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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (May 8, 1986)
Page 2/The BattalionAThursday, May 8, 1986 Opinion Patron saint of stupidity announces annual awards As we come to the end of another school year we have a lot to look back on. The Ag gie Band admitted three women members, the football team won the Cotton Bowl and the basketball team shared the will share this prestigious award for showing that Aggies will buy anything that has “Gig ’em Aggies” or “12th Man” on it. • The “Nice Suit” Alphie goes to Sean Royall. Isn’t it strange how this award always seems to go to the student body president? Karl Pallmeyer • The winner of the Alphie for “Sex ual Exploitation” goes to the Athletic Department for hiring female “hostes ses” to show potential Aggie athletes around campus. • Jackie Sherrill is the winner of the “Slicker Than a Greased Pig” Alphie. It’s amazing how charges of NCAA rule violations can be hidden by a little cot ton. • The Corps of Cadets wins the “Let Bygones Be Bygones” Alphie for re-ad- mitting Louis Fancher III and Jason Miles, the two cadets who were merely carrying out orders and were involved in the death of Bruce Goodrich. Southwest Conference Championship. But, as usual, along with the good we have had our share of bad. We have had our share of the stupid. • The “Welcome to the Club” Alphie goes to the Fighing Texas Aggie Band and its one remaining woman member. Fred J. Alpheratz, patron saint of stu pidity, has taken it upon himself to judge the stupidity of others. This year he has decided to recognize those who have excelled in their art in 15 catego ries. ANNOUNCING THE WINNERS OF THE FIRST ANNUAL FRED J. ALPHERATZ ASININE ACHIEVE MENT AWARDS. • The University Police Department receives two Alphies for its valiant serv ice to the community. The “Come Out with Your Hands Up” award is given for catching the Hensel Park Flasher after six years of investigation. The “Justice for All” award is given for prohibiting Students Against Apartheid from chan ting “Free Nelson Mandela” or “Apar theid must go” while marching through campus, although the Corps of Cadets marches through campus daily chanting “Kill a commie for mommie” and “Na palm shuts babies’ eyes.” • The winner of the Alphie for “Bro therly Love” goes to Students Tired Of Race Mongrelization. I can’t think of any other group or cult that has done more than STORM for showing that stupidity, racism, prejudice and general hatred for mankind has a place at Texas A&M. • In the category of “Medical Advan ces,” the H.P. Beutel Health Center wins the Alphie for their decision to dis continue performing gynecological ex ams and prescribing birth control pills. Due to student protest the Quack Shack resumed these services but also hired a pediatrician. • The many winners in the category of “Stupidest Response” will have to share their award. All the students whose letters to The Battalion ended with “ . . . Highway 6 runs both ways” or began with “It’s God’s will ...” deserve something for their originality. •The Alphie for “Buck Passing” goes to the Board of Regents for refusing to consider divestment of Texas A&M funds in corporations that do business in South Africa. Although the board has absolute control of University matters, Chairman David Eller said such a mat ter was not within the Board’s purview. • In the category of “Most Ridicu lous Attempt to Get Money out of the Student Body,” we have a tie. The mak ers of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Colt .45 Automatic Pistol and the makers of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie 12th Man Towel • The winner of the Alphie for “The Christian Way” goes to Americans for Biblical Government for wanting to send $100 million to the Contras so that they can kill Sandinistas and anyone else in their way. • The Alphie for the category of “Money Makes the World Go Round” goes to the Association of Former Stu dents for just being themselves. • Finally, the “Total Screw-Up” Al phie goes to The Battalion for hiring • The winner of the Alphie for “Most Useless Building” goes to the Clayton Williams Jr. Ego Center. Karl Pallmeyer is a senior journalism major and a columnist for The Battal ion. HOW IS EUROPE PEALING WITH SOVIET NUCLEAR FALLOUT ? MAR6ULI6S ©1986 HOUSTON POST Answer for everythin makes trips smooths The have reason I a perfect marriage is that my wife believes I have a remedy for every piece of bad luck that befalls terminal. "Why are there no tax- re?” she wants to know. Tin stiu Her faith in me §|£ is particularly —————————— strong when we’re Aft BuchWOld on a trip. We will u United Feature Syndicate Mail Call Values to go EDITOR: Cynthia Gay’s columns have irritated me all semester, and last week’s review of Texas Monthly’s comparison of Texas A&M and the University of Texas Finally motivated me to write. In her article. Gay stated that A&M’s strength “lies in values . . . students . . . bring to classes.” This is supposed to imply that A&M teaches anything worth learning but that our admission policies somehow ensure that entering students bring the proper values with them to class, along with paper and a pen. It is ridiculous to base the “greatness” of a university upon the values students bring into class with them; what is important are the values they take with them when they leave. Another point of irritation — the differentiating values that we Aggies are presumed to have is that we all “seek God’s will.” How in the world did Gay discover that a higher percentage of students at A&M “seek God’s will”, than at UT? This does not sound like a statement of fact, and if it is not true then there is no reason — according to her argument — to claim that A&M is a better university than UT. Presumably, most of us feel A&M is a better university than UT — or we wouldn’t be here. So although I agree with her conclusion, her argument is faulty. I could go on and on and point out logical inconsistencies in all her columns, but that could bore everyone else as well as me. My point is merely that Gay should think about what she’s saying. concerned about the hundreds of chemical spills we have every year, the mining accidents that kill coal miners producing coal for power plants. Upwards of 35,000 people die every year as a result of fossil fuel plants. We both feel sympathy for those families and individuals. His second point is that of waste disposal. True, nuclear power produces waste that is radioactive, but less than 1 percent of it is long-term radioactivity. Most of it decays to