opinion
Battalion/I
September 1
Slouch
By Jim Earle
‘And that’s just from the first three guys.
Conservatives come
in different types
by Wesley G. Pippert
United Press International
WASHINGTON — Nowadays it is
not enough merely to identify a senator
as a conservative.
There are fiscal conservatives and
there are social conservatives — and
sometimes a senator can be one and not
the other. The old maxim that a person
conservative in one area is sure to be con
servative in other areas no longer always
rings true.
Fiscal conservatives believe in cutting
back on big government, especially wel
fare programs. It’s generally a matter of
political philosophy with them.
Social conservatives, often known as
the New Right, fervently oppose abor
tion, school busing for desegregation
purposes, but support school prayer.
They tend to see the battle as a holy war.
Sen. Barry M. Goldwater, R-Ariz., has
been the recognized elder of fiscal con
servatives since the one-time Phoenix de
partment store owner came to the Sen
ate, wrote a book titled “Conscience of a
Conservative,” and was the 1964 Repub
lican nominee for president.
Now serving out his last term, Goldwa
ter has not been reticent in offering blunt
views about the Rev. Jerry Falwell and
Moral Majority, and he has asserted in
plain language his opposition to the
voluntary prayer and anti-abortion legis
lation.
Sen. Jesse Helms, R-N.C., is the recog
nized dean of the social conservatives. He
is fiscally conservative, too, but he gained
notoriety anew in the Senate in August by
pushing anti-abortion and voluntary
prayer measures onto the floor.
Freshman Sen. John P. East, also R-
N.C., is perhaps the most conservative
member of the Senate in every regard.
East, a politicial sciencist with a doctoral
degree, won early attention in 1981 by
chairing lengthy hearings on the anti
abortion bill that defined human life as
starting at conception.
A few days ago, East was one of a
handful of Republican senators who
hung tight in opposing the $98 billion tax
bill that President Reagan wanted. You
guessed it — Goldwater was another.
The freshman Republican class is far
more doctrinaire than other groups, or
even President Reagan. Sens. Paula Haw
kins, D-Fla., Bob Kasten, R-Wis., Mack
Mattingly, R-Ga., and Don Nickles, R-
Okla., also joined East in voting against
the tax bill — and Reagan.
On the other hand, Sen. Mark Hat
field, R-Ore., presents an enigmatic case.
As an opponent of the Vietnam War and
a staunch advocate of civil rights, the for
mer Oregon governor won a reputation
as a liberal Republican.
Now, as chairman of the Senate
Appropriations Committee and thus a
key Republican player for the adminis
tration, Hatfield often must advocate
and endorse social cuts he does not per
sonally support.
Further, as the dean of evangelical
Protestants in Washington, Hatfield has
sponsored legislation to ban federal
funding of abortions. But he opposes a
bill to define human life as starting at
conception, and he opposes legislation to
allow voluntary prayer in schools.
Sen. Harry F. Byrd Jr., the last of a
Virginia dynasty, is, like East, a thorough
conservative. But, like Hatfield, he is
enigmatic, too. He was elected originally
as a Democrat, declared he was an inde
pendent, still sits on the Democratic side
of the Senate, but almost always votes
with the Republicans.
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77843. :
Fight them on the beaches
by Art Buchwald
A bunch of us were sitting around a
lobster pot on South Succotash Island,
talking about what they had done to the
Russian diplomats in Glen Cove, Long
Island. It seems the good people of Glen
Cove decided to ban the Commies from
the tennis courts, the golf courses and the
beaches. In retaliation, the Kremlin
made their tennis courts, golf courses
and beaches off limits to the U.S. diplo
mats. The question was raised “were the
people of South Succotash Island willing
to support the citizens of Glen Cove in
putting the screws on the Russians?”
David Stern said: “We owe it to the
people of Long Island. If a Soviet diplo
mat calls any of us and wants a tennis
game, we tell him ‘not until you get out of
Afghanistan.’”
“I don’t play tennis” said Ceroge
Stevens.
“You’re a golfer. Don’t tee off with any
Russians.”
“I don’t know any Russians who play
golf,” he protests.
“Find one and refuse to play with
him,” Hawke said. “You owe it to Po
land.”
Danny Brustein, who is a big Winston
Churchill fan, said: “We can fight them
on the tennis courts and we can Tight
them on the golf courses, but can we fight
them on the beaches?”
This was a good question because for
one thing, there aren’t that many public
beaches on South Succotash Island, and
people who own private ones spend all
their time keeping the rest of us off their
sand. For another, while it’s easy to spot a
Soviet diplomat when he’s on a tennis
court (he always wears a hammer and
sickle on his shirt) or on a golf course (he
flies a Soviet flag on his golf cart), it’s
hard to spot one on a beach in a bathing
suit.
It’s even tougher to spot one on the
nude beach where most of us who don’t
own private footage are forced to go.
Styrom suggested we put up a large
sign, “No Nude Bathing Permitted Un
less You Believe In God.”
“I don’t trust the Russians,” said Rap-
paport. “If they don’t honor the Helsinki
accord, why would the honor a ‘no bath
ing’ sign?”
“He’s right,” said Payette. “It’s unen
forceable. I couldn’t tell a naked Soviet
diplomat from a member of the Moral
Majority.”
“There is a way,” said Fain Hackney.
“A Soviet diplomat is always foil
the U.S. by two FBI men. Whenj
agent is on duty, he is never;
take off his clothes. Assoonaswcij
FBI gumshoes watching a guy;
wife and kids on the beach, weeaej
family to buzz off.”
“It’s going to take an awfullotj
lantes to keep Soviet diplomats
beaches,” said Ekstrom. “It
our vacations.”
“You’re always thinking of yc
yelled at him. “The people of Glc
nave sent a signal to the Kremlial
we don’t support them, Brezhnr|
freeze his missiles.”
“What about our diplomats!
Soviet Union,” Ekstrom said,
can’t go swimming outside of!
what kind of summer are they;
have?”
“W r e’ll make it up to them
come back on home leave by letti
swim on Jackie O’s beach,” Stem]
Thompson suggests: “Let's ps
cable to the Soviet embai?
Washington.”
“What do we say?"
“Just when you thought it wan
Coc
go back in the water, wedecidedioi
come on our nude lieach.”
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THANK YOU, MR.PRESICm„ANE> NOW FOR THE OPPOSING WflL
HERE5 A RffTAY OF 0N£ OF MR, REAGAN'S OLD SUfW-Slf
speeches... r
Letters: Dorm yells disgusting
Editor
I just returned from All U night, and I
have some feelings that I have to relay. I
didn’t stay the whole time at G. Rollie
White Coliseum because I became dis
gusted.
I came ready to be filled with Aggie
spirit and enthusiasm and hear Aggie
yells. Instead, I heard a bunch of dorms
shouting obscenities at each other and
was filled with remorse. I’ve been at
Texas A&M for three years, and I’ll gra
duate in May. I had hoped that when I
left Texas A&M it would be the same
fantastic place it was when I was a fish,
but after Monday night I’m not too sure.
The Aggie yells were begun decades
ago, along with many other important
Texas A&M traditions. The purpose of
the yells is to promote spirit and com-
raderie among Aggie students. I’d
appreciate it if someone from one of the
dorms would explain to me what purpose
their yells serve. I’m not saying that
dorms and organizations shouldn’t have
yells because some of them are great —
but if they’re going to do so, how about
following the tradition of the yells and
making them spirit boosters instead of
entrants into a contest to see who can get
the most vile and disgusting.
I’m also not saying it’s not the dorms’
right to yell whatever they want to, nor
am I saying that it’s anyone’s right to tell
them what to yell. I am emphasizing that
if we’re going to be the true Aggies we’d
all like to be, we’ve got to strive to build
up our traditions and carry them on, not
methodically tear them down.
Texas A&M is THE university of
Texas, and as far as I’m concerned the
I world, but honestly — think about what
you’d do if your Mom and Dad or girl
friend from home were in G. Rollie Mon
day night when some of the yells were
done, what would their impression of the
University be?
By no means am I trying to sound like
some kind of saint that is trying to judge
others. What I am trying to sound like is
an Aggie that lives and breathes Texas
A&M and bleeds deep maroon. I’m
proud to be at this University, and I’m
equally proud of our traditions, because
they set us apart from the rest.
In closing. I’d like to reiterate that if
we, as students, don’t do our best to pro
tect and perpetuate the traditions of
Texas A&M that we hold so dear, we’ll
have no one but ourselves to blame when
we’re old Ags looking at the school and
wondering how this or that could have
changed from when we were here. Sure,
things are going to change somewhat, but
do we really need to push that change to
and even past the limits that it would
naturally take? Really, some things
DON’T need to change, do they?
The answer? J.C. Hotard Hal]
viousl >’- Jay Hen*!
Hotard Hilton sho»
Editor:
espt
life
cons of life in a dorm”, I noticed a|
ing, but common oversight in the(|
Hank Roraback ’83
Dorm story error
Editor:
Okay, contestants, let’s play “Name
that Dorm“!
First clue: Corps-style dorm.
Answer: Dorm 2? Beep, incorrect.
Second clue: Northside.
Answer: Crocker? Beep, incorrect.
Third clue: Located between Neeley
Hall, the Post Office, and the University
Press.
Still can’t get it?
Well, contestants, don’t feel lik you’re
in the minority, because the writer of
“Pros and Cons of Life in a Dorm” in the
Aug. 30 edition of the Battalion could not
come up with the answer to this mind
boggling question either.
parisons of the various types of do
campus. Granted, this particular doii
not the standard 280-odd occupl
Corps-style dorm on the north siael
feel we deserve at least an afterthouj
J.C. Hotard Hall is but a small 108f
dent Corps-style dorm comfortably!
tied in the cedar trees beside the!
Office. It is a unique place, but noU
que enough to be ignored.
The powers that be can justify spf
ing hundreds of thousands of dollaft
renovation, including such “welcom 1
additions as air conditioning, hall
paint, new furniture, new windows an |
new image. We have gladly taken uni ®
our wing two of the new modular doi
tories you mentioned, Hobby
Neeley, which were constructed on
best natural turf football field
campus.
With so much attention being give 1
the proposed construction of a Hi!'
Hotel on campus, how could you,
authors, be so oblivious to the obvn
Texas A&M already has a “Hilton"
it’s been here for over 40 years.
If sometime when you’re proofm*
ing your copy with a dead!'
approaching, and you realize thatsoH .
thing is not quite right, check to see if) j
left out Hotard. If so, don’t worry.)
do what has been done for the pastse'
al years, pencil us in at the bottom.
Laro Clark
Mark Taylor
Dill
shi