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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 10, 1983)
4 Page 2/The Battalion/Monday, October 10,1983 ...ON * pej. Lawyers confuse love and money riJDEP' Memor terestec Oct. 17 dub m< 4RKE'] services by Art Buchwald The prenuptial contract is getting more and more prevalent as the divorce rate rises in the country. Since getting married in many cases is not one of those things you do forever, lawyers are advis ing their clients to make out a contract, specifying who gets what when love flies out the window and recrimination knocks down the door. “I love Horace very much and if he wants to provide me with a lump sum, I don’t have any objection. But I want to know what numbers we’re talking about before I say ‘I do.’” Mr. Bone smiled, “You’re a very reasonable young lady. Would $500,000 satisfy you?” I was the best man at a prenuptial legal Tht contract ceremony the other day. The groom to be, Horace Pipeline, was attended by the famed divorce lawyer Roy Bone, and the bride-to-be, the lovely Grace Willowy, was being given away by Stephanie Tuff of the firm Rock, Sock & Needham. Miss Tuff said, “No, it wouldn’t, Roy, and you know before we came here we researched Horace’s assets down to the last nickel. Now let’s be serious or call of this prenuptial legal contract ceremony right now.” Mr. Bone scowled, “As Horace’s lawyer I can’t go over $500,000, but if he wants to be more generous I’ll leave it to him. Horace, what do you think?” The bride and groom sat in the love seat in Mr. Bone’s palatial office, which, for the occasion, had been decorated with magnolias and white roses. Mr. Bone, reading from a yellow legal pad, said, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bring this man and this woman together in a nappy pre nuptial contract, spelling out the proper ty claims of both parties in case, for reasons we shall not go into here, this marriage is broken asunder. Do you, Horace Pipeline, agree that, in case you do not choose to continue in wedlock, you will bestow on your lovely bride a lump sum equal to 5 percent of your present assets, excluding your boat, your penth ouse, and your house in Southampton?” “Wait a minute,” said Miss Tuff. “Who said anything about a lump sum, and who said anything about excluding Mr. Pipe line’s boat, penthouse and home in Southampton? My client, under law, is entitled to 50 percent of all of her hus band’s property. But we don’t want to be greedy about this. We’ll settle for $10,000 a month until she gets married again.” “Alimony is out of the question,” Mr. Bone said. “I cannot permit my client to enter the sacred institution of matrimony unless he can get out of it by paying off a lump sum at the dissolution of the mar riage. How can we be sure when and if Miss Willowy will get married again?” “How do you feel about it, Grace?’ Miss Tuff asked. “Grace is the only woman I’ve ever loved,” Horace said. “I can’t imagine any thing but death parting us. But just in case something did happen, I’m willing to give her a cool million — the same as I gave my second wife.” Miss Tuff said, “Horace’s second wife was much older than Grace, and the mil lion he settled on her was before inflation set in. We want one million five and the house in Southhampton.” “Out of the question.” Mr. Bone said angrily. “These people hope to live hap pily ever after. My client would not have a day of happiness if he knew it would cost him a million five plus the house in Southampton to get out of the marriage.” Miss Tuff said, “How do you think my client would feel if she knew she could be tossed out in the street for a lousy million dollars?” Grace became upset. “This talk is so sordid it’s destroying our love for each other. I’ll take a million, two hundred thousand, and the penthouse in New York. But that’s the bottom line.” Horace asid, “Don’t be angry, darling. You’re asking for more than I planned to give you, but I want you to be happy. Give it to her, Roy, providing we have it in writing she doesn’t go to court and try to sock it to me for anything more.” Reagan’s sense of humor has been in top form ;; The Cla different s seniors We( Hay in the Center. by Helen Thomas “All right, Horace, it’s your money. I’ll have this typed up while we open a bottle of champagne and drink a toast to the happy couple. Please excuse my tears. Prenuptial marriage contract ceremonies always make me cry.” United Press International WASHINGTON — Backstairs at the White House: President Reagan was good for a bar rel of laughs when he addressed the con servative Heritage Foundation dinner, and the crowd responded. Teasing one of his key conservative backers, beer baron Joseph Coors, who introduced him, Reagan said: “There’s a little coolness between Joe and me tonight — I guess maybe that’s my fault. When I arrived at the reception here I said, ‘Joe, it’s been a long, hard, day in the Oval Office, but now it’s Miller time.’ “That’s when he showed me his Mon dale button.” Reagan then asked: “Where are those Democratic candidates with their gran diose solutions now that we need them? The America’s Cup race, for example. Now, there was a problem that could have been solved with more money and a lot of wind.” Reagan told the gathering, “I remem ber the days when a conservative intellec tual was considered a contradiction in terms — you know, like ‘thrifty liberal,’ ‘modest government,’ and ‘penny- pinching congressmen.’” He said he was tempted to use former Justice Potter Ste wart’s definition of pornography when asked to define “the conservative intellec tual movement.” The definition was, “I know it when I see it.” The 72-year-old president still likes to joke about his age. When he inaugurated the new job-training program he lam basted the Democratic presidential can didates, most of whom, he said, “are younger than I am.” Then he added, “Ev erybody is.” *** I The cla two shirt : trying to ap leader Benigno Aquino in At Barbara B Reagan insists the only reason w president, s fact that Congress will still be ins and his presence in Washingltl needed. Nevertheless, therewereal sighs of relief when the better pal valor prevailed. And it’s clear that Nancy ReanS j friends say was worried about !!{!*■/'A I band’s safety, was breathing easier by Kai One day last week, deputy chief of staff Michael Deaver was on the telephone in sisting to reporters that President Reagan would visit the Philippines and there would be no changes in the itinerary on his Asian trip. But in a world where no one should ever say never, the following day Deaver was on a secret mission to the Far East, delivering messages to officials in three capitals — Manila, Jakarta and Bangkok — that Reagan would be unable to visit their countries as planned but might come later. What happened? The president be came outraged at any suggestion that fears for his security prompted the post ponement of the visit to the Philippines, where there has been intermittent tur moil since the assassination of opposition The president is running out of li decide whether he will run again. He already has an organization: to go. Some White House official! eluding chief political adviser EJi Rollins, will leave Oct. 15 to joints election committee. The job of liaison will be taken overbychiel Jim Baker’s executive assistant,Mai( Tutwiler. Reagan has touched bast his constituencies and made moves that seem designed to positiij to run for re-election. He also has not lost an opportm!|l chment take a swipe at the Democraticcandi|I^P va ' at every opportunity. Meantime,dw a pane j 0 C ress secretary Larry Speakes’ stali!i mrn y Cart een bolstered and some of the oldL with Y from the 1980 campaign are beginniilugene V. ] show up around the White Housbf discussi* apparently lured back once moreiniferspective breach to help re-elect the presider^ 1 j to 5 ‘ MSG Coo Bi |The Men f Council iree progr; fed Endov The proj. jbjects anc ferent pi epared In e Series ( :cted by t forward* Our ‘amazing’ times not without perversities Hawkins sa by Dick West United Press International WASHINGTON — The cover of Time magazine’s special anniversary issue this month salutes “the most amazing 60 years in history.” labeling an era as, say, “the most boring 60 years in history” would be a poor way to sell magazines. It is easy to see why Time was awed by all that happened in the p ‘ >d, >ast hall century, plus 10. That period, after all, included the flights of both the Spirit of St. Louis and the space shuttle Columbia. But most of us regard our own epochs with a high degree of amazement. And I remind you that we may have diffe rent ideas of what is astonishing. An event that dumfounds you may be only a cause for raised eyebrows for me. And vice versa. Moreover, history has been going on for quite long time. “Each age has its peculiar folly; some scheme, project or fantasy into which it plunges, spurred on by the love of gain, the necessity of excitement or the mere force of imitation,” says historian Charles Mackay. In support of his thesis, Mackay cites “tulipomania,” which gripped western Europe in the 16th Century, perhaps presaging our own stock market. At one point, ‘‘nobles, citizens, farmers, mecha nics, seamen, footmen, maid-servants, even chimney-sweeps and old clothes- women” were speculating in tulips, he writes. observe that as our understanding of ‘g 01 what we are up against comes into shar per forcus, we are better able to predict the behavior of opposing forces. All true enough, if you insist on look ing backwards. But it is equally valid to Entire books codifying the natural laws of perversity have been published in the last 60 years. Such collections range from Murphy’s First Law (“If anything can go wrong, it will.”) to such richly di verse discernments as “The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.” committee \ $68,000 for ■ The sec< jprogram en Peace.” Nix* U.S.-Soviet shall see countless validations of tk new book, ‘ , that “If a person is smart enough,k this prograi pick himself up to the seat ofthepjeommittee t and throw himself down the sti®6,000. Already, we are seeing signs ofthisir.