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Page 2/The Battalion/Monday, November 7,1983
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opinion
Breakthroughs in
personal computers
by Art Buchwald
My Aunt Pauline knows I own a per
sonal computer. So she came over to the
house the other night and said, “I under
stand with those machines you can break
into other computers and tell them to do
things.”
“It’s not that easy. Aunt Pauline,” I
said. “I know there are a lot of stories in
the newspapers that kids have been doing
it, and you probably saw ‘War Games.’
But you have to be awfully lucky with the
code word before the other computer will
talk to yours. Why do you bring up the
subject?”
“I want you to get into the Sears
Roebuck computer and tell it I already
paid for the slipcovers they keep billing
me for every month.”
“That’s a tall order,” I said.
“And while you’re at it, give me $50
credit for all the anguish and agony I’ve
suffered trying to straighten it out.”
“I’ll try,” I said. I turned on my
machine and dialed into the system.
Then I asked her, “What code word do
you think they would use for people who
don’t pay their bills?”
“Try DEADBEAT,” she suggested.
I typed in DEADBEAT. “Any luck?”
she asked.
“No, but I think I broke into the com
puter at the International Monetary
Fund. I better try another code name.”
“Wait! As long as you’re in the Interna
tional Monetary Fund why don’t you can
cel Mexico’s foreign debt? I’m going
there this winter and it would be nice if
they weren’t so worried about money.”
“I can’t just cancel Mexico’s debt or the
IMF books won’t balance. I have to give it
to another country.”
“So give it to Marcos. He deserves it for
what he did to the opposition in Manila.”
“Okay. I just put Mexico’s debt in the
Philippine account. Now Marcos owes
the IMF $120 billion. Let’s get back to
Sears Roebuck. You have any other code
words their charge people might use?”
“Try BLOOD,” she suggested.
“That doesn’t seem to be it. I just
hooked into the Internal Revenue Ser
vice.”
“Good. Tell it to give John McEnroe a
personal audit. Maybe that will teach him
to behave better on the tennis court.”
“Anything you say, Aunt Pauline. Now
let’s feed in the password MONEY. Oh
boy, now I’ve done it. I just broke into the
CBS payroll computer.”
“No kidding,” Aunt Pauline said.
“How much does Dan Rather make?”
I typed in the question. “It says
$1,200,000 a year.”
She whistled. “Just for reading the
news? How much does Diane Sawyer
get?”
“The computer has her down for
$500,000.”
Aunt Pauline was furious. “She’s get
ting less because she’s a woman. Tell the
computer to take $350,000 off Dan’s sal
ary and give it to Diane.”
“Dan will go up the wall when he gets
his next paycheck.”
“Tough,” she said. “Someone has to
strike a blow for equal pay between the
sexes on television.”
“I’ve done it. But we still haven’t solved
your Sears Roebuck problem.”
“Try the password SLIPCOVERS just
for a long shot.”
I did and found myself talking to the
U.S. Navy’s master computer in the
Mediterranean. When I told Aunt
Pauline where we were she became very
excited. “Let’s give Colonel Kaddafi a
bloody nose.”
“Now look,” I said. “Giving Diane
Sawyer a raise is one thing. But I’m not
about to start a war for the hell of it.”
“Your cousin Milton always said your
Apple was all talk.”
“Look, I don’t think we’re going to
break into the Sears Roebuck computer
tonight, and I could get in trouble for
this.”
“Do me one more favor before you
turn off your system. Get into the Social
Security computer.”
“What for?”
“I want to tell the girls at my bridge
game how old Raquel Welch really is.”
Letters: Gay reaction
On gay exclusion
Editor:
We’d like to applaud M. Weaver for
the well-thought out and sympathetic re
joinder made to the misguided student -
who thought she could be both an Aggie
and gay (obviously incompatible).
The pairings of “integrity, pride in
one’s school, ridicule and talking behind
one’s back,” along with “I know you can’t
help it — but change it anyway,” are liter
ary coups reminiscent of similar history
making associations such as “nordic su
periority, supremacy and extinction.”
We have no reason to believe that it is
not written somewhere that the pre
condition. of hormonal balance exists, if
one is to become an Aggie. We admit to
being remiss in spotting and pledging to
memory reference to this in the rules and
regulations and humbly submit that our
ignorance does not negate the existance
of such rules.
