat when 1 take him for his first ride
Because I didn’t know any better, I
bought another Pinto when I turned
sixteen with money I had saved mowing
lawns. That one lasted a full year and a
half before the engine blew up. By the
time I bought a third Pinto, my class
mates and friends were convinced that
either I was nuts or 1 had a death wish.
I need a car that befits my true sell
which has been repressed by yearso;
driving old American cars. A Ri
Royce? (Nah, that’s too ostentatious.
Mercedes Benz? No, those carsaref®
the geriatric crowd. A Corvette? Than
the ticket. First off, it’s American,sol
would be helping to keep our autowori
ers in business. Second, it’s fast. Ait
third, it’s sleek and refined.
Now that I’ve been through three
Pintos and nine-tenths of a Nova, 1
think I’m ready for an image im
provement. I want a car with muscle
and lines. A big roaring motor in a sleek
aerodynamic body. Of course I need a
But there is one problem. I got chan}
pagne tastes and an MD 20/20 budget
Is there anyone out there who’d tradt
me a ’vette for my next student loan? I
John MacDougall is a graduate studa
in the MBA program and a colunwis
forThe Battalion.
Mail Call
Stupid sports guys
EDITOR:
Going into the Olympics, everyone was excited about our hockey team
and the chances of the playoffs. Now that the playoff s are out of the question,
suddenly our hockey team isn’t worth a damn. I read Loyd Brumfield’s arti
cle about lean USA and I have to say he is just like all the other stupid sports
columnists. He hardly had a nice thing to say — everything was negative. I
am a true American, I cheered when we won, I got mad when we lost, but I
don’t blame the team or the coach. The team was made up of people much
like us — college guys who want to play hockey. These guys are not profes
sionals nor do they get paid, but they still choose to represent the United
States. Coach Peterson did a fine job also.
Hey, Loyd, you sure had a lot to say. Why don’t you try out for coach in
the next Olympics, then maybe some columnist will write a stupid article
about you and your team. I think all the American competitors have great
pride and will give their all for their country, and I will be behind them all the
way.
Greg Tonnies ’90
The problem with apartheid
EDITOR:
I am writing in response to the article submitted in Monday’s paper titled
“Students Against Democracy.” I found this article very shocking and down
right scary. Anyone who is a little more informed on the situation in South
Africa will know that the A.N.C. stands for African National Congress and,
for 50 years they have been trying fruitless non-violent protests. Second, two-
thirds of the blacks in South Africa support the ANC. They recognize that a
total trade ban divestment would result in some increased unemployment.
But, they recognize also that apartheid is the principle cause of unemploy
ment and the misery they suffer from daily. Just as the union of mineworkers
accepted the loss of Income & Jobs and the threat of violence when over
350,000 miners struck for higher wages, black South Af ricans and Namibians
have decided that they are prepared the accept a short term increase in suf
fering in order to bring an end to the perpetual oppression of apartheid slav
ery.
Furthermore, Students Against Apartheid if nothing else is fighting for
freedom, liberty, and justice in South Africa. In conclusion, people who are
against such peace loving, freedom-fighting organizations bring to mind a
quote by John F. Kennedy, “Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
make violence inevitable.”
Susan Vint ’90
president of SAA
Apartheid is the intelligent answer
EDITOR:
I’m writing in regard to the anti-apartheid activity that the black students
have been mounting on campus. I would like to say that based on my experi
ences and what I’ve seen, I think white South Africans are very intelligent to
institute apartheid if they want to preserve their country and their freedom.
It is obvious to me that the black Africans are attempting to use sheer num
bers of impoverished humanity as a weapon to drive the white out of that
country. The only real defense against this sort of attack is to separate them
out so that they cannot drag the country down. In this manner they are also
forced to bear the responsibility of irresponsible population growth.