| : “high technology” arena. During the next 60 years, I predict, we “The trivilization of technology^ of the embarrassments of the revolution,” one observer hasobsetf For the good of the country, Ifc ly hope the electronic revolution« out better than the sexual revoli® which either ended in a scoreless it with both sides losing. The Battalion USPS 045 360 Memtvr of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference Editor Hope E. Paasch Managing Editor Beverly Hamilton City Editor Kelley Smith Assistant City Editor Karen Schrimsher Sports Editor Melissa Adair Entertainment Editor .... Rebeca Zimmermann Assistant Entertainment Editor Shelley Hoekstra News Editors Brian Boyer, Kathy Breard, Tracey Taylor, Chris Thayer, Kathy Wiesepape Photo Editor Eric Evan Lee Staff Writers Brigid Brockman, Ronnie Crocker, John Lopez, Christine Mallon, Michelle Powe, Ann Ramsbottom, Stephanie Ross, Angel Stokes, John Wagner, Wanda Winkler Copy Editors Kathleen Hart, Kristal Mills, Susan Talbot Cartoonists Paul Dirmeyer, Scott McCullar Photographers Brenda Davidson, Michael Davis, Guy Hood, John Makely, Dean Saito The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photography clas ses within the Department of Communications. 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Opinions ex pressed in The Battalion are those of the editor or the author, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Texas A&M University administrators or faculty mem bers, or of the Board of Regents. The Battalion is published Monday through Friday during Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holi day and examination periods. Mail subscriptions are $ 16.75 per semester, $33.25 per school year and $35 per full year. Advertising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald Building, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX 77843. United Press International is entitled exclusively to the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein reserved. Second class postage paid at College Station, TX 77843. Congressman determined to stop non-compliance with draft laws by Maxwell Glen and Cody Shearer chance of being drafted in an emergency because the number of potential draftees would have, been smaller.” WASHINGTON — Rep. Gerald B.H. Solomon, Republican of New York, seems to be a man possessed. A fiscal and social conservative whose crusades have usually been Quixotic, Solomon has emerged during his third term as a formidable legislator consumed by one issue: males who haven’t reg istered with the Selective Service System. What Solomon fails td recognize, howev er, is that his battles may already be won. Solomon has no patience with those who don’t cooperate. Asked how he’d re spond if his son Jeffery, 20, refused to register, he said, “Frankly, I’d disown him....As much as I love him, I’d have to do it as a matter of principle.” After several years of championing such controversial causes as the CIA, the Taiwanese and nuclear power, Solomon attracted widespread support last year for his amendment to a Defense Depart ment authorization bill linking federal financial aid dollars to draft registration. Solomon was dissatisfied with the Selec tive Service System’s compliance efforts, which he had worked to bolster earlier in 1982. At the time an estimated 20 percent of eligible young men had, for whatever reason, ignored the law. To Solomon’s credit, non-compliance has dropped dramatically since both houses adopted his amendment. More than 96 percent of all 18-year-old males have now registered. amendment by promising need) registrants alternative forms of fa aid. H.R. 2950 would bar federal tracts with these renegades, elude such prestigious institutionsaifl and Pennsylvania’s SwarthmoreC! “I’m not sure I want schoolsstf Yale University supported by ft funds if they are going to mold thtiij of these young people to break theM the U.S.,” Solomon, an ex reasoned. Location ; Building o asphalt si Building. Age Cate; Awards: F fir st place, awards di: Entry Fee: and aware Deadline: Late Regi« Race Mat* Use of Pr ( Race Orqj “It seemed to me that the majority of young men who were registering...were being discriminated against,” Solomon told us last week. “They stood a better But Solomon, a bulldog of a man who describes himself as a “miniature John Wayne,” remains unsatisfied. On Oct. 1, • anyone seeking employment under the 1982 Job Training and Partnership Act will have to verify their registration with the Department of Labor — a rule adopted last year at Solomon’s behest to bolster registration among eligible minorities. (A proposal to require de fense industry workers to register passed the House but never drew the Senate’s attention.) Now Solomon is stalking even bigger game. A new bill, House Resolution 2950, takes aim at colleges and universi ties that have responded to the Solomon | Inforrr Mall Entrie Slouch by Jim Name. Address ^ty, State _ Age As of c Circle One: Race: iqk ( Signature _ Rarent/Quar