Research into possible genetic or hor
monal causes of homosexuality should be
encouraged by all Aggies, for obvious
reasons. When such research is per
fected, we normal Aggies can keep our
niche sacrosanct by screening all incom
ing freshmen and, as suggested by M.
Weaver, send all those with genetic aber
rations (the blind, deaf, physically dis
abled, sensorally impaired), hormonal
imbalances or anything else considered
abnormal at Texas A&M to t.u. This will
help to ensure that t.u.’s reputation will
grow as a haven for the diverse, with the
resultant loss of homogeneity (chracteris-
tic of the conservatism we pride ourselves
on at Texas A&M). But, rest assured
Aggies, our reputation will remain intact.
Coni Weeker ’83
Marian Paul ’84
Valorie Greer ’84
Find out about gays
Editor:
Q: What do you call two queers on
roller skates?
A: Roll-AIDS
Q: What do you call two cancer victims
on a skateboard?
A: The average person would prob
ably call that two people out making the
most out of life.
Maybe the comparison is a little dra
matic but the point is worth contemplat
ing. In speaking for myself, I don’t find
all jokes in reference to the gay lifestyle
bothersome. Some are funny, some
aren’t.
After all what is an Aggie joke? Aggies
are not offended by some Aggie jokes,-
they just tend to not laugh at those parti
cular jokes which they may find deroga
tory or ill-humored. In general, the same
holds true for gay people.
Gay people are at least, if not more, as
proud of their sexuality as a heterosexual
person.
Time is a valuable asset. If one is to
expend time proclaiming their narrow
minded opinion of gay people, perhaps
they might more constructively use their
time discovering what gay people have
done for their country.
Maybe this would open your eyes. Why
waste your time making fun of people? It
just doesn’t make sense. According to
sound economic theory, one cannot be
made worse off by increasing his or her
choices or possibilities. Are not people
who are gay merely optimizing on their
alternatives?
Why should it matter to you if your
professor or neighbor or landlord pre
fers someone of the same or opposite
sex?
I wouldn’t think that gay people would
make society less democratic, cultured,
knowledgeable, technologically adv
anced or productive. Being gay does not
make those who are not gay worse off.
Gay people still pay property taxes to fi
nance the education of children of heter
osexual parents.
Gay political activists do less to increase
aggregate taxation than do the vast ma
jority of other political coalitions. They
do not ask for college funding or food
stamps because of their minority status.
Gay people do less to increase the overall
level of proces in the economy than does
the United Steel Workers, National Edu
cation Association, or the United Auto
Workers. What costs does a person’s
being gay impose upon those who are
not?
I do not ask for nor do I desire sym
pathy in any form, only the equality that I
am entitled to as a U.S. citizen. Every
individual will face ridicule about some
thing at one point in their life; but aren’t
self-criticism and self-doubt hard enough
to deal with? Because other groups on
campus are harassed, does this warrant
“equal time” criticism? I don’t see any
benefit to it, only costs in terms of wasted
time and other nonproductive factors.
Why not the welcome novelty, diversity,
and a melting pot of ideas and actions
among our population? Gayness is no
new concept or fad. It existed before the
time of our forefathers, and it was not
something that made us a “loser” society
then.
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by Clay F. Richards
United Press International
WASHINGTON — For nearly three and
a half hours last Thursday Jesse Jackson
and his supporters kept more than 2,500
supporters enthralled as the black civil
rights leader announced he was running
for president.
“Run, Jesse, run,” echoed and re
echoed throughout the Washington Con
vention Center in what was as much a
revival meeting as a political rally.
The enthusiasm of the largely black
audience surpassed any that Walter Mon
dale, John Glenn or any of the other
Democratic candidates has been able to
stir up in this campaign.
It was the same response Jackson
sparked across the nation this summer as
he used his voter registration drive as a
means of exploring whether he would
run for president.
Jackson pledged he will take his mes
sage not just to the black ghettoes of the
North or to poor blacks in the rural
South, but to Indian resevations, barrios
in the Southwest, senior citizens’ homes
and everywhere else there are poor and
forgotten Americans.
