Page 2/The Battalion/Monday, February 8, 1988
Opinion
The impeachment of Gov. Mecham is not prettyi
Impeachment is
not pretty. Ask
Arizona Gov.
Evan Mecham,
he’ll tell you. You
see, last Friday
poor old Evan was
impeached by the
Arizona House.
What an ugly,
ugly business.
But then again,
what an ugly, ugly
man.
Mark
Nair
You may remember that it was Evan
who abolished the Arizona state holiday
honoring Martin Luther King, Jr. It was
Evan who had a strange habit of making
crude, insulting, offensive remarks
about various ethnic groups. It was
Evan who usually ended up chewing on
both of his feet for these remarks.
All in all, my friend Evan Mecham
made Archie Bunker look like Snow
White in a nunnery. (Actually, I’m fully
convinced that Evan Mecham and
James Watt are the same person, al
though it could be true that they are fra
ternal twins, separated at birth by a vi
cious civil rights incident that left them
both scarred and stunned for life. I
wonder if Evan likes the Beach Boys?)
But the Arizona House didn’t im
peach Efficacious Evan on these triviali
ties. No, sir, they had charges made of
much sterner stuff: concealing cam
paign loans, using state funds for his
auto dealership, attempting to block an
investigation of a death threat — or as
the House resolution impeaching Eva
sive Evan said, “high crimes, misdemea
nors or malfeasance in office.”
Gosh golly, that is what politics is all
about.
Anyway, some of the buds and I were
sitting around chugging down cherry
Slurpies yesterday, and we decided to
hold a somewhat intelligent conversa
tion about our pal Emetic Evan and his
future in the worldly world of voter reg
istration. How we arrived at this topic of
conversation is still a mystery. Despera
tion in conversation can do strange
things to people.
“String him up by his nose,” said
Fred, “that’s what I say.”
“What do you think about Mecham’s
impeachment, Loyd?” I asked Loyd.
Loyd was unusually quiet.
Loyd took a bite of his Super Chili
Cheese Dog. “Well, I’ll tell you,” he said.
“I’d rather be impeached than impai
red.”
We all laughed in a friendly, joyous
manner, guffawing at timely intervals.
“What?” asked Phil. “Mecham in
trouble?”
“Impeached,” I said. “Impeached by
the Arizona House.”
“Well,” said Phil, “I don’t think they
should impeach Mecham. I mean, that
book of his, Texas, wasn’t all that excit
ing, but they shouldn’t impeach him just
for that.”
“What?” I asked. “What?”
“String him up by his nose,” said
Fred.
“Mecham, let’s impeach ’im,” said
Loyd. That Loyd, what a card.
“So,” said Phil, “this Mecham guy, is
he kicked out of office now?”
Since 1 was the resident political ad
viser, fortuneteller, and epicure of cur
rent events, I was obliged to answer.
“Not yet,” I said, “at least, not perma
nently. Now this business goes to the
Arizona Senate. They’ll have a trial, and
if the Senate convicts him, he’s out of
here. Gone. Poof. Dislodged. Kicked
out. Removed from that high office.”
“Right,” said Fred. “I think we got the
message.”
But I was on a roll. “And then, and
then,” I waved my arms wildly in the air,
hitting the wall with a violent yet caring
blow, “if nothing happens in the Senate,
in May the voters will hold a recall elec
tion. He’s gone. Any way you look at it.
he’s gone.”
“String him up by his toes,” said Fred.
We began to utter a rousing chant of
“Impeach, impeach, impeach.” The
neighborhood urchins, who were busily
engaged in a friendly game of “Rambo 1
Kill You” tu rued and began to i
with small handfuls of sediment.|
our chant continued. We wererej
We were going to change the world
We got to im apartment, turnti
the TV and there he was, Mechanttl
his bigoted glorv, talking aboutho»
Senate would “vindicate him.'
changed the channel. “Gilligan'sislil
was on; it was one of the lost episodj^
And yet, the trials and
Evan Mecham remain. I
lie is liis
out of office, there will be notori
hole in our hearts for this ugly
also a hole in the Arizona governor:
flee. Who could live up to thismanj
his charm, his subtle critiques of till
man situation?
Jimmy “the Greek" forgoverr
■s slat
foi four
|He v\
Mark Nair is a senior political sc ity 1 Y e
major and opinion page editorhi
Bond
Battalion.
10 million isn’t enough ■mts ts IT, jesse?
“What would
you do,” asked
Slats Grobnik, “if
you had 10 million
bucks?”
I would put it
into conservative
tax-free municipal
bonds that would
earn me about
$700,000 a year. I
would move to a
warm climate, buy
Mike
Royko
myself an air-conditioned golf cart with
a built-in bar and never again set foot in
this saloon or engage in foolish con-
verstaions with you. Why do you ask?
“Well, I was just reading about this
old politician in Texas, John Gonally.
Used to be governor. Ran for presi
dent.”
guns. There are underprivileged
stickup guys in this city who have only
one gun. Here’s a guy who had 41 heat
ers and he wasn’t even heisting gas sta
tions for a living.”
I see your point. But you have to un
derstand that in the social and business
circles Gonally traveled in, $ 10 million
might be considered a mere trifle.
“Then he could have faked it. That’s
what I do. Before I have a party, I get a
bartender pal to give me empty bottles
with the best labels, and I fill ’em with
the cheap stuff, but nobody can tell the
difference.”
I don’t think that would have saved
Gonally from bankruptcy. We’re talking
about millions of dollars in unpaid bank
loans.
Ah yes, he has fallen upon hard
times. Took a terrible beating when the
Texas real estate market slumped. Most
of his worldly possessions sold at public
auction.
