Page 2/The Battalion/Thursday, February 13, 1986
Opinion
Martyrs, naked kids with arrows
ruined a pretty good party day
If there’s a day I
hate more than
Christmas it’s Val
entine’s Day. No, I
don’t hate every
holiday, as a mat
ter of fact I love
Ground Hog Day,
but Christmas and
Valentine’s Day
are depressing.
seems to think. He was strong and mas
culine and knew how to have a good
time. Now Cupid is a wimpy little boy
that flies around without any clothes
and bothers people with his stupid little
arrows.
Karl
Pallmeyer
For the next 1,570 years Valentine’s
Day became a day to celebrate love as
long as you remembered that if you
showed that love too strongly you might
be nailed to a tree for it.
In the good old
days of the Roman Empire, the Romans
had a huge feast they called Lupercalia.
The Romans had a good time dancing,
drinking and being degenerates on this
day set aside to celebrate love. Everyone
had a pretty good time on this day until
the Christians got involved.
But then, sometime around the year
1840, a silly, romantic woman by the
name of Esther A. Howland created the
Valentine’s Day card.
Sometime around 270 A.D., the
Christians decided to put a damper on
everybody’s party and changed the
name of the holiday to St. Valentine’s
Day in honor of a Roman Christian
priest who lived a depressing life and
was put to death for his beliefs.
The Christian’s also changed Cupid.
Cupid was the Roman version of Eros,
the Greek god of love. In the early days
Cupid wasn’t as innocent as everyone
Once the Valentine’s Day card be
came popular, there was no stopping
the commercialization of Valentine’s
Day. The Valentine’s Day specials
should come with the warning that this
much saccharine can cause cancer. The
commercials that infest the television
screen this time of year are so sickly
sweet I feel like barfing. I guess florists
love Valentine’s Day because its one of
the few times they can sell flowers- for
someone Who’s not dead.
today’s Batt you will find ads for Valen
tine’s cards, Valentine’s singers, Valen
tine’s flowers, Valentine’s candy, Valen
tine’s pizza, Valentine’s jewerly,
Valentine’s T-shirts, Valentine’s books,
Valentine’s haircuts, V alentine’s ice
cream, Valentine’s mixed drinks, Valen
tine’s tans, Valentine’s cupid bears, Val
entine’s videos, Valentine’s telegrams,
Valentine’s perfume and even Valen
tine’s lingerie.
Two of our cartoonists, Kevin
Thomas and Scott McCullar, are spon
soring Valentine’s Day card contests. A
local radio station is trying to get all
those struck by cupid’s arrows to stand
on the astroturf at Kyle Field and
smooch for Muscular Dystrophy. Com
mercialization is the worst thing to hap
pen to Valentine’s Day since the St. Val
entine’s Day Massacre in 1929.
The main reason I hate Valentine’s
Day is that I usually feel a lot like Char
lie Brown. I’ve yet to receive a Valentine
from that cute little red-haired girl. For
that matter I’ve yet to receive a Valen
tine from that cute little blonde, bru
nette or bald-headed girl.
Even The Battalion has been
swamped with Valentine’s garbage. In
Karl Pallmeyer is a senior journalism
major and a columnist for The Battal-
It wasn’t football commissioner,
but it was the next best thing
Henry Kissin
ger, after “careful
consideration,”
turned down the
race for governor
of New York.
There are many
questions left un
answered. Whose
idea was it to ask
Kissinger to run,
and why did he
turn it down?
“I wouldn’t mind being football com
missioner, except they don’t provide
you with a private plane or personal
chef. I have to think of the perks.”
“What state?’
The image in the mirror furrowed his
forehead. “Would you like to be a net
work anchorman on the evening news?”
“New York State.”
“New York is not a real state like Mo
zambique or Tonga.”
“Nevertheless it is a state and the gov
ernor is its head.
Art Buchwald
“They could use me. Dan Rather has
a terrible accent. But I would have to
give up ,going to conservative cocktail
parties where I am adored.”
Kissinger finished shaving, put on
some Brut and said to the image, “May I
think about it?”
It all started one morning when . . .
Henry Kissinger looked in the bath
room mirror and his image said, “Let’s
face it, Henry, they are not going to
change the Constitution to permit for
eign-born citizens to become president
of the United States — although there is
no doubt in my mind that you are the
most qualified.”
The image spit some shaving soap out
of its mouth. “You have to get an impor
tant job, Henry. How long do you think
people are going to accept you for your
self?”
The image beamed. “Take all the
time you want. Gosh, you look beauti
ful.
Henry replied, “How soon they for
get that it was I who opened up a gate
way to China and introduced silks,
spices and breadfruit to the New
World.”
Henry had pretty much made up his
mind he would run when his wife Nancy
came stomping in the bathroom waving
a copy of the New York Post. "Are you
going to run for governor?”
Kissinger said, “I’m thinking about
it.”
“So?” Henry said.
“You’re going
to have to think of
something else to keep from getting
bored. Why don’t you become director
general of the United Nations?”
Henry shook his head. “Ted Koppel
never asks the director general of the
United Nations to go on ‘Nightline.’”
The mirror image said, “Then why
not campaign for commissioner of the
National Football League? It’s the most
powerful job in America. They can’t
play the Super Bowl without you.”
The image in the mirror said, “Don’t
get discouraged just because you got a
raw deal. You are not without influence.
After all, you are on a first-name basis
with Margaret Thatcher, Francois
Mitterand, Deng Xiaoping and Oscar de
la Renta.”
Nancy said, “You’d better make up
your mind. You have to choose between
me or Albany.”
