• Columns
• Editorials
• News Briefs
Cbe Battalion
Page 2 College Station, Texas Thursday, June 30, 1066
• Opinions
• Cartoons
• Features
YOU DRIVE CAREFULL Y
DURING JUL Y4 WEEKEND
Traffic safety, like a triangle, has three sides: the
vehicle, the person who drives it and the road on which
he drives.
Safety experts are making progress at improving all
three, with much of the public’s recent interest focused
on the car itself. In the future, you can expect to see
more safety features in the new car you buy.
But, as important as all this activity and progress is,
the Texas Safety Association reminds you that the main
safety factor in any vehicle is the driver. Let’s remem
ber this — especially this July 4 weekend while driving
on the highways in heavy holiday traffic.
TSA president S. Ross Carr of Houston said the
July 4 weekend can be a happy occasion for holiday cele
brants instead of a time of tragedy caused by accidents.
Of course, the TSA head said, it all depends on the will
ingness of every individual to include a program of total
safety awareness in his holiday plans.
The TSA estimates that 31 persons will die in traffic
accidents this July 4 weekend. Will you be one of them?
Carr urges all drivers to put their driving skills to
work in heavy holiday traffic and cited “defensive driv
ing” as the best technique to apply for safe motoring.
Remember, the life you save may be your own!
Is There A Girl Scout In The House?
A Modest
Proposal?
By HERKY KILLINGS WORTH
Do you often find yourself thinking of marriage but haven’t
the nerve to take the fatal step? That is, those of you with
mates.
Do you love your sweetheart more than anything in the world
today, but fear your love may turn to dust tomorrow? Are you
afraid of puppy love being taken for the real thing?
Do you wish for a solution to your problems? Well there
would be if the marital standards of America were set by Dr.
Margaret Mead, renowned cultural anthropologist.
In an interview before the 115th annual meeting of the
American Medical Association Dr. Mead proposed a two marriage
system that could virtually end the problem of divorce which has
become exceedingly popular in the United States today.
In Dr. Mead’s two marriage plan two people would live to
gether up to two years on the first marriage. During this time
they would test the foundation of their marriageable bliss and
find if they could be happy together or not. This would all be
perfectly legal and with the Church’s backing, perfectly moral.
But, if the couple wants to have kids, they would have to
go into the second marriage that would certify they were ready
for childveriv So you see, the first marriage would' determine
whethe|i> tKey could live happily together or not;, the second would
put the fun into the marriage.
Obviously, this will never work. As any red-blooded American
boy can tell you, it is hard to control oneself in looking upon a
member of the fairer sex, much less living with one. Surely the
purest of girls would begin thinking of motherhood after being
with “one” man day and night for two years. Those a little less
pure might have trouble making two months. On the male side
most would have trouble making two days.
So what is to be done? Dr. Mead’s two marriage plan could
easily turn into a three, four, five, or seventeen marriage plan
if one partner wishes to cheat. And what of bigomy. Could you
have two first marriages legally and have only one second marriage
because it’s the important one?
No!! There is no hope for this idea. But now listen to my
idea. I have thought of an idea that would put divorce lawyers
out of business within the year, except for those saps already legally
married that would want out to join my “Marriageable Bliss”
program . . .
In my system the only change would be the marriage license.
Everything else would remain the same including the ceremony, the
honeymoon, and the burnt toast. However, the marriage license
would become renewable after, say, two years. After all, are
not fishing licenses expirable, are not drivers licenses renewed every
two years, and are not Passport licenses unusable after five years.
If all other kinds of licenses can be renewed or revoked, why
isn’t the marriage license the same? Why is it so permanent?
Just think. After two years of marriage you could take
back your old wife or trade her in for a newer model. Would a
woman dare nag her husband with a license renewal coming up
within the year? Also, would a wife let herself go when she
might possibly have to go man hunting again shortly?
Of course I understand there will be problems. Small motels
will go out of business. Every other room in the surviving motels
would be a Honeymoon Suite. More pastors and justices of the
peace would be needed and women supporting their leisure with
alimony would have to find new occupations as would the street
walkers.
But these problems are small. Look instead to the advantages
. . . besides that. Under my marriage plan, true marital bliss
could finally be obtained. Adultery would be ended for the adulterous
couple could always let their marriage expire and be married them
selves. If it didn’t work out they could always return to their
original partners.
What a system! This would far outdo the Scandanavians pre
marital relationship and would probably set America up as the
model society ... the Etopia of the sexes.
THE BATTALION
By JOHN HOTARD
(Scene: Hospital reception room.
