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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (March 23, 1983)
Page 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, March 23, 1983 ■u .V,' i:- Slouch By Jim Earle “Don’t do that again. I almost fainted when your helmet fell off.” Send advisory troops to aid government s' a by Art Buchwald “Sergeant, we are sending you to £l Salvador to advise the government troops there how to fight the left-wing guerrillas who are winning the war.” “I got you, sir. What kind of weapons do the guerrillas have?” “Mostly American. They got them from Vietnam or captured them from El Salvadoran troops, or bought them from the same troops. One of your jobs will be to see that the government officers don’t sell their weapons to the other side.” “Yes, sir. Am I supposed to do any thing to win the hearts and minds of the Salvadoran people?” “Of course. That’s why we’re sending you there. One of your missions is to make sure the government troops don’t kill too many peasants or burn down too many villages that are suspected to be harboring left-wing fighters.” “How do I do that?” “The same way you did it in Vietnam. You explain to the government soldiers that rape, murder and pillaging will not be tolerated by President Reagan. That should stop them.” “It certainly should. Anything I ought to know about human rights?” “We’re not sending you down there to train anyone in human rights. The gov ernment of El Salvador has just been given a clean bill of health on human rights by the American government, so I don’t want to see anything in your re ports on human rights violations on our side. But if you see any committed by the other side, we want to hear about them pronto.” “I understand, sir. How is the morale of the El Salvadoran troops?” “Excellent, although there have been a number of desertions. Your job is to see that the government troops don’t go over the hill.” “Can I shoot them?” “No, but you can authorize one of the officers you’re advising t6 shoot them. But, for God’s sakes, don’t put anything in writing.” “How do we know if we’re winning the war?” “We’re working up a body count sys tem at the Pentagon that will soon go into effect. We’ll expect body count reports from you every day.” “It sounds more like Vietnam all the time.” “This is not a Vietnam operation, and you’re not to refer to it as such. Phis is a rescue operation to uphold a democratic government in Central America, and to protect a freedom-loving people from being taken over by the Communists.” “I gotcha, sir.” “Stop winking. I’m serious. Now you were chosen to be one of 110 American advisers to turn this war around.” “That’s not a lot of advisers for a full- scale guerrilla war.” “It’s only a beginning. Once we get enough of you in there, Congress will be in no position to stop the president from sending in more American troops to sup port you.” “I hope so. I don’t want to get my keis- ter shot off.” “Sergeant, I have utmost confidence that you can do the job. And one more thing, don’t talk to the press. They’ll only write how incompetent and corrupt the El Salvador military officers really are.” “Are they?” “That’s top secret information.” ii ci- c b USPS 045 360 Member ot Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism (Conference The Battalion Editor Diana Sultenfuss Managing Editor Gary Barker Associate Editor Denise Richter City Editor Hope E. Paasch Assistant City Editor Beverly Hamilton Sports Editor ‘ J°b n Wagner Entertainment Editor Colette Hutchings Assistant Entertainment Editor . . . . Diane Yount News Editors Daran Bishop, Brian Boyer, Jennifer Carr, Elaine Engstrom, Shelley Hoekstra, Johna Jo Maurer, Jan Werner, Rebeca Zimmermann Staff Writers Melissa Adair, Maureen Carmody, Frank Christlieb, Connie Edelmon, Patrice Koranek, John Lopez, Robert McGlohon, Ann Ramsbottom, Kim Schmidt, Patti Schwierzke, Kelley Smith, Angel Stokes, Tracey Taylor, Joe Tindel, Kathy Wiesepape Copyeditors JanSwaner, Chris Thayer Cartoonist Scott McCullar Graphic Artists Pam Starasinic Sergio Galvez Thompson, Fernando Andrade Photographers .... David Fisher, Eric Lee, Irene Mees, John Makely, William Schulz OC 11 111/. Editorial Policy / hr If million is a non-pn >Iii. sclt-supporliiiif news paper opcralccl as a (oinniunil \ service in Texas A&M University and lir\ an-College Station. Opinions ex pressed in The liatlaiion are those n! the editor or the author, and do not neeessarth represent the opinions oT Texas A&M University athninisliators ot Tai ulu mem bers. or ot the Hoard of Regents. 1'he Battalion also seri es as ,/ lahoratnn newspaper for students in reporting, editing and photograpln ( las ses within the Department oT Comntunieations. Questions or comments com erning am editorial matter should he directed to the editor. Letters Policy Letters to the Editor should not exceed CfOO words in length, and are subject to being cut ii thev are longer. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make cverv effort to maintain the author's intent. Each letter must also be signed and show the address and phone number of the writer. Columns and guest editorials are also welcome, and are not subject to the same length constraints as letters. Address all inquiries and correspondence to.: Editor. The Battalion, 2 lb Reed McDonald. Texas A&M Uni versity, College Station, TX 778T!.,or phone (718) 8-15- 2611. The Battalion is published daih during Texas A&M's fall and spring semesters, except f or holiday and exami nation periods. Mail subscriptions arc $ 16.75 per semes ter. $33.25 per school year ami $35 per full year. Adver tising rates furnished on request. Our address: The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald Building, Texas A&M University. College Station. TX 77843. United Press International is entitled exclusive!) to the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein reserved. Second class postage paid at College Station. TX 77843. Coaches can do anything sues by Maxwell Glen and Cody Shearer A civil society requires that everyone behaVe within reasonable limits of prop riety. Everyone, that is, except coaches. Bobby Knight and Lefty Driesell, two of the nation’s more notorious college basketball coaches, have been demon strating the extent to which they play by different rules. At the same time, the U.S. Olympic Committee, which has re tained Knight as its 1984 coach, and Drisell’s superiors at the University of Maryland, have shown how we let them get away with it. Knight technically fouled out in 1979 while coaching the U.S. team at the Pan American Games in Puerto Rico. Though he denies alk charges, the In diana University coach received a fine for slugging a policeman after a team prac tice, and denunciations in the San Juan press for referring to a Brazilian women’s team as “dirty people.” Now, as a joke for banquet audiences, Knight will only acknowledge that he bade farewell to Puerto Rico by exposing his behind from an airplane windo be cause “that’s the last thing I would want them to see of me.” Not surprisingly, Puerto Rico’s gov ernor and congressional representative and members of Congress’ Hispanic Caucus want the Olympic Committee to sack Knight. Yet, committee president William Simon, the former Treasury sec retary, refuses to investigate the allega tions against him. In deeper trouble, however, is Mary land’s Driesell. Last fall, one of Driesell’s star players was accused of assaulting a woman in a dormitory room. The player, Herman Veal, was benched for the sea son by a student court, just prior to last weekend’s ACC tournamant. Driesell then took matters into his own hands, according to The Diamondback, the University of Maryland’s student newspaper. He phoned the victim and asked her, “How could you do this to me? Do you know what tomorrow is?” (refer ring to a big game against the University of Virginia). Perhaps sensing that he was behind with time running out, Driesell made re peated calls to the woman, promising that, as she recalled, “there would be trouble” and “her name would be (b ag ged through the mud.” He even asked assorted campus jocks to check out the woman’s “reputation” on the Maryland campus and at Clemson, where she’d previously studied. the matter. Driesell’s biggest mistake ing that a player could actm impunity as a coach. \\ accorded usually free rein, might presume that closet associates deserve the same by Kii Batta But both Driesell and Kiillf Ilt 1 xt 1 ^ estimate the clout thev e At a Pi . Driesell denied allegations of harass ment. Being a good sport, he took Veal to the ACC tournament and allowed him to practice with the team. “In my mind,” the coach told reporters, “Herman Veal is the victim. He’s more of a victim than the girl.” Nonetheless, university of fit ials have convened an internal inquiry into j ca ] a g 3.0 sees f it to strike a balance 1 r i c j|w f ar 11 havior and influence; bdtlljosjtjon 0 | sel\ es as individuals, notspoltjhelworld, must think before speaking ectoi A lions. rner. “There ai It’s unknown who confutes that we’ with diplomatic immunity,GPpk Ul,, i i Stutuu- ((I athleiK s in \ ||lfI i' Kje'' are 8 one expl.m.uk>n Sn ' ,f SK r . e * a .hr |,,l! U .l.l ^ much a part of the show astli rn |j. saK j i icx and plavoffs. < L it realluLpe,.,q, s] of the winningestaKcal loi u Ohio State’s Woody HavesaThe first o Lou Cat nesecca, provide^ h the rek and ce the addi In .111\ I ,ixr. , . Ml tux urp on both licenxe that we ll never aM^Jelieve Driesell or forcing knighin’P 611 c h am (>lvmpi( responsibilities w P as )est on!\ symptomatic problems another pair of clowns wou^ insulting opponents and In expettations. More instituti embarrassed, but most woi price worth paying. Unic ghanistan inications \ Ive bee i B^ner al [United etlier the J offers i should nc I | all propag; Another is d States w build its m Turner si nited State: tacks and i >wer, shou Do HZIl /. L by Pat Ba Students rring brea jld temper [in their ic past tin t . eat in the irned off d " lid central <.LU' \ ( ,p 44 on ^ urra ~ 1 Its a 1 Letters: Coaching complaints ack perfoi Blackhe E^eland. ptt will p Love Rc Editor: Well, Jackie has done it again. Evi dently having a lousy football team isn’t enough for him. Now, he wants to ensure that we have an equally sorry basketball team. And make no mistake about it. By renewing Shelby Metcalfs contract, he has done just that. Metcalfs basketball teams combine a no movement offense with a porous de fense in such a way as to successfully ne gate the physical abilities of his players. Shelby’s teams are fundamentally un sound in every phase of the game and undoubtedly he is the worst major col lege basketball coach in America. The combination of Sherrill and Met calf in the Athletic Department dooms our sports program to mediocrity for years to come. The only way to avoid this fate is to fire both of them immediately. lowers and is run for the gain of the self- styled prophet, Moon. That Texas A&M would allow such an exhibit amounts to nothing more than official endorsement of this questionable religious cult. No amount of doublethink can make this fact more acceptable. I wish to know the library staffs| permitting such an offensivei Editor's note: This letter wu nied by 16 other signatures. .nmson a mcert at 8 )llie White Option \ ly, and tick jeneral j fall adviser lid. Prices; serve seats admissi Richard H. Fosberg ’78 Library exhibit Editor: I wish to bring to the attention of Battalion readers, and especially the staff of the Sterling C. Evans Library, a very disturbing exhibit on the fourth floor of the library. I am talking about the Col legiate Association for the Research of Principles’ display case. The Collegiate Association for the Re search of Principles, or CARP, is nothing more than a branch of the Unification church of Sun Myung Moon. I am appal led that Texas A&M University would judge an exhibit such as this fit for public Apart from the grave constitutional problems of allowing a religious display in a public building owned by a state funded institution is the character of the church itself. It employs deceitful methods in recruiting and retaining fol- Berry s World ©1983 by NEA, Inc “Why, dear, how simply MARVELOUS! did you first realize you already know ewi thing worth knowing/’ A& Sbi MS Coi 12