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Page 1 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, January 11,1984 opinion Hoopla about Jackson, pilot rescue ridiculous Why do we always have to make a big political commotion over every move made by a presidential candidate? Granted, it makes for good reading in the paper and granted, that is what a lot of people want to hear about, but could we just once let something go at face value? I’m talking about Jesse Jackson’s mis sion to Syria to get Navy Lt. Robert Good man Jr. released. Goodman’s plane was shot down during an air strike Dec. 4 and he was taken prisoner by the Syrians. He was released — thanks to Jackson — a month later. So why don’t Americans accept the fact that Goodman is home and not try to make a big political deal out of Jackson’s trip? Why couldn’t we just be glad Good man was home, safe after a very short captivity? Because the media had to analyze every move that the man made and tried to squeeze every drop of politics from Jackson’s trip. Jackson was criti cized at every turn. Even bringing Good man home wasn’t good enough because he did it for “political reasons.” Did Jackson use the situation to im prove his standing in the crowded Demo cratic race? Since Jackson is running for office, it’s hard to say that he didn’t want patrice koranek to improve his popularity, but I don’t be lieve that was his primary motive. He went to try to get Goodman released and because he was successful, he came out on top. But he easily could have failed. Some politicians claim that Jackson wouldn’t have gone to Syria if Goodman hadn’t been black. Well, would any of the other candidates have gone if he had been white? Others say the whole affair stinks. What smells so bad? Jackson made num erous calls to the White House to check with President Reagan on many of the moves he made. He didn’t blatantly come out and say “Hey, look what I did.” The media took care of that. And now that Goodman is home, he is being hounded by people wanting to know if he will campaign for Jackson. From that, however, Goodman is spared. Givil service laws prevent him from en dorsing a candidate. He’s lucky. If he did endorse Jackson, politicians and the media could say, “Aha, we were right. Jackson did go for political reasons.” And if Goodman didn’t endorse Jackson he would be labeled ungrateful. Jackson put himself in a no-win situa tion. His actions — though successful — have been called purely political. Had he failed, Jackson would have been accused of botching any hope of getting Good man released. Losing either way is a situation no politician would want to get into, espe cially if he wants to win. Columnist offers quotes hear in 1984 you won t by Art Buchwald Columnist for The Los Angeles Times Syndicate Here are some of the things I doubt you’ll hear said in 1984. From John McEnroe: “Sir, my ball was out, and you called it in. Jimmy Connors deserves the point.” From Jesse Jackson: “I have no inten tion of making waves in the Democratic Party. The system as it now operates is fair to all the candidates.” President Ronald Reagan: “I received a touching letter from a little girl in Madi son, Wisconsin, but I have no desire to read it to you.” Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinber ger: “We overestimated our defense needs, and we’re asking Congress to cut our budget in half.” An IRS agent (any IRS agent): “You’re right and we’re wrong.” Frank Sinatra: “Look at all the photo graphers. Let’s go have our picture taken.” John DeLorean: “I believe we have the finest Drug Enforcement Agency in the world.” Yuri Andropov: “I think I’ll jog around the Kremlin for a few hours.” Henry Kissinger: “I have no com ment.” Nancy Reagan: “What’s that little kid doing in the White House?” Secretary of State George Shultz: “See that the press gets a copy of everything we discussed here today.” Vice President George Bush: “I hope President Reagan isn’t going to run, be cause I’d like to go for it myself.” Rev. Jerry Falwell: “If there is a God, and I’m not saying there is....” Fritz Mondale: “If I am elected I will continue the policies and philosophy of President Jimmy Garter.” David Stockman: “Mr. President, I think there should be a little more fat in our social programs.” The editor of Pravda: “When we’re wrong, we’re wrong, and we should admit it. The Soviets overreacted when the United States placed Pershing 2 mis siles in Europe. They’re not the threat to the Warsaw Pact nations that we thought they would be, and we would like to re turn to Geneva as quickly as possible.” James Watt: “If I had it to do all over again, I would have kept my mouth shut and taken time to smell the flowers.” Anne Gorsuch Burford: “We all make mistakes, but the EPA was my depart ment and I take full blame of the chaos.” Johnny Carson: “I believe a wife de serves every penny she can get when she feels she’s been wronged.” A power company executive: “We have just discovered that our new nuclear plant was built with cheap materials and shoddy labor. This is no fault-of our cus tomers and therefore we intend to pay for our mistakes without passing on any cost to the consumer.” The Japanese Minister of Commerce: “Japan can no longer export more than it imports without upsetting other nations’ balance of trade. We are therefore lifting all restrictions on foreign goods, so other countries may compete fairly in the mar ketplace.” President Marcos: “It’s time we had