Page 1 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, January 11,1984
opinion
Hoopla about Jackson,
pilot rescue ridiculous
Why do we always have to make a big
political commotion over every move
made by a presidential candidate?
Granted, it makes for good reading in the
paper and granted, that is what a lot of
people want to hear about, but could we
just once let something go at face value?
I’m talking about Jesse Jackson’s mis
sion to Syria to get Navy Lt. Robert Good
man Jr. released. Goodman’s plane was
shot down during an air strike Dec. 4 and
he was taken prisoner by the Syrians. He
was released — thanks to Jackson — a
month later. So why don’t Americans
accept the fact that Goodman is home
and not try to make a big political deal out
of Jackson’s trip?
Why couldn’t we just be glad Good
man was home, safe after a very short
captivity? Because the media had to
analyze every move that the man made
and tried to squeeze every drop of politics
from Jackson’s trip. Jackson was criti
cized at every turn. Even bringing Good
man home wasn’t good enough because
he did it for “political reasons.”
Did Jackson use the situation to im
prove his standing in the crowded Demo
cratic race? Since Jackson is running for
office, it’s hard to say that he didn’t want
patrice
koranek
to improve his popularity, but I don’t be
lieve that was his primary motive. He
went to try to get Goodman released and
because he was successful, he came out on
top. But he easily could have failed.
Some politicians claim that Jackson
wouldn’t have gone to Syria if Goodman
hadn’t been black. Well, would any of the
other candidates have gone if he had
been white?
Others say the whole affair stinks.
What smells so bad? Jackson made num
erous calls to the White House to check
with President Reagan on many of the
moves he made. He didn’t blatantly come
out and say “Hey, look what I did.” The
media took care of that.
And now that Goodman is home, he is
being hounded by people wanting to
know if he will campaign for Jackson.
From that, however, Goodman is spared.
Givil service laws prevent him from en
dorsing a candidate. He’s lucky. If he did
endorse Jackson, politicians and the
media could say, “Aha, we were right.
Jackson did go for political reasons.” And
if Goodman didn’t endorse Jackson he
would be labeled ungrateful.
Jackson put himself in a no-win situa
tion. His actions — though successful —
have been called purely political. Had he
failed, Jackson would have been accused
of botching any hope of getting Good
man released.
Losing either way is a situation no
politician would want to get into, espe
cially if he wants to win.
Columnist offers quotes
hear in 1984
you won t
by Art Buchwald
Columnist for The Los Angeles Times Syndicate
Here are some of the things I doubt
you’ll hear said in 1984.
From John McEnroe: “Sir, my ball was
out, and you called it in. Jimmy Connors
deserves the point.”
From Jesse Jackson: “I have no inten
tion of making waves in the Democratic
Party. The system as it now operates is
fair to all the candidates.”
President Ronald Reagan: “I received
a touching letter from a little girl in Madi
son, Wisconsin, but I have no desire to
read it to you.”
Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinber
ger: “We overestimated our defense
needs, and we’re asking Congress to cut
our budget in half.”
An IRS agent (any IRS agent): “You’re
right and we’re wrong.”
Frank Sinatra: “Look at all the photo
graphers. Let’s go have our picture
taken.”
John DeLorean: “I believe we have the
finest Drug Enforcement Agency in the
world.”
Yuri Andropov: “I think I’ll jog
around the Kremlin for a few hours.”
Henry Kissinger: “I have no com
ment.”
Nancy Reagan: “What’s that little kid
doing in the White House?”
Secretary of State George Shultz: “See
that the press gets a copy of everything
we discussed here today.”
Vice President George Bush: “I hope
President Reagan isn’t going to run, be
cause I’d like to go for it myself.”
Rev. Jerry Falwell: “If there is a God,
and I’m not saying there is....”
Fritz Mondale: “If I am elected I will
continue the policies and philosophy of
President Jimmy Garter.”
David Stockman: “Mr. President, I
think there should be a little more fat in
our social programs.”
The editor of Pravda: “When we’re
wrong, we’re wrong, and we should
admit it. The Soviets overreacted when
the United States placed Pershing 2 mis
siles in Europe. They’re not the threat to
the Warsaw Pact nations that we thought
they would be, and we would like to re
turn to Geneva as quickly as possible.”
James Watt: “If I had it to do all over
again, I would have kept my mouth shut
and taken time to smell the flowers.”
Anne Gorsuch Burford: “We all make
mistakes, but the EPA was my depart
ment and I take full blame of the chaos.”
Johnny Carson: “I believe a wife de
serves every penny she can get when she
feels she’s been wronged.”
A power company executive: “We
have just discovered that our new nuclear
plant was built with cheap materials and
shoddy labor. This is no fault-of our cus
tomers and therefore we intend to pay
for our mistakes without passing on any
cost to the consumer.”
The Japanese Minister of Commerce:
“Japan can no longer export more than it
imports without upsetting other nations’
balance of trade. We are therefore lifting
all restrictions on foreign goods, so other
countries may compete fairly in the mar
ketplace.”
President Marcos: “It’s time we had
open elections supervised by an interna
tional commission selected by the United
Nations.”
Madame Marcos: “I couldn’t agree
with you more.”
A Big Ten football coach: “I don’t care
if he’s All-American material. If the kid
can’t keep his grades up I don’t want him
on my team.”
Fidel Castro: “I’ve been shaving with
this Remington electric for months. I
liked it so much I bought the company.”
Howard Cosell: “I’d rather not give my
opinion on that because I don’t know
anything about it.”
Prince Andrew: “I’m sorry, dear. I’m
third in line for the throne, and it would
not be right for me to get into a hot tub
with you.”
Ayatollah Khomeini: “In the name of
Allah, and I’m not saying there is one....”
Will world leaders battle
for Jackson’s attention?
by Art Buchwald
Columnist for The Los Angeles Times Syndicate
“Hello, this is Jesse Jackson’s cam
paign headquarters. No, the candidate is
not here just now. He’s in Moscow trying
to persuade the Soviets to come back to
the disarmament talks in Geneva. No, I’m
sorry, Mr. Shultz, I don’t know how to
reach him ... I believe he has an appoint
ment with Mr. Andropov this afternoon,
and is dining with Mr. Gromyko tonight
before taking off for Peking to discuss the
China-Taiwan dispute with Deng Xiaop
ing. Yes, Mr. Secretary, he fully under
stands he’s not speaking for the United
States, but is only acting as a concerned
citizen. I’ll tell him that you called.
“Jesse Jackson’s headquarters. The
candidate is not here. Who is calling,
please? Mrs. Thatcher ... Margaret
Thatcher? It’s so nice to talk to you. Un
fortunately the candidate is out of the
country. Gan I be of help? Yes, he does
plan to stop in Northern Ireland. I’m sor
ry you feel this is an internal matter for
Her Majesty’s Government. But Mr.
Jackson believes you haven’t given
enough attention to the problem, and if
he can get the British troops out we’ll all
be better for it, won’t we? Please don’t
shout, Mrs. Thatcher. You should be
happy that someone with Mr. Jackson’s
statesmanlike qualities is willing to get in
volved. Yes, Ma’am, I’ll tell him what you
said, but I doubt if the candidate will can
cel his trip.
“Jesse Jackson’s campaign headquar
ters. I’m sorry, the candidate is still out of
the country, Monsieur Mitterrand. Yes, I
did see his press conference with the Gor-
sican separatists. But Mr. Jackson was just
speaking about the moral justification for
a free Gorsica, and did not go into the
political issues. I regret you’re upset, Mr.
Mitterrand. No, I don’t think you can talk
to him now. He’s flying to Cyprus to talk
to Turkish and Greek officials about the
partition of that island ... No, Mr. Jackson
doesn’t expect France to give up Corsica
without being compensated for it. He
made his position on Corsican liberation
very clear to Barbara Walters on ABC.
We’ll send you a tape of it. Au revoir.
“Jesse Jackson’s headquarters. Oh hel
lo, John. Thanks for calling. Tell Jesse
things are going really well. The candi
date has been on the three major news
shows every night for the past month. He
got four minutes on his visit to El Salva
dor, three when he visited Kadafi, and
five when he went to Brazil to renegotiate
their loan with the United States. Ted
Koppel has had him on “Nightline” all
week explaining his plan to settle the
Israeli-PLO problem, and Time maga
zine put him on the cover three weeks in a
row. Where are you now? You’re at the
Vatican talking to the Pope about Po
land? Did they let in the camera crew?
Great. The Mondale and Glenn people
are going crazy. And the White House is
fuming. The president called a news con
ference the other night on foreign affairs
and nobody came.
“Where are you going from Rome? ...
You don’t know? Jerry thinks you ought
to hop over to Iraq and then stop off in
Tehran and see if you can bring about a
cease-fire between these two countries.
But don’t go unless you have assurances
you’ll meet with Khomeini. Tell the can
didate we’re holding down the fort here.
“Jesse Jackson’s headquarters. The
candidate is not here. Who’s calling? Oh
hello, Mr. President. Yes sir, I did give
him your message that you wanted him to
call you, but he’s been terribly busy. Yes
sir, I did tell him what you said — that the
American president, according to the
Constitution, is in charge of foreign poli
cy, and that Mr. Jackson is making your
job much more difficult by negotiating
with all the World’s leaders- But he
wanted me to assure you that he is not
making any promises to them which will
be impossible for you to keep. Oh, there
was one other thing he told me to ask you
if you called. Is it possible for him to use
Air Force One while he’s traveling
abroad? Some of the Third World coun
tries are very difficult to get to by com
mercial plane.”
While you were away ...
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