Page 2/The Battalion/Tuesday, April 19, 1983
opinion
Watt plans July Fourth gala
by Art Buchwald
The Department of Interior is now
hard at work planning the July Fourth
celebration on the Washington Mall. Sec
retary of the Interior Watt is involved in
every detail of the celebration.
“Mr. Secretary, here are the latest
rules we’re issuing to assure the Mall par
ty will be a patriotic family affair.”
“Read them to me.”
“No one with long hair or beards will
be permitted to sit on the grass.”
“What about the dress code?”
“All males will be expected to wear
jackets and ties, and all females must
wear skirts and blouses, or dresses with
proper necklines. The Park Police will
turn the hoses on anyone who is not
properly attired.”
“That should keep out the rowdy ele
ment. Did you check out the hosing with
our legal department?”
“Yes, and they have informed me it’s
your Mall, and your Fourth of July.”
“How are you doing on the food
rules?”
“We’re banning brown bags. People
are only permitted to bring picnic ham
pers, but they will be examined to make
sure they don’t smuggle in any wine. Any
unlicensed food purveyors will be horse
whipped. This also goes for souvenir
people selling Nuclear Freeze Buttons.”
“Good. What else have you come up
with?”
“We’ve divided the Mall into smoking
and non-smoking sections.”
“Is that necessary outdoors?”
“We’re limited in the number of narc
agents at our disposal, and in this way we
can keep a better eye on anyone who tries
to light up a joint.”
“How are we doing on the entertain
ment?”
“I spoke to the United States Army
bandmaster and he gave me a list of pat
riotic songs they plan to play.”
“Let me see it... They’re not serious.
Are they really including ‘This Land is
Your Land’?”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“Haven’t you ever heard the lyrics?
They’re against everything this Interior
Department stands for. We’re trying to
sell off the land and open it up to mining
and lumbering, and lease the oil rights. 11
people believe it’s their land, they’ll take
us to court. Throw it out.”
“Yes, sir. Anything else you don’t
like?”
“How did John Philip Sousa’s
‘Washington Post March’ get on this list?”
“I have no idea. Someone in EPA must
have goofed. We’ll dump it.”
“They can’t be thinking of playing
‘Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club
Band.’ That’s a Beatles song!”
“We thought kids might like it.”
“But the Beatles are hard rock, and I
told you I didn’t want hard rock on my
Fourth of July.”
“Then it won’t be performed, sir. We’ll
replace it with ‘When I Grow Too Old to
Dream.’”
“That’s more like it. My wife loves that
song.”
“Do you want to go over Wayne New
ton’s numbers?”
“Of course not. Anyone who works in
Las Vegas knows what the American peo
ple want to hear. What about the fire
works display?”
“Strictly family stuff, sir. There isn’t an
R-rated rocket in the package.”
“One more thing. I don’t want any
anti-administration demonstrations on
the Fourth.”
“You have nothing to fear on that
score. If anybody holds up a sign, our
mounted police will trample them into
the ground.”
“Well done, Meddler. If the country
doesn’t have a safe and sane Fourth of
July this year, they can’t blame it on old
Jim Watt.”
Letters: Attitude toward freedom
Editor:
This letter is in response to Mr. Kevin
Johnson’s letter of April 13. Mr. John
son, your attitude toward “freedom”
reeks of immaturity. It should be obvious
that the changes you desire cannot be
brought about while considering events
of 120-plus years ago. Remember, this is
1983, not 1863.
While I have never participated in the
factual or ficticious slave trade, obviously
I cannot understand completely your
point of view. I wish, however, that you
would consider the following:
The ideology behind the “slave sale” is
solely based upon the purpose of fund
raising. A very long time ago, humans
actually were bought and sold, under the
; norms and morays of the society of this
region. How can you assume, therefore,
that the “slave sale” is a reenactment of
* this neo-ancient ritual with the intent to
. » offend a particular segment of our Uni-
- versity population?
As I see it, there is only one common
- thread: the exchange of money (from
which, in this case, you may indirectly
I benefit). The “slaves” who are bought are
: not subjected to the type of subversion of
more than 120 years ago; if they were, I
would agree with you wholeheartedly. I
would suggest that you forget about that
which has since passed, because the only
way you will obtain your desires is to look
* forward.
As for the bigger picture (i.e. TAMU
; system) you have a point, though it coin-
; cides little with the slave sale. The num
ber of minority maids and janitors has
nothing to do with minority students or
administrators; these are basically people
who are working to support themselves
and their families. I cannot absolutely
guess the reason for the lack of minority
students/faculty/administrators, but
perhaps it is due to a similar dilemma (on
the part of all parties) that you have ex
pressed: for more than 100 years, this
University has not endured many radical
changes.
My final word: I (like someone with
whom you may identify) dream of the
day when all people will be able to live
together in peace. The longer these views
such as yours exist, the farther into the
future it will be before this day is realized.
