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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 6, 1985)
i ^pdJODS DUiqiou si The At Ease staff takes it upon itself to chop down those sacred cows and quirks of A&M College senior pens guide for ireshmen The Texas A&M University Press announced Thursday that it wiii publish "A Freshman s Guide to College Survival/' written by a Texas A&M senior specifically for Aggie freshmen, in time for the Class of '90. The book, one of the press' most prestigious publications thus far, was 'written by Buck D Asistim, a se nior in mechanical engineering. It maps the path to success here in Ag- gieland, teaching the freshman what it took the rest ox us four years to learn. "It's a book we're extremely proud of, h press spokesman Skip Shed said. “It contains valuable informa tion on how and what to study which can be helpful to sophomores, ju niors and naive seniors, too.'' The book tells freshmen where to get the essential, illegal solution manuals and where to find a techni cal writing term pape?: your profes sor hasn't read. It gives hints on how to tell if your professor is happily married, on the prowl or gay. It even tells which fraternity or Corps outfit is best to join ii you want to improve your grades, LTAsistim said. "Well, you gotta join -he ones with the tests," he said, "the illegal ones, I mean. A lot of- profs are too lazy to make out new tests every semester, and the frats got em in their quiz, file. If you’ve got one, you 11 proba bly break the curve. ' Shod said he expects the book to sell well here and at other universi ties as well. "This is the most innovative guide to college survived since Rod O Con nor's/’ he said. "It gives the fresh men the information, they- need, all dhe things they won: find in- the handbook." Librarian reveals book-hiding ploy Investigative reporting has reveal intriguing information about a book- hoarding scheme in the Sterling C. Evans Library- The reason for the mysterious disappearance of books and journals toward the end. of each semester was reveal by librarian Brookes Conn. "After midterm grades come out, a few of us here in the library like to. teach those students who've put off their research, papers until the last minute a little lesson," she chuckled as she pushed her black, horn rimmed glasses further up her nose. "Well take the books or mag azines most, valuable to an individu al's research, and well hide them in secret parts of the library," she said. "Those of us here who do this kind of thing look at it as a creative learning experience lor library users. This will make them think twice about procrastinating the next time. 3 druids interrupt bonfire celebration Three Texas A&M professors were- arrested Thursday after they took off their clothes and danced naked in side the perimeter of Bonfire, the. University police reported: All three were admitted to the A.P. Beutal Health Center lor treament of mul tiple bruises and lacerations, appar ently received from axe-wielding red pets. , ■ The three, reportedly professors in the horticulture department., were celebrating an ancient druid fertility feast, which coincided with the Ag gie celebration, police-sources scud. "Welh apparently this.is a big hol iday for them back home/’ arresting, officer Horne Rim said. "They said they saw all that weed burning and . just couldn't help themselves. ’’ While police denied; rumors that the three were about to sacrifice a virgin when arrested, they send the group could be heard- chanting 'Trees and tenure" as they danced around the fire.- Student has thought Over 100 years of Aggie tradition was broken Monday when Jennifer Ann McDowziggson, a sophomore business major, actually had an original thought. , "I was on my way to class," Mc Dowziggson confessed, when 1 was struck with the strangest feeling. All of a sudden, I realized that this school, this country and this world would be a much nicer place if ev erybody loved everybody else." McDowziggson tried to tell her business class about her revelation but her statements were met- with hisses and the phrase: "Highway 6 runs both ways/' McDowziggson's professor asked her to leave the room since any new ideas in his class posed a threat to his getting tenure. B.G. (Daddy) Megabucks, Dean of the College of Business and Money, told reporters that McDowziggson would be kicked out of the business school and. A&M. "There is no room for love in the world of business," Megabucks said. "Ms. McDowziggson had better real ize that we live in a cold and cruel world. I think the best way to show her that we mean business is to kick her pretty little rear out of. the school and onto the streets. "However, sex is another matter. If Ms. McDowziggson would use her shapely, little body in a true bush ness-like fashion; I think I might be able to find a place for her." McDowziggson was refused a meeting with the Board of Regents. W.E. Wantdough, the. Board’s chair man, said that McDowziggson can not be allowed., to-attend a Regents meeting. "We have never let a person, with an idea come to^one- of our mee ting/’ Wantdough said, 'and we aren't about to start now. 1m- 69 years old and I've never had an idea. Htow do- you- think I- got. to- be chairman?" Oiiicer witnesses miraculous start-up oi Eternal Flame To the supnse of everyone, the Eternal Flame reportedly started up, flickered weakly, and died Thursday afternoon in an unprecedented ef fort to live up to its name. University sources said that the unexplained phenomenum was witnessed by a member of the University police force stationed nearby. "Well, I was hidin' plamclothes- like in a tree across the street, eye witness officer Chase Bykes said. "Td got my walkie-talkie in one hand and I was waitin’ for the kids to run a stop sign or speed so 1 could can ahead for my back-up to ticket em. "All of a sudden-like. I saw the thing start goin . I reported it righ away cause no one s seen the thing burn anytime except football games when the former students is here since they installed the thing years ago. I thought-it was arson, s<? I re ported it." Police department officials said . they have no clues as to wha- caused the eterna- flame to burn but cited sterno cans, left over cin ders from Bonfire or spontaneous combustion as possible causes. "Whatever happened, be sure we'll be watching the Eternal Flame right close from now on to make sure no one starts it up. another, time, Bykes said. A&M Regents: deem core curriculum wasteful use of time Instating a core curriculum-, in cluding mandatory courses in En glish; history ana psychology, would be useless and a- waste oi time, the Texas,. A&M Board of Re gents decided Wednesday at its monthly meeting. "We're here to teach students something they can, use when they get out," said regent Harvey Lock jaw,. "Why if I had my way. I'd get rid of these departments entirely so we could channel' that money into engineering and business, where it would do seme good.