open elections supervised by an interna tional commission selected by the United Nations.” Madame Marcos: “I couldn’t agree with you more.” A Big Ten football coach: “I don’t care if he’s All-American material. If the kid can’t keep his grades up I don’t want him on my team.” Fidel Castro: “I’ve been shaving with this Remington electric for months. I liked it so much I bought the company.” Howard Cosell: “I’d rather not give my opinion on that because I don’t know anything about it.” Prince Andrew: “I’m sorry, dear. I’m third in line for the throne, and it would not be right for me to get into a hot tub with you.” Ayatollah Khomeini: “In the name of Allah, and I’m not saying there is one....” Will world leaders battle for Jackson’s attention? by Art Buchwald Columnist for The Los Angeles Times Syndicate “Hello, this is Jesse Jackson’s cam paign headquarters. No, the candidate is not here just now. He’s in Moscow trying to persuade the Soviets to come back to the disarmament talks in Geneva. No, I’m sorry, Mr. Shultz, I don’t know how to reach him ... I believe he has an appoint ment with Mr. Andropov this afternoon, and is dining with Mr. Gromyko tonight before taking off for Peking to discuss the China-Taiwan dispute with Deng Xiaop ing. Yes, Mr. Secretary, he fully under stands he’s not speaking for the United States, but is only acting as a concerned citizen. I’ll tell him that you called. “Jesse Jackson’s headquarters. The candidate is not here. Who is calling, please? Mrs. Thatcher ... Margaret Thatcher? It’s so nice to talk to you. Un fortunately the candidate is out of the country. Gan I be of help? Yes, he does plan to stop in Northern Ireland. I’m sor ry you feel this is an internal matter for Her Majesty’s Government. But Mr. Jackson believes you haven’t given enough attention to the problem, and if he can get the British troops out we’ll all be better for it, won’t we? Please don’t shout, Mrs. Thatcher. You should be happy that someone with Mr. Jackson’s statesmanlike qualities is willing to get in volved. Yes, Ma’am, I’ll tell him what you said, but I doubt if the candidate will can cel his trip. “Jesse Jackson’s campaign headquar ters. I’m sorry, the candidate is still out of the country, Monsieur Mitterrand. Yes, I did see his press conference with the Gor- sican separatists. But Mr. Jackson was just speaking about the moral justification for a free Gorsica, and did not go into the political issues. I regret you’re upset, Mr. Mitterrand. No, I don’t think you can talk to him now. He’s flying to Cyprus to talk to Turkish and Greek officials about the partition of that island ... No, Mr. Jackson doesn’t expect France to give up Corsica without being compensated for it. He made his position on Corsican liberation very clear to Barbara Walters on ABC. We’ll send you a tape of it. Au revoir. “Jesse Jackson’s headquarters. Oh hel lo, John. Thanks for calling. Tell Jesse things are going really well. The candi date has been on the three major news shows every night for the past month. He got four minutes on his visit to El Salva dor, three when he visited Kadafi, and five when he went to Brazil to renegotiate their loan with the United States. Ted Koppel has had him on “Nightline” all week explaining his plan to settle the Israeli-PLO problem, and Time maga zine put him on the cover three weeks in a row. Where are you now? You’re at the Vatican talking to the Pope about Po land? Did they let in the camera crew? Great. The Mondale and Glenn people are going crazy. And the White House is fuming. The president called a news con ference the other night on foreign affairs and nobody came. “Where are you going from Rome? ... You don’t know? Jerry thinks you ought to hop over to Iraq and then stop off in Tehran and see if you can bring about a cease-fire between these two countries. But don’t go unless you have assurances you’ll meet with Khomeini. Tell the can didate we’re holding down the fort here. “Jesse Jackson’s headquarters. The candidate is not here. Who’s calling? Oh hello, Mr. President. Yes sir, I did give him your message that you wanted him to call you, but he’s been terribly busy. Yes sir, I did tell him what you said — that the American president, according to the Constitution, is in charge of foreign poli cy, and that Mr. Jackson is making your job much more difficult by negotiating with all the World’s leaders- But he wanted me to assure you that he is not making any promises to them which will be impossible for you to keep. Oh, there was one other thing he told me to ask you if you called. Is it possible for him to use Air Force One while he’s traveling abroad? Some of the Third World coun tries are very difficult to get to by com mercial plane.” While you were away ... R< Incredible cold strikes 1\ STRANGE,.THAT W6 HASNT MOVE? IN TWO I* Unitec “Sometl Jrama de| [ed ofince me ol if novies eve jportetl a (any with was the < lo.” Child c; lovie abo girl w [exual re ather as a t'idesprea< A hea\ he movie ents Unit reatment ion with 1 ted State leadquart “We h Is the Soviet leader alive? :oming in light an pokesmai ly we ha< Anothe mi brok , and bo deal ys the i nit Amel rtrayal :est. Child ather at I STILL THINK HAVING ANDROPOV HERE AT THE PARADE IS FOR MORALE... Presidential hopeful rescues pilot belter fo he Bryar aid ince aeeds to I “Peop teed he 11 ect doesi way in a The Al movie air touched i The Battalion father w. 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