Henry sighed, “There is no choice,
Liebchen.”
When Nancy left Henry looked sadly
into the mirror and said, “I could have
been a contender.”
Henry blushed, “That’s nice of you to
say, but I’m not going to take any old job
just because I know a lot of heads of
state.”
His image was perplexed. “I don’t
know why she is making such a big deal
about Albany. She slept with \ou in
Damascus.”
“That’s it!” the image said,
don’t you become a head of state?’
‘Why
Art Buchwald is a columnist for the
Los Angeles Times Syndicate.
Letters to the Editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff resen s
right to edit letters for style and length but will make every effort to maintain the id;
intent. Each letter must be signed and must include the address and telephone mink
the writer.
A sad day in Aggieland
EDITOR:
To the good Ag who took my backpack:
We here at Texas A&M have many long-standing traditions. Bui
tradition that is held by a select few falls under the category ofVB
BAD BULL. I am speaking about the taking of other persons’pro
— specifically walking away with backpacks that don’t belong to you.
By MA
Vhen w;
'rfg Kiss”?
Jf it was
life's Day, i
Tker up
pie a ki;
M.
.ast yeai
Jidents
id mouth
[e record
On Feb. 5, at 1:15 p.m., I was in the main hallway of the groundfljt'S 1 ” ^
of the Memorial Student Center. Entering the mens’ room, I pui®^ ret
stuffed backpack on the bookshelf, as did other people. It wasue | te Unive
tended for less than five minutes. j Ipies ki
Incredibly, someone had the nerve to relieve me of it. In desperate; raight
I searched the farthest reaches of the MSC, including trash cans.io 1 *^ 1
avail. I notified the University Police. In detail 1 went t
hi
through thefe F
with the officer. 1 was told this was a common occurrence. Ithree m
I am out one calculus book, one aviation book and one history boa |i he ever
totaling $75. Cone are several weeks of notes and homework, twoc!m be MDA
books and an MPACT card, not to mention a new $30 backpack!: r<> in ol * ier
paying my own way through school. I cannot afford to replace the : * )IC *
proximately $100 in items that was taken.
This University is known for its world-class education and theaiE
sphere of being Aggies, not for criminal activities. It would beasadii
in Aggieland if students had to revert to a neighborhood students:
program on campus to protect their belongings. What happened to
trust between fellow Ags?
I would hope that those who engage in this activity take a real hr
look at themselves. Because for you there are only two ways to
main desk of the MSC or either direction of Highway 6!
Bobby Schwager
Class of’88
260-3175
ne
A change of seatery
EDITOR:
This letter is in reference to the Lee Greenwood concert SuniM' (
night, at Rudder Auditorium. We have several complaints for i L 0 rker
Town Hall. ■rasa Ho
First of all the concert was poorly advertised. Or shall we say
ROD I
ho cla
lapped
ilaincloi
oman
vertised at all. It seems that they were too busy advertising the Amere Buck, 2
Music Tour all day Sunday and must have “forgotten” Lee Greeiw
was in town Sunday night.
Secondly, they forgot to mention the concert was moved from
Rollie White Coliseum to Rudder Auditorium. It was to our greatdb
pointment upon reaching the G. Rollie doors to find them locked,
course it was already 8 p.m., which was the time we planned on arrivi
because we had reserved seats — or so we thought. How wrong wewert
Disappointment #3 came when we reached Rudder and the To' fhebab
Hall people seemed to have gotten “confused” and seated people in
front row, dead center seats. We stood in line two hours to get thesese;
only to arrive finding them taken, for all we know by general admi®
people. Of course, there was a slight difference in price between gene*
admission and reserved seats, but this didn’t seem to phase Town
then.
We understand about a bit of confusion existing in the changed
cation (which they failed to inform people of), but it seems to us thatihf
could have come up with a slightly better plan of seating the peopleintk “I 1 111
r\'A\r\ frvr* ”
‘seats they paid for
In conclusion, we hope that next time maybe Town Hall will belt
organize their events. Thank you!
Pamela Ulrich ’87
Brenda Rolirad ’88
The virtual dictator
W<
Roun
Buck, w
alse pol
he ma
tory, pc
“The
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[Volff sa
aby to
Wolff
lave mt
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“She
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William
he re
ernoon
heriff
EDITOR:
The treasury of the state of Texas is once again in trouble witbi'
sudden drop in crude oil prices. The price of gasoline may be low,If
the revenues from the corporate taxes on oil companies in Texas
be lower.
It seems as if we are in for another round of budget-cutting measuii
ofQ
in Texas, just like we had this time last year. Governor White mayregif L Cw it
his decision last week to cancel the legislative session for this fiscal yer
he won’t have his cronies around to back him up or to cover hisconnivE
tracks when he tries to fleece Texans.
He’s a virtual dictator anyway and he needs to leach all the cash!* lange tl
can from us. No doubt, too, his primary target will be the state’s pub!
education system — especially the land-grant universities. Like lastyeai
Why not get the jump on him, and make some extra moneyk
Texas? For example, laboratory courses could be made to be worth thi
credit hours instead of the usual one. The student’s cost might be high
but at least the course schedule and transcript would reflect all theeffe
needed to persevere in a lab
William H. Clark II
2 :> WASH
igressr
pvision
fslatio
Pniry.’
ISen. I
fP-JJ-
|ion of
I tax-e>
pment
Some
The Battalion
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Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Editor.
.MichellePo*
Managing Editor Kay Mai
Opinion Page Editor Loren Sit!
City Editor .Jerryft!!
News Editor Cathie Anders#
Sports Editor Travis Tit|
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Ir
Rec
Nat
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