Man enters with large cut on
arm. Man is bleeding profusely.)
“Nurse. Nurse! I’m bleeding
profusely. I have this large cut
on my arm and . . .”
“How old are you, sir?”
“I was walking down this dark
alley and this little old lady with
a machete comes out of the shad
ows . . . why do you need my age
at a time like this? Can’t you see
that I’m bleeding to death? Any
way, I’m 67.”
“Well, sir, as of today you are
covered by MEDICARE. Now
then, have you ever been, or are
you now, a member of the Com
munist Party?”
“. . . It’s deep. All the way to
the bone. You might have to
amputate and . . . am I a what?
Communist Party?? What differ
ence does that make??”
“Well, sir, we can’t go around
giving aid to enemies, now can
we? At least not aid earmarked
Sound Off
Dear Editor
The Battalion
I though I’d write and tell you
about this here place I’s discov
ered the other day. You might
want to tell your readers about
it because it really is a nice place
to go.
I’s discovered this here swim-
min’ pool over on the other side
of the campus, the side away
from the school buildin’s. I jest
happened to be walkin’ along by
the football field, I’s gonna try
out next year—I’s always wanted
to be a hero charakter, and there
it was.
There was all sorts of girls
over there. Boys to. Short ones,
tall ones, skinny ones, and even
this one that had on a bikine that
the folks back home would call
skimpy. I’s shore she was sweet
though. That tall black-haired
girl in my 6 a.m. class (thet
a.m.’s after morning not aggies
and men) wuz there and she’s
more than I even thought she
wuz. I’s gonna ask her for a date
but this big guy was talking to
her. Someone said he was Randy
Matson which thrills me to no
end. I’s always wanted to see
the guy thet owns this here
school. Those three juniors in my
dorm tell me he’s the big-shot
aroun’ here. Are somethin’ about
shot. Big-shot had to be it.
Anyway, back to the swimmin’
pool. For any interested Aggies
it’s real big and there’s not a
crack in it yet. Our old swimmin’
pool back in Sneedville was built
by the depression guys and it’s
got a crack a mile wide in it.
Thet’s actually a good thin’
though because the only time it
ever gets cleaned is when all of
the water leaks out.
I spent nearly a day over at
this swimmin’ pool here mainly
watchin’ the girls and sunbathin’.
I’s never had a tan below the
belt before. It’s always been
gotten by hoein’ before and al
though you gets good and brown
above, nothin’ happens below.
I wanted to dive off the big
board while I wuz !;here for one
of the juniors bet I couldn’t but
someone had stolen the ladder. I
hopes they bring it back before
I go over again.
Guess I’s better write my Aunt
Bess. She sent me a big birthday
cake and I’s always said thet any
one nice enough to send a cake
seven months early deserves a
letter.
Cyric Hayseed ’70
Opinions expressed in The Battalion
are those of the student writers only. The
Battalion is a non tax-supported non
profit, self-supporting educational enter
prise edited and operated by students as
a university and community newspaper.
Members of the Student Publications Board are: Joe Bussc;
chairman; Dr. David Bowers, Collesre of Liberal Arts; Dr.
Robert A. Clark, Coil*-- ' 1 I '~ ^ ’ * ”
Donald,
The Associated Press is
iiblicati
rigin published here!;
latter herein are also reserved.
republication of all news dispatches ci
therwise credited in the paper and local
origin published herein. Rights of repub'
• herein £
clusively to the use for
credited to it or ngt
news of spontaneous
ilieation of all other
here!
Second-Class postage paid at College Station, Texas.
News contributions
or 846-4910 or at the edito:
For advertising or delivery
ay be made by telephoning 846-6618
orial office, Room 4, YMCA Building.
11 846-6416.
College
Engineering; Dr. Robert . _ _
Medicine; and Dr. A. B. Wooten, College of Agriculture.
lege
of Science
Mail subscriptions are $3.60 per semester; $6 per school
year; $6.60 per full year. All subscriptions subject to 2%
sales tax. Advertising rate furnished on request. Address:
The Battalion, Room 4, YMCA Building, College Station, Texas.
pu
Su
Battalion, a student newspaper
in College Station, Texas dail
at Texas A&M is
except Saturday,
ptember through
The
ilished in College
Sunday, and Monday, and holiday periods, Sej
May, and once a week during summer school.
MEMBER
The Associated Press, Texas Press Association
Represented nationall;
Inc.. New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles an
by National Advertising Service,
San Francisco.