Having lived a number of years in New Orleans, a city controlled and run
by blacks, I will say that blacks are every bit as race conscious, and much more
so in my opinion, than whites. Black people stick together and act in their
own self-interests. They are a separate race and they act like it. They like to
play to the “great white father” complex that many white people have in or
der to get sympathy for their cause. If I were a white South African, I would
not submit myself to black rule and would do exactly as they have in spite of
bad public relations. The U.S. should support South Africa. We could learn
some lessons from them ourselves.
aylor Sealy ’75
rs to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the light to edit letters
style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must.be signed and
ast include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
BUSH ’8BlW
MA£<aiiK
Michael Dukakis’ metamorphosis
into a Super Tuesday southerner
Massachusetts
Governor Michael
Dukakis was still
enjoying his vic
tory in the New
Hampshire Demo
cratic presidential
primary when an
aide called him
into a Super Tues
day strategy ses
sion.
Super Tuesday,
Lewis
Grizzard
March 8, will see 20 states hold presi
dential contests. Fourteen of these states
are in the Deep South.
“Mike,” began one of his aides, “do
you know much about the Deep South?”
“No,” the New Englander replied,
“but I did see ’To Kill a Mockingbird’
twice. I was very impressed with Robert
Duvall’s Boo Radley.“
“Excellent,” the aide said. “Do you
also know campaigning in the South will
be much different than in New Eng
land?"
“In what way?” Governor Dukakis
asked.
“Well, I don’t know much about the
Deep South, either," the aide answered,
“but I’ve heard a lot of these people
don’t wear shoes and walk around say
ing such things as ’sho-nuff and ’bless
yo’ heart.’”
“How quaint,” said the governor.
“That’s not all,” the aide went on,
“they have some very strange customs
with which you are not going to be fami
liar.”
“Could you be more specific, old
boy.”
“They eat strange foods. While you
are hunting for voters in the South, you
are likely to be offered some native
dishes such as grits.”
“Grits have always puzzled me,” said
the candidate. “Is it ’Grits are?’ or ’Grits
is?”’
“’Am’ sir,” answered the aide. “It’s
’Grits am.’”
“I’ll be able to handle that,” said Du
kakis. “I’ll simply say, ’These grits sho-
nuff am good.’”
“Perfect,” said the aide. “We’ve also
got to do something about your appear
ance. Southerners don’t dress like we
do.”
“They don’t?”
“No, we’ll have to get you a cap with
the name of a chewing tobacco company
or a heavy machinery manufacturer on
the front.
“If we could also find you a shirt with
your name sewn over the left pocket,
that would be good too. And there’s one
other thing.”
“What’s that?” asked Dukakis.
and countn
“It’s your name. We think we cat
really make some headway against Gore
if we can introduce you as Mike[
(Bubba) Dukakis.’”
“That’s fine.”
“We also expect you to be able to con
verse with Southerners on topics thai
are most important to ther
“The trade imbalance?”
“No. College football
music. You must learn to say, ‘Hov
’bout them Dawgs.’”
‘“Dahgs?”’
“No. Watch my mouth. It’s ‘daawgs
as in ‘haawgs’ and ‘fraawgs
‘“Haahgs,”’ said the New England
politician.
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll try
later,” said the aide.
“Just remember when you’re talking
to a Southerner occasionally to throwin
names like Merle Haggard, Georfl
Jones and Bear Bryant and you’ll bf
OK.”
“Well, bless yo’ daahg, Bubba,” said
the governor. “I think I’ve got it.”
“Should we celebrate, sir?” asked (lit
aide.
“Of course. A Courvoisier with alittk
branch water for me,” laughed the go'
ernor, feeling more Southern by tm
minute.
Copyright 1987, Cowles Syndicate
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Sue Krenek, Editor
Daniel A. LaBry, Managing Editor
Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
Amy Couvillon, City Editor
Robbyn L. Lister and
Becky Weisenfels,
News Editors
Loyd Brumfield, Sports Editor
Sam B. Myers, Photo Editor
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