Battalion/Page 2
September 24,1982
opinion,
The human comedy-
unwanted children
by Art Buchwald
The lady came in to see Senator Jesse
Beenbag the other day. She was carrying
a baby in her arms.
Beenbag immediately called in the
Senate photographer to have his picture
taken with it.
“It’s mighty kind of you to stop by,”
the senator said, trying to usher her out
of his office after the picture taking.
“I didn’t come to have my picture
taken,” the woman said. •
“Then why are you here?”
“You’re leading the fight against abor
tion, and I thought you could help me
with this unwanted baby.”
“You mean you don’t want this baby?”
“No, sir. I have five more at home and
I can’t afford to feed them. I figured
since you are so interested in human life,
you could tell me where I could get some
help to raise this one.”
“My interest in human life starts at
conception and ends with the fetus. Once
the baby is born, you’re on your own.”
“That’s what I was afraid of. How
come if the Reagan government is so con
cerned about preventing people from
having abortions, they keep cutting back
on all the services for unwanted chil
dren?”
“The government cannot afford to
take care of children after they’re born.
We can’t fund every screwball social
program for unwanted children, or we’ll
never have a balanced budget.”
“So what do I do with the kid?”
“Madam, I have no idea what you
should do with your child. But if you
think the anti-abortion forces are going
to support it from the cradle to the grave,
you’re sadly mistaken. The federal gov
ernment has to get out of the child-
rearing business.”
“Since you’re so concerned about the
value of human life, why don’t you take
the kid?”
“What would I do with a child?”
“That’s the question I keep asking my
self.”
“Have you gone to the local child ser
vices office?”
“They closed it because the govern
ment cut off all their funds. The local
charities have no money, and all the food
programs are going out of business.”
“Then get a job,” Beenbag said impa
tiently.
“I’m trying to. But even if I found one
I couldn’t afford the day-care center. I
decided to come to you as a -last resort
because of your interest in a baby’s right
to life.”
“You came to the wrong person,”
Beenbag said angrily. “My bill makes it a
federal crime NOT to have a baby. But it
doesn’t provide continuing services for
people who have one. Why is your kid
crying?”
“I guess he’s hungry,” the lady said.
“Unwanted children cry a lot.”
“You’re not going to change my stand
on abortions just because your baby is
crying,” Beenbag warned. “Were you
sent by the Planned Parenthood people?”
“No, it was my idea. I saw you on televi
sion a while back saying it was a mortal sin
for a pregnant woman to abort, so I had
my baby. Since you were so adamant on
the subject I thought you or President
Reagan might have some ideas as to what
I do now.”
“Madam, I’m a very busy person. I’m
trying to get prayers back in school, pro
tect the tobacco industry and fight the
hand-gun control lobby. I don’t have
time to worry about your child’s welfare.”
The lady put the baby on Beenbag’s
desk.
“What are you doing?” Beenbag
screamed.
“I’m changing his diapers. You don’t
have a large hankerchief to spare, do
you?”
“Get out of my office and take that
bawling kid with you,” Beenbag said.
“If you support right to life,” the lady
said, “you have to support right-to-life
functions.”
“But he just did it all over the Presi
dent’s letter of support for my bill,”
Beenbag cried.
The lady smiled, and said, “Naughty
boy.”
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
Editor Diana Sultenfuss
Managing Editor Phyllis Henderson
Associate Editor Denise Richter
City Editor Bernie Fette
Assistant City Editor Gary Barker
Sports Editor Frank L. Christlieb
Entertainment Editor Nancy Floeck
Assistant Entertainment Editor Colette
Hutchings
News Editors Rachel Bostwick, Cathy
Capps, Daniel Puckett, Jan Werner,
Todd Woodard
Staff Writers Jennifer Carr, Susan
Dittman, Beverly Hamilton,
John Lopez, Robert McGlohon
Hope E. Paasch, Bill Robinson,
Dana Smelser, Joe Tindel, John
Wagner, Rebeca Zimmermann
Copy editor Elaine Engstrom
Cartoonist Scott McCullar
Graphic Artist % Pam Starasinic
Photographers ... David Fisher, Octavio Garcia,
Jane Hollingsworth, John Ryan,
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting news
paper operated as a community service to Texas A&M
TT niversity and Bryan-College Station. Opinions ex
pressed in The Battalion are those of the editor or the
author, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of
Texas A&M University administrators or faculty mem
bers, or of the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
for students in reporting, editing and photography clas
ses within the Department of Communications.