EDITOR
Editorial Assistants
Photographer
... GERALD GARCIA
Herky Killingsworth,
John Hotard,
Jim Butler,
Tim Lane
. Herky Killingsworth
for our domestic policies . . .”
“. . . Never mind the amputa
tion. Put in stitches. Anything.
Just so it stops bleeding . .. .”
“Have you ever received med
ical benefits from another Fed
eral agency, such as the VA?”
“. . . If you’re out of thread,
I’ll settle for a large compress.
But make it fast — I might
not . . .”
“Have you ever been arrested
by Federal authorities for the
possession of heroin or other nar
cotics?”
“. . . I’m fading fast. We’ll
forget the large compress. Do
you have a small compress?”
“Have you ever had trichinosis,
Pott’s disease, or pneumoconi
osis?”
“. . . It’s bleeding faster ... I
can’t stop it. Can you give me
a large piece of gauze and ad
hesive tape . . .”
“First you’ll have to fill out
this locator card in case we have
to contact you at a later date . . .”
“. . . Later date!! Look, lady,
if I don’t get aid fast, there might
not be a later date!!”
“. . . And then, if you’ll just
sign this statement . . .”
“Statement? What statement?
I’ve already told you that I’m not
a communist.”
“This states that you don’t care
which doctor handles your case.
If you have preference of doctors,
then . . .”
“Preference of doctors? Who
cares!! Just so he can apply a
bandage. I don’t even care if he’s
not a doctor! Is there a Girl
Scout in the house?”
“We’ll also need a statement on
exactly what happened so that a
complete report may be sent to
Washington to determine if it was
intentional or accidental. If in
tentional, then it must be report
ed to proper authorities.”
“. . . But I can’t write . . . my
arm is numb . . . can’t all this
wait until AFTER I get . . .”
‘I’m afraid not, sir. According
to Title 78, Article 43, section 567,
subsection 134, paragraph 8, sub-
paragraphs 3, 4, 5 . . .”
“Never mind. If you haven’t
got any gauze handy, maybe a
few Band-aids . k
“Then you’ll have to fill out
these four pages of your complete
medical history—in triplicate.”
“. . . They don’t have to be
large Band-aids. Small Band-aids
will do . . .”
“After that, you’ll need to
answer these questions . .
“Nurse, I think . . . (man col
lapses on floor and dies).
“Sir, you didn’t finish filling
out your locator . . .” (Stretcher
comes in and carries out body.
In walks young man with large
cut on arm. Man is bleeding pro
fusely.)
“Nurse. Nurse! I’m bleeding
profusely. I have this large cut
on my arm and . . .”
“Are you covered by insurance,
sir?”
THE END
The Church..For a Fuller Life..For You
CALENDAR OF CHURCH SERVICES
ST. THOMAS EPISCOPAL
906 Jersey Street, So. Side of Campos
Rector: William R. Oxley
Asst.—Rev. Wesley Seeligrer
8 :00 A.M. & 9 :15 A.M. Sunday
Services
A&M CHURCH OF CHRIST
8:00 & 10:00 A.M. Worship
9 :00 A.M.—Bible Study
6 :16 P.M.—Young People’s Class
6 :00 P.M.—Worship
7 :16 P.M.—Aggie Class
9 :30 A.M.—Tues. - Ladies Bible Class
7:16 P.M.—Wednesday - Bible Study
UNIVERSITY LUTHERAN
10:00 A.M.
11:00 A.M.
(Missouri Synod)
Bibl,
CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE
9 :45 A.M.—Sunday School
10 :45 A.M.—Morning Worship
6 :30 P.M.-—Young People’s Service
7 :00 P.M.—Preaching Service
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE SOCIETY
9 :30 A.M.—Sunday School.
11 :00 A.M.—Sunday Service
11:00 A.M.-2 P.M.—Tues. Reading Rm.
7:00-8:00 P.M.—Wed., Reading Room
8:00 P.M.—Wed. Evening Worship
FIRST BAPTIST
9 :30 AM—Sunday School
10 :46 AM Morning Worship
6:10 PM—Training Uni
le Class
Morning Worship
7 :30 P.M.—Wednesday Vesper
UNITARIAN FELLOWSHIP
305 Old Hwy. 6 S.
10 :00 A.M.—Sunday School
7 :45 P.M.—First four Sundays of each
month* — Fellowship Meeting.
A&M PRESBYTERIAN
7-9 A.M.—Sun. Breakfast - Stu. Ctr.