“Right, and it says in this story that he
had tears in his eyes. And that the peo
ple who came to buy his stuff gave him a
big cheer when he walked in.”
It did take courage for him to be pre
sent when his furniture, art collection
and personal memorabilia were being
sold.
“Yeah, I wondered about that, too.
How’d he get those bankers to let him
have so much money? When I went to
get a mortgage to buy a house, they al
most stripped me down to my shorts.
When I went for a loan to get my roof
repaired, I almost had to leave my kids
as collateral. So how does he get, what, a
couple hunnert million? I didn’t know
they could type that many numbers on a
check.”
Because he’s a man of reputation and
substance.
“I dunno. Me and my old man and
my mother and my brother Fats was
present once when the landlord evicted
us. Put our living room sofa right out on
the sidewalk next to the fireplug. All the
neighbors was looking, but none of
them said my old man was courageous
for being there. Of course, he wouldn’t
have heard ’em anyway. He was soused
and sleeping it off on the sofa.”
What does that have to do with John
Gonally or your question about the $10
million?
“Because it says here the reason Con-
ally went broke was because he wanted
to get rich. And that’s why he and an
other guy borrowed hunnerts of mil
lions from banks to put together all
these big real estate deals that flopped.”
That’s painfully true.
“Then the guy must have been goo
fy.”
How can you say that? Becoming rich
is part of the American dream.
“Yeah, but it says here that before he
jumped into all those deals, he was mak
ing big money as a Texas lawyer and
that he was already worth 10 million
bucks.”
“What does that mean? I been in the
same job for 35 years and I never
missed a payment at the credit union
and I never bounced a check because I
always pay by money order or cash.
How come banks give me the old fish-
eye and him all the millions he wants?”
It means banks have confidence in
prominent people of considerable
means and proven business judgment.
“Hah, so they have confidence in him
and he sticks ’em for more than a hun
dred million they’ll never see again.
Then they got to jack up the mortgage
rates on guys like me to cover what they
blew because he gave them the old glad
hand.”
So?
“So this. If he was already worth 10
million, didn’t that make him rich?”
By your standards or mine, yes. But
such things are relative.
“Relative? It says here that they auc
tioned off his gun collection. He had 41
Nobody has infallible judgment.
“I guess so. But I see that even
though he owes all that money and can’t
ever pay it back, he gets to keep his big
house and 200 acres of his ranch. And
he gets about 60 thou a year in pensions
because he was the governor and he can
still practice law and make money.”
Yes, it’s quite a step down for him, but
he says that he’s going to keep his chin
up and start a new life.
“Put me in a big house on 200 acres
with 60 grand a year, and I’ll keep my
chin up and start a new life, too.”
Sometimes you lack compassion.
“Nah, if Gonally came by tonight, I’d
pour him a drink. Hey, you think he can
tell the difference between Jack Daniels
and Jim Beam?”
Copyright 1987, Tribune Media Services, Inc.
The Battalion
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Mark Nair, Opinion Page Editor
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News Editors
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Sam B. Myers, Photo Editor
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IMIS IS YOUR TOP-SECRET,
OASSIREP PEVElXnON TWKT 'MILL
LEAVE US NO CHOKE. BUT
TO Bjy&CT THE l.H.E TREATY?
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Mail Call
Give our parking spaces back
Zachry from my occassional parking place through ih|
three-quarter full staff lot just adds to the frustration.
Th}
ED IFOR:
I would like to know which authority figure decides
who is to park where? As a junior who has had a blue
sticker for one full semester, I feel there is a need for
change in the parking situation here. The parking lot in
front of Zachry has gotten to the point where I wake up in
the morning with parking on my mind and a saying to my
self “I wonder if I will be one of the select few to get a spot
today, or will I have to park illegally again.”
I would like to know the reasoning behind the chang
ing of approximately six student parking rows into staff
parking this semester in the Zachry lot. Last semester,
without those extra spaces, the allotted spaces for the staff
seemed more than adequate, and student parking was bea
rable. This semester, parking is unbearable and walking to
I know parking on a large university campus hasan|
always will be a problem, and the fact that our own uiiiveil
sity is expanding at a rate almost equal to that of the enroll
ment over the last few years only compounds the mm
But there has to be some sort of happy median!
All that is needed is more thought be put into thediil
tribution of the parking spaces. And a great place to begni
correcting the problem would be the reallotment of
six staff rows back to us, the deserving students.
Robert Hostinak ’89
Letters to the editor should nut exceed 300 words in length, / lie editomlstuff fl
senses the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make even rffoOi
maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and must includethiti
sification, address and telephone number of the writer.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breathe
FUNNY, wese
HUMAN
priormes
OF 0UR5...
<ms.
HORB (NO OmeK TO
HFLP 5HFPB 7H6
FUTVRe OF OB MO CRAG Y
ANP me FRBB MRU?,,.
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4.
.. YBT HOW BA FRY OUR
OWN CFTTLB CONFLICTS
CAN PI5TRACT OUR
FOCUS.
!
ANY&0PY 00T
A U6HT *
4
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breath*
ITS 0BBN A FUN WBBKENP,
ANOI SAY IT'S A30UF
TIME (N6 OFFICIAU-Y MBBT
OUR SCAN PAL-FRBB,
BL6CTA3CB
CANP1PA7E /
UH-.ANYBOPY know
me re ou bill me
CANPIPATB CAT IS ?
HE'S IN AN
L A. P6NmOU6e
WITH JBANE
KIRKPATRICK
FLAVINS "CATCH
me persimmon:
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Jewe