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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 16, 1983)
/<v-?/"The Hiittulion Friduy. Seph niher Id. WH.3 back -page Group dares to be dense How dense are you? Find out by taking “The Densa Quiz: The Complete and Official DQ Test of the International DENSA Society.’’This spoof is for every one who’s had it with intelligent people and what they symbol ize. It’s a parody of that famous membership club for intelligent people. The DENSA (Diversly Edu cated Not Seriously Affected) Society is the brainchild, if the word may be used, of Stephen Price of Dallas. It’s purpose is to lambast IQ tests and intellec tuals who hypothesize that a brain is not filled with laughing matter. It is the antithesis of MENSA. DENSA people are great joke tellers, even if they do sometimes forget the punch lines. They don’t feel guilty watching television, and see merit in slapstick. They enjoy trashy novels and fizzle whenever numbers are men tioned. Price says that the celebrities who qualify for DENSA are Bill Murray, Lily Tomlin and Judy Holliday. Princess Diana is de nse, Price says, but Charles isn’t. Other non-dense persona lities include Isaac Asimov, Henry Kissinger, William F. Buckley and James Watt. Many people, Price said, are truly dense and unfortunately will never realize it. Politicians and lawyers fit into this category. The DENSA quiz book, which will be released in November, enables you to test the DQ of your friends, pets and co-workers. Some of the ques- THE TESTS i 2S [i] The Bathtub Test. Fill a bathtub to the brim with water. Next place your entire body in the tub. If any water spills over the sides when you get in, then you're dense enough for Densa. How much water did you displace? [21 The Star Test. How many stars are in the sky? a. All of the above Circle the correct answer. [31 a. b. c DENSA Food Shape Test. Pepper Salt Baking Soda Fill in the blanks. Cum on shoe tions include: define universe, give two examples; people who eat food will live longer than people who don’t eat food, true or false; which word doesn’t rhyme: bar, car, far, miscel laneous, star, tar? The author of the DENSA quiz book, Stephen Price, says that unlike most quiz books, his book will not contain an answer section. This, he hopes, will eli minate the possibility of cheating. ‘The DENSA Quiz, ” by Stephen Price. An Avon Book, $2.95. Greeting card melodies A new and exciting means of combining audio and visual im pressions has emerged from micro-electric technology. A line of beautifully crafted greet ing cards will play a melody when opened. The melody is made possible by an integrated circuit, operated by a small wristwatch battery that will last for months. Cards with appropriate tunes are available for birthdays, get well, Christmas, anniversaries, weddings. Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day and Easter. The card now is available in some areas of the country. The mail order price of the special occasion cards, including a Christmas card that plays three songs, is $3.88 each. Order from TSR Marketing, P.O. Box 1792, Ft. Collins, Colo. 80522. Air guitar accoutrements gunslinger pose Air guitar craze subject of book air amp . ■ : ' ; It s the new instrument of the 80s — the air guitar! It plays and sounds like a real guitar — only it’s cheaper, doesn’t re quire years of practice and is extremely lightweight and port able. All across America air guitarists are setting up their equipment near stereos and radios and are rocking away in college dorms, at home, in bars and in the aisles at concerts. Wherever rock lovers gather, there are sure to be air guitarists playing along. Now anyone can learn to play with all the flash and cool moves of Pete Townshend or Bruce Springstein. “The Complete Air Guitar Handbook” shows you: how to tune your a.g., right-handed vs. left-handed playing, proper dress, protec tive equipment, “air parties” and offers tips from legendary air masters. Included in the book is a guide to the best movies for learning advanced air guitar moves. With special sections on air amps and classic air guitar albums, “The Complete Air Guitar Handbook” is THE book for both the novice who wants to look cool fast, and for the ex perienced player who’s ready for big time. The Complete Air Guitar Handbook, ” by John McKenna and Michael Moffitt. A Long Shadow Book, $2.95. Calorie free snackin' Americans have a passion for hamburgers. Not only do we eat more than three billion pounds of ground beef a year, but we also help one major fast food operation alone sell more than 10 million hamburgers a day. So it shouldn’t be surprising that our love of burgers transcends mere meal-time activities. Witness the popularity of BurgerTime, one of the hottest arcade games of the year, where burgers, lettuce and buns reign supreme and hot dogs are the bad guys. Now, in response to further demands by America’s burger-lovers, Mattel Electro nics introduces BurgerTime for video game systems, home computers and hand-held elec tronic games. Ready for BurgerTime? You are the harried chef running around a maze to construct hamburgers. This would be easy, of course, if it weren’t for the “nasties” — hotdogs, pick les and eggs — that are out to keep you from building your burgers. If you can’t outrun them, you might try tossing pepper at them to stun them. Win points by building burgers and squashing the nasties with parts of the hamburger. You can earn extra pinches of pepper by gobbling ice cream, coffee, ketchup or french fries. When you successfully build all the hamburgers in one maze, you move on to the next maze. When you complete all the mazes, you start over again, but at a more difficult level. You can snack on these bur gers — calorie free — if you have the Aquarius Home Com puter, IBMPC, the Apple II Personal Computer, the Intelli- vision video game system, Atari 2600 VCS or Mattel Electro nics’ hand-held BurgerTime game. Otherwise, you might just have to go hungry. J