9 :46 A.M.—Church School
11 :00 A.M.—Morning Worship
6 :00 P.M.—Sun. Single Stu. Fellowship
7 :16 P.M.^—Wed. Student Fellowship
6 :46 A.M.—Fri. Communion Service
Wesley Foundation
ion
7 :20 PM—Evening Worship
6:30 PM—Choir Practice * Teachers’
meetings (Wednes
7:30 P.M.—Midweek
(Wed.)
e s
day)
Services
SECOND BAPTIST
710 Eisenhower
9 :45 A.M.—Sunday School
11:00 A.M.—Church Service
6 :30 P.M.—Training Union
7 :30 P.M.—Church Service
OUR SAVIOUR’S LUTHERAN
8:16 & 10:45 A.M.—The Church at
Worship
9 :30 A.M.—Bible Classes For All
Holy Communion—1st Sun. Ea. Mo.
ST. MARY’S CATHOLIC
Sunday Masses—-7:30, 9:00 and 11:00
FAITH CHURCH
UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST
9:15 A.M.—Sunday School
10 :30 A.M.—Morning Worship
7 :30 P.M.—Evening Service
COLLEGE HEIGHTS
ASSEMBLY OF GOD
9 :45 A.M.—Sunday School
11 :00 A.M.—Morning Worship
6 :30 P.M.—Young People’s Service
7 :30 P.M.—Evening Worship
A&M METHODIST
8 :30 A.M.—Morning Worship
9:45 A.M.—Sunday School
10 :55 A.M.—Morning Worship
5 :30 P.M.—Campus & Career Class
5 :30 & 6 :00 P.M.—MYF Meetings
CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST
OF LATTER DAY SAINTS
26th East and Coulter, Bryan
8 :30 A.M.—Priesthood meeting
10 :00 A.M.—Sunday School
6 :30 P.M.—-Sacrament Meeting
FIRST CHRISTIAN CHURCH
Homestead & Ennis
9 :46 A.M.—Sunday School
10:50 A.M.—Morning Worship
6:30 P.M.—Young People
mmm
# :ippfv
»
mm
/ //M
M x
r mmP\
f : ? tT* "M'S \
ok
//
f / .
)U
FESTOONING FIRE FINGERS STREAK DOWN THE SKY WHILE SOFT JULY
BREEZES STIR ACROSS UPTURNED FACES AND THE BAND PLAYS SOFTLY.
SUDDENLY I SEE BEYOND THE FRAMEWORK OF OUR CELEBRATION. I SEE
FIREWORKS AND FLAGS, HARD-BOILED EGGS AND POTATO SALAD, A PARADE
DOWN MAIN STREET, COTTON CANDY, ROLLER COASTERS. AND THE DANCE AT
THE COUNTRY CLUB. I SEE A LITTLE BAND OF PEOPLE CROSSING THE OCEAN
TO MAKE A NEW LIFE. A WOODSMAN HACKING A TRAIL WESTWARD, A MAN AND
HIS WOMAN WORKING TOGETHER TO MAKE A HOME IN THE NEW WILDERNESS.
I SEE ROWS OF GRAVES IN FRANCE. MARKING FALLEN DOUGHBOYS, FOUR
YOUNG MEN RAISING A FLAG ON IWO JIMA, AND AN ASTRONAUT BLASTING OFF
TO YET A NEW FRONTIER. I SEE A SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS THIS LAND STANDS FOR IS A MAN S
RIGHT TO WORSHIP GOD IN THE WAY HE WANTS. GO TO YOUR CHURCH AND
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS PRECIOUS HERITAGE.
Copyright 1966,Keister Advertising Service, Inc., Strasburg, Va.
Sunday Monday Tuesday
Joshua II Samuel Proverbs
22:1-6 7:18-29 28:1-6
Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday
Jeremiah Jeremiah Acts Hebrews
32:26-35 32:36-41 7:35-50 13:7-17
<sj2? t <si2? t <si2? t <Si2? t <si2? t <si2? t <£$2? t cM? t t <Si2? t t ccir?
J4i((ier 3unera( JJo
BRYAN, TEXAS
502 West 26th St.
PHONE TA 2-1572
Campus
and
Circle
Theatres
College Station
. . • -d. „;
College Station’s Own
Banking Service
University
National Bank
NORTH GATE
Sure Sign of Flavor
SANITARY
Farm Dairies
Central Texas
Hardware Co.
BRYAN
• HARDWARE
• CHINA WARE
• CRYSTAL
• GIFTS
The
Exchange
Store
‘Serving Texas Aggies’
Bryan Building
& Loan
Association
BRYAN
Mb.
ICE CREAM
AND
MILK
| Trade With Lou, Like Other Aggies Do!