It is too early to tell how successful
Jackson will be in winning votes and dele
gates. The polls now show him at 5 per
cent or 6 percent and most of that comes
from the black community.
But make no mistake, Jackson is a
serious candidate. He is in this race to
prove that a black running for president
is the most natural thing in the world.
And by doing so, he will continue to
change the attitudes the public has about
blacks running for office at all levels — a
process started by the growing number of
black mayors like Tom Bradley in Los
Angeles and Andy Young in Atlanta.
Jackson’s campaign will have a major
impact on the Democratic Party and the
other candidates as well.
There are suggestions he will take a
vote that would otherwise go to front
runner Walter Mondale, and thus the
more moderate Democratic contender,
John Glenn, will benefit.
But there is another schoolofe^
that Jackson won’t take ni u
anyone, because his supports
from those who never took par.
political process.
The numbers Jackson usesfon Lv-/ V
ters he would like to add to the Unitec
two dozen key states in each case: WASHI
to more voles than K< maid ReaptQghoat Ik
gin of victory in those states. ’° v ' et atta
Those elgible voters — *f$ atl
signed up and do vote — represefg™ 1 ^
bers bigger than the margin ofv
a dozen Republican senators. a jd
iff
>een stra
So even if he doesn’t win any pn ll.
Cr
or end up with many delegatesaid it is a ‘
Jackson’s candidacy could have he destin
found effect on the Americanf Navy s
scene. i.S. frig;
He could well tip the political ul31 / iarin !
in this nation and the resu l ts wotj^ c c ^ e c
Democratic Senate and a Democr^ area
be he white — in the White Hoiiii uc | ear .p
But that would leave the Deirame disa
Party with an awful big debtti The (
Jackson. narine w
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Is it red-shirting or dunce-capping: ..-.
i’eterson,
merit pay accorded faculty members of learning to make passing gradesreconnais
outstanding ability.
by Dick West
United Press International
WASHINGTON — There has been a
great deal of hoopla this fall about red-
shirting athletes.
In the event you aren’t familiar with
the term, be advised that red-shirting in
its purest form involves stretching out a
student’s academic career to promote his
athletic career.
Typically, a student of promise on the
playing fields is red-shirted, or held out
of athletic competition, for one year.
That gives him an extra season in
which to sharpen his skills and mature
physically for the greater glory of Alma
Mater.
The next year, he may advance a class
academically but he still has all of his
athletic eligibility remaining.
In college, nobody pays much atten
tion to the practice. However, some edu
cators are frowning on red-shirting at the
high school and junior high levels.
In the long ago, when I was attending
public schools, red-shirting even in the
elementary grades was quite common.
Only back then we called it flunking out.
Some players on my high school foot
ball team had red-shirted themselves as
early as the second grade.
By the time they finally made it to high
school, they were a couple of years bigger
and stronger than they would have been
otherwise. No question about it — athle
tically, they had something of an advan
tage over their more studious peers.
Even educational reformers, I gather,
are against promoting students until they
have mastered the curriculum at their
current levels. But nitwit red-shirting
could put athletic programs on a collision
course with efforts to improve academic
standards.
Poor scholarship, as indicated by a
high rate of failures in a given grade,
reflects adversely on the teacher as well as
the student. Any teacher with a high per
centage of red-shirts in the classroom
might have a tough time qualifying for
My advice to educators who are con
cerned about the academic ramifications
is to try red-shirting teachers.
Teachers known for their ability to im
part knowledge could be provided with
red shirts, which would serve as a warn
ing that marginal students might in
advertently be crammed with enough
they neglected their homework, mue m
Potential athletes interested in ^ a A ne z
in school an extra year could thr jU M ’
in the classes of second rateteadif
would leave their heads moreorh
cluttered with erudition.
But I don’t know whether the!':.
Education Association would £
such a program.
Po
be
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City Editor Kelley Smith
Assistant City Editor Karen Schrimsher
Sports Editor Melissa Adair
Entertainment Editor.... Rebeca Zimmermann
Assistant Entertainment Editor Shelley
Hoekstra
News Editors Brian Boyer, Kathy Breard,
Kevin Inda, Tracey Taylor,
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