Questions or comments concerning any editorial
matter should be directed to the editor.
United Press International is entitled exclusively to
the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited
to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein
reserved.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
Fountain protest complaint
Editor:
We enjoy, here in these United States
of America, the right of freedom of ex
pression. I enjoy that freedom, and exer
cise it. I would not have this precious
responsibility abridged. But this after
noon I was confronted with the usurpa
tion of that responsibility, and the squan
dering of that right, in a demonstration
by some “Palestinians” on our hallowed
MSC grounds: they were there by permit
from the MSC Concessions Committee.
I was accosted by some of the most
obscene signs I have ever laid eyes on.
These “Palestinians” had written that
Reagan was the same as Hitler; that Be
gin was the same as Hitler; that the Un
ited States was responsible for the car
nage in Beirut; that the Israeli people are
the same as the Germans who decimated
the Jews under the Holocaust ...
The best that can be said for these wild
accusations is that they are inaccurate.
The most that can be said about these
statements is that they are inflammatory.
The least that can be said for these state
ments is that they are in poor taste. In
accurate, inflammatory statements
promulgated in poor taste are grist for
the mill lawyers tread, and as they say in
the trade: “These are litigious times 11 .
Those statements are untrue, patently
untrue, and they were written large in
our Rudder plaza. I imagine there is
enough support on this campus to file a
Reader’s
Forum
class action suit against, not only or speci
fically these “Palestinians”, but any group
of firebrands that wish to drag this coun
try of ours into their internecine miscon
duct. The Iranian students staged just
such an assinine demonstration, and got
away with it. It needs to stop. A lawsuit
that would result in the revocation of
passports and visas would get these pam
pered pomposities out of here and back
on the front lines where they can do their
friends and neighbors some good.
I don’t want to deport everybody. I
revel in the international climate this
campus has attracted. I exult in the
potential for understanding afforded in
such an international gathering. But the
word destroy is inconsonant with under
standing.
It is illegal to incite the overthrow of
this government, regardless of national
origin. The word destroy incites to just
this sort of thing. Those “Palestinians”
.were shouting long and loud the absolute
necessity to destroy the Zionist. And writ
ten on those large placards that group
was holding up for our perusal was the
identity of our government, its leaders,
and our people with the zionist.
The Concessions Committee assutf
me, when I called them to exort them
more conscientious appraisal of ti
material they permit, that this groupi
under permit for a silent demonstratic
They exceeded their permit. ThevW
also left themselves open to theconsq
ences of behaving illegally in a pul
place. We have a system in these Unit
States of America, albeit imperfect,ti
is the envy of all the world. Ithasbeemi
best system for the last two hundti
years. By our unceasing protectiona
exercise of this system, it will reus
quintessential forever. But only solo
as we concei tedly, honestly guard ill
must use our system to protect ours
tern. Cancer is not recognised as aii:
vader by the body’s immune system,*
tolerating the existence of cancer,i
body dies.
Let’s agree to disagree on theiss
that confront us. Let’s behave diploi
tically toward the various races web
here. By all means, let us be polite too
another. We cannot revile anothera
expect a smile in return. We have!
only one man in our history who hadi
ability to love his enemies, andweh
him for that. It is not necessarilyino,
bent on us that we continue that
haviour.