Tette Musgrove ’83
Thanks for elections
Editor:
I think it’s about time for someone to
recognize Les Asel, this year’s election
commissioner, for all of the work he has
done. Considering the number of people
running for office in the spring elections,
they went rather smoothly, at least the
parts that Les had control over. The lack
of volunteers, computer problems and
weather were all beyond Asel’s control.
Les has worked very hard on this
year’s elections, both fall and spring, and
I believe that his efforts should be recog
nized. I admire Les for tackling this
thankless job, and to those Aggies who
think they could do a better job next year
than Les could, I challenge you to apply
for the position of election commission
er, but don’t expect a rewarding job.
Thanks Les, there really are people who
appreciate the job you’re doing.
C J. Johnson ’86
Gilbert Gonzalez ’85
Good election job
Editor:
Dear Tom King and Russell McCaskill:
A recent article in The Battalion
where you were quoted complaining ab
out the recent elections made my blood
boil. You blamed Les Asel, the election
commissioner, for everything but the
rain on the second day of elections.
Well, I watched Les run both the elec
tions of last fall and these most recent
elections, and I feel he has done the best
job possible. As Les said, no one, with the
exception of you two, of course, is per
fect, and mistakes are made. Les dedi
cated a great deal of time and hard work
into these elections, and I don’t think you
have the right to launch such an attack on
him.
As for Les’ attitude, Mr. King, I think
it is outstanding, considering that after
all the work he puts into these elections,
he is faced with nothing but complaints
and a lack of help and support. Everyone
and his dog can complain, but few can
offer any solutions or help.
Rob Farrell,
Crocker Hall
Correction
In the humor supplement, “The
Aggie Rag,” included in the March 21
issue of The Battalion, the newspaper
used a picture of Merlin from a Texas
Renaissance Festival press package. Bill
Palmer works as Merlin at the annual
festival. The picture was not intended to
represent Palmer’s opinions in any way.
The Battalion regrets the error.
A
Slouch By Jim Earle
1*
“This is the last time I'm breaking it down and bringingit
upstairs. From now on, if anyone wants to steal it, they can
have it."
An absurdity that
isn’t very funny
by Arnold Sawislak
United Press International
WASHINGTON — An associate
whose hawk eye never fails to spot a poli
tical absurdity points out that there is a
movement afoot to appoint a blue ribbon
bipartisan commission to Find a solution
to the Medicare financing crisis.
issues of public policy in this country,]
• r
what is the function of the groupw ^
already got?
This is not a new question. Boil
1933 and 1963, when presidi
Roosevelt and Kennedy wanted to
action on new programs, they crei
new agencies to carry them out rat
than turn them over to existinggoit
ment departments, which were
too tied up in red tape to dothejob.1 ^
problem is that many of these “tem[
ary” agencies are still around, even«l
the problems they were created tot
with are not.
0
This idea, of course, arises from the
success of the committee that worked out
a short-range financing plan for Social
Security, and on first glance it might
appear to be a reasonable idea.
But it also reflects a situation that can
only be described as borderline ridicu
lous at best and dangerous at worst.
iei
at S<
lucat:
ght t
»mA
As our colleague put it: “I’ve got an
even better idea. Instead of appointing
bipartisan groups to solve these problems
one at a time, why don’t we set up a sys
tem by which the various sections of the
country can select a bipartisan group of
men and women to solve all our national
problems. We wouldn’t need a large
group; 500 or so ought to do it.
So, if special committees aregoiij )0 d J
supplant Congress, which costs us siiP la
thing in the neighborhood of $1 bil
year, maybe we should abolish it,reiii
Capitol to the private sector (ma; ; b ^
the company that President
wants to sell the weather bureauto)i lOsm
use the money to reduce the budgti
Licit.
“Of course, we will want to safeguard
the interests of the small states, so we can
divide the group into two bodies. One
could give each state an equal number of
votes, say two; the other would give each
state a proportional number of votes
based on its population, and, of course,
both bodies would have to agree by ma
jority vote on any solution offered to
solve national problems. I don’t have a
name for this committee, but just for the
time being, we might call it the Con
gress.”
Therein lies the ridiculous aspect of
the situation. If we need to choose a spe
cial group to work out the really difficult
irt ol
■ingv
In this, a small voice keeps saying,
ain’t funny, McGee.” And it is riglu
has become increasingly evident
cent years that Congress, which is* )n °*
posed to deal with national probte ^
easy or difficult, has become so
meshed in its own proceduresandsoi
up by special interests that itcan'U’
confront, much less find a consensus,
many difficult issues.
And that is the potential
Congress has become nothingmorei
a debating society and the basicdecisi
that affect our national life mustbefli n i or 6
by people with no responsibility to
electorate, a fundamental ofoursys* le p a
of self-government has been chatfave f
without our consent.
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member ol
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
Editor.. Diana Sultenfuss
Managing Editor Gary Barker
Associate Editor Denise Richter
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Andrade
Photographers. David Fisher,
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