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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (April 30, 1982)
trom 'mental hit admission, 16 Focus, The Battalion Friday, April 30, 1982 Book says Real Men don't eat quiche But what DO by Daniel Puckett and Cathy Saathoff Battalion Staff A new book which explains how to be truly masculine may have half the popu lation flexing and preening, trying to capture the John Wayne Mystique. Real Men Don't Eat Quiche, by Bruce Feirstein, gives such helpful pointers to the would-be macho as: Real Men don't need water beds, contribute to PBS or floss their teeth. Real Man television is simple; any thing that contains a strong male-type who triumphs over evil by eating his ene mies is fair game. And the modern Real Man's credo is summarized in one simple rule: never settle with words what you can accom plish with a flamethrower. We can't settle the matter that way, but there are two sides to the question of how valuable the Real Man is in today's society. Two writers recently got into a newsroom spat over the issue. Saathoff, pinning a picture of Paul Newman to the wall, starts off. "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche"is every- man's guide to being macho in today's sissified world. Oh, if only more men would read it. I'm sending a copy to half the men I know. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO GARY COOPER? Puckett puts down his bowl of yogurt to argue. I hear what you're saying, and I can relate to where your head space is at. But, see, the modern world isn't quite so simple as jock-worshippers like Bruce Feirstein think. Feirstein wants men to be bigger-than- life, like some kind of'50s cartoon hero; if he could just calm down and get in touch with his feelings, get in touch with others' feelings, maybe he wouldn't be so willing to nuke people, to bludgeon seals, to get worried about designer jeans. Flamethrowing your opponents doesn't make a Real Man; relating to them, understanding them, does. Ruin ing your body with fast food chemicals doesn't make you a Real Man; caring for it with healthful foods like sprouts and, yes, quiche, does. I pity that Feirstein dude, but I pity you _ more for falling prey to the oldest trick in the Sex War Manual: the sexual lure of the sweaty, violent beast. Well, you sure couldn't handle it, Puckett. Women look for more in a man than gold chains and musk oil. Feirsteins's Real Man has it all. Poise in the appropriate situations, which are the only kind he allows himself to get into. Athletic ability in the correct sports — anything in which his life could possibly be lost. I mean, the guy in this book knows how to live. Why waste time worrying about things like the ozone layer when you could be at the beach soaking up the rays and beer and listening to the Beach Boys? Face it, Puckett, disco music, fore ign countries and pink shirts with anim als on them aren't life at its fullest. The world would be a much easier they eat? place to live in if we could simplify things to the level of the Real Man. Cut the bull, Puckett. You have to "waste time" worrying about the ozone layer because if you don't wony about it, it could all be des troyed by fluorocarbons and then, if you , tried going out to the beach and soaking up rays, your skin would burn off and you'd get instant cancer, that's why. The world isn't a simple place any more, if it ever was, and Real Men wor ried about their image aren't going to help things any. And women worried about their Real Man's image aren't doing anything to save the earth either. Hey, if Real Men are so secure, if they're so convinced of their own virility, why do they have to reinforce it with pointless lists of things to hate and phal lic symbols? Fast cars? Life'-endangering sports? Alcohol? Who's kidding whom? What is it that Real Men are running away from? Under every tough guy exterior, under every pair of dirty jeans, in every souped-up '57 Chevy, there's a little boy. A little, scared boy, afraid of the world, afraid of himself, afraid of other people's emotions but most especially scared of his own. That's what you're asking for, whether you know it or not, Saathoff — a terri fied, quaking emotional cripple who uses violence and hard living to hide his fears from you — and from himself. Bad vibes, woman, bad, bad vibes. And what about your fears, Puckett? A real man knows what he wants and doesn 't let anything or anybody: his way. Fear? Td like to see you go cM" You'd know about fear. Do you know what you mm life, Puckett? Quiche and salad and game show, Pina Coladas are fine and dad there's more to life, Puckett. Fall know how to live. But they're also compassion!- Feirstein points out. The Real Mm learned to appreciate things Ben children, which is quite an aero®! ment in itself. The Real Man lives in a Real ife' one clouded over with drippitfi timentality and flowery lies. It'sni where spaghetti is spaghetti, mlF Movies, not films, should be tidi English, not subtitled. And dime meat and potatoes, never (/lings old tionable origin like bean curd, I' pate. Td like to see you take on am outlaws, an army of Nazis ora 0. women, Puckett. You would pok them bash your body and continutc took a lot of Real Men, men life & Cooper, James Bond or John MM make America what it is today. And they're not going to turn lira a lot of writers or social workers wf Flex Crush said it best in thei.e - tion to the book: "Tm convinced k were better off in the past... There the world understood: One falseK and we'd nuke 'em." And with that quote, 1 rest my ca* point made. This Weekend Rumours Rock 'n' roll and new wave music will fill Rumours tonight and Saturday night, courtesy of the MSC Basement Committee. Slak, a local new wave band, is scheduled for Friday night, and Fusion, the rock 'n' roll and new wave winner of this semes ter's Battle of the Bands, will play Saturday night. Both performances are at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $1.50 and are available at the MSC Box Office and at the door. StageCenter "Little Mary Sunshine," a satirical operetta about an old musical, will start at 8 tonight, Saturday night and Sunday night at 8 in StageCenter Theater. The play is sponsored by StageCenter, a local drama group. Tickets are $3 for adults and $1.50 for children. Reservations can be made by calling 822-5511. The theater is at 204 W. Villa Maria Rd. Auction The Brazos Civil Liberties Un- ion and the Texas A&M student Civil Liberties Union will pre sent their 1982 Art Auction and Book and Craft Sale tonight at the Unitarian Fellowship Hall, 305 Wellborn Rd. 7 p.m. — Book and craft sale; auction items on display; free popcorn; beer and snacks on sale 8 p.m. — Art auction; bids taken on paintings, drawings, stained glass and other works by local artists 10 p.m. — Drawing; a Joe Donaldson pastel will be awarded 10 p.m. to midnight — Socializ ing and dancing. Singers The Century Singers' spring concert will feature a work writ ten especially for the choir. "Psalm 45" was written by former student David Stevens at the request of the Century Sin- gers. The concert will feature sopra no Ellen Lang, from New York. Tickets for the concert are $2 for students and $2.50 for others. The concert starts at 7:30 p.m. in Rudder Auditorium. News Continued from page 5 "The permanency and porta bility of print media will keep it around," Rogers said. "Neither screen or (video and computer) printout is attractive to the eye. It's difficult and boring to read, anfl doesn't have illustrations." Rogers also said video media are only headline and reference services; people will continue to turn to print for in-depth and explanatory information. New media has never killed old media, he said, but instead has changed it. Radio didn't kill newspapers, Rogers said, but it altered its approach to news. He added: "TV didn't kill radio, but it altered radio perma nently into a media of music, quick news and discussion. It took away its entertainment role and nujc' media, ja Rogers said he thinks cable newspapers are a phase that will be bypassed by satellie trans mission. But satellite is an entirely dif ferent story. IDENTITY CRISIS Take advantage of our sale and pick up your entry blank Jot naming our Shopping Center conltsi. 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