R.S. Etherec
1505 S. Des
,.,, DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUeSTJON f,
scl
esi
ha
19
inj
re;
wc
ra:
cip
ha
ak
scl
efi
he
a I
th;
al’
po
m;
ke
scl
A*
K
A
in tl
ane
in e
mar
ing
(
stitc
her
they
don
. cha :
the
ado
said
the
ratil
vers
cha:
gen
Van
(An
orie
havi
our
sena
V
cult
tee i
cons
an a
Stuc
dire
den
T
Letters: Halt traditions quarreling
Editor:
I must say that all this NECESSARY
petty quarreling about tradition, be
tween the students and Alumni at Texas
A&M has reached a malicious level. I
think it’s a toss of the coin to decide who is
getting hurt the most, the students, the
Alumni, or the University. Obviously,
when the student body experiences a
worthwhile and unique experience,
there is harmony and good brotherhood
between all students. When the experi
ence is not worthwhile to MOST students
there is a breakdown ... in the system.
The breakdown has been a tong time
coming, and I think maybe we’ve peaked
out... let’s face the facts. Tradition is the
willfull handing down of stories, beliefs,
customs, etc., from generation to genera
tion, and these traditions can or may be
observed by ALL or by one student, be
cause this is his or her right to do so. Each
one of us has the right to express our
school spirit and to choose if he or she
wants to participate in school tradition.
We are all attending Texas A&M to
receive the best education our money can
buy, and to experience new and old con
cepts, and learn how to better relate with
our fellow men and woman.
Just because a segment of the student
body doesn’t want to participate in the
traditions here, doesn’t stop those that
with to do so, and only the narrow
minded could think that those not
wishing to do so are BAD AGGIES, or
should leave.
Sometimes traditions don’t represent
the views of the entire student body be
cause of the changes that the University
went through to make it a more diverse
institution, such is the case at Texas
A&M today, and I believe we’re at
another crossroads of change.
Most of our traditions have a military
history associated with them, because of
our rich past when every male was in the
Corps of Cadets and the Corps of Cadets
Standard represented the views and stan
dards of the ENTIRE student body. To
day, a very small percent of the 36,000
students are in the Corps of Cadets, and
it would be safe to assume that because of
this decline, the Corps of Cadets Standard
does not represent the views of the ma
jority of the students attending Texas
A&M, therefore why can’t these REAL
TWO PERCENTERS enjoy and cherish
their events and traditions, and not dic
tate policy for the rest of us Aggies. We’re
not trying to forget our rich past, and we
don’t interfere in any of your choices,
because they are your choices, and we
have a choice, too.
Terry Coghlan
College Station
Private court system
Editor:
In response to Dick West’s column of
Sept. 20, in which he satirically suggests a
private court system as an alternative to
the federal and state courts, I would like
to offer a clarification.
Being a humorist, Mr. West faces a
problem with communicating preo*
ideas. In order to be funny, hen®
sometimes slur over or exaggerateso#
times valid points. In his recent artklf j
think there is an extremely crucial^-
worthy of further examination.
Mr. West satirizes a hypotheticalp 11
vate court system as a absurd andridi^
lous idea. He is right. It is. Whatiswr^
is his apparent association of this &
with private mailing systems, pri'J 8
penal institutions and programs for®
breaks for private education.
Any true free enterprise advocatert 1
ognizes that the precondition for 1$
dom among men is an objective arbinf
tor, and government serves this purpo*
To suggest that a major tool with wind
government carries out its vital funcM*
of arbitration is to be put in non-objectn f
and private hands is of course folly,^
Mr. West is correct in identifying this
However, not all the “incursions"^
“traditionally” governmental function
(as Mr. West states) are undesirable '
fact, many governmental functionsj#
fied by tradition have absolutely noti
fication in view of a free economy whit 1
recognizes individual rights. Possp
candidates for examination under
type of function include the postal sc r
vice, social security, bail-outs for fai 1 !
industries, public education, and nw ri
more.
Mr. West did illustrate an import^
point, and it is this: A free system T
quires that its members maintain $
ongoing, intelligent observation of 1[i
working in order to keep it free.
Frank Knickerbock
306 Redmu*