harmless products in less than a year. But what to do with the long-term waste? Sweden and France have very vigorous nuclear energy programs and a variety of disposal plans. The lack of a permanent disposal site for nuclear energy is due to political, not technological, ineptitude. Walton makes another valid point in his final paragraph. Nuclear power is selfish. But so is the use of non-replenishable resources that the earth posseses. So is the omission of thousands of tons of sulfides and nitrates into the air every year through the burning of fossil fuels. So is the dumping of chemical waste in poorly monitored sites. So is the spraying of poison over our farm lands, poison that eventually gets into the water that we drink. We do many things that are more for our immediate benefit and hamper the ability of future generations to survive. All of these things cause cancer, mutation and death if exposure is intense enough. Walton seems to want absolute guarantees. Well, I’m afraid there are none. I sympathize with Walton’s concern, but please let us realize there are more immediate issues — problems that are killing people at this moment so that we can have electric power or chemical products. Lea Anderson Class of ’86 Kirk Strowzewski ’88 Nuclear rebuttal Thanks for remembering EDITOR: I would like to respond to Pete Walton’s letter about nuclear energy in Tuesday’s Battalion. Walton makes three points, all of which I would like to comment on. The first is the lack of safety that nuclear power plants supposedly have. The only way I can refute this point is to say that the only nuclear accident that has occured in the plant design that is common in the United States is Three Mile Island. For all that went wrong, for all the errors that were made, very little radioactivity was released — so little that it has the chance of causing only one case of cancer in the next 20 years. And as for as accidents. I’m sure he’s EDITOR: Kudos to the two young ladies who stood up on front of Rudder Tower on Tuesday to read the long list of the victims of the Holocaust. Thank you ladies for taking the time for a memorial to those victims and thank you for your efforts to remind the people on campus that this atrocity should never be forgotten lest it happens again. Pierre Catala Letters to the Editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters for style and length but will make every effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must be signed and must include the address and telephone number of the writer. be sitting on the plane waiting to take off when the pilot says, “Ladies and gen tlemen, we’re sorry to inform you that we will be delayed on the runway for 45 minutes.” My wife immediately turns to me and says, “What’s wrong?” Now a dumb person would reply, “I don’t know.” But my wife would never accept that, so I reply, “We can’t take off until the Goodyear Blimp passes over the Sugar Bowl.” We’re finally in the air and are served our meal. My wife looks at her platter. “Why don’t they put the sauce on the side in stead of on top of the chicken?” I am prepared for this question since she’s posed it many times before. I tell her, “FAA regulations require that the sauce be served over the chicken so the passengers won’t see the bird.” The plane lands, and as is inevitably the case, it is her suitcase rather than mine that is lost. She turns to me with fire in her eyes. “What happened to my bag?” I tell her, “They must have thrown it off the plane as we passed over Kansas City.” The next question is, “What are you going to do about it?” A wimp husband would say, “Let’s re port it to the airline agent so we can get it back.” But that solution only arouses contempt in a woman who wants instant revenge. I tell her, “Why don’t I just wrestle those three 6-foot pilots to the ground, and perhaps one of them will ’fess up to who has your bag.” The fact that I am willing to die for my wife’s suitcase is one reason she trusts me with all her questions. We are now outside the Los Angeles You’ll have admit that is a rea> ble query, especially since I just flex qQ from Washington with her a few: utes earlier. Jp j' I say, “It’s ‘Taxi Night’ at the* Angeles Dodger Stadium, and f|i woman gets in free if she has i; ^ driver on her fender.” fyaid s “You’re just making that up." “Probably,” I say, “But ifs asgc*|r la ^| reason as I can come up with onil0L (n > s notice.” j j, ■arde An hour later we’re at the h taken where, as you may alreadylii Worth guessed, our room is not ready. Poli Wedn Let me set the scene for you. ‘ stuff three of us are in the lobby in a© Were my wife, the manager and myself ® 1< p - cl, or Ignoring the manager, my turns to me and says,“Why isn't 11 room ready?” clothe year-o him a I I pass this question on to ager because it’s obvious my wifet talk to him since he is standing foot away. The manager replies, “The pro couple have yet to check out.” I feel like a translator at the Ger< peace talks. “The previouscoupk - yet to check out.” The convert continues in this way until our root ready. At last we get our room ancf sume that I do not have to answer queries for two hours. I’m wrong. Just when I getstrek out on the bed my wife yells, ' don’t the windows open?” T DON’T KNOW.” “What do you mean you know?” I say, “Remember the rules, rk titled to one T don’t know’ per trip Copyright 1986, the Los Anf Times Syndicate The Battalion (USPS 045 360) Member of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference The Battalion Editorial Board Editor Managing Editor Opinion Page Editor. City Editor News Editor Sports Editor .Cathie Anders Kirsten Dr Loren $(© Frank Sn*' Sue Krerr 1 KenS.' Editorial Policy T he Battalion is u non-profit, self-supporting newspaper operated as a community service to Texas A&M and Bnun-C Station. Opinions expressed in T he Battalion are those of the Editorial Board or the author find do not necessarily represent opinions of Texas A&M administrators, faculty or the Board of Regents. T he Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography classes within Department of Journalism. T he Battalion is published Monday through Friday during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday andean# cion periods. Mail subscriptions are $16.75 per semester, $33.25 per school year and $35 per full year. Advertising mltv nished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald Building, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX 77843. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald, Texas A&M University. College Suivn ■ Wa c c 77843.