opinion Battalion/I September 1 Slouch By Jim Earle ‘And that’s just from the first three guys. Conservatives come in different types by Wesley G. Pippert United Press International WASHINGTON — Nowadays it is not enough merely to identify a senator as a conservative. There are fiscal conservatives and there are social conservatives — and sometimes a senator can be one and not the other. The old maxim that a person conservative in one area is sure to be con servative in other areas no longer always rings true. Fiscal conservatives believe in cutting back on big government, especially wel fare programs. It’s generally a matter of political philosophy with them. Social conservatives, often known as the New Right, fervently oppose abor tion, school busing for desegregation purposes, but support school prayer. They tend to see the battle as a holy war. Sen. Barry M. Goldwater, R-Ariz., has been the recognized elder of fiscal con servatives since the one-time Phoenix de partment store owner came to the Sen ate, wrote a book titled “Conscience of a Conservative,” and was the 1964 Repub lican nominee for president. Now serving out his last term, Goldwa ter has not been reticent in offering blunt views about the Rev. Jerry Falwell and Moral Majority, and he has asserted in plain language his opposition to the voluntary prayer and anti-abortion legis lation. Sen. Jesse Helms, R-N.C., is the recog nized dean of the social conservatives. He is fiscally conservative, too, but he gained notoriety anew in the Senate in August by pushing anti-abortion and voluntary prayer measures onto the floor. Freshman Sen. John P. East, also R- N.C., is perhaps the most conservative member of the Senate in every regard. East, a politicial sciencist with a doctoral degree, won early attention in 1981 by chairing lengthy hearings on the anti abortion bill that defined human life as starting at conception. A few days ago, East was one of a handful of Republican senators who hung tight in opposing the $98 billion tax bill that President Reagan wanted. You guessed it — Goldwater was another. The freshman Republican class is far more doctrinaire than other groups, or even President Reagan. Sens. Paula Haw kins, D-Fla., Bob Kasten, R-Wis., Mack Mattingly, R-Ga., and Don Nickles, R- Okla., also joined East in voting against the tax bill — and Reagan. On the other hand, Sen. Mark Hat field, R-Ore., presents an enigmatic case. As an opponent of the Vietnam War and a staunch advocate of civil rights, the for mer Oregon governor won a reputation as a liberal Republican. Now, as chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee and thus a key Republican player for the adminis tration, Hatfield often must advocate and endorse social cuts he does not per sonally support. Further, as the dean of evangelical Protestants in Washington, Hatfield has sponsored legislation to ban federal funding of abortions. But he opposes a bill to define human life as starting at conception, and he opposes legislation to allow voluntary prayer in schools. Sen. Harry F. Byrd Jr., the last of a Virginia dynasty, is, like East, a thorough conservative. But, like Hatfield, he is enigmatic, too. He was elected originally as a Democrat, declared he was an inde pendent, still sits on the Democratic side of the Senate, but almost always votes with the Republicans. The Battalion USPS 045 360 for students in reporting, editing and photography clas ses within the Department of COMMUNICATIONS. Questions or comments concerning any editorial matter should be directed to the editor. 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Second class postage paid at College Station TX 77843. : Fight them on the beaches by Art Buchwald A bunch of us were sitting around a lobster pot on South Succotash Island, talking about what they had done to the Russian diplomats in Glen Cove, Long Island. It seems the good people of Glen Cove decided to ban the Commies from the tennis courts, the golf courses and the beaches. In retaliation, the Kremlin made their tennis courts, golf courses and beaches off limits to the U.S. diplo mats. The question was raised “were the people of South Succotash Island willing to support the citizens of Glen Cove in putting the screws on the Russians?” David Stern said: “We owe it to the people of Long Island. If a Soviet diplo mat calls any of us and wants a tennis game, we tell him ‘not until you get out of Afghanistan.’” “I don’t play tennis” said Ceroge Stevens. “You’re a golfer. Don’t tee off with any Russians.” “I don’t know any Russians who play golf,” he protests. “Find one and refuse to play with him,” Hawke said. “You owe it to Po land.” Danny Brustein, who is a big Winston Churchill fan, said: “We can fight them on the tennis courts and we can Tight them on the golf courses, but can we fight them on the beaches?” This was a good question because for one thing, there aren’t that many public beaches on South Succotash Island, and people who own private ones spend all their time keeping the rest of us off their sand. For another, while it’s easy to spot a Soviet diplomat when he’s on a tennis court (he always wears a hammer and sickle on his shirt) or on a golf course (he flies a Soviet flag on his golf cart), it’s hard to spot one on a beach in a bathing suit. It’s even tougher to spot one on the nude beach where most of us who don’t own private footage are forced to go. Styrom suggested we put up a large sign, “No Nude Bathing Permitted Un less You Believe In God.” “I don’t trust the Russians,” said Rap- paport. “If they don’t honor the Helsinki accord, why would the honor a ‘no bath ing’ sign?” “He’s right,” said Payette. “It’s unen forceable. I couldn’t tell a naked Soviet diplomat from a member of the Moral Majority.” “There is a way,” said Fain Hackney. “A Soviet diplomat is always foil the U.S. by two FBI men. Whenj agent is on duty, he is never; take off his clothes. Assoonaswcij FBI gumshoes watching a guy; wife and kids on the beach, weeaej family to buzz off.” “It’s going to take an awfullotj lantes to keep Soviet diplomats beaches,” said Ekstrom. “It our vacations.” “You’re always thinking of yc yelled at him. “The people of Glc nave sent a signal to the Kremlial we don’t support them, Brezhnr| freeze his missiles.” “What about our diplomats! Soviet Union,” Ekstrom said, can’t go swimming outside of! what kind of summer are they; have?” “W r e’ll make it up to them come back on home leave by letti swim on Jackie O’s beach,” Stem] Thompson suggests: “Let's ps cable to the Soviet embai? Washington.” “What do we say?" “Just when you thought it wan Coc go back in the water, wedecidedioi come on our nude lieach.” ©ffSZ [*WJCIO0ftlU NOW FOR THE OPPOSING WflL HERE5 A RffTAY OF 0N£ OF MR, REAGAN'S OLD SUfW-Slf speeches... r Letters: Dorm yells disgusting Editor I just returned from All U night, and I have some feelings that I have to relay. I didn’t stay the whole time at G. Rollie White Coliseum because I became dis gusted. I came ready to be filled with Aggie spirit and enthusiasm and hear Aggie yells. Instead, I heard a bunch of dorms shouting obscenities at each other and was filled with remorse. I’ve been at Texas A&M for three years, and I’ll gra duate in May. I had hoped that when I left Texas A&M it would be the same fantastic place it was when I was a fish, but after Monday night I’m not too sure. The Aggie yells were begun decades ago, along with many other important Texas A&M traditions. The purpose of the yells is to promote spirit and com- raderie among Aggie students. I’d appreciate it if someone from one of the dorms would explain to me what purpose their yells serve. I’m not saying that dorms and organizations shouldn’t have yells because some of them are great — but if they’re going to do so, how about following the tradition of the yells and making them spirit boosters instead of entrants into a contest to see who can get the most vile and disgusting. I’m also not saying it’s not the dorms’ right to yell whatever they want to, nor am I saying that it’s anyone’s right to tell them what to yell. I am emphasizing that if we’re going to be the true Aggies we’d all like to be, we’ve got to strive to build up our traditions and carry them on, not methodically tear them down. Texas A&M is THE university of Texas, and as far as I’m concerned the I world, but honestly — think about what you’d do if your Mom and Dad or girl friend from home were in G. Rollie Mon day night when some of the yells were done, what would their impression of the University be? By no means am I trying to sound like some kind of saint that is trying to judge others. What I am trying to sound like is an Aggie that lives and breathes Texas A&M and bleeds deep maroon. I’m proud to be at this University, and I’m equally proud of our traditions, because they set us apart from the rest. In closing. I’d like to reiterate that if we, as students, don’t do our best to pro tect and perpetuate the traditions of Texas A&M that we hold so dear, we’ll have no one but ourselves to blame when we’re old Ags looking at the school and wondering how this or that could have changed from when we were here. Sure, things are going to change somewhat, but do we really need to push that change to and even past the limits that it would naturally take? Really, some things DON’T need to change, do they? The answer? J.C. Hotard Hal] viousl >’- Jay Hen*! Hotard Hilton sho» Editor: espt life cons of life in a dorm”, I noticed a| ing, but common oversight in the(| Hank Roraback ’83 Dorm story error Editor: Okay, contestants, let’s play “Name that Dorm“! First clue: Corps-style dorm. Answer: Dorm 2? Beep, incorrect. Second clue: Northside. Answer: Crocker? Beep, incorrect. Third clue: Located between Neeley Hall, the Post Office, and the University Press. Still can’t get it? Well, contestants, don’t feel lik you’re in the minority, because the writer of “Pros and Cons of Life in a Dorm” in the Aug. 30 edition of the Battalion could not come up with the answer to this mind boggling question either. parisons of the various types of do campus. Granted, this particular doii not the standard 280-odd occupl Corps-style dorm on the north siael feel we deserve at least an afterthouj J.C. Hotard Hall is but a small 108f dent Corps-style dorm comfortably! tied in the cedar trees beside the! Office. It is a unique place, but noU que enough to be ignored. The powers that be can justify spf ing hundreds of thousands of dollaft renovation, including such “welcom 1 additions as air conditioning, hall paint, new furniture, new windows an | new image. We have gladly taken uni ® our wing two of the new modular doi tories you mentioned, Hobby Neeley, which were constructed on best natural turf football field campus. With so much attention being give 1 the proposed construction of a Hi!' Hotel on campus, how could you, authors, be so oblivious to the obvn Texas A&M already has a “Hilton" it’s been here for over 40 years. If sometime when you’re proofm* ing your copy with a dead!' approaching, and you realize thatsoH . thing is not quite right, check to see if) j left out Hotard. If so, don’t worry.) do what has been done for the pastse' al years, pencil us in at the bottom. Laro Clark Mark Taylor Dill shi