•i-.iL
Page 6 THE BATTALION
THURSDAY, MARCH 6, 1975
Coach Hydrant calls a meeting
Preparing for another year
By PAUL McGRATH
Staff Sports Writer
Have you ever wondered what
goes on in the football coaches’ of
fices after the last snaps are made
and the cleats are hung for the last
time? Well, I’ll tell you what goes
on. They prepare for next season,
that’s all.
That’s all? The coaches would
probably ask, “Isn’t it enough?’’
Ladies, who besides your husbands
or boyfriends eats, sleeps and
breathes football six months out of
the year? The coaches do, and then
they turn around and make prepara
tions to eat, sleep and breathe foot
ball during the other six months.
Let’s go to Pottawottatomie Tech
to see how the average coach (if
there is one) plans to conquer the
world in the upcoming season. Here
we have Coach Bear Hydrant, the
man expected to lead the Pink
Panthers to bigger and better
things. One-arm Abernathy,
Hydrant’s right hand man, co
ordinates the offense and Sledge
Hammer, a graduate of Baylor,
plots the defense, which is nick
named Heaven’s eleven. Spring
training is less than a month away,
but there are still some minor de
tails that need to be smoothed out
before their players strap on their
jocks for the spring practice ses
sions. One is to allocate money to
buy jocks. Hydrant calls a meeting
and the three begin to lay the foun
dation for next year’s game plan.
Let’s see if we can get an earful.
Hammer: “This year let’s punt on
fourth down and 20 to go. ”
Hydrant: “Yeah, I guess you’re
right. But, what else can you do
when fourth and 20 is the best you
do on last down all year?”
Abernathy: “Are you implying that
the offense wasn’t doing it’s job last
year?”
Hydrant: “What nonsense. It’s
amazing what these press people
come up with. What’s next on the
agenda?”
Hammer: “You know we only have
a dozen jockstraps to go around. So,
whenever the defense comes in to
drill we have the offense switch off
with them. And vice versa when the
offense comes back in.”
Hydrant: “So, what’s the prob
lem?”
Hammer: “Well, now everybody’s
got this unidentifiable rash. It’s em-
barassing to have ’em all out there
scratching in practice.’
Hydrant: “I see what you mean.
Abernathy, make a note to get some
funds to purchase a couple of cases
of Johnson’s baby powder.”
Abernathy: “Right chief.
Hydrant: “Okay, is there anything
else?”
[Hammer: “Oh? You mean the of
fense had a job last year? I thought
[till they were doing was giving the
defense a rest.”
Hammer: “Yeah, we’ve got this new
player who’s gonna give us a lot of
trouble. Plus, Smith, our safety-
man, wants to re-negotiate his scho
larship. He says if the Oakland A s
can do it so can he.”
Photo by Steve Krauss
The Aggies’ Mike Floyd tells it like it is.
Ag sailing club
THE AGGIE PLAYERS
TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY
IN
CUE
THE FORUM
ARTHUR MILLER
RUDDER CENTER
FEB. 26-27-28
MARCH 1-6-7-8
8:00 pm
TICKETS ON SALE AT RUDDER CENTER BOX OFFICE
STUDENTS $1.50-$1.75-$2.00
OTHERS
$2.00-$2.25-$2.50
races Saturday
The Texas A&M Sailing Club is
sending a racing team to the Rush
Creek Yacht Club to compete on
March 8.
The race will be held on Lake Ray
Hubbard. The A&M team consists
of Akis Procopios (skipper), Parker
Booth; and Eric Bauer (skipper)
with Mark Bauer.
A&M will go against TCU,
Texas-Arlington, SMU, Texas,
Rice, Tulane, Southern Louisiana
and the University of Houston. The
meet is a round robin regatta with A
teams in one group and B teams in
another.
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[Abernathy: “Why, you no good —
Hydrant: “Now men, just settle
down. Sure the defense was a little
overworked last season, but that’s
all going to change. Hammer, you
know One-arm has the best offen
sive mind in the country. Why, he’s
got everybody else beat hands
down. Oops, sorry Abernathy.”
Hammer: “I’ll agree with you
there. He does have an offensive
mind. And that’s just the start. ”
Hvdrant: “Let’s go on to our next
problem. Abernathy, what were
you saying about morale?”
Abernathy: “Well, some reporter
has come up with the idea that lack
of spirit caused the team to play like
they did.”
Hydrant: “And just where did he
say this Tack of spirit’ came from?”
Hydrant: “Smith wants to re
negotiate his scholarship, huh?
Well, tell him that I’m in the fif
teenth year of a three-year contract
and that he’s not about to get any
more cash until I do. What about
this other player? What’s his
name?”
Hammer: “The he is a she coach,
named Boom-Boom Brazinski. She
wants to play on the team as a
center. She says since we can have
women yell leaders now we might as
well have a woman on the football
team.”
Hydrant: “Give her one of the jock
straps and tell to go on her way.
Anything else?”
Abernathy: “Nothing I can think
of.”
Hammer: “Me either.”
Hydrant: “Well, let’s shake hands
and adjourn the meeting. Oops,
sorry again Abernathy.”
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Abernathy: “He mentioned some
thing about you no longer being the
fireplug of the team. ”
REPLY
To Carol Hazen: Thank you for the
letter. I’m not really the male
chauvinist pig you would make me
out to be. If you would like to drop
by the office sometime I’ll discuss
the story in more detail with you.
—Paul McGrath
Tamale Wagon
IN REDMOND TERRACE
3600 Old College Rd.
At the Triangle
822-4328
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PICTURES FOR
1975 AGGIELAND
'Meal
JUNIORS & SOPHOMORES
Feb 24 — March 14 Make-ups
SENIORS AND GRADUATE STUDENTS MAKE SELECTION OF PROOFS FOR YEAR
BOOK SOON AS POSSIBLE
Photographs are taken on a drop-in basis, 8 — 5 weekdays and 8 — 12 Sat. For further
information contact the Studio.
Students who have paid to have their pictures placed in the 1975 Aggieland
should have their photograph taken according to schedule at —
UNIVERSITY STUDIO
115 North Main
846